The Journey of Three

 

 

 

Chapter One

 

 

 

"Heads up!" yelled Lenali as a third volley of arrows sailed over the mote and plunged into the Dark Knight Fortress. Through the storm of falling arrows he peered over the second story wall to see a legion of soldiers, all clad in different shades of blue and green, marching toward the castle gates from the west. They were suppressed by rows of archers who threw wave after wave into the castle walls.

 

He lifted his blaze orange shield above his head just as another wave of arrows showered the castle, three glancing off his trusty dragon fire shield with an eerie ringing noise. Then, thrusting his staff in the air he chanted a short phrase and watched his summoned ball of fire scream down into the approaching warriors. With a metallic crash the spell hit its target and the tattered body sprawled across the rocky wasteland, never to take breath again.

 

Ducking back down behind the wall, Lenali hollered down to the defenders below to brace the gate. The now running soldiers stormed across the mote and prepared to smash down the doors. Glancing at the small pouch in his bright blue robes, Lenali realized that he did not have the runes to fight for long, and without telling his soldiers below, knew in his heart that his decision to try and defend the castle would lead to the death of his loyal men. He set his staff to fire its last spells, and then, to the knowledge of no one but himself, he slipped one other rune out of his pouch. This delicate magic stone was a law rune.

 

 

 

Chapter Two

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅPhhhsssss!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Well I like it. Not really enough to talk about anything though.

chapters 4, 5, & 6 now out. enjoy

Nice to see that the story is keeping up. Liked how you combinded Real Life and Runscape into one story.

 

Avian is the best character for me because he is similar to me.

i have a little secret... all these characters are me. I have three accounts, and each person in the story, well, the first letter in their name, is the first letter of one of my 3 accounts. Avian would be my main, and yes, the story is truely based upon my feelings of RS, all my accounts are free player (i hope to become a member once the summer rolls around) but as a free player, you are limited on what you can do, and all i have left to do is really pk. Well, i try to raise smithing, but thats like the hardest skill to raise once u get past 50 (some of yall may know what i mean). I also have been playing since early 2004, and all my old freinds have moved on and quit rs, one day your talking to them in private chat, then they log off and you never hear of them again. Yes i used to pk and hang out with them all, now they're all gone and im alone, yes ive made new freinds, but its not the same. This is why Avian is an old man in the story, a man who has seen better years, a man who is almost waiting to die because he has nothing left in his future. Well, ive written chapters 7 & 8, and i'll post them as soon as i finish 9, and i promise alot of wildy excitement these next chapters.

 

 

 

so if you would like to pm me in the game or something and mention the story, offer ideas, etc. my accounts are:

 

 

 

avian: aragorn f14

 

lenali: legolas f14

 

william: willpk4cash

Hmmm.. I like it! :twisted:

 

 

 

I find its a well put together story line. (A little offtopic but the story im working on uses my real name and my girlfriends name, So our stories have something in common. You use account names and I use names of people I know.)

 

 

 

Anyway back on topic.. I really like the plot to this story and you said that it wouldn't be better then mine? I don't agree with you there. This story is well above the level of mine in my opinion. I really enjoyed reading this.

 

 

 

Its full of action and humor and thats what I look for in stories.

 

 

 

Keep up the good work and I will await the next chapter. :D

OK! i added chapters 7, 8, & 9

 

 

 

just fyi, ive finished writing the whole story now, and all i have to do now is type it and post it. from this point on, I will be posting chapters one at a time now, probally 2 to 3 days apart. They are longer, and I promise, chapter 10 is great! now is when the story all comes together, so read and post your thoughts.

 

 

 

thanks

Lenali readied an arrow, but did not shoot it. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHe has enough to deal with as it is.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

gag! typing error! will fix now

 

 

 

any thing else?

Your "chapters" are a little short.

 

 

 

Really, you've got potential to do some very good work, but you're not writing enough to really engage me, and you're wasting it on what is essentially the same old, tired Runescape material, where the protagonists go around killing whoever they feel like without remorse or repercussion. Try to at least deviate away from the game and make the world seem more alive.

 

 

 

And to make a note of your title, if you think "nobody reads" your story, scroll down the board next time and have a look at how many stories have 0 comments.

Yes it is.

 

 

 

And please use more paragraphs! :

i agree, your chapters are short

 

but i cant tell you that its not acceptable

 

 

 

your not bad, but your not good either 8-)

 

 

 

unfurtunatly like some people here...

 

*points at himself* :wink:

Issy if you ere given a story that was one paragraph per letter you would demand more of them...

 

 

 

They are short chapters, and it is what people are used to. But then again its good because its not trying to break new ground, its not overly complexifide. Its an easy to read story, easy to follow and because its not huge chapters it is very readable.

wow, by simply changing the title, i got an overflow of posts (my evil plan worked)

 

 

 

well thanks for the coments guys, the idea behind the short chapters was to describe one person a chapter, so although the chapters are short, ive been releasing them 3 at a time instead of one.

 

 

 

this may be my opinion, but the beauty of writing about runescape is that there is already a setting in place. I can write short chapters and simply say something like "varrock square" and the readers know what im talking about, in a longer book, take C.S lewis's lion witch and wardrobe, lewis had to spend pages and pages describing this winter world in a wardrobe. or describing Mr. Tumus's hut, I can simply say "edgville bank" and everybody already has a mental picture of it, with out me having to describe it, making the story much shorter and to the point, so you dont have to read as much description, and more action.

 

 

 

chapter 10 will be out as soon as i type it... the story is finished and sittin on my desk waiting to be typed.

this may be my opinion, but the beauty of writing about runescape is that there is already a setting in place. I can write short chapters and simply say something like "varrock square" and the readers know what im talking about, in a longer book, take C.S lewis's lion witch and wardrobe, lewis had to spend pages and pages describing this winter world in a wardrobe. or describing Mr. Tumus's hut, I can simply say "edgville bank" and everybody already has a mental picture of it, with out me having to describe it, making the story much shorter and to the point, so you dont have to read as much description, and more action.

 

It may be easier, but it's part of the problem. If you don't have a good balance between description and action, the story quickly becomes trite and repetitive. When using an existing setting, you still have to describe things, otherwise there's just nothing new to see except "oh, look, there's someone here to kill".

 

 

 

The more description you write, the more engaging the story becomes. Confining yourself to the Runescape setting without adding anything new to it is boring, and lumps your work in with everyone else's, instead of making it stand out. Really, what you'd end up writing is just another "go here, kill this" story.

CHAPTER 10 UP! rest coming soon

 

 

 

Again, im enjoying all the feedback,

 

 

 

zonorhc wrote:

 

If you don't have a good balance between description and action, the story quickly becomes trite and repetitive. When using an existing setting, you still have to describe things, otherwise there's just nothing new to see except "oh, look, there's someone here to kill".

 

 

 

hey. Im gratefull for the feedback, i will use this all to help improve my writing. I do not in the least bit dissagree with anything you have said. I am just wondering... have u even read my story?

 

 

 

the reason i ask, correct me if im wrong, is because i have been puting detail and description in my story. I think so that is. Its not like im just saying: avian bought fish. He went to wildy. He hit a 15 and a 13 on william. william ate a fish. william shot an arrow. avian teled cuz hes a noob.

 

 

 

i am puttin quite a bit of detail in my story, its just, honestly guys, if i wrote an entire 700 page "return of the king" story and posted it here on the internet... would any of you read it? When i want long stories, i hit a library, when i want short storyies, i hit the library of zammorak.

 

 

 

well thx again guys, chapter 11 will be posted soon

OK!! chapter 11 is up and the whole story is typed!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i demand feedback :twisted: no seriously, all i have to do is paste the last chapters in. I will be puting the last in one at a time as to build suspense. I tried to make this last chapter super suspenseful (is that a word?) by adding a little twist at the end. well... wont post chapter 12 until i get at least a little feedback... im not happy unless I know somone read it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

thanks guys!

Heres your feedback

 

 

 

10/10

 

 

 

8-)

ok chapter 11 up, always enjoy feedback, no story forum is complete with out a comment from KChuges (hint hint) *cough comment will ya cough cough*

IT IS FINISHED

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the final chapters are up and i am waiting for feedback! the story speaks for itself.

It's nice. You should make a Part 2. :D

Definately a good read, although it got confusing at times.

im glad yall liked it! i love feedback. If you have any questions about what seems to be confusing you, by all means ask. I will be happy to explain confusing items and possibly edit the story if there seems to be a problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

well thanks for taking the time to read. as for a part two, im still considering it. Maybe i could do a prequil on just one character... thats what would be most likely

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

actually i like that idea! its your time to decide!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

every body who would like a prequil, post the character you would like it to be about, it will most likely be only one character. so please only vote once. great! im looking forward to this

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

if i do not recieve at least 15 votes from different people i wont do the story... so if u want another one, tell your freinds and vote.

This is were a cold silence sets in...people that ask for 15 people to reply are considered crazy....by actual crazy people.

 

 

 

Most people aren't all that bothered, its just a story to them. Although I would like Avien to have a back story.

Count me in! 8-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have got the characters now, it would be easier for you and the reader to just continue on a seperate story, with te same characters.