The Dreamweb - my first attempt at fiction in English

They were right. The Dreamweb consumes you. Psychosomatic heroin they called it. For the first time since he plugged in, Thomas realized that they were right.

The story you're about to read is a translation of the first chapter of a story I wrote in Dutch about three years ago. Since English is not my first language, there's bound to be some basic gramatical/spelling mistakes in it. I've never finished the story, but I might after I finish translating the first chapters. Shortly put, it's set in a random metropole about thirty years into the future. More details will be given in later chapters. I've translated and revised it a lot, but it's still campy as hell. To prevent any confusion:

The Dreamweb: A network not entirely unlike the internet, which is projected directly into the user's mind. However, the strain of the artificial stimuly will gradually damage the user's body and mind. Stay in for too long, and you'll end up looking like, and functioning like, little more than a walking corpse. For this reason, most people consider the Dreamweb an abberation of what the internet is. The users, called Dreamers, consider it an evolution, even though being a Dreamer means they're generally shunned by society.

Without further ado:

The Dreamweb

Part 1

Thomas stared blankly at his reflection in the murky pool of rainwater at his feet. His pale, angular face stared up at him, distorted slightly by the raindrops that were still coming down in a steady torrent. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅA damned shameÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâæÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

That was amazing to say the least we want more we want more

Dat verbaasde het kleinste dat wij te zeggen willen meer wij willen meer

I'am guessing here

Radend hier

Wow, thanks, second part should be up later today. But what's with the Babelfish-Dutch?

Well you said you had written it in dutch so I had assumed that you hadn't just written it in english then translated in to dutch and back for the fun of it

but it is a crackin story and best of all no one can say your wrong

lol

Part 2

For some time, Tetra stared blankly at the inhabitants of club Wonderland. Nobody paid her any attention in return, but this suited her just fine. The music was an odd sensation, there was something about it that she couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite put her finger on. Still, it made her decide to wait for the signal to return inside the club in stead of out on the streets as was expected of her. When asked, she told herself, she would just tell her superiors that she couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t leave the club without drawing unneeded attention to herself, something they had been very specific about during her briefing.

Finally Tetra heard a series of soft beeps, barely audible over the sounds of her surroundings. She pulled the phone out of her purse and read the message that consisted of only one word. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅReturn.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

its still very good but i dont know its missing something that the first had im not sure what but something

Part 3

By the time Thomas reached his apartment, he had already made up his mind about heÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d spend his new wealth. He had spent three blocks walking with his hands jammed firmly in his pockets, continuously folding and creasing the notes so that they wouldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t raise suspicion. He didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t walk directly to his apartment however, he had some shopping to do first.

The 24-hour convenience store was only slightly less of a shamble than the rest of the district. Inside, the shelves were packed with the kind of food that people outside the poor districts wouldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t even feed to their dogs. The black and white tiles of the floor were sticky with filth, and the glaring lights filled the room with a constant, irritating buzzing that would drive lesser men insane. Without looking at the labels, Thomas grabbed three soup cans and headed over to the cashier.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWill that be all?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

This is really good, I look forward to reading more. And don't worry about you grammar / spelling, it's a damn sight better than most of the native English speakers on this board.

Hope you keep up the good work.

I get the sense hes refering to me.

What ever you lost I'm glad its back, story is great.

Although the dw needs some explaination because at the moment its a website that gives you pleasure while its killing you. The thing is also connectable but isn't, The guy is near enough dead but has some of money, but is very badly setup.

Am I right?

The story is truly cracking, the mistakes add depth

The reason the character has money now was because he got half the pay of his current job in the first chapter:

"The payment will be three hundred dollars, half now, half when the lost minds have been delivered to me.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

You sig is funny on so many lvls like a animation of a rabbit on a bomb

With the words 'No animals were harmed in the making of the film'(rabbit blows up)'...Yet'

Part 4

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅI am sorry, but I believe that this simulation is impossible-ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬Å

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅThatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s not important. What is important is your ability to improvise. Improvising is the first step on the road to improvement. Your missions will get more complicated. Improving your abilities will not be about success. It will be about survival.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

So let me get this straight. The VR is basicly some sort of device that feeds electical signals into the cerebral cortex. Which the brain interprets as one or a few of the 5 senses.

The dreamweb is VR but instead of writting a complex series of commands and adaptive programing, It simply links two or more brains togther creating a base program that is interprated as 'images' of light and dark.

The drugs (acid and lsd are pretty much the same) effect the experiance as they effect perception. Ichor is some sort of hybrid soloution of diffrent drugs. The hybrid is a formula of natural and synthetic drugs. The natural drugs would effect the hormone release, while the synthetic would act like acid and change swirling light into images.

The entire concept is a type of some sort of psi connection over long distances, by the use of the internet. Although the human brain is unable to process these sorts of images into a order, as a computer would, It can generate images that correspond to certain parts of the brain.

The robotic device type thing as mentioned in the last chapter, Is some sort of hybrid human robot. It has human persona but has control over its body. The body is made to mimic the human body in everyway but requires a real human to make good use of it.

So I am guessing that the two minds have been somehow implanted into the body but have been changed as to not unbalance the core program. Although this has happened in the tear senario, and the music box. The core program may be some sort of nexus for the dreamers to base from, in laymans a computer to bring swirly lights to images.

These are only guess because I don't have the abillity to see the future. Oh and keep up the good work, the storys seem to be getting more and more depth as time goes on. But becareful not to overbalance with mystery or it will end in a explaination.

I am highly embarrassed to say that I agree with archmage_a. This is quite possibly the best story I have read on these forums. MORE!!

Unfortunately, a combination of stress from the starting schoolyear and a nasty case of writer's block has left me unable to continue the story for the past two weeks or so. However, part 5 should be up by the end of this weekend.

Part 5

Thomas clambered over the windswept hill, keeping his eyes on the scanning device. According to this, his first target should be somewhere in this hub. Finally the valley came into sight. He could see a few green tents, but they seemed to be deserted. His device showed that there was nobody in the area, except for one very faint signal. He smiled, guessing that this might just be easier than he had expected. He pocketed his device and headed down towards the tents.

The first two tents were empty, except for a few discarded weapons. Typical, Thomas thought, they run around in a world of nearly infinite possibility and they just use it as another way of shooting each other. Still, he could see why a West Point graduate would hang around here. All the weapons seemed to be types that were once used by the army. However, they were crude replicas, indicating that whoever had set up this hub was obviously an amateur. Still, he picked one up just in case, not wanting to be caught off guard.

The third tent he inspected was the largest of the camp, and it had a large red cross painted on one of the flaps. Cautiously Thomas stepped inside. His scanner bleeped twice, indicating that he had probably found his target. Surely enough, on one of the beds at the far end of the tent he saw something flicker. When he went over to it, he realized that it was a Dreamer with a very bad connection, probably due to a damaged device. Still, according to his scanner, it was one of the two targets Tetra had paid him to retrieve.

The manÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s body reminded Thomas of the twentieth century action movies he occasionally watched at the old cinema. The parts of the body that were still occasionally visible were all too overly muscled, and a tattoo of a skull with a snake crawling out of one of itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s eye sockets decorated his right shoulder. The lettering underneath it read ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅTORTURE IS ECSTACYÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Part 6

Silently, the lid slid from TetraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s sleeping capsule, indicating that it was time for her to get up. As always clean clothes were waiting for her on the desk, but whoever had put them there had also taken away the book on the Dreamweb. It didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t matter. Now that she had read it, she would never forget a single word of it. Once she had put on the clothes, she left her room and headed towards the training area. To her surprise, the Doctor was waiting for her by the large double doors that served as the entrance to the training area. Usually, he would wait for her in the control room.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅGood morning Tetra, IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m afraid that you wonÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t be training today. IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve been asked by the Supervisor to show you another project weÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve been working on for a few days now. He thought it might interest you. Follow me pleaseÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâæÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

:shock: Wow that's pretty damn good

The story is getting much better.... although the story at the start was pretty much the hight of storys its acctually got better.

Its much more explained now which i think hels the story...alot.

Keep going with this and you might go far

I've already typed out the next three chapters, but since they're probably the most important part of the story, and incidentally also the beginnings of what *might* be a large body count, I'll keep editing them until I'm absolutely sure they work.

WE can wait....

Plz hurry

NOOOOO!!! I HATE cliffhangers!

I'm trying as hard as I can, but school still takes priority over writing casually. First test week of the year coming up soon, and I simply can't afford to waste time right now. Should have a new chapter up by october 15th :?

YOU-HAVE-ONE-DAY-REMAINING!!!!!!

Part 7

Thomas felt a cold fear grip at his heart. Heavy footsteps pounded across the floorboards, approaching the bedroom door. Not sure what else he could do, he threw himself into the large closet. He managed to shut the door just in time, his impact softened by various items of clothing.

Thomas wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t sure if he was imagining things, but a pungent smell of sweat penetrated his nostrils the moment the door swung open. The person outside the closet was obviously quite fat, which was a rarity in these days of what people called ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹Ãâthe hidden famineÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢. It wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t the quantity of food that was a problem, it was the quality. Even though the government fervently denied it, more and more people simply dropped dead in the streets, their bodies wracked by a constant lack of vitamins. There was food aplenty, yet the entire world was hungry.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWill you hurry up? HeÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s obviously not here either, and it looks like he hasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t been for days.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ