Once upon a time in the wilderness, lived a dragon. Its claws as big as rune scimitars and its body four times as big as a cannon! It had three heads and lived in a cave under a maze and was visited by players everyday! They came there for advice or even to kill her! But one day it was time to mate with a male and die while her young grow strong and take over.

 

 

 

 

 

As she came out of her cave revenants and passing players screamed in terror and ran away. So, she just kept plodding until she found a male dragon. As she entered the maze red dragons were everywere! There were eggs in little mud mounds and egg shell cases about the place! It ment that the red dragons had already had their mating season, so she plodded on.

 

 

 

 

 

She came upon some green dragons. But they were all female, also very selfish. They called her names and and taunted her! (she killed them all :lol: ) So, she plodded on to try find one of her own kind. As she was walking though she fell down a steep cliff!!!

 

 

 

 

 

As she regained concousness she saw around her dragons! Not just any dragons though, Black dragons! She was finally at her destined mating place! She soon found a male, and was soon pregnant! Jagex closed down access to her liar under the maze on so that she could lay her eggs!

 

 

 

 

 

A month passed and it was time for her eggs to be layed. After they were layed she looked at them, but only one had come out! It was stripy and full of colour! this could not be possible she thought to herself. Another week passed and the lumbridge guide and the summoning master were at her liar trying to figure out what this was! It appeared to be a new form of dragon. This shocked the world (worlds) of Runescape and everyone was talking about the hatching!

 

 

 

 

 

As the King black dragon lay there resting her head on her huge talons, the egg moved! She looked at it for over half an hour. Then it moved again! She watched with exitment and fear, as a huge crack splintered up the egg. The whole thing shredded down and, upon the nest, was a metal, shiny, gold dragon!

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued...

(she killed them all :lol: )

 

 

 

This killed it for me.A writer should eleborate on this.Also,there wasn't much in terms of description,eh?Even in a short story one has to describe,even more so than in a book.

hehe i am just testin ma mind atm

 

its good that u replied tho :)

I am actually quite impressed. It's an alright story, not great but alright. But the thing I'm impressed with is that you actually used pretty good grammar. If you actually use this kind of grammar in your other posts, people might not be as annoyed at you.

Need more description about the events, but also I am amazed. If only you wrote like this all the time :roll:

I hated it. Descriptions were nonexistant, you laughed about someone dying???

I hated it. Descriptions were nonexistant, you laughed about someone dying???

 

 

 

Well, if this was halo, and I splattered someone with a rocket (I knoez, I got a splatter kill with a rocket O.o) I'd laugh. But in a story, unless the guy is a psycopath, I wouldn't laugh at that.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that the events are comical and absurd and yet the tone is completely serious.

Nvm actually.

You don't have to say "The dragon fell down a cliff." Why couldn't it be; "The dragon was exhausted and hungry, and had been travelling for days. As she approached the sea she felt a rumble in the earth beneath her feet, and slipped from the grass plateau onto the rocks below..." Well I know that's not perfect either, but you get the point.

 

 

 

I realize you know that what you wrote was not perfect, but "fell down a cliff" is actually preferable to that.

 

 

 

. . .

 

 

 

Let's see . . .

 

 

 

You used a smiley in a piece of prose.

 

 

 

You appended multiple exclamation points to multiple sentences, and the rest had just one.

 

 

 

It reads like a child's fairy tale. Like the one you would tell verbally to a three-year-old before bedtime.

You don't have to say "The dragon fell down a cliff." Why couldn't it be; "The dragon was exhausted and hungry, and had been travelling for days. As she approached the sea she felt a rumble in the earth beneath her feet, and slipped from the grass plateau onto the rocks below..." Well I know that's not perfect either, but you get the point.

 

 

 

I realize you know that what you wrote was not perfect, but "fell down a cliff" is actually preferable to that.

 

 

 

. . .

 

 

 

Let's see . . .

 

 

 

You used a smiley in a piece of prose.

 

 

 

You appended multiple exclamation points to multiple sentences, and the rest had just one.

 

 

 

It reads like a child's fairy tale. Like the one you would tell verbally to a three-year-old before bedtime.

 

 

 

Well, a 3 year old's bedtime story wouldn't have killing in it... But yea. Thats the point pretty well.

I dunno. I think with some plot development and fleshing out this could be a good story. No more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! however.

Yes!!!!!! NO MORE THIS!!!!!!! :lol:

lol. I think what issy said sums it up quite nicely. "Never stop chiseling your statue." I'll have to remember that.

lol. I think what issy said sums it up quite nicely. "Never stop chiseling your statue." I'll have to remember that.

 

 

 

 

 

But what if the chisel is busted and theres no more marble/stone left?

Then you get a new chisel and more marble/stone... i.e. start all over again. So make up a new story if yours crashes and burns. :woot!:

 

 

 

WHY DON'T WE HAVE A :woot: OR :woot!: EMOTICON? IS IT :w00t!: or :w00t: ?

 

 

 

GASP! THAR IS NONE! I SHALL HAVE TO INFORM THOSE IN THY GALLERY OF OUR DEFICIENCY!

 

 

 

/spam.

Then you get a new chisel and more marble/stone... i.e. start all over again. So make up a new story if yours crashes and burns. :woot!:

 

 

 

WHY DON'T WE HAVE A :woot: OR :woot!: EMOTICON? IS IT :w00t!: or :w00t: ?

 

 

 

GASP! THAR IS NONE! I SHALL HAVE TO INFORM THOSE IN THY GALLERY OF OUR DEFICIENCY!

 

 

 

/spam.

 

 

 

I was going to say my forum has one, but I remembered that its the same PhpBB forum as these.

ppl i have written a new story so no more postin on thi one uinless ur just bored and want to annoy me lol

ppl i have written a new story so no more postin on thi one uinless ur just bored and want to annoy me lol

 

 

 

Ok, well cob. this is the Varrock Library. We spell stuff in English all (well, 99%) of the time. ppl is not a word, i is not proper grammar, etc.

 

 

 

And, you can't tell us to stop posting on a story. Only a mod can tell us to stop. We read the stories, and comment on them - comments help you improve most of the time.

 

 

 

And, this was pretty well a bump. No one posted here for 10 days, so unless you have to add something to this story, please do not bump it.

 

 

 

Thanks,

 

Blue Jay

ok so how should i improve? the only thing thats making me do spelling mistakes is eitehr my keyboard or how fast im typing. and what im going to say now is this... im not going to work on this one so the ending is gonna be mysterious haha but u can always read my other story and im finishing that one today hopefully :D also.. i cut my finger the other daay so it stings alittle to type :'( but im still doin it!

 

 

 

 

 

P.S my signiture i cant remember but it dont show it :s

ok so how should i improve? the only thing thats making me do spelling mistakes is eitehr my keyboard or how fast im typing. and what im going to say now is this... im not going to work on this one so the ending is gonna be mysterious haha but u can always read my other story and im finishing that one today hopefully :D also.. i cut my finger the other daay so it stings alittle to type :'( but im still doin it!

 

 

 

 

 

P.S my signiture i cant remember but it dont show it :s

 

 

 

yes, you signature was removed because there is no alcholic references on this forum... unless you get that mod/admin a beer lol

 

 

 

And, I may suggest that you improve by typing in another program - or use a spell checker.