The Self-Development Thread

[Star.]

Sometimes people ask me "Hey, wanna join us." In my head, I go "YES YES YES!" But the words that come out of my mouth are "Naw, I'm good." Then I go back wondering, "What's wrong with me."

I do this too but it's more of a panic response. I don't think things through and blurt the first thing that comes to mind which is always a negative response. I end up ostracising myself from my colleagues. One of the reasons I dropped out of sixth form is because I was alone and a reason I did well in college was that one of my brother's friends sat next to me and talked to me.

 

I just don't do well when I'm talking to people. I've also become awkward and anti-social with all my family members except my sister. When I go to university away from home this year I think I'll open up a lot more because I'll be forced to.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Part of reflection, and indeed, cognitive behavioral therapy--which is essentially about changing the way that you think about things--is exploring things in a very specific and logical order. What happened, how did you feel about it, but most importantly: why did you feel the way you did? What was influencing your emotional state at that moment in time? What were you thinking about?

 

So really, if you want to develop and you want to understand why you respond to social stimulation with anxiety, you need to ask yourself: Why are you panicking, and what are you panicking about? Out of all the things you're thinking about when answering that question, how many of them are valid, rational, or even real in the first place?

[muggiwhplar]

Part of reflection, and indeed, cognitive behavioral therapy--which is essentially about changing the way that you think about things--is exploring things in a very specific and logical order. What happened, how did you feel about it, but most importantly: why did you feel the way you did? What was influencing your emotional state at that moment in time? What were you thinking about?

 

So really, if you want to develop and you want to understand why you respond to social stimulation with anxiety, you need to ask yourself: Why are you panicking, and what are you panicking about? Out of all the things you're thinking about when answering that question, how many of them are valid, rational, or even real in the first place?

 

Keep in mind though that understanding things logically doesn't necessarily make any fears/anxieties go away. You'll still have to confront the fear eventually and be endure it until it goes away.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Indeed. You have to make a plan to take action against the things that are causing you to act that way, and you have to be able to measure yourself against it to ensure you're making progress. So, in Star's case, it might be something as simple as "I'll speak to one person I've never spoken to before by the end of the week, each week." If you manage that, put it up to two people per week. You can easily measure your progress this way.

 

The point I was making was that reflection is not "This happened, I felt that way, that's just me. One day it will fix itself. The End."

[Star.]

I don't really get a chance to talk to people now because I don't do anything though I sometimes do volunteer work. I suppose everything boils down to my own experience with people. It wasn't good, peers weren't interested in what I had to say so I didn't bother to keep conversations going and eventually gave up on getting to know people. I know not everyone is like those people but before I talk to someone in my head I'm thinking keep calm and be yourself yet I just shut off and turn into some socially deficient robot.