I don't know how or when to tell her. I refuse to sink to her level and text them to her, but I don't want to ruin the little bit of time I get with her or leave her with bad thoughts. I'm not even completely sure what I'd have to say.

If that's what it takes to actually communicate with her, then you'll have to.

If someone posts a game link I'll click it.

 

Oh, I will see Cyndi this weekend a tiny bit though. I've told her countless times, I take what time I get. We're going out to lunch Friday when I get home. I feel like if I tell her what we're doing she'll cooperate. Unless it interferes with god I mean Jerad

Play me in Draw My Thing: http://omgpop.com/i/drawmything/18fwsn_d8e1m

 

All fgers best report

That's a weird way to spell Jared.

-hugs fluff puff-

 

she doesn't understand what you're going through because you are there for her and you spend time with her. she;s not isolated and not alone. she's lucky.

 

more replies in red.

[hide=This one's a page stretcher]I saw Cyndi last night (and most of today) but just for a little while. I went home to make dinner, didn't know when I'd be leaving, didn't know if I'd see her again before then.

i don't see why you feel the need to put this in hide tags... but ok.

 

Well, when Cyndi bluntly stated (texted) that she won't be seeing me next weekend because her boyfriend is coming home, I was upset, of course. That reality was harder to face each time I faced it, and I had hope until that moment. I'd only told her I was coming home October 2nd and been looking forward to seeing her since that night. Her reasoning for going to see Jerad (or so she told me, obviously it was that she'd rather see him) was that I'd be home next weekend. It's completely unfair and stupid, and she's insanely lucky that I love her unconditionally; there's a short list of people I feel that way about, and I doubt she completely understands that since I haven't yet expressed to her how upset she's made me over time.

I honestly think she doesn't care about you as much as you care about her. i also think its because you love her unconditionally that you are in pain. i am a lot happier than i have ever been once i started putting conditions on my love.

eg i won't love the cat unless she lets me kiss and hug her sometimes.

i won't talk to my family anymore if im mad at them.

 

i honestly think you need to get mad at cyndi. she deserves it. if she prefers her bf over you.. that's fine. she doesnt deserve your friendship. not your pure feelings and unconditional love. not like i do. you need to love me unconditionally and forget about this cyndi. i'd never leave you for some stupid guy. i''d use him for sex and be with you... <_<

also i honestly will never get a bf who wasn't interested in being YOUR friend as well and hanging out with you as friends. good friends.. as well as someone who gives me private space to hang out with my friends.

 

her bf is obivously hogging her time because he thinks she's too hot for him and thinks she will come to her senses soon and dump his ass for someone much better.

 

 

As I was laying in bed pathetically crying about that, I thought of how badly I didn't want to come back here (my dorm). I really enjoyed my time at home. I liked being around the house, I liked having pets, I liked not having any responsibilities, and I liked having people I could talk to in other rooms or just next door. I missed the neighborhood and I missed my house. I didn't realize it until I was close to leaving. I feel so isolated here sometimes. I like being alone; I spend a lot of time alone at home, too, but I at least hear my family moving around or have my pets to keep me company. If I could have a cat here, I swear, so many problems would go away. I feel like a burden when I have to eat with Jessie and Seth because I have nobody else to eat with. I feel like they only spend so much time around me because they feel sorry for me. I feel invasive on their relationship, when really, they both like hanging out with me and their relationship is functional enough that they don't have to be alone together all the time.

even though you don't want to go back to the dorm.. you still have to. its your education. and you need to man up and complete it so that you can be independant. it's sad that you arejn't allowed to have a cat.. but that's life. most aprtment buildings won't allow pets. so you have to be prepared for that!

 

i think if i was in your shoes i'd feel like a burden if i had to eat with jesse and seth.. whomever they are. i dont make friends easy..and it takes me a long while to get accustomed to people. but here's the thing fluffy.. love is such a wonderful thing that it's like a magic penny.. if you lend it, spend it, give it away.. it will come right back to you. if you hold it tight and don;t share it.. you won't have any!!

 

jesse and seth.. whoever they are.. should be able to be friends with you and include you in their friendship without sabotaging their friendship.. just because you are there doesn't mean that they will suddenly be unable to have fun. :angry:

 

so stop thinking like that or else i will slap you!

 

I also did a lot of reflection on why I was home this weekend. Both my closest friends were over 4 hours away with their boyfriends and their boyfriends' families, while I went home on a weekend when my mom had to work 20 hours in two days. I went home because I felt too insecure to be without any of my "anchors". When I was at home, I couldn't even talk to any of them (while mom was working) because I was at a lower level of importance than any of the things they had going on. I didn't feel good about it.

life could be a lot worse.. a lot lot worse. you could have broken down, gotten a bf you don't even like.. and you could be four hours away from them spending time with your bf.. that you dont like..that you only got because they got boyfriends.

 

but you are mentally strong and this didn't tempt you.

Basically, the Cyndi thing triggered it, but everything that's been bothering me lately piled up and I cried it out and talked to my mom about it for a good 45 minutes or so. Once I was mostly calm, mom was talking to me about solutions and we decided that it's best that I seek a counselor here, since they've probably dealt with tons of people with similar problems. I don't honestly know what I want, and I don't feel completely confident that anyone can help me figure it out, but it's worth a shot. I have to look into that Wednesday afternoon.

things like that happen. that's life. if you need to see a counselor.. then do so.

 

Today was much better though; I woke up, kept my stuff piled neatly, and ended up hanging out with Cyndi for 9 hours. That girl doesn't know. I don't know how to talk to her. I'm going to spill everything to Jessie tomorrow morning because she's a more understanding person, but I need to find a way to talk to Cyndi. When I was talking about how bad I've felt lately, she zoned it out. She doesn't understand other peoples' emotions, so I don't know how to deal. We had one heart-to-heart once, and it's one of my fondest memories with her. I don't have the document, but I did my personal narrative on that last year. It's a really good reflection of my mentality at that time, and I can see the things I wrote out of anger because, when I edited it, I had recently fought with her. The problem is, that conversation happened almost two years ago, over the greatest winter break of my life, all due to her. So much has changed since then, much of it due to her current boyfriend. That's wrong, but that's reality right now. Today was still good though; it was pretty normal for us, babysitting her little brother, eating two fast food meals, doing random art (it's neighbor Josh's 21st birthday in about 20 minutes), calling burps, and singing obnoxiously in the car. I just hate that I don't have the balls to say anything and I crave normalcy so much that I don't confront my issues with her.

you should not be depending on cyndi for your happiness at this point in your life fluff. cyndi only cares about her bf. she will only spend time with you when her bf is not around. she's not the cyndi you once knew and loved.

 

i've never had a heart to heart with a rl friend.

 

most people don't have the balls to confront things that they fear might make things worse if they talk about it. :smile:

[/hide]

 

just remember that you have friends fluff.. me..and the other guys here.

We all love you fluff! And we'll always be up late wit you

-hugs fluff puff-

 

she doesn't understand what you're going through because you are there for her and you spend time with her. she;s not isolated and not alone. she's lucky.

 

more replies in red.

[hide=This one's a page stretcher]I saw Cyndi last night (and most of today) but just for a little while. I went home to make dinner, didn't know when I'd be leaving, didn't know if I'd see her again before then.

i don't see why you feel the need to put this in hide tags... but ok.

 

Well, when Cyndi bluntly stated (texted) that she won't be seeing me next weekend because her boyfriend is coming home, I was upset, of course. That reality was harder to face each time I faced it, and I had hope until that moment. I'd only told her I was coming home October 2nd and been looking forward to seeing her since that night. Her reasoning for going to see Jerad (or so she told me, obviously it was that she'd rather see him) was that I'd be home next weekend. It's completely unfair and stupid, and she's insanely lucky that I love her unconditionally; there's a short list of people I feel that way about, and I doubt she completely understands that since I haven't yet expressed to her how upset she's made me over time.

I honestly think she doesn't care about you as much as you care about her. i also think its because you love her unconditionally that you are in pain. i am a lot happier than i have ever been once i started putting conditions on my love.

eg i won't love the cat unless she lets me kiss and hug her sometimes.

i won't talk to my family anymore if im mad at them.

 

 

i honestly think you need to get mad at cyndi. she deserves it. if she prefers her bf over you.. that's fine. she doesnt deserve your friendship. not your pure feelings and unconditional love. not like i do. you need to love me unconditionally and forget about this cyndi. i'd never leave you for some stupid guy. i''d use him for sex and be with you... <_<

also i honestly will never get a bf who wasn't interested in being YOUR friend as well and hanging out with you as friends. good friends.. as well as someone who gives me private space to hang out with my friends.

 

her bf is obivously hogging her time because he thinks she's too hot for him and thinks she will come to her senses soon and dump his ass for someone much better.

 

I agree with wits that she doesn't deserve the unconditional love, but not the friendship is a bit much. I mean, it's only.. natural (right word?) that boyfriends/girlfriends prefer each other over friends. But yeah, get mad at her, like just go off

 

As I was laying in bed pathetically crying about that, I thought of how badly I didn't want to come back here (my dorm). I really enjoyed my time at home. I liked being around the house, I liked having pets, I liked not having any responsibilities, and I liked having people I could talk to in other rooms or just next door. I missed the neighborhood and I missed my house. I didn't realize it until I was close to leaving. I feel so isolated here sometimes. I like being alone; I spend a lot of time alone at home, too, but I at least hear my family moving around or have my pets to keep me company. If I could have a cat here, I swear, so many problems would go away. I feel like a burden when I have to eat with Jessie and Seth because I have nobody else to eat with. I feel like they only spend so much time around me because they feel sorry for me. I feel invasive on their relationship, when really, they both like hanging out with me and their relationship is functional enough that they don't have to be alone together all the time.

even though you don't want to go back to the dorm.. you still have to. its your education. and you need to man up and complete it so that you can be independant. it's sad that you arejn't allowed to have a cat.. but that's life. most aprtment buildings won't allow pets. so you have to be prepared for that!

 

i think if i was in your shoes i'd feel like a burden if i had to eat with jesse and seth.. whomever they are. i dont make friends easy..and it takes me a long while to get accustomed to people. but here's the thing fluffy.. love is such a wonderful thing that it's like a magic penny.. if you lend it, spend it, give it away.. it will come right back to you. if you hold it tight and don;t share it.. you won't have any!!

 

jesse and seth.. whoever they are.. should be able to be friends with you and include you in their friendship without sabotaging their friendship.. just because you are there doesn't mean that they will suddenly be unable to have fun. :angry:

 

so stop thinking like that or else i will slap you!

 

It doesn't help to feel sorry for yourself. I'm like you Zoe, in the way that I usually eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner by myself, occasionally with friends. But if you eat at a consistent time everyday, you'll eventually start seeing people regularly and vice versa. You'll get to know them if you can go and talk with them.

 

 

I also did a lot of reflection on why I was home this weekend. Both my closest friends were over 4 hours away with their boyfriends and their boyfriends' families, while I went home on a weekend when my mom had to work 20 hours in two days. I went home because I felt too insecure to be without any of my "anchors". When I was at home, I couldn't even talk to any of them (while mom was working) because I was at a lower level of importance than any of the things they had going on. I didn't feel good about it.

life could be a lot worse.. a lot lot worse. you could have broken down, gotten a bf you don't even like.. and you could be four hours away from them spending time with your bf.. that you dont like..that you only got because they got boyfriends.

 

but you are mentally strong and this didn't tempt you.

Basically, the Cyndi thing triggered it, but everything that's been bothering me lately piled up and I cried it out and talked to my mom about it for a good 45 minutes or so. Once I was mostly calm, mom was talking to me about solutions and we decided that it's best that I seek a counselor here, since they've probably dealt with tons of people with similar problems. I don't honestly know what I want, and I don't feel completely confident that anyone can help me figure it out, but it's worth a shot. I have to look into that Wednesday afternoon.

things like that happen. that's life. if you need to see a counselor.. then do so.

 

Today was much better though; I woke up, kept my stuff piled neatly, and ended up hanging out with Cyndi for 9 hours. That girl doesn't know. I don't know how to talk to her. I'm going to spill everything to Jessie tomorrow morning because she's a more understanding person, but I need to find a way to talk to Cyndi. When I was talking about how bad I've felt lately, she zoned it out. She doesn't understand other peoples' emotions, so I don't know how to deal. We had one heart-to-heart once, and it's one of my fondest memories with her. I don't have the document, but I did my personal narrative on that last year. It's a really good reflection of my mentality at that time, and I can see the things I wrote out of anger because, when I edited it, I had recently fought with her. The problem is, that conversation happened almost two years ago, over the greatest winter break of my life, all due to her. So much has changed since then, much of it due to her current boyfriend. That's wrong, but that's reality right now. Today was still good though; it was pretty normal for us, babysitting her little brother, eating two fast food meals, doing random art (it's neighbor Josh's 21st birthday in about 20 minutes), calling burps, and singing obnoxiously in the car. I just hate that I don't have the balls to say anything and I crave normalcy so much that I don't confront my issues with her.

you should not be depending on cyndi for your happiness at this point in your life fluff. cyndi only cares about her bf. she will only spend time with you when her bf is not around. she's not the cyndi you once knew and loved.

 

 

Agree with wits.[/hide]

 

just remember that you have friends fluff.. me..and the other guys here.

Orange.

Play me in Draw My Thing: http://omgpop.com/i/drawmything/18fwsn_d8e1m JOIN US MONK

It's easiest to complain about her, she's not what my happiness depends on. Jessie was saying how she wished Cyndi had picked me, but that was unfair of her to say; Jessie was also going away with her boyfriend, and it's stupid that everyone just depends on everyone else to take care of me. Do they know how I feel? Like a burden. Like a child who has to be babysat. It's good that Jessie at least cares that I'm taken care of, but they can't all depend on each other to make sure I have someone to depend on.

 

And I know I have you guys.

miaw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRnZtn1a9bM

Play me in Draw My Thing: http://omgpop.com/i/drawmything/18fwsn_djfiq

[bleep] seems to be censored in many places but not whorebag.

[bleep]ing lab report.

Abc, sleep.

ABC, DON'T SLEEP.

I slept great until now. I woke up to go potty and I'm suddenly not tired at all any more. I'll try to force myself back to sleep.

 

I opened Newgrounds in a new tab. It took a few seconds to load, so I came back to tif. It scared the shit outta me.

ABC

Play me in BallRacer: http://omgpop.com/i/ballracer/18g2ii_djfiq

Play me in Blockles: http://omgpop.com/i/blockles/18g2t4_djfiq

That game wasn't that great

I'lll race your balls.

Play me in Hover Kart Racing: http://omgpop.com/i/hoverkart/18g358_djfiq

Play me in Swapples: http://omgpop.com/i/swapples/18g3bm_djfiq