Noxx

Thing that really pisses me off about "letting go" is that now every song i listen to reminds me of her. Even though i'm so pissed off at her it still hurts. God damn music is what gets me through the day and now i don't even have that haha.

:D

It is, though I think once things get to the point where either party is laying down an ultimatum, the relationship boat has already sailed. I feel like if the two of you got back together, Nox would't have complete trust that she is really committed to him this time (I don't know if that kind of trust can ever be rebuilt, or if it will always be there in the back of your mind). She is going to be afraid to take any time for herself for fear of signaling that she isn't entirely committed to this, and sooner or later that will kill the relationship as well. A relationship can't work without trust on both sides, so I guess the question is, how much do you trust her? If you have doubts, then just move on. You don't want to be in a relationship with doubts. I'm going to be 100% honest with you, right now i have no trust for her at all. She changed a lot since she moved to the US, and had we still been in Qatar i can tell you without a doubt in my mind this would never have happened and we would still be together till this day. Why? Simply because Qatar does not offer a lot of things the US has to offer and like i have said before she never really got to live her teenage years because truth be told no one in Doha does. If she's back in Qatar and i'm back in Qatar i might think about working on things again but right now, while we're in 2 different places, i need to be hard.

62 Hours Playtime Not the best, but i've also done quite a few quests :D

I don't know why, but after i spoke to her on the phone my heart stopped with the nervous beating. You know that feeling you get when you knock over your mom's favorite vase and you know she's going to be really pissed when she finds out? and your heart is beating like crazy because you're just waiting for her to call your name. Well it's been like that for a few weeks now and when i hung up, it stopped. I don't know why i feel like this, but i'm feeling pretty damn good right now. I think for the first time in ages i actually believed i deserve better. I didnt just say it without believing it. I want more out of life than constant worries and depression, and the only way im going to get it is if i go out there and go find it!

So after a long talk with my room mate today, i decided to call my ex, because i had a lot to tell her. The short version of what i told her: I love her a lot, i still do. I miss her a lot too. But right now i'm like a ball of wool and shes like a cat. She's going to play around with me for a while, then lose interest. She'll go prowl the streets for a bit, get bored and come back home where she knows the ball of wool will be waiting. And then the process with be repeated until i am so damaged that t's not going to be fun playing with me anymore. I can't be with someone that changes their mind about what they want ever day. One day she wants me and the next day "she's too confused, and needs space". It's not good for me, i deserve better. I'm young and i have my whole life ahead of me. Right now my life is shitty because there's no other girls around me to get my mind off of her, which makes this process so much harder for me, but so much easier for her, because she knows that there's no one else here and i'll probably take her back no matter what. I don't want to lose her, but if i don't start keeping my distance i'm going to end up harming myself so much. I don't know what she wants from me right now, and she's not giving me any clear answers either. I'm not going to push her to the side completely, but i'm going to keep my distance. I told gave her an ultimatum (yes, probably not 100% fair on my part). But i told her that she needs to make up her mind and she needs to make it up quick. I'm going to go on with my life and i'll still be around, but i'm not going to be around forever (and not for a very long time). I'm not going to settle for anything less than 100% commitment. A maybe or a possibly isn't going to cut it for me. If she can't give me her 100% then i'm not going to give her even my 1%. Once again this might not be 100% fair on my part, but this might be the only way for her to realise that now i mean business. I am not going to fall into any more traps. It's all or nothing. If i managed to find a great girl like her once, i can do it again and again and again. I don't NEED her to be happy, life was just a lot more pleasant with her there. But i can, and will, find something else to replace that if i have to. I can't say that she enjoyed hearing this, because for the first time in a while my voice was stern and serious. I was not about to play around. i did not want to show any sadness in my voice, because i knew she would use that against me. I am happy that i was cautious in my approach and did not jump to take her back. I already started getting myself over her this past while (and i think she started realizing that shich is why she "wanted me back"). Now i only need to get back ont hat horse and continue my journey to emotional freedom where i left off.

Can't see why people suggest Slayer when the exp is always going to be second best to camping :|

I might do yaks then if theres no quest req.

Alright so i pretty much have mage and melee mapped out now. Not its time for ranged. I have no idea where i shoud go to train this. Level 36 at the moment. I was thinking of doing rock crabs till 50, but im not sure what to do from then on. Once i get to 75 i'm going to start chinning with greys untill 85 or so and switch to red chins till 94. The chinning will be done at Ape Atol. So any ideas what to do for 50 - 75? Money's not a real issue.

Well, at the end of the day love makes you do stupid things, but as a person i am pretty stupid too, so the two kind of rule each other out (see, with that kind of logic i can't be smart). So basically, i'm stupid enough to allow myself (most likely) for what's going on now. But i'm going to be cautious and soon as i see things are fishy, i'm cutting all ties. Heck i was preparing to do it now anyway, next time should be easier :D

The problem is, I love her. So much that I would run, yes run, back to her right now even after all the drama. It's pathetic, I know. But that's love. She called me earlier and told me that she's so sorry for everything she's put me through. She said she has spent a lot of time thinking about everything and she thought letting me go was what was best for us both, but she sees now that she needs me just as much as I need her. She told me her life seemed so much happier and less complicated when she was with me. Now that being said, I told her that right now I need time to think. She hurt me a lot and I have done a lot of stupid things because of what she did. Things that are going to take a long time to repair. I told her that "getting back together" is not going to be easy. Not after what has happened. Right now i feel like i have no trust for her anymore and it's going to take me a while to regain all the trust i had for her. And i told her that there's going to have to be complete honesty from her side before i make any further decisions. I know her too well, and she knows that. So i'll know when she's lying and when shes omitting things. But i want the truth to come from her. i want to be 100% sure that she's not just running back to me because i'm a safety net or because she's bored. i also told her that we're going to have to work on communication, a lot. Talk more often than we have been, but not just on the phone, we need to skype so we can actually see each other. I told her it's going to take some work and she needs to think about it, if she's willing to do what is needed. So i guess i'll wait a while before making up my mind about what to do. EDIT: I want to give her another chance. What happened today is exactly what i was hoping would, but now that it happened i'm not as happy as i thought i would be. I feel rreally paranoid about it. I'm questioning things left and right.

She sent me a text message this morning....... She told me that she was wrong, about everything. She realized that when i said i would be there for it i actually meant it and that everyone has left her and even though she treated me like shit the past few weeks i was still there for her. And she wants to be with me and she loves me. She told me she wanted to be with me... and she wants me to forgive her.... I haven't sent anything back yet.

There should be options to put in account creation date, membership details (last 4 digits of card, type of membership), ISP, etc. These should help a lot more than the 300 character box.

Oh i just found a ~110k exp/h method using Bolt Enchant and High Alch. Not bad i guess. Not sure what the cost is though.

Summoning will remain untouched on this account :D

Oh yay i was hoping for something fun :P Guess nawt. EDIT: Smoke Burst worth it? Was thinking, if it was, i might aswell Smoke Burst till 74, then Ice Burst till Smoke Brarrage then Smoke Barrage till 94?

I was gonna get 52 Prayer anyway, so just decided to get 43 for now :P

Currently at 51 Mage, aiming for ~94 money probably won't be much of an issue. I'll have Ancients once i reach ~60 Magic, i won't have Lunar. I was wondering, what would be the best way to get from 51 - 60 and then to 94 from there on? I really have not done any lower level training in over 3 years so this feel new to me :P

Alright that's better than getting Defense levels i guess :P

Void for the higher DPS.

Is it possible to claim the Exp Reward at all without gaining any Defense Exp? This is what the Reward say: "Approach Daero to train you in Attack/Defence and Strength/Constitution (35,000 exp each for the skills you choose, and 20,000 exp each for the others)" So basically no matter how i claim the reward im going to get at least 20k Defense exp?

Trying to do MM at 45 CB and 19 Prayer is such a bad idea :| Guess ill wait till i can buy 43 Prayer at least.

Actually i forgot how much questing annoys me :P But building something i've never had the chance to, that is pretty fun :D

Today is the start of a new blog :)

Pretty much this. But not only sea charts. Pilot's use charts too :P