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ProtoGuy

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Did anyone else edit my paper cept Napalm?

Also self editing isn't as good as peer editing.

The once was a mexican called pepsi,

Or maybe it's just he had Hep C,

He was a pretty cool bro,

Bros generally are you know,

He hailed from the land of 'taters,

He was known to hate many-a-hater,

He likes a girl named Lacey,

His thoughts about her are kind of racy,

And also his dad likes to [rooster].

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Almost beat Dead Island.

The once was a mexican called pepsi,

Or maybe it's just he had Hep C,

He was a pretty cool bro,

Bros generally are you know,

He hailed from the land of 'taters,

He was known to hate many-a-hater,

He likes a girl named Lacey,

His thoughts about her are kind of racy,

And also his dad likes to [rooster].

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Mhm.

The once was a mexican called pepsi,

Or maybe it's just he had Hep C,

He was a pretty cool bro,

Bros generally are you know,

He hailed from the land of 'taters,

He was known to hate many-a-hater,

He likes a girl named Lacey,

His thoughts about her are kind of racy,

And also his dad likes to [rooster].

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[hide=for cola kid]First, I basically rewrote it; if you compare it to the original, you'll see what I changed. After I reworked it, I left notes at the end telling you what you need to do to improve it.

 

Whether marijuana is good or bad for the health of the world is a major issue. For recreational purposes, like smoking with your friends on a Saturday, my position is neutral; but I support using it beyond pure recreation, for medical and industrial purposes. Marijuana can contribute to the world in a better way if it is not only used leisurely.

 

Marijuana can contribute to the world positively due to its biology. Marijuana, being a somewhat common plant, consumes carbon dioxide and produces oxygen. With a high demand for oxygen and a higher demand for ways to reduce the amount of the greenhouse gas carbon dioxide that we push into the atmosphere, marijuanas photosynthetic abilities can help the environment.

 

Industrial uses for the lower-THC, wild relative of marijuana known as hemp could also prove useful. Hemp can be used in the production of paper and clothing. Hemp, which is often also known as ditch weed because it is found in ditches and farm fields, can be experimented with on an immense amount of items to strengthen material or give materials more durability. Although hemp is given a hippy image due to its relation to street marijuana, it is actually quite useful and used to be more commonly used. Its widespread growth in the wild shows how resilient a plant it is, and if all the hemp we find is used and processed rather than thrown away that would be a lot of material.

 

Medical marijuana should be used more often. Even though this may sound bad, it seems that many people would rather smoke marijuana than take pills. Marijuana can be used as a painkiller or to fight insomnia. Most people prescribed medical marijuana will likely take it at the prescribed times rather than overdosing or not taking it at all. Marijuana can also be used for people that have ADD by calming down the central nervous system, since it is a depressant. Marijuana can be an alternative to tobacco as well. More deaths are cause by tobacco, which is legal, than marijuana. If people switched then the life expectancy of smokers could be increased.

 

To make Marijuana legal, it will cause major change in the world. The positive outcomes of making marijuana seem to outweigh the negatives, so take a risk. Evidence could be seen in the paper industry, the medical field, and increased life expectancy. Steps should be taken to legalize marijuana.

 

NOTES:

>expand introduction; insert a story like you said you were supposed to, back up your opinions from the get go.

>check facts for first paragraph, all the detail I added was kind of bull; second paragraph, look up the history of hemp usage; for third paragraph, look up statistics and cite examples of where medical marijuana has worked.

>expand your thesis: clarify from the beginning what you are trying to argue. A three-part thesis statement will probably be good, saying something about how youll be writing about the plant/carbon thing, industry, and medicine.

>make your conclusion somewhat mirror your introduction, but use more specifics. Perhaps touch base with whatever story you put in the introduction.

 

-FIN-

[/hide]

 

@the image and pie's commentary: if she is a hipster herself and wants hipsters to die, she's pretty old. She's getting there.

/FG/First thread post to when I joined the family.

VR48f.jpg

[hide=Insert rant here]blahblahblahLIFE[/hide]

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>My face when 250 notifications from pìe

 

Also, pepsi, I strongly suggest you throw in a story of yiou using, and if possible, dealing and smuggling marijuana. It'll definetly make your argument stronger.

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