Worst Update Ever!!

[Kokagedragon]

No, this isnt a rant

 

 

 

This is just a thread where you post what you think would be the worst update Jagex could possibly think of.

 

 

 

For Example

 

 

 

July 8th, 2006

 

High Level Members Appeased!

 

 

 

Recently, we have heard many complaints from higher level players that we arent making enough igh level updates. Well, when we heard this, we decided to act.

 

 

 

Instead of making some new, fun minigame, skill or quest, weve decided to ban all high level players!

 

 

 

We here at JaGeX were bored and didnt feel like making new updates so we took the easy way out and we'll never face complaints from other lvl 90-126 players again!

 

 

 

 

 

In Other News

 

------------------------------------------------------

 

-The bug has been fixed where people got experience by doing the Tears of Guthix minigame. Previously, it was thought that you were supposed to recieve xp in your lowest skill, well, actually, it was supposed to TAKE AWAY xp from your highest!

 

 

 

The Dragon Full Helm looked kinda like a frog and kept poking people so we got rid of it, we didnt compensate for your loses,we just got rid of it.

 

 

 

Sorry for the misunderstandings!

 

JaGeX

 

 

 

This is a copy of KIng Warwick's thread on the RSB

[llamster]

August 2, 2007

 

 

 

As you all know, the autoer/gold farmer problem is becoming out of hand. The vast majority of the gold farmers rely on yew and magic trees to earn profits, so you will all be pleased that we have removed all yew and magic trees from the game, thus removing the issue. Also, we have removed yew and magic bows from the game as well as dragon woodcutting axes, as they have no further use.

 

 

 

In other news...

 

 

 

We have decided that the combat triangle is unbalanced, so we have removed ALL melee armour and weaponry from the game above adamant, and we have created an extremely useful spell that destroys every item in your bank.

[goldphishies]

Shouldn't this be in the General Discussions forum? It's a bit more in place there, as it's about runescape in general.

 

That and this isn't really a game....

[Retefael]

Fellow RuneScapers, it has been a long time coming. But it is finally here. The moment is here. We can now honestly say that the grass is now more realistic.

 

 

 

Gone are the days of wondering, "What is that green stuff on the ground?" It is now clearly obvious that it is grass. Walk with pride through RuneScape, knowing that you tread upon realistic looking grass. Sit and marvel at its beauty, simplicity, and greenness. Friends, we are one step closer to a more realistic world.

 

 

 

You all walk upon the realistic grass of tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh yeah and there's some dopey quest out, but who cares...

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

Shouldn't this be in the General Discussions forum? It's a bit more in place there, as it's about runescape in general.

 

That and this isn't really a game....

 

 

 

Well, you're right, I agree, I reported it, we will let the moderator or admin that reads the report decide whether or not it should be moved.

[tripsis]

Personally, I definitely consider this to be a game, since you're writing pretend updates. Now if you were just discussing possible bad updates, it might be better suited in General Discussion, but I think the writing pretend updates thing is what qualifies it as a game :)

[uwouldthink2]

We as the players of Runescape, i think would appreciate that JaGeX would not make a 'Worst Update Ever' But if they did, they would go after the economy.

 

 

 

New news on the rs website:

 

 

 

August 31,2007 We are bored.

 

'We are sorry to disappoint all the players of Runescape. But us at JaGeX are just simply bored of all this programming, and decided that golf is a much better choice for our social being. Therefore, there will be no more updates, and nobody will be able to subscribe to the members game.

 

We have also decided to crash the economy, just for the fun of it. We have taken away the following items:

 

-Any discontinued items, Robin Hood Hats, Ranger Boots, any Barrows/dragon armor.

 

 

 

:twisted: And just for fun, we decided to disable the herblore, prayer, magic skills, and we even took away any sort of transportation you could find! O:) So have fun walking everywhere, and pking. \

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

I'm afraid they already made the worst update ever. That update is a censorship full of junk, why else do you think I quitted RuneScape? I couldn't take any more of these unneeded words in the censorship. :x

[Rcty]

04-Aug-07

 

Runecrafting + Clan Chat!

 

 

 

Fellow RuneScapers, we bring you two brand-spankin'-new updates today that we're sure you'll enjoy!

 

 

 

We have finally released Clan Chat, this handy feature will allow you to chat with your clan, and only your clan. To begin this, you must go to a portal in the Wilderness and keep using the portals until you are randomly teleported to Clan Island (which is shaped like a C). Once there, talk to a Concierge and as to book a room, which should be the name of your clan. You will then be given a pass key with your room password on it, and nobody can get into the room but those who know your pass key, which would be your clan! Once you're in the room (a 9x9 for your luxury), the public chat box will be all from your clan!

 

 

 

We have also added an update to Runecrafting, which we are trying to balance out by making it slightly harder for Abyss runecrafters. A magical force has been added that now floats above the Wilderness Ditch, and it will block any person holding Rune Essence, Pure Essence, Talismans, Tiaras, or Runecraft Pouches from crossing! So what is there to do now? Tunnel! You will now need five buckets of water, for moistening the ground below you, a spade, for the actual digging, a Bullseye lantern, to see what you're doing, a tinderbox, to repeatedly light the lantern, five Magic logs, to light the lantern as it burns out a lot, and six Fishing explosives to blast through the thick layer of rock right under the ditch, and a fuse for lighting all of the Fishing explosives at once! The digging process will go like this:

• [*:71izhnmn]1. Dig a hole under the ditch on the side you begin on.
   
  [*:71izhnmn]2. Shovel all the dirt you threw everywhere into a nearby wheelbarrow and take it to the Barbarian Village dumb chute.
   
  [*:71izhnmn]3. Place Fishing explosives by the thick layer of rock under the ditch and then run the fuse by all of them.
   
  [*:71izhnmn]4. Light the fuse and run to the Edgeville bank within five seconds of the fuse ignition, otherwise you will die because of the high volume of flames.
   
  [*:71izhnmn]5. Use your shovel to tunnel straight up to the other side.
   
  [*:71izhnmn]6. Proceed normally.

 

All of this leaves you a whole eight spaces for your runecrafting equipment.

 

 

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

~Rcty

[Soothsayer]

:!: WARNING: Long-winded post ahead :!:

 

Do you wish to keep reading?

 

1. Yes, I'm not afraid of words!

 

2. Mommy!

 

 

 

(to remove this warning, read this post ten times)

 

 

 

 

 

:!: WARNING: Failed attempt at humor ahead :!:

 

Do you wish to be bored?

 

1. Yes, I'm in the mood for that.

 

2. Who does?

 

 

 

(to remove this warning, laugh ten times)

 

 

 

 

 

:!: WARNING: The following post was made by an inexperienced user with few posts and even less friends :!:

 

Do you think it will be worth reading?

 

1. Yes, I'm not picky.

 

2. No, you noob.

 

 

 

(to remove this warning, be my friend)

 

 

 

 

 

:wall: WARNING: Three warnings can upset you :wall:

 

Do you wish to read more warnings?

 

1. NO!!!!!

 

 

 

(to remove this wa...*punch* :-X )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lo and Behold the Scenes - September

 

 

 

In order to satisfy your need for longer and tougher quests, there will be none this month. This will give you time to explore what we already put in the game, and of course it'll give us time to translate the quests in sign language to Nigel, our chimp, for QA foolproofing. But fear not! We will be doing as many as 6 (count 'em - not three, not four, not even five, but six!) other kind of updates:

 

 

 

- On this month the following "monsters" will be bestowed the blessings of the makeover mage: rat (lvl 2), cavebug larvae (lvl 0), wall beasts, big fish (random event), gublinches, Postie Pete and Gadderanks.

 

 

 

- Rule #1 will be updated to prevent the words/expressions/acronyms "wtf", "noob", "newb", "omfg", anything ending with "ex", "lame" and any variations thereof, from being used in the game or in the official forums. The chat filter will be updated accordingly.

 

 

 

- Postie Pete, in addition to receiving an in-game makeover, will bring you his usual fan letters page to you. Read the exciting letters sent by your fellow players and payers, and the let-down replies by your favorite NPCs: the chaos elemental, the town criers, the security guards, miss schism, Brimhaven wild dogs, the moss giant's beard (didn't you know it's alive?), yew macroers (they're NPC's after all), that very articulate old man hanging around by the kalphite lair, and the tab character (a character that's not an available to players for typing, thus an NPC). Finally find the long-sought answers to questions such as if the sandwich lady brings food to wild dogs when they're training on players, if the chaos elemental is the ultimate worshiper of Zamorak and strength through chaos, if the moss giant's beard can be used as a substitute for ale yeast, and the thought-provoking letter of the month: can I have free stuff pl0x? And to finish this mouth- (and eye-) watering postbag, gather your wits and be ready for: The Wise Old Man's Spelling Contest.

 

 

 

- Yep, Postie Pete's been very busy this time, 'cause he's also bringing you (guess what)... a brand new and previously unreleased Players' Gallery! See the cute drawing little Lucy made for her kindergarten teacher of a three-eyed octopus fishing ducks, drawn with only one yellow pencil on a white paper (if you're wondering what's the connection with RS, it's the ducks). See a beautiful rendition in ASCII/UTF-8 Polinesian character-set art of one of the portraits hanging in the Varrok castle. See a still from a 3D movie tribute version of our newspage flash ad showing Pmods doing their job. See a beautiful sculpture of a player wearing what looks like full steel and a dragon helm, astonishingly made with only 5 forks, an apple and a lot of tape. And much, MUCH more! After seeing them, please send us your own so that we have better stuff to show next time. Pretty please?

 

 

 

- You've asked for it, and now it's finally coming out! We are updating player looks and character customizing! First of all, all players will be remodeled to look like kids, which is what most of you are anyway! You will all have big cartoony heads with big anime eyes, and yes, you get to choose your eye color! To change it, go see Aggie in Draynor and ask her about dyes. New and exciting emo hairstyles! Brand new emo emotes! Drooling-new clothing designs, including such fancy choices as cover-all infant creepers, baby-blue and baby-pink diapers, and shirt designs featuring Dim Pete, the friendly giant. With only hair style spelling the difference between male and female characters, we feel that verbal abuse related to a player's gender, as well as bf/gf requests, will be reduced by 99%, making RS a better place. Next month: all players get to have the same skin color.

 

 

 

- Congratulations to all the extremely creative players out there who have been faithfully and dullfully asking for years: horses are finally being introduced into the game! They can run at 4x the player's running speed, they block doors and small passages, they block your view, they lag your computer, they render most transportation methods useless, they give you total advantage over pking, they make all skills faster to lvl up, they are extremely buggy when used in conjunction with quests and POH (or any other house, castle, dungeon or closed space in Gielinor), they can be talked to with a horsespeak amulet, and they can alternatively be cooked with lvl 90 cooking.

 

 

 

I know you are excited as our own children are. Just you wait until next month, when we unveil Playpen Pete and his new amusement park.

 

 

 

We hope you enjoy playing the game as much as we enjoy reading the rants forum.

[Wugmasterx]

Here at JaGeX we got many complaints about how members worlds keep getting more and more crowded every time that someone joins. So we found a solution! We Banned everyone in runescape, except for jagex/player mods. There are now 9000 worlds, and the maximum capacity of each world is 1! And only 9000 people can join! And we have got many complaints about people cursing, so we removed all types of chat and all the emotes! Also, all the music has been removed. Also, we have noticed that some people names have letters in them! So we turned the names into numbers! And we also didn't like the minigames, so we got rid of them! Also, we have given all new players 9 black marks! We hated all those nooby passwords that people chose, so we have changed them all! Also, everyone starts at level 0 with level 1 in everything, including hitpoints! We have removed the prayer skill, the magic, ranged, and melee skill, and we put a level 3 noob in the middle of lumbridge that keeps swearing at people, so you can practice reporting people, and he never gets muted, ignored, or banned! also, we have removed all quests and acheivement diaries, and we have removed all items! How exiting! Enjoy! -The newest mod, Mod Idiot