The Dreamweb - my first attempt at fiction in English

getting the programmed lady hooked? not good.

You'd be surprised...

Wow great story, as you have heard many times before lol. I have only had time to read the first part so far but plan on reading it all when i get more time. Only thing puzzeling me is why the amounts of money in the story are so modest. Shouldn't the guy get paid more for a job?

Getting futher into the story it's hard to stop reading. I'm to chapter 14 now and the story just gets better and better. I encourage in any Varrock Library browers to read this thread. :thumbsup:

Part 18

The Supervisor sighed softly as he watched the world through the eyes of Pentos, weighing his options. The trail had ended just a few meters outside of the building. It was too old, and dust and filth were clogging up PentosÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ artificial nose. There were other means of tracking Thomas and Tetra, but he needed to be absolutely sure that Pentos would find them soon. He did not want to keep the prototype in the field longer than absolutely necessary. The construct stood in the shadow, waiting for its next command as the Supervisor weighed his options. He really wanted to recall Pentos, but as long as Tetra was traveling with Thomas the only other way to make sure they could be secured was sending an army after them and the longer they were out there, the greater the risk that they would expose everything.

No, Pentos would have to be the one to look for them. But where? Even though he had managed to keep them confined to one district by spreading their photos to the security patrols that watched the flow of people at the checkpoints that dotted the districtÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s borders, the place was a festering maze of rapidly decaying buildings and sewer tunnels that had long ago been cut off from the outside world in an attempt to curb the spread of the filth that ran rampant in this area. But it was also a home for many, including Thomas Gaelen, who had undoubtedly been forced to run for his life before. If you survived those streets, you would have places to hide, holes to crawl away in. The records they had on Thomas Gaelen showed no location that qualified. Only one location showed some potential in the continuation of the search. It was a few blocks away, located in one of the few buildings that still remained completely intact. It was an old warehouse. Like all other buildings its legitimate owner had long since abandoned it, but it had kept some of its old spirit of commerce in the many petty merchants that had transformed it into some sort of bizarre mockery of the bazaars of an oriental country from distant history. It was there that Thomas Gaelen received his costumers ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ people who needed someone or something but were too afraid, too weak or too stupid to look for it themselves.

Pentos set off as soon as the Supervisor gave the command. He walked as fast as he could without drawing attention of bystanders. He could do without unneeded attention for now and his goal was only a few minutes away even at this relatively slow pace. Each man, woman and child he passed was registered and scrutinized by his tactical subroutines, but they were no threats. He would walk right through them if he wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t supposed to remain undercover. As he turned into another alley, less than half a mile away from his objective, something in his stride changed. There were things moving about behind the crumbling walls, things that moved like they didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t want to be heard. They wouldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t have been heard by human ears. But Pentos could hear them. He heard them scurrying closer, slowly surrounding them. He heard that they were carrying weapons. He heard that they were getting ready to strike. Pentos heard, and so did the Supervisor. He responded with a single command. Ignore them until they attack you, then deal with them quickly, donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t draw attention and donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t leave witnesses.

The command was received and processed. Pentos walked on, waiting for whoever was out there to make their move. He didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t have to wait long. He wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t even halfway down the alley when they made their move, crawling out of various holes and windows to quickly surround them. There were four of them, small figures in rags carrying weapons made of various types of garbage.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅDonÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t move, we want money, food, anything of value.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

It's alive!!! O_O The story is baaack! ^_^

Those details are so gruesome... *Shudders*

Can't wait for the next part! :o

Part 19

Thomas thanked the girl that brought the dream machines. He carefully laid one of them down on the blanket on the floor. He pointed out every piece and its function. The mask that provided the sensory stimulation. The pump that sent the ichor from the reservoir through the needle and into the bloodstream. The circuitry that provided the Dreams. He explained that they wouldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t be fully connected to the web, that itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d just be the two of them. He explained how heÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d set up a timer to pull them out in time to make sure the experience wouldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t overwhelm her. She still seemed very uncertain, but his slow and methodical explanation combined with what she had learned at the Facility and general confusion pushed her to go through with it.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅAreÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ are you sure this will help me?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

This is very good! Looking foreward to the next parts! You have a great writing ability, I felt like I was in the story due to all of the dark and realistic descriptions and expressions.

Well done again!! :thumbsup: =D>

That feels better, I was going through withdrawl. This story is as addictive as the ichor in it!

It's been only eight months :-w

Lucky you. You got my first post :D . I didn't intend to post at all but this story is just so good. You really need to add sections on a regular basis.

Lucky you. You got my first post :D . I didn't intend to post at all but this story is just so good. You really need to add sections on a regular basis.

brilliance can not be rushed.

:shock: :shock: :shock: i am amazed. you should compress it all in word and leave a zip file here so people dont have to flip through the pages, but i have only read the first 4 parts and =D> =D> im amazed

good luck with the rest and please please please finish it !!!! or ill become a depressed teenager again :lol:

There's a few gramatical errors but otherwise this is extremeley well written. You should get it published.

The hidden famine thing is confusing; fat has nothing to do with vitamins. What are they eating?

There's food being produced, it's just not very nutritional. It's not an actual famine, but the general population, especially the poorer sections, are slowly being weakened by it.

I would like to know what food, exactly is being produced, and why it isn't nutritional. The more important comment I made was that the lack of nutritional food wouldn't necessarily have anything to do with people being fat or not. For example, fast food isn't nutritional but it makes people fat.

Wow, this is a big shocker to me.

I haven't bothered to read it yet, but let me just say that I think it's a total coincidence that your long, and great(from the comments) story is called dreamweb. A runscape character of mine is called dream--web and I have a poem called dream web, both of which create a thought in my head. When I get some spare time I'll read this to compare our ideas of what truly is a "dream web."

Can't wait to read it,

mbball

I need more!! How many times must I post for me to get more. I already gave you my first comment. :evil: :evil: :evil:

Aww, it's over.... for now. :cry:

Absolutely amazing. I only wish that it was written on paper so I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of staring at a computer screen for a few hours to read it :wink:

very good read... :D

Ha ha ha your website is funny.

Q. Will you have my babies?

A. No. Babies are disgusting

Q. Your site sucks!

A. So do you

Q. Your story sucks!

A. So do you

Q. You suck!

A. So do you

...Incredible. Powerful, detailed, dark, ultimate, and any adjective or synonym that relates to those. That is most likely the best story I've come across in the entire library. Your English is some of the best I've seen on the entire forum, even better than most English-as-a-first-language people here! There is a tiny amount of repetition in a few words, but that is because English has a massive range of words that describe another word; very confusing. I have to say, Congratulations! You have made, by far, the best story I've read at tip.it.

*is suffering withdrawl*

Oh and powerent, I love your signature.

Will you continue the story

please :) ?

*is suffering withdrawl*

 

 

 

Oh and powerent, I love your signature.

Which one, they're going by quite fast right now.