The Dreamweb - my first attempt at fiction in English

[archimage_a]

The story is really puffing along now, you truely are a maaster of the english language, up there with monty python and ummm and well thats about it, but you really are quite good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just have one thing to say

 

 

 

Click plz

[Necromagus]

Part 8

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the lid slid off TetraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s sleeping capsule, she somehow couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t find the strength to get out immediately. It took her a few minutes, but when she pulled herself out a blind panic suddenly gripped at her. Was she malfunctioning, would they dismantle her? Trying to shake the confusion, she quickly put on the clothes that were waiting for her on the table. To her surprise, they were identical to what she wore the night she headed outside, the night she heard the musicÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ would this mean they would let her go out again? Or would theyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ she could not bring herself to think it. The note that came with the clothes told her to go to the briefing room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As she walked down the endlessly white hallways, the facilityÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s employees ignored her as always. Still, she couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t help but shake the idea that something about them wasÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ different somehow. If she had been more human she probably would have blamed it on her imagination, but as it was she wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t even aware of the fact that she had an imagination. She walked a little faster, still feeling slightly nervous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As always, the door swung open as soon as she placed her hand on the glass plate of the scanner. She stepped into the empty chamber beyond and sat on the chair, waiting for what was to come. For some reason, a small glass vial containing a clear blue liquid was lying on the table, along with a neat wad of bills, but she ignored them. If it was of any importance to her, her superiors would let her know in the briefing. She sat perfectly still, staring at the wall, waiting for the voice of the Doctor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅGood morning Tetra, I hope you slept well?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[Sipperiku]

Wow, this story is awesome! :D

[archimage_a]

Care to say what part?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its getting slightly confuseing now but....i like it

[Mercifull]

Step 1: Re-write as screenplay

 

 

 

Step 2: Pitch to movie studios as a film noir type sci fi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

^_^

[Necromagus]

Heh, let's finish the story first, shall we? Besides, I wouldn't want it to end up in the hands of someone like Uwe Boll :?

[dragoncmd]

Step 1: Re-write as screenplay

 

 

 

Step 2: Pitch to movie studios as a film noir type sci fi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

^_^

 

 

 

great idea except for the

 

 

 

Step 1: Re-write as screenplay

 

 

 

Step 2: Pitch to movie studios as a film noir type sci fi.

 

 

 

part. Youd on't want some idiot director to ruin it.

[archimage_a]

nah you should do an animation that is better idea because you have complete control and if you can't then....umm your stuffed...sorry :oops:

[dragoncmd]

Listen to archmage just because his grammar is better than mine.

[Necromagus]

Part nine should be done by the end of this weekend, if I can get my shoulder fixed up properly...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*kicks a nasty combination of writer's block and homework overload.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'd kick the stairs too, but I'd just fall down again :|

[Sake_Samurai]

This is truly a marvel, and it could quite possibly make all the other storys on this forum pale in comparison, even mine....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

good work, and if you have more parts, you should try to get it novelized.

[vhdblood9999]

This is an awesome story! Keep up the good work. :P

[dragoncmd]

This is truly a marvel, and it could quite possibly make all the other storys on this forum pale in comparison, even mine....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

good work, and if you have more parts, you should try to get it novelized.

 

 

 

So modest :)

[Necromagus]

Part 9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thomas sighed as he walked down the street. Club Wonderland still looked the same, a grimy, filthy mess. The sign still hadnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t been fixed. The music was still bad. ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s clientele still existed of misfits and losers. He trudged through a pool of rainwater, the cold liquid immediately seeping through the cracked leather of his boots. He ignored the numbing pain, walking ever onwards towards the club. He would get new ones once he got his payment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The second mind had been almost as hard to retrieve as the first. The information Tetra had provided him with conveniently omitted that the target was a member of a violent street gang ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ a violent street gang that was waiting for him. Still, he had managed to get in and retrieve the mind from the Dream machine without being noticed. As he put his right foot down he winced at the painful twinge that shot up his right thigh. Getting out without being noticed had proven harder, and he had to run for his life. He had managed to avoid most of the gunfire, but one bullet had grazed his leg. With no money for medical treatment, his only option had been to patch the wound up himself. Now, every step was a wince. Still, he was used to physical discomfort so he managed to ignore it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, with the two trappers nested inside his coat pocket, Thomas stepped into the crowded main area of the club. He cringed as the flashing coloured lights hit his eyes, pulsating in sync with the music. He had worked his body and mind too hard for the past few days, and he was beginning to feel it. More than ever, his body felt weak, useless. When this was all over, he would look into taking a vacation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally he arrived at the booth TetraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s email had directed him to, the same booth they had sat in a week ago, when he had been given his arduous task. She still looked young but confident, small yet strong. She was dressed in exactly the same clothes, wore her hair in exactly the same style. It was as if Thomas had simply walked out and back in immediately, even the unnerving scent of freshly mown hay still clung to her. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was staring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅGood evening mister Gaelen, I see youÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve found my messageÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâæÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[Necromagus]

Surprise :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 10

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With hands that were trembling with panic, the Doctor stuffed books, data discs and research reports in the old duffel bag. His mind still tried to comprehend the data the Chirurgeon had showed him. He couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t believe he had been set up for failure. His mind drifted back to Tetra, all alone in the rainy night. He forced himself to ignore the involuntary twinge of sympathy that surged up inside him. There was still a 0,83% chance that she would complete her mission exactly as instructed, but the Doctor never did allow himself to be blinded by hope. If he didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t get out now, heÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d be dead. No, he had to try to leave the Facility. His brilliance was too great to be wasted on a meaningless death.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the Doctor rushed down the pristine white hallways, all Facility employees seemed to ignore him. Of course, a man with his security clearance was rarely bothered with. As he turned the corner to head for the lift, he wondered if he should go for the Chirurgeon first. After only half a second of thought he decided against it. Her report mentioned nothing that could possibly shift blame on her, and the delay would probably cost him the only chance he had to make good his escape. At the end of the hall, the lift waited for him. He walked as fast as he could, encumbered by arthritis and the bulky duffel bag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally the Doctor felt the cool glass of the elevatorÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s control panel pressed against the palm of his trembling hand. The cabin quickly zoomed down the shaft until it came to rest at the floor it had been summoned to, doors sliding silently inward to let the frightened old man in. He struggled to regain his composure, knowing that all elevators were monitored by security cameras. The journey down to the garage level seemed agonizingly slow, although it didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t take any longer than usual. Finally the doors opened, and the Doctor let out a sigh of relief. A sigh that was quickly stifled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅGoing somewhere?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[dragoncmd]

I still can't believe how good this story is. You've set up the perfect villian and I'm still realy intrested in what Tetra's history is. Obviously she's undergone the same process with having her mind wiped of unnecessary information as the doctor is going through, but who was she before that? (a relative or close friend of the supervisor maybe? Or possibly the doctor?)

[Necromagus]

Writer's block? Wassat? ^_^

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thomas smiled as he walked down the street. New boots, a cleaned and stitched up wound, and still a few dollars to spare. For the first time in weeks, Thomas smiled, even though the boots were second hand and the wound was stitched with simple thread in stead of silk. It was still far more luxury than he was used to. Even the weather was dry enough to permit him a cigarette on his walk home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Thomas reached the front door he threw away the cigarette bud, rubbing out with the sole of his boot. The inside still smelt faintly of cabbage and urine, but the cigarette smoke numbed his nasal passages enough to block it out. Even the fact that the elevators were out of order didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t put a dent in his good mood. Compared to what he was used to, his new boots made it feel like he was walking on air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Thomas finally reached his floor, something raised his suspicion. The door to his apartment was slightly ajar, even though he was sure he had locked it when he left. If he hadnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t been smoking, he would have smelled the scent of freshly mown hay that hung about the hallway. Now he simply stepped inside, a surge of adrenalin preparing his body for a confrontation with whoever might await him inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kneeling inside the mouldy closet, Tetra peered through a crack in the wood. She could see Thomas stepping into the apartment, glancing around. Earlier that day she had snuck inside, but she had been too panicked and confused to remember to cover her tracks. Still, all was not lost. She held her breath as Thomas crept closer. She would strike him down. She would kill him. She would complete her mission, and then she would beg her superiors for forgiveness. Closer. Closer. Three steps. Two steps. One step. Now. The muscles in her legs uncoiled, and she launched herself forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His clothes on the floor, the bottle in the kitchen and his battered and broken furniture, everything seemed to be in place. However, this was not what he was concerned about. The only thing that mattered to him was his Dream machine, which should be tucked away safely in its hidden compartment in the wall. He hurried towards it, cursing himself for wasting his money on trivial things like new clothes and medical care when he might have to replace his machine now. He was so caught up in his panic that he never heard the cracking of the planks in his wardrobe until it was too late.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clutching to the section of wood that just a moment ago been a wardrobe door Tetra launched herself forward, battering Thomas to the floor. The wood broke on impact and Tetra rode the two pieces to the floor with Thomas trapped underneath. She heard him let out a muffled scream and curse, but she forced herself to ignore it. Die, Thomas Gaelen. Die. You have to die. I will kill you now, and then they will take me back. They will not dismantle me if I kill you, so you will have to die for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For his part, Thomas refused to go quietly into the void. Tetra was stronger than he was, but he was heavier and had the advantage of momentum. The moment his shoulders connected with the floor he shifted his weight backwards, throwing his legs up in the air and causing Tetra to loose control of her forward motion. She connected head first with the floor, and she felt something pop in her neck. Immediately her artificial glands responded, releasing endorphins into her bloodstream. However, the process distracted her too long to allow her to prevent Thomas from striking back. He pulled her up roughly by her right arm, using it as a lever to fling her towards the couch. Had she been human, Tetra would have collided with it and probably be knocked out or at least winded by the impact. However, her superior reflexes allowed her to regain control of her forward motion. In stead of stumbling she was now running, and in stead of colliding with the couch she put her foot on it and kicked off, sending her fist first in ThomasÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s direction. Her aim was perfect, and the impact landed squarely on his face, cracking his nose and sending him to the floor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tetra didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t relent, landing on top of Thomas and pinning him between her legs. She forced one hand under the back of his head and placed the other on his jaw. One motion. One quick pull would shatter the manÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s spine, He would die instantly , and she would be back in good graces with her superiors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As she tried to command her arms to move, to complete the action, she couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t help but stare in her victimÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s eyes. She could see fear, and as she struggled to remain in control she felt his warm blood trickle from his nose onto the hand on his jaw. A jaw that was moving, producing a weak, gargling sound.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅPleaseÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâæÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[dragoncmd]

Fianlly some answers!! Great as usual, but I found the way Thomas was able to react so quickly to the attack unrealistic, seeing as he is an addict and has no major fighting experience (that we know of).

[Necromagus]

Think of it like a cornered animal. Even the most civilized human still has the instincts of fight or flight. His attacks weren't exactly coordinated. For example, anyone with any basic combat experience will tell you that you shouldn't pull your enemy back up when he's down, which is exactly what Thomas did. I tried to show that his attacks weren't exactly great feats of strength and ability, more the actions of a desperate man fighting for his life.

[dragoncmd]

yeah I was just commenting on the first section of the fight when tetra (spelling? I'm too lazy to look it up) jumped out and crashed into the ground.

[VIrus]

i only have 1 word to describe your story:Awseome :D

 

 

 

From all the stories posted in this board this is the 2nd story that i have bothered to read.(although i havent exactly read all the posts in the board :wink: )

 

 

 

The other one is titled "Catherby, teh best city in RS!(comical)"

 

 

 

:D take time to read it. Its really funny

[Necromagus]

Part 12

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Behind the safety of three inches of bullet-proof glass, the Supervisor and the Chirurgeon observed Pentos as he danced through the training room, dodging the endless streams of bullets that were flung at him by the machineguns mounted on the wall. He moved about effortlessly, proving that the Chirurgeon had done a perfect job in building him. Even now his creator watched, a strange glint of affection in her eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, the Supervisor was more interested in the report in his hands. It held a series of tactical dilemmas inspired by some of the great battles of human history. Pentos had solved them all within an hour after waking up. Had the construct been in command then, human history would have progressed quite differently indeed. Despite the DoctorÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s treason, the reconstruction of PentosÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ mind had been as perfect as the construction of his body. Still, the Supervisor was not a happy man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The phone call had come in the middle of the night. This irked the Supervisor, who wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t used to having his daily routine disturbed, especially if the disturbance meant bad news. The team that had been following Tetra reported that she had had contact with a priest. Furious at their failure to stop Tetra from contacting the outside world he ordered the team to eliminate the priest and intercept the rogue agent. Half an hour later came the second phone call, again with bad news. The team had found TetraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s tracking device, still covered in the dark fluids that replaced her blood. The serrated lid of a tin can, glinting with the same substance, indicated that she had cut the device out of her arm. The team followed the trail of spatters for about twenty yards, but by that time the wound had been knitted shut and they lost their track. With no idea where she could have gone, the Supervisor had no choice but to dispatch more teams and hope for the best. This was bad. This was very bad. The FacilityÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s cloak of a medical research institute was flawless, but there were always conspiracy nuts out there just looking for a good story to hunt, and a bio engineered humanoid walking the streets was just such a story. Still, his team was good at what it did, and he doubted Tetra would remain out there for more than a few days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Supervisor was pulled from his musings by the sound of a dozen bullets connecting with the glass. He looked up and saw that Pentos was already on the other side of the room, still moving. The glass had barely been dented. As he turned his eyes to the report again, the Chirurgeon spoke up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHave the cleaners returned Tetra yet?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[Necromagus]

Part 13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a cold, wet scream, Tetra awoke. Her eyes snapped open as she inhaled deeply, but something was blocking her mouth and she nearly blacked out. In a blind panic she thrashed around on the floor, until the pain in her joints and the throbbing in her head almost overwhelmed her. Finally she forced herself to calm down, breathing deeply through her nose. She nearly gagged from the smell, but it was the only way she could breathe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅIÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m sorry if I disturbed your beauty sleep, but youÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve been napping for two days now and IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve been dieing to get some answers out of you.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[dru89]

Don't spoil them!!! They will never wanna read my stories again :P. Really really really good... :)

[dragoncmd]

Don't spoil them!!! They will never wanna read my stories again :P. Really really really good... :)

 

 

 

you know, hes right, unless... will you rewrite my stories for me :D