Fist_of_ozzy, thank you. I'll take a break, and make sure yours gets done when I get back!

 

 

 

Without any furter delay, your review, sire.

 

 

 

Golden Empire : Into the Demon's mouth

 

 

 

Prologue

 

 

 

And so we begin!

 

 

 

I liked the prologue. It was nice and short, explained some things, and thusly I would not cry because it's not too long. And it starts off at a pace, a speedy pace, where we learn this stranger is the Golden Empire. The forbidden caves is probably something in P2P, right? I'm F2P, so...Anyway. He seems like he's obsessed with gold, a golden abby whip (I at least know what that is :P ), golden armor. But seems like he'd be a scorpion kick-[wagon] type of guy. Well done. I was shacking when he ran into the cave to slay the dragon, who is an idiotic, scared, stupid little insignificant dragon, and whom runs away!!! :evil: Good thing he chased him rather than gave up. Quite a mysterious and satisfying beginning--or at least theres the second part.

 

 

 

What sucks for Emperor Zaere is he died 50 years ago. And how excited I was to learn you would probably flash from past to present time! I loves it. And the damned black emperors (if they were black people...I wouldn't be saying this :uhh: ) take his throne, under the orders of Zamorak the rapist who shall destroy all worlds and corrupt everyone. :lol: I truly love when people write of the God's, as I like to see if the emphasize and create the God's in their own image of what they'd be like, etc. Poor Memphis lives in darkness, almost like the Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess, except it reminds me of Eragon and Eldest more, but those two give a chain reaction which reminds me of The Lord of the Rings, which...Oh, you get the damned picture.

 

 

 

SCORE: 60/60 Flawlessly Perfect

 

 

 

The above makes no sense, it's perfect, but you did a great job with the beginning, and I'm lovin' it so far. Nothing is wrong, your punctuation+spelling+grammar=perfection. Let's move along, shall we? I'm gonna go grab some tea, sip twice, say "Muahahahaha!" And rock my chair to "We will Rock You," while awaiting Harry Potter. And, of course, more reviewing.

 

 

 

Chapter 1: Family Tradition

 

 

 

*Sips tea twice (Literally, I'm drinking tea)* Yummy. Okay, we come to our next segment; and of course, my favorite parts of reviewing, plus the core and main part, the Chapters.

 

 

 

The beginning is smooth, then bumpy when you hear of his grandfather (It's 100 feet away, not 100 foot :P ) and his father and Misthilin...I like it. He needs to be the next great warrior. Damn, that could be a great reality show! Like American idol, or England Idol, Japanese Idol--This is [insert country's name here] Warrior! Woot!

 

 

 

Silliness aside, we move on. This part worries me. Let's see:

 

 

 

(Bold means fixed):

 

 

 

In fact, the King would call upon them in hours of need. However, he did not have the same skills as he forefathers, he could not lift a bronze axe and any armour he wore brought him to his knees. No, in fact Cas was much at home with the Cows, the Chickens and the sheep.

 

 

 

Poor Cas! The highlighted parts indicate rather or not a comma is there, so compare and contrast your story with this fixed area. Since there are a lot of comma's needed throughout this post, and I mean throughout this post, even periods sometimes, I'm marking down like crazy, however, your score isn't weakening to a bad extreme.

 

 

 

I find it odd his brother and father make fun of him. I love hero-outcasts! LOVE 'EM! Just not that way. :wink:

 

 

 

Then the black knight-guy, to which I'm referring them to, comes in. And the ruffian threatens to burn the place to the ground! By orders of me, I declare this black knight-guy to perish!

 

 

 

Thusly we come to the second and third posts for the first chapter.

 

 

 

I have no critisism, only what the hell??!! Another dragon like person like the past?? Or at least I think that'll turn out like that. We'll see.

 

 

 

SCORE: 55/60 AWESOME

 

 

 

Your last 2 posts saved ya! Great. Nothing to say but this story is good, let's do the last chapter. :D

 

 

 

Chapter 2: Stranger from the West

 

 

 

This will be the shortest review page-part I've done. I love this chapter. You go to the past. And there isn't critisism! NO! You even twisted my theory--he's the dragon! Excellent work, my friend. Just don't trick me again. :evil:

 

 

 

SCORE (The quickest one I've done) 58/60 AWESOME

 

 

 

I loved the plot. You may had some grammar/puntuation mistakes, however, I'm not deducting. It's too good.

 

 

 

OVERALL SCORE: 57/60 AWESOME

 

 

 

I'm sad because the second part was great, with no critisism, which I love doing. Haha, just kidding. Excellent work. Fix punctuation, grammar, maybe look for spelling...You are doing awesome, and I'm enjoying myself. I deem you a knight. Man, there are a lot. But there. : Hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. :wink: Have an awesome weekend and stuff. Bye!

When are you gonna update the first post Sephy???

thanks for the review, I'll continue writing at next week you can review the rest of the story btw there will loads more twists in the story( it's one to keep people hooked, just when the know whats going on, bam you change it to something completly dead

 

 

 

P.S The golden Emperor, isn't dead neither is the Golden Dragon

When are you gonna update the first post Sephy???

 

 

 

I know, huh? Like I said, when I have the time is the time I'll update it...I've been so damn busy...

 

 

 

And Angelus, no problem. And your twists make me shake. :ohnoes:

 

 

 

See you everyone! Have a good weekend! I guess Monday is my return! Yay! Then, I'll update the first post, make a few changes, and viola! : Again, have a good weekend!

ok

 

 

 

And note to me, GET OUT OF THIS DAMN WRITERS BLOCK :cry:

I must have been thrown under the bus.

Thanks for the review. You didn't have to move the deadline because I was out of town anyway :D I appreciate it, though.

okay everyone, I'm back, to all intents and purposes! I've been busy beyond reckoning with a couple jobs and classes and such (and just 17 too!) I'll be on when I can... time to start reading Aura wars...

I'm guessing my story is never going to get reviewed... :cry:

Why would you think that....I have been waiting a full week longer and have never lost faith in Xeewler doing the review...

 

 

 

Besides we all know that there are only 2 reviewers, and they are both really busy people in their, so called, lives....Anyway they have alot of work and they are doing it out of the kindness of thier hearts...

 

 

 

I know you not really trying to be offensive...if you are then sorry. But anyway would have been easier to PM Seph into action...

Pretty soon I'm gonna have to get some more reviewers...Hire with no pay due to tip.it rules! Buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Anyway...I think I'll do that pretty soon, we need some more reviewers...Trust that we'll get to them soon, okay? I'm just waiting for Xewleehr to come back more often as well. Soooo......

Any idea when my review will be up?

You're welcome to review the two pieces I have in my signature. They're both fairly short.

I suppose this was the thread you mentioned in my story.

 

 

 

But surely it is unfair to judge an unfinished story compared to those of finished ones?

 

 

 

Don't review mine until I'm finished. I'll get to work write away...

 

 

 

 

 

I say that... But I have writers block. *sighs*

sorry guys, especially you Archimage, every time I really try to read your story (you were right... good to okay...) I get called away! I have work and other school related activities to do, please continue to be patient, I haven't even updated my story in a while,

 

 

 

Until the battle wains... Xewleehr, knight of the True Cross.

Would recommend printing it off and reading it at night...usually how I catch up with stuff if I haven't been paying attention...size 7 I think is the best...alot of words per page and you can still read it without to much effort...

 

Anyway there is no hurry...Lost all my good ideas so it will be a while before I get them back...

ello all

 

 

 

hate to moan, but where is my review? :-k

Fists_of_Ozzy, good to see you back. I'll probably re-join Zephillia soon. Your deadline...Will be later, because I'm going up north with family, so...Wednsday the 18.

 

 

 

inverted1, Same date, and I'm looking forward to it.

 

 

 

 

 

There guys. Enjoy.

 

 

 

There you have it.

 

 

 

EDIT:Whoops, there seems to be a mistake...

cheers larrr

 

 

 

very stupid question again, but... which month now?

Sorry, guys, here has been WAY to many things going on this summer. Thursday, I'm leaving for Dollywood in Tennessee and then Kings dominion in virginia. So, for every one of you, if you still want a review, either Xewleehr or I can do it. However, if I do it, it will be scheduled for September 18, school starts for me August 28, and I have to kick in a good start.

 

 

 

Well, time to rest. See ya guys later!

can you review my serious Snake and Noob story? My other ones are not to great, lets see you review my new ones! the conclusion of the first part of the saga is tonight. After that review Snake and Noob the fighting tournament part 1.