Ones upon a time it was a Mage. The Mage was a hard working man who had a family to feed. Then he was going to get some cooked chicken when he saw. The chaos alatar he walked in into the alatar. And he falled down on his knees and said. -i beg you god i cant stand the hard work i barly have food for my self!. Then he was knocked out of The chaos dwarf. The very next day the mage woke up in a doungen in a bed that was 2 times as big as him. He started to walk around and he noticed that it was some kind of stone on the door. He took the stone with a mark on it and put it in his pockets then sudenly the door was open and the chaos dwarf come in and say. -so you are awake now. -yes i am. the mage said. -sorry for that i knocked you out i am gona give you wath you need if you help and a price you are gona get if you help me. -wath do you need help with the mage said. -i needed a mage that can make runes. -runes the mage said i only can make the elimental runes i dont know if they are eny more kinds of runes. -there is where you got wrong it is many more kinds of runes i have made them all but one i cant do.

 

 

 

-wath rune is it you cant do the mage said. -the mhigty chaos rune i cant make it i allmost died last time i tryed to get essenes to make some.

 

 

 

-maby i can get some for you. -yes plz do that. then the mage got the directions from the dwarf and was on his way when he finely got there it was a black mage standing in his way. -wath are your purpes here the black mage said. -i am here to get essenes for the chaos dwarf! the mage yelled. the black mage said. -then i will need to kill you here and now! -just try i am powerful in the white magic! the mage said -then i use my fire blast on you! -AARGGG! the mage yelled in pain in houers then the black mage said -i will let you live if you become my slave the mage yelled -no never and used his magic ammulet that it was a magic ressistanse power. .wath are you doing the black mage yelled. i am geting my magic ressistanse up so you cant even hurt me. then the mage used his battle staff and combined it with death runes that he got from chaos dwarf and killed the black mage. -now its over for you the mage said some min later the mage had all essenes he needed he whent back to the dwarf and got his reward of food for his family and a chaos talisman and the title The Chaos Mag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The End

Once upon a time it was a mage. The mage was a hard working man who had a family to feed. Then he was going to get some cooked chicken when he saw the chaos altar. He walked into the altar. And he fell down on his knees and said: "I beg you god I can't stand the hard work I barely have food for myself! Then he was knocked out by a chaos dwarf. The very next day the mage woke up in a dungeon in a bed that was two times as big as him. He started to walk around and he noticed that it was some kind of stone on the door. He took the stone with a mark on it and put it in his pockets, then suddenly the door was open and the chaos dwarf came in and said "So you are awake now." "Yes I am." The mage said. "Sorry for that I knocked you out I am gonna give you what you need if you help and a price you are gona get if you help me." What do you need help with?" the mage said. "I needed a mage that can make runes.". "Runes?" the mage said, "I can only make the elemental runes I don't know if they are any more kinds of runes." "There are, you are wrong. There are many kinds of runes I have made them but one can't do all."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

!This sentence makes no sense at all! -the mhigty chaos rune i cant make it i allmost died last time i tryed to get essenes to make some.

 

 

 

-maby i can get some for you. -yes plz do that. then the mage got the directions from the dwarf and was on his way when he finely got there it was a black mage standing in his way. -wath are your purpes here the black mage said. -i am here to get essenes for the chaos dwarf! the mage yelled. the black mage said. -then i will need to kill you here and now! -just try i am powerful in the white magic! the mage said -then i use my fire blast on you! -AARGGG! the mage yelled in pain in houers then the black mage said -i will let you live if you become my slave the mage yelled -no never and used his magic ammulet that it was a magic ressistanse power. .wath are you doing the black mage yelled. i am geting my magic ressistanse up so you cant even hurt me. then the mage used his battle staff and combined it with death runes that he got from chaos dwarf and killed the black mage. -now its over for you the mage said some min later the mage had all essenes he needed he whent back to the dwarf and got his reward of food for his family and a chaos talisman and the title The Chaos Mag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is possibly the worst story I have ever read, you better be glad I edited at least half of it... the edits are in bold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thing:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LEARN HOW TO SPELL!!!!!

Calm down Mario, lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Use Microsoft Word to change your mistakes and then repost :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Otherwise, that was an entertaining story. Keep up the good work :P

Its a good story, just take some more time writing it so the grammar is correct.

fosho^^

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

stories are better(muchly :P ) when they have good grammar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

work on it!

Calm down Mario, lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Use Microsoft Word to change your mistakes and then repost :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Otherwise, that was an entertaining story. Keep up the good work :P

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry about that... I was just getting ever so frustrated mistake after miskate. I suppose the story has a good start. Just a bit insulted that he posted all those mistakes.

its o if you wont to know way i cant spell right soo much its becuse i am swedis... and i am 13 years old...

If you know you can't spell, don't write anything until you can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, speech is marked with speech marks or quotation marks, not hyphens. You're also supposed to take a new line every time someone different speaks, and a new paragraph every time the subject changes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And for crap's sake, there is no excuse to use "plz" in fiction. Seriously, your story breaks suspension of disbelief intolerably and has no consistent tone or pace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read this.

DON'T USE - FOR SPEECH MARKS!!! It's soooo annoying!!! What kind of stupid schools are teaching that nowadays?! It's not your fault of course, but just don't use them, it's not right. Use '..' .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Terrible. At least respect the use of these forums and check your absolutely outrageous spelling and grammar before you bother to post. No flow, description is far and far between, there is no build up, I have no reason to feel for the characters as they are non-existent, there is no beginning, middle, end or flow, sentences suck, you need capital letters and connectives amongst other numerous things, a new line every time a new character speaks, don't try and cram a page worth of information into about three sentences and you need more detail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

its o if you wont to know way i cant spell right soo much its becuse i am swedis... and i am 13 years old...

 

 

 

For everyone out there, I am more than happy to be doing ALL proofreading. Just pm me the work, I'll do spelling, grammar, paragraphing, whatever. I really enjoy it so don't hesitate.