muggiwhplar

Your advice basically just boils down to: 1. Follow success principles 2. Find the right person I agree with #1. But like I keep saying, #2 is a flawed suggestion. You cannot control your spouse. Sure you can influence them, but at the end of the day there's nothing stopping her from suddenly changing her mind about a decision she made years and years ago. This wouldn't be that big a deal unless you're married, in which case you're totally screwed. And yes I've heard of Nofap. Those guys are lunatics. :P Noporn, on the other hand makes a bit more sense. You seem to be implying that sex isn't a big deal and that sex is merely gratification rather than happiness. Keep in mind my argument applies to intimacy as well. But back to my point, if sex isn't that big of a deal and it's almost immature to desire all the time, then why put restrictions on it in the first place? Why force someone to be dependent on someone else to satisfy their needs? Why are you recommending sexual monogamy instead of a marriage where two people are free to occasionally sleep with others if they want to? Also correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you still a virgin >_>

The irony about the Manson articles is that they all subtly imply that people who agree with his beliefs are unsuitable for monogamy. He literally says, "That means you recognize that you are not responsible for your partner’s happiness nor are they responsible for yours. That you do not have a right to demand certain actions from them nor do they have a right to demand certain actions from you." So if a husband wants to have sex but his wife doesn't feel like it, the solution is basically to go have sex with someone else since she's apparently not responsible for your sex drive. But seeing someone else would violate the core principles of monogamy. Monogamy literally is a system based off of imposing rules (as opposed to standards) on your partner. How can a system like that go hand-in-hand with happiness?

So back to my point: do you agree that: 1. Monogamy only "works" for people with special personality traits (such as a low sex drive) and is not ideal for the average person 2. Monogamy is for those who priorize things such as commitment over happiness, if given the choice

Nothing weird about that. BUT I don't know if dating a coworker would be a very good idea. Though it's retail so [bleep] it :P

Exactly. It's not a bad strategy but seeking that strategy based on that line of thought is based on info every bit as unreliable as speaking to older married couples. I have no problem with the lifestlye you lead but it makes absolutely no sense to demonize modern marriage with fallacious logic. Just respond to the points I made here then please (the 3rd and 4th paragraphs)

I'm just responding to this point in particular. It's one thing to argue that it's possible for long-term monogamy to "work." It's another thing to argue that it's possible for anyone to make long-term monogamy work. As far as poly goes, I measure its success by consistent happiness; not length of relationship :P If I'm getting laid with minimal drama and I enjoy her company then I'm a happy camper. If she refuses to have sex or throws drama at me it's not a big deal because I can just move on to someone else and immediately continue being happy. Ideally she'd never refuse sex and never throw drama at me in the first place and the relationship would last forever, but that's not how life works.

Exactly.

It seems to me this criticism is vague enough that it can apply to any marriage. It's an easy way to discredit them without having to provide any tangible reason.That's why I asked specific questions about specific problems later in my post and requested him to state what his overall goal is for the relationship.Fair enough. On a similar note, is there any era, or year, or duration of a successful marriage that you would consider an acceptable role model for people seeking to get married today?Off the top of my head, no not really. Things might be different if social norms didn't change so rapidly.

It seems to me this criticism is vague enough that it can apply to any marriage. It's an easy way to discredit them without having to provide any tangible reason.That's why I asked specific questions about specific problems later in my post and requested him to state what his overall goal is for the relationship.

Those guys got married in completely different eras... Covey got married back in the 1950s dude! You're either stuck taking outdated advice from guys who got married decades ago, or taking advice from modern guys who haven't been married long enough to tell whether or not their advice actually works. And even if the advice is valid and you follow it perfectly, like I said earlier it's only half the battle since you can't control your wife. So you're basically gambling, hoping that your wife never changes and she follows through on her promises for the next several decades of her life or else you're screwed. But anyways. What do those books say about keeping sex interesting for the next 50 years of your life? What are you supposed to do when your wife "doesn't feel like it?" The only real solution to a problem like this is to have a very low sex drive to begin with, such that a lack of sex genuinely doesn't affect your happiness. But for the average person with an average (or higher) sex drive? They're in big trouble. Sex aside, what about if/when one of you gets a dream job offer in another city but the other doesn't want to move? In such an event, there has to be some form of sacrifice involved. And when it comes to things like that, your happiness cannot be your #1 priority if you want the relationship to "work." But if you're sacrificing happiness in order to make it work... then is it actually working? I don't believe so. After all, what's the point of doing something if it doesn't make you consistently happy in the long run? Your goal, should you choose to get married, shouldn't be to have a high number of wedding anniversaries; it should be consistent happiness regardless of marriage duration.

I'm asking for you to share the system :P For example, I've shared BD's poly system. Whose system are you referring to

So you're saying there exists a reliable, consistent and proven system for making marriage work for anyone that wants to make it to work? >_>

Went on a Tinder date w/ a feminist somehow. She does slam poetry about gamergate :P Nice girl, we got along pretty well but she's pretty sex-negative and was unreceptive to kino and stuff. I did have fun trolling her for a while after I concluded that the date wasn't going to go anywhere though lol Here's how I scheduled the date anyways: Me: You look like trouble Her: Do I now? How so? Me: Non-smoking church-going pescetarians are always trouble. :) [a reference to her profile description] Did you do anything exciting today? Her: If that's the case people clearly don't know what they're missing out on. And I went to a book signing, and on a pretty meh date. Other than that, not anything others would call exciting. How about yourself? Me: I robbed a bank. Nothing too exciting. What was meh about your date? Her: I'm going to ignore the "exciting" part of your day... seeing as I am a banker. The conversation was great. Then he went on a 10 minute rant on how Christianity wasn't necessary and God was basically useless... And seeing as how I'm a Christian... Kind of struck a cord. And I had to pay for my own drinks. Me: Wow what a bro. Can you give me his number??? I laughed out loud as I sent this; I just wanted to see how she'd react :lol: Her: Haha no, I don't do vengeful. Plus, I already told him friendship was as far as it would go. Although I appreciate the gesture. Other than robbing a bank, did you have a good day? I think she misunderstood my remark :( oh well Me: Yeah I got to read by the pool for a bit so that was nice. We should hang out sometime. I'm about to go to bed but shoot me a text if you want to meet up for drinks this weekend. xxx.xxx.xxxx She messaged me the next day and I scheduled a coffee date for that afternoon and we met up. Like I said-- cute girl, fun to talk to, but not DTF (at least not with me :P) so I won't be seeing her again.

Yep. I can only think of two women my height or taller, and that's only if they're wearing heels

Hell yeah. My height has never really bothered me though since most women are about 5'5 or shorter. I'm shorter than most of my male friends but taller than all of the women I know, and that's really all that matters as far as dating goes :P

I think by the end of this year, my old fight caves w/o guthans guide would be 10 years old >_>

Man, I hate bench. I have long arms...I'm blaming that for me sucking at it. I can't imagine benching what I squat. Well the only reason I love bench is because the guys who taught me how to lift back in 2008 could bench double their bodyweight and it was their favorite lift, so that just rubbed off on me. The first workout they gave me included benching 3x a week too >_> lol

Yeah I've been doing 5x5 bench, squats, deads, and OHP for a while now. Bench is just the only one I'm passionate about and look forward to. The other exercises are just there to keep my bench from getting extremely out of proportion lol. Just today I squatted as much as I bench for the first time >_>

In other news, I've been focusing on gaining some weight to make my "first impressions" with girls easier. I'm about 5'8, 125 lbs but I'm damn proud of my body since I'm pretty damn strong for my size and I look great with my shirt off. I'm just hoping I can maintain the same "proportions" up to about 150-160 lbs. I'll be pissed if I get fat and lose my years of hard work lol

Just tell her that since you'll be gone for 2 and a half months you're both free to see other people and you wish her the best. Try to minimize contact with her during this time and then contact her again when you return. If she's still available, you can pick things up where you left off. If she's unavailable, just replace her. If you've remained non-needy since you started seeing her and you continue to remain non-needy while you're gone (in other words, don't text her every [bleep]ing day telling her how much you miss her), then even if she ends up with someone else, she'll always be an option again in the distant future when she gets bored of her new guy :P

Quoting someone's comment on one of BD's posts on divorce:

I have no interest in arguing against monogamy all over again :P

Monogamy contradicts certain values of mine such as sexual abundance and freedom. Additionally, even if I'm doing everything "perfectly" in the relationship, that's only a 50% chance of success; unlike in business, where I'm basically 100% of the equation. Monogamy as a system is an extremely terrible fit for my personality and goals. That's why I have no interest in pursuing it, even though many of my friends seem to think I'm insane for not desiring it :P Last Christmas... Friend: So what happened to Ashley? Me: We quit seeing each other a couple of months ago. Friend: Why? Me: She wanted to be exclusive with me. Friend: WHAT?! I just can't imagine why you would do that! (he literally made that exact facial expression lol) It's kind of interesting to see which of my friends gradually begin to become jealous of my relationships and which of my friends become more disapproving and believe that I'm going to end up lonely and unhappy :P Pretty much all of my happily single or unhappily monogamous friends belong to the former and the unhappily single or happily monogamous friends belong to the latter. No surprises there I guess.

I think plenty of people who've had multiple partners exhibit those same symptoms... Definitely. My point is it's a catch-22: either have full control of your dating life and therefore be more willing to walk away, yet also more willing to cheat or get sexually bored/frustrated; or have no control over your dating life and therefore be more willing to commit yourself to just one person, yet also be afraid of leaving the relationship when it starts making you unhappy. There's going to be a certain degree of risk involved regardless of where you fit on the spectrum

On the flip side, settling down with your first and only partner can create a fear-based mentality in the relationship. No experience or confidence in one's dating abilities can lead to neediness and dependency on your partner rather than having a willingness to walk away if you become unhappy