July 16, 200718 yr Author Ok since I am not banned can you set the deadline for the review of Desiral for....between the 1st and 11th of August. I am going to be going away on the Monday 13th, got to go to a Christianity Festival...I am being forced to go...Its not me becoming a Christan...sorry Xewleer. Xewleer! I said I was expecting it on Wednesday, serouisly there is no rush...Well I would prefer it done soon, but I prefer it more that it is done properly. I want to get on to the next chapter because I am literally bubbling with ideas for it, but I will probably pour a good deal of that creativity into the rewrite, because of the God based Nature of the the story it makes it really flexible, and the next chapter will be even more flexible. However that flexiblity is dependant on my flexiblity, and that flexablity is dependant on your feed back(AND THE FEED BACK OF OTHERS) because I need to know what you like, and what you dislike. So I can apply that to my own idea of what I think you like and dislike... Your deadline is set...And have a nice time at the festival. My friends going to one, too. :D Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 16, 200718 yr I Have a story do not completed that i would like you to Review, i've written the first Chapter and i'm in the moment of writing the next Golden Empire: Into The Demons Mouth http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=632209 Can you tellme how I can Improve it.
July 17, 200718 yr Author I Have a story do not completed that i would like you to Review, i've written the first Chapter and i'm in the moment of writing the next http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=632209 Can you tellme how I can Improve it. Certainly. Your deadline date is set for the 18. inverted1, your review, sire. The Colours of War: The Conscriptees PART 1 Frankly, I see this as one of my shortest reviews, for it's very good, and you can't critique good stories...However... The beginning starts off smoothly, like a pebble, I say. It's fun sounding, as we meet a crazy--I mean, guy named Carter, Ben Carter. So far, it reminds me of nothing but the video game. Hha, just kidding :twisted: Anyway. Your second paragraph, I'd seuggest punctuation after the continuous naming of things...I mean from the tankers-soldiers. When you reach soldiers, it should be "And Soldiers." Minor deduction, and your doing good. Now this guy creeps me out. I thought Ben Carter would be some pimp who gets all of the ladies, yet he's a creepy cook. I like that, because you are targeting the type of audience who hates "Legendary" hero types. Then, my entire comment is negated, because now he's a pimp with a machine gun. Here we go. Hardcore violence. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: Thus, we here of the "Conscriptees" a name that's like music in my ears. It sounds like a pimp army squad. I loves it I'm skipping down, because I've found your error--3rd paragraph, "im" is "I'm" and you get couple of points deducted. Also, a suggestion, so we know he's thinking it, why not put it in italics, it gives it somewhat of a better effect. Don't worry, no score subtracted because of that. :D I like the Bluemoon troops, they are pimps. And, to answer your question, I'm using pimp a lot more. This is at your fourth paragraph, when you randomly say "Enemy." Here, we like when you start a new paragraph, to seperate everything, your story...It's kinda cluttered. So just space them from each other. However. This is just a suggestion, along with the effect suggestion I shall lecture you about. When you say crack, or snap, or whatever, put them in italics. If you want. Buahahahaahahah! Fighting! :twisted: Again, space out quotes, so it's not cluttered, alsoeffect sounds, and when you put "The Enemy" and stuff. If you start something apart from the sentance, then just start a new paragraph. And it ends! What a happy ending! Finish! SCORE: 57/60 AWESOME Told ya, there isn't a lot to critique, moreover suggestions. I like the story thus far, please write more! If you don't, I shall destroy you! :twisted: FINAL AVERAGE: ERM...57/60 AWESOME What's funny is I've been working on this for a while, trying to exploit weaknesses, and couldn't find a lot...Lucky dog you. Welsome to the knight's selection part of our library! Bye! Have a fantastic day! It's short, but nothing to critique, and for that, I solute you. G'day. :D Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 17, 200718 yr Hehy sephy! I would like to requets a review if possiable. http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=556753&highlight=
July 17, 200718 yr hellu! can one of you review the next installment of The Colours of War please? it be here: http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=678731 Hola
July 17, 200718 yr Author Fists_of_Ozzy, good to see you back. I'll probably re-join Zephillia soon. Your deadline...Will be later, because I'm going up north with family, so...Wednsday the 18. inverted1, Same date, and I'm looking forward to it. There guys. Enjoy. Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 17, 200718 yr not sure how to do this but, Can you review this please? http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?p=4965587#4965587
July 18, 200718 yr Author not sure how to do this but, Can you review this please? http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?p=4965587#4965587 Course I/Xewleehr can. Llamster and KCHughes--It's late, and Sylvan got in the way, I hope you don't mind, but I must do it tomorrow morning/afternoon instead. Anyways, read both of your stories, I remember tree gnome village and stuff, Llamster your story was good as well. Can't wait to review 'em. However, it's for a while I'll be looking for flukes...Over and over and over and over... BTW, inverted1 and Andufus and angelus--BTW angelus, good job--I could probably get them done tomorrow, as I want to. How's that sound? I'll pm you all when I'm done! And this should be fun! Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 18, 200718 yr Author Llamster, your story is pretty good so far...And the review is short, to match the stories shortness. But here. -- PART 1 Let us begin... The poor kid forgets where his house is. Wow. Even I'm not that lost! :^o Damn nose--Ahem. The beginning itself is short--short and sweet. 8-) You use a lot of large vocabulary--I like that. Your spelling is perfect, however, I'm marking you down for a little thing, as you forgot a quote mark in the third quote, fourth paragraph. So it nds on a good note--to me, I have no clue what's going on, and the story seems it'll turn creepy or mysterious at any turn. So. Your score all ready... SCORE: 59/60 AWESOME It's an excellent start. Short, however excellent, it starts off sorta...Creepy, and however it may turn out, it's doing good. \ PART 2 Woot! Part 2... I'm guessing he goes to a dwarven school. Now the story itself is getting weirder for me because I usually read "Hero kills evil and lives happily ever after things." However the change may be, the kids going to a creepy dwarven school where he can't even make a friend because he is absolutely the tallest kid. I'm tall. No, really. Chicks love the tallness. 8-) So he'll be fine. :lol: Funny aside--I loved what you did next. I pictured the world as outside, but it transitioned to a cave--the kingdom of Keldagrim was underground. It was a smooth transition, and from the looks of things, it'll only get better. Hmmmm....Yup. Your description fits magnificantly. It seems rather small there, only 500 feet? Hmph. I thougth a gargantuan city would need an awesome cave, like batman and the batcave :wink: And to end, there's a cute description of his mother doing the old "Be back before dinner!" Thing. It's truly a nice little scene that reminds me of Roseanne or The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. =D> SCORE: 60/60 FLAWLESS Fun is what is happening in this story. It shows pretty good description, excellent grammar and spelling, and of course, the Roseanne/Fresh Prince scene. Man oh man, does it bring back memories! PART 3 So the beginning always starts out good with you. In a nice Matrix scene, where random people are walking around with their animals and random birds fly on trees and blah. I was more interested in the vendor of the maps! He's evil! Evil! Oh wait, he's just...Selling a map...Um...Nevermind! :mrgreen: Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER put "Pun intended" in a story, even if it was intended. Rather, put at the end of the post, divided from the story "This part, blah blah blah, the pun was intended." Deduction! Sorry, but little things like that...Ugh. However. You are doing fine. Thusly, random mountains. They are the evil ones! They flooded the river! Evil! More funny aside...Another Roseanne scene! Lemme create a scene to match this! "So the river floodeded?" Karen asked with her mouth fall, random food bits flying onto Jake--I mean Jack's---Face. "Yeah, it was a boat canal," His eye twithched, more food flying on his face, "maybe tomorrow I should *Cough*Drown you in it*Cough*..." "That'd be gre--Hey!" :lol: Don't worry, I like being silly. What the hell? YES!!! ABUSIVE TEACHERS! "I'll get the cane! Buhahahahah!" That was halarious. Cripes, that'll be stuck in my head while I attempt to win a black trainer card in Pokemon Pearl! But that's just funny! Oh, and after threatened, there needs to be a space. Deduction! So he is at an all dwarf school. It's like me Gym Partners a Monkey...Except it's "My Gym Partner's a Dwarf!" Well...It's the perfect scenario for me...And I'm lovin' it. So I'll end like this: It's like Harry Potter, "Go away human" is funny. It's like Go away mudblood," except not as cruel. Woot! And we're done! SCORE: 58/60 STiLL AWESOME I...Must...Stop...LAUGHING!!! Indeed, the story itself was very funny, very good, and I love it. I simply cannot go without reading more! You are good, intending comedy or not! Finish! FINAL AVERAGE: 59/60 AWESOME Spectacular, and the library is growing, for you are a knight. So be it, I declare it so! And you shall like it! I Enjoyed writing it! Hope you enjoyed reading it! :twisted: See ya! Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 18, 200718 yr Any idea when my review will be up? My Tip.It Times Articles (10 and counting) || The Varrock Library Author Index projectDo you dare to dream? - Part 19 added. || The Hospital (WIP) - New story!Necromagus looks like a viking ... with glasses.
July 18, 200718 yr man! Sorry all! but I still won't be available until Sunday, I'm taking college classes so I can't be around... Sephy, sorry you are having to do most of it but I hope to be back soon. BTW, about your sig, did you know that it was three days because thats how long the jews thought it took for the body to be completely souless? So, in the three days, it was thought impossible for Jesus to come back. I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.
July 18, 200718 yr Author Any idea when my review will be up? Hehe, sorry, been busy all day, all week, for the past month...Ugh. And it's summer. I'll make your deadline date tomorrow, so it'll be available today or tomorrow. And good luck with your college work, Xewleehr. And I knew about that respawn thing, it's just [mildly] funny. Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 19, 200718 yr say Sephy, when is my next review up? I don't mean to complain, just to clarify n whatnot Hola
July 19, 200718 yr Author say Sephy, when is my next review up? I don't mean to complain, just to clarify n whatnot Oops, guess I didn't put up the deadline for everyone... EVERYONE, I'm going up north; therefore, I must do the reviews the 18th next week. I'm going away this afternoon, and Xewleehr is coming back Sunday. Clarify today who you want to do your review. Clear? Thanks everyone. Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 19, 200718 yr say Sephy, when is my next review up? I don't mean to complain, just to clarify n whatnot Oops, guess I didn't put up the deadline for everyone... EVERYONE, I'm going up north; therefore, I must do the reviews the 18th next week. I'm going away this afternoon, and Xewleehr is coming back Sunday. Clarify today who you want to do your review. Clear? Thanks everyone. groans uncontrollaby,
July 19, 200718 yr Author say Sephy, when is my next review up? I don't mean to complain, just to clarify n whatnot Oops, guess I didn't put up the deadline for everyone... EVERYONE, I'm going up north; therefore, I must do the reviews the 18th next week. I'm going away this afternoon, and Xewleehr is coming back Sunday. Clarify today who you want to do your review. Clear? Thanks everyone. groans uncontrollaby, This is the only way to make everything fair for...Everyone. I wasn't even aware that I was going up their, until a few days ago, suprise suprise... Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 19, 200718 yr say Sephy, when is my next review up? I don't mean to complain, just to clarify n whatnot Oops, guess I didn't put up the deadline for everyone... EVERYONE, I'm going up north; therefore, I must do the reviews the 18th next week. I'm going away this afternoon, and Xewleehr is coming back Sunday. Clarify today who you want to do your review. Clear? Thanks everyone. groans uncontrollaby, This is the only way to make everything fair for...Everyone. I wasn't even aware that I was going up their, until a few days ago, suprise suprise... fair enough it just seems quite a long time before i know if my story is any good, i aint getting much replies
July 19, 200718 yr either of you guys can do mine. Coz I have the next 3 Colours of War done and ready to go :D Hola
July 19, 200718 yr Hello! Could I have a review on what I have so far on my story please? It's titled "A Revolution". http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=679175
July 19, 200718 yr Author Great news everyone! I'm not going away 'till tomorrow because of the weather! So... Angelus, hope you are on tonight, cause I'm reviewing yours! Fists of ozzy, after him you. Necromagus has been patient, so I'll attempt to review it after. I dunno if I'll be tired or not...However, if I'm not...inverted1, then I'll do yours. And how bout you guys start reading my current story for a change? HMMMMMMMM??? :lol: I feel for you Angelus--no feedback, just makes ya wanna not do anything... :lol: No I'm serious. Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 19, 200718 yr Great news everyone! I'm not going away 'till tomorrow because of the weather! So... Angelus, hope you are on tonight, cause I'm reviewing yours! Fists of ozzy, after him you. Necromagus has been patient, so I'll attempt to review it after. I dunno if I'll be tired or not...However, if I'm not...inverted1, then I'll do yours. And how bout you guys start reading my current story for a change? HMMMMMMMM??? :lol: I feel for you Angelus--no feedback, just makes ya wanna not do anything... :lol: No I'm serious. I feel your pain, :pray: btw what time is it for you at the mo?
July 19, 200718 yr Author Great news everyone! I'm not going away 'till tomorrow because of the weather! So... Angelus, hope you are on tonight, cause I'm reviewing yours! Fists of ozzy, after him you. Necromagus has been patient, so I'll attempt to review it after. I dunno if I'll be tired or not...However, if I'm not...inverted1, then I'll do yours. And how bout you guys start reading my current story for a change? HMMMMMMMM??? :lol: I feel for you Angelus--no feedback, just makes ya wanna not do anything... :lol: No I'm serious. Gah....It's 4:25 here atm, New England coastal time. Hehe. Crap weather today. I feel your pain, :pray: btw what time is it for you at the mo? Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
July 19, 200718 yr Great news everyone! I'm not going away 'till tomorrow because of the weather! So... Angelus, hope you are on tonight, cause I'm reviewing yours! Fists of ozzy, after him you. Necromagus has been patient, so I'll attempt to review it after. I dunno if I'll be tired or not...However, if I'm not...inverted1, then I'll do yours. And how bout you guys start reading my current story for a change? HMMMMMMMM??? :lol: I feel for you Angelus--no feedback, just makes ya wanna not do anything... :lol: No I'm serious. Gah....It's 4:25 here atm, New England coastal time. Hehe. Crap weather today. I feel your pain, :pray: btw what time is it for you at the mo? okay as it's 22:00 where i am (Olde England) GMT. I'll prob read my review tomorrow
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