Thats why I made it small. So its harder to read.

 

 

 

Anyways, Ill be at camp until Sat-Sun so don't expect for a new part in my story to be posted. :(

Tales of Kouldris the Redeemed Review!

 

By Inverted1

 

Let us begin

 

There is only one chapter, one story, and one main character Thus, flow is very simple and understandable, quite frankly, it felt good reading that kind of organized story. 60/60

 

 

 

Grammitically, it is better than most, I shall name the most obvious errors. Firstly: Last sentance of first paragraph: "happy. Except to happy, except." Third paragraph: travellers to travelers Third area: third paragraph: "us it" to use it Etc. Etc.

 

I am afraid I must mark of relatively heavily compared to the other points you must earn 54/60

 

 

 

Plot wise: not a bad plot, very good comparing what I have seen before of other stories of a similar kind, and what you did. I am not a big fan of bad guy goes good in the end and dies, but is resurrected to do (somewhat) good deeds. 58/60

 

 

 

Last but not least: Explanations! In other words, vocabulary used in writing this puppy. Which was very excellent. You used words in ways that I had not thought of using previously. Also, The Saradomin scene was neatly described. 59/60 (-1 point for some differences in spoken vocabulary)

 

 

 

In all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (duh da duh duuuh!)

 

 

 

60/58!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yays! you got Awesomenesses!!!

 

thanks! I know that the plot is slightly cheesy, but im going to mix in some nasty stuff too.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: HYA EVERYBODY!!! I'M TEMPORARILY BACK!!!MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

 

 

 

Anyway, I'll see what I can and should review, I'll edit the library, and congrats inverted1, you've just joined the ranks of the knights in the library. Well done. Zeke would be proud if he weren't on vacation. :D

 

 

 

Let's see...I'll Edit here when I'm done with a review...If there is any, of course.

Meh, sounds like it could be fun...

 

 

 

http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=541235

say, sephiroth

 

 

 

since your back, have a look at my latest fic (The Colours of War: The Conscriptees)

Xewleehr allow me to review inverted and necromagus...However, you two must be patient...a couple of days-a week it may take. Can you handle it? :twisted: See you guys then...

of course, I can't review myself, but, could you review "tragedy of the Keyblade War" please, Sephy?

 

 

 

I do do reviews! Please request!

of course, I can't review myself, but, could you review "tragedy of the Keyblade War" please, Sephy?

 

 

 

I do do reviews! Please request!

 

 

 

Back I am! Review I shall! Yoda I' not! Hahahahahahahbua!

 

 

 

Yes, it's fun to talk like Yoda. I'll give my all for your review...Hopefully by tonight, I'll have your review and Dirges chapters up. Oh, and I'm back from vacation. :

YAY!!!!

 

Sephys BACK!!!!

 

 

 

EDIT- Sephy you can review my next chapter if you want.

 

 

 

And I can't believe this but I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK AGAIN!!! :cry: :cry:

 

Very Sad. :cry:

 

 

 

I think its from movies and reading the other stories on here, it's messing me up. I was gonna write the next part but then I thought about a movie I saw and the first paragraph had nothing to do with Grarth and Draggneth, so I deleted it and have nothing new. Very sad isn't it?

YAY!!!!

 

Sephys BACK!!!!

 

 

 

EDIT- Sephy you can review my next chapter if you want.

 

 

 

And I can't believe this but I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK AGAIN!!! :cry: :cry:

 

Very Sad. :cry:

 

 

 

I think its from movies and reading the other stories on here, it's messing me up. I was gonna write the next part but then I thought about a movie I saw and the first paragraph had nothing to do with Grarth and Draggneth, so I deleted it and have nothing new. Very sad isn't it?

 

 

 

Indeed, I had writers block for at least 2 months (Sucks)...Hate it. :evil:

 

 

 

Okay everybody asap your reviews will and shall be up, including yours Xewleehr.

 

 

 

Oh, and I want o request a review for the Dirge of Caduceus when it's updated with chapters today. :P

yays more chapters! :D and a review for Tragedy of the Keyblade Wars! 8-)

 

 

 

I'll review the story when it comes Sephy.

I'll be writing in terms of parts, since they aren't chapters. This makes it easier to grade/score. Here goes...

 

 

 

 

 

 

PART 1

 

 

 

The beginning. It was...An emotional beginning for me, the part of the story which causes thinking and the strive to read more of the story. The description of the story is greatly written in itself, and the flow is like sitting in a lazy river, so nice and relaxing...Until you hit a waterfall, that is. After much emotional description and pure diligance to stay connected with Kingdom Hearts itself, the description becomes angered. But it's so well connected that you need not notice it, especially when you say "they" in "All Caps."

 

 

 

Then comes sadness. The man in the story is thinking purely about his love, Luxia (That name is familiar, I'm sure it's in KH2 somewhere...) and how she led the neutral group in-between...What though? What is the neutral group I wonder? :-k Then the mentioning of his child...It is, indeed, emotional...And excellent. Silver [bleep]e? Love that particular keyblade name! And you say you aren't good with names... :lol: Well, that is...If you took it somewhere? Ah to hell with that. :D

 

 

 

I truly have no critisism, none at all...Except the fact that I haven't a clue who are the other two groups? :wink:

 

 

 

SCORE: Perfect

 

 

 

60/60 was your score. And a fine job you did! I commend you for your efforts, as they pay off. Perfect grammar, as well as spelling! I might not know who the other groups are, but no deduction 'cause I can think of who the other groups are. Excellent work.

 

 

 

PART 2

 

 

 

It's...Excellent. :cry: I was extremely sad when I first read this piece. It's so damn sad! Their love is strong--And is it in her own self-righteousness, or her own pride, she kills herself? Her self-righteous Suicide? :( It's too sad when she kills herself...And after, the haunting WHY's that never stop echoing when I read this! Honestly, this story is amazing in terms of making you sad. And with silver [bleep]e...He kills every warrior with a keyblade...Thus creating the field of endless keyblades...I commend you, sir, for, after the girl escapes from the Radiant Garden, it makes me think that she might be Kairi. No assumptions. And the final chill I felt is when you caught me right where you wanted me; to think of the chaser's. And he might be one. A chase that seeks nothing but reality, and he attacks the three warriors...Truly, there is no critisism to give. Congrats...

 

 

 

Score: PERFECT

 

 

 

60/60, again. Thus, you twisted me to think of the future of KH. Your talent stretches far from this world in terms of emotion. It's excellent, the grammar, spelling...My focus? How you wrote it. I am amazed, and you shall be commended for that, my friend.

 

 

 

And I thought I was going to be the bad cop today...

 

 

 

FINISH!

 

 

 

TOTAL AVERAGE: 60/60 Perfect

 

 

 

If I could say anything to criticize this story, it would be "We know who the figures are," and crap like that, but I cannot. I say screw to the Secret-Secret ending of KH2 Final Mix! That is until it comes out. Your status, at this point, is amazing; welcome to the Legends of King's section in the library; your score is soooo close to Caduceus Legend it's not even funny. I look forward to future reviews. :D

Could one of you guys do the Colours of War: The Conscriptees sometime?

Could one of you guys do the Colours of War: The Conscriptees sometime?

 

 

 

Okay, I'll do it--unless Xewleehr wants to do it...Na. I'll do it. Be right at it, okay?

Just to make this offical

 

 

 

Can Xewleer do a review of *Aura Wars*?

 

Thank you.

Just to make this offical

 

 

 

Can Xewleer do a review of *Aura Wars*?

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

Sure Is this your latest story? I don't see it posted, but yes I'll put it in review pending status and Xewleehr will review it. :D

Ok this is really bugging me...what is with the Xeweehr? The name doesn't include a h...have you stolen my l and modifided it...and stuck it in? Or is it something I am missing?

 

 

 

Now, its a story I wrote lastish year....well I say wrote what I mean is sort of stopped updating it...then sort of though Chapter one was ok and called that a story...

 

 

 

[hide=A bit of history on the story...]Its not actually mine. I was writing it with someone else. It was originally supposed to be an RPG based on the invasion of ....the A city(I can't spell it, you know it...the one to the west on the map.) Anyway we sort of expanded on that, because my Character was a God, and his wasn't and so it sort of grew from there...However shortly after we left runescape(in the story) he took the strange step of giving up his part...on the grounds he was giving up runescape...But anyway. So I continued it on my own for a while and actually got the first Chapter finnished...I then started on the second chapter...and then gave up...then someone asked me to join in, so I said yes...they made...I think 3 posts(its been a while) then sort of didn't come back...forgot whatever, and at that point I couldn't really go anywhere, because I had just introduced his character, and...anyway suffice to say I was completely stuffed. [/hide]

 

 

 

I was thinking of restarting from just before I met them(unless someone else wants to join in) but I got into the argument with Xelweer on his Fullmetal post...and as a trade off I agreed to keep my Liberlist nose out of his stories...still comment on them but not in such extreme ways...and he agreed to keep his conservative nose out of...well errr...but the point is he agreed to review the story. Depending on what it says I will probably be rewriting the opening part, not least of all because some of it just didn't make sense...compared to the whole story, because we both were different people with different ideas...So the idea of one of the Barrows Brothers(which were supposed to be Demi-gods) getting killed by running over some blessed water was a bit out of sync with my ideas, and so the keen reader...where ever they may be...might have noticed that.

 

Other aspects included the sheer boring nature of my story telling...But thats up to the review...

concerning the Xewleehr Xewleer thing, Xewleehr is Wheeler (my last name) with an X Xewleer was meant to be Xewleehr but I forgot the h so...

 

 

 

Like I said, I'll review his story when I find it, probabely this evening my time.

 

 

 

Also, Sephy, I'll review your story after you type up that massive amount you said you were going to do, to make sure the review is much more relevant.

concerning the Xewleehr Xewleer thing, Xewleehr is Wheeler (my last name) with an X Xewleer was meant to be Xewleehr but I forgot the h so...

 

 

 

Like I said, I'll review his story when I find it, probabely this evening my time.

 

 

 

Also, Sephy, I'll review your story after you type up that massive amount you said you were going to do, to make sure the review is much more relevant.

 

 

 

Tonight I'll add more, since I'm going to see Harry Potter...Now in my time, and evening I'll add a couple I hope, or even more, and tomorrow A lot but it's annoying that I've been busy all day. :x

Umm...don't know what to say, so, can you review "The Story of Red?" Search function doesn't seem to be working anymore for me...

Okay, all. Expect your reviews by TOMORROW morning, my time around 9-11 o' clock. :D

 

 

 

Cheers,

 

 

 

Sephiroth_King

OK, I found the link to it:

 

 

 

http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=427883&highlight=

I got KC's you got enough to do anyway

 

 

 

Archimage a, concerning the story (RPG) Aura Wars, do you want me to review what you wrote or the entire story? I mean, this will be my biggest challenge in writing reviews ever if its the entire thing...

The story of Red

 

by KC Hughes

 

 

 

 

Let us begin

 

 

 

Grammatically (1) you did well, I noticed no major spelling mistakes, grammar was sweet and simple, no major thought needed to attempt what you meant. 59/60,

 

 

 

Flow-wise (2) very nice, but choppy in some places the transition was also like sea that has recovered from a storm, namely, smothing more and more as you go along. . 50/60

 

 

 

Plot was good, not excellent, but good. you had something good going, but you said you got it from somewhere else, and I've seen it been used elsewhere as well. 55/60

 

 

 

Explanation/vocabulary/descriptions. excellent, if your flow was a little choppy, your explanation more than made up for any weakness in plot or flow. 60/60

 

 

 

56/60 that is awesome!

 

 

 

I deem him another knight, if Sephiroth King agrees.

 

 

 

Here ya go KC. very good story.