Pandora's Requiem

Chapter 1: A rib-steak, the Princess, Rufus and seeing a man about a horse

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅIt was only a rib-steak! Surely thatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s not a hanging offence!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Pretty good, had some comedy in it, I liked that. Not really much to say yet, storyline is yet to be developed, but I'll be sure to read the next part and see what happens.

P.S.- That;s the same way I go to get to the bathroom in my house. :lol:

Chapter 2: Country Life

Exiting the city gates after buying myself a new long sword, I stared at the map Rufus had kindly jammed in my pocket as he expelled me from the castle.

Looking at the map, I attempted to find ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅThe Great North RoadÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Hehe, great story, well written and funny. This place needs more new faces like you. The comedy in this one is great and there's not too much and not too little.

Can't wait to read more from you, keep it up.

Now, I'm going to have to set you straight there Rhys; this isn't my dirst story, I'm co-writing with Gaalsien in the SmokeEagle and Gaalsien Saga, (hehehe you're gonna die!!!) which can be found... here: http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=122495

So I'm not exactly a 'new face' he. :wink:

Anyway, thanks for the compliments.

Although I'm not co-writing this one. It's completely his fault, err, i mean story.

I knew I recognized the name (and the humour). Hurry up and right more, this is some good stuff. :D

Chapter 3: Arkdale

Shocked, I dropped my dagger and began to pace backwards, praying that IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d remembered to pack my demon-removal kit. Grasping my sword handle, I slowly drew the blade from its sheath, trying to make as little sound as possible.

As if somehow amused, the demon started to laugh then stopped abruptly.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅYesÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ you could become a problemÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâæÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Chapter 4: [girls] in the Wood

Exiting the Mouldy Loaf, Travis and I strolled along the road a bit and turned left, onto the path that led up the hill and into the dark (and rather scary) maw of the Arkdale Forest.

Pushing past a layer of leaves I was astounded by the state of the forest; half of it had been cut down and great chasms were cut into the floor, rather like huge man-made scars that hadnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t healed over time.

I just hoped the forest wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t too annoyed at man-kind.

Hearing a snarl to the left, I turned directly into the face of a Darkforest Dryad, these arenÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t your normal type of dryad, mind; they attack (and eat) anything with two legsÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ well, three; they donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t eat women.

I saw all I needed and was reaching for my sword when there was a loud bang and the DryadÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s face disappeared in a cloud of red mist two inches from my own.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅEepÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

You are hilarious. I love your story. Keep it up, because this is awesome.

very good keep it up

Hey Pandora, I'm Magicana_Drofulcus from RV!

Glad to see you have your story here as well!

Slight deviation from the forcasted chapter "Dungeons & Demons" as I've decided to split it into two parts so it isn't the HUGE chapter it was turning out to be...

PandoraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s Requiem Chapter 5 ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ Holy electrical sword bearing paladin Batman!

When the huge orc began running towards me, two things happened; firstly, Travis was forced off of the cliff by the with a yell by the sheer number of the Orcs surrounding him, secondly, I dived to my left, rolled and came up behind the beast and cleaved into its flank with a neat backhand stroke.

My sword got lodged in its skeletal structure somewhere and it took a great deal of effort to pry it loose, it came out with a satisfying ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâshlurpÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ sound.

Hearing the sound, the several remaining Orcs turned around to face me and began yelling, banging their weapons on the floor. I began wondering what was going on.

Well, until another, even bigger Orc walloped me on the back of the head with a sickening crack, sending me crashing face down in the leaf mould.

Ouch doesnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite cut it.

There was more yelling and I closed my eyes, resigned to my fate, there was a swish of foliage being parted, a human battle cry, the swish of a sword, a zap sound which made my hairs stand on end and the sounds of bodies hitting the floor.

I opened my eyes and stared into the face of a rather pretty young lady with white hair, wearing a black tunic with white trim and holding a sword which had an electric current running up and down it.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHalloÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Ok... it's more than two bits due to the additional content I'm adding. Joy(!)

PandoraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s Requiem Chapter 6 ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ Shoplifting, Paladin style

After a few minutes walking I stopped, suddenly realising that I had no healing equipment at all (not even a meat pie). This meant that if I got disembowelled horribly (as is wont to happen) IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d have no way of getting myself healthy enough to run away at a decent pace.

Gina carried on a few paces.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHey, whatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s up?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

you remind me of Terry Pratchet

Pandora's Requiem Chapter 7: DUNGEONS AND DEMONS (Finally!)

Strolling further along the canyon I came to a small orchard surrounded by a wooden fence. At the gate, a large orc guard stood staring straight ahead and clutching a very large wooden club.

"You no look like orc"

"Erm... well, I am an orc"

"Well, ok den. Me guess you would know..."

The brute glanced over at Gina

"Hur" it grinned in triumph, "Pretty lady not orc"

"Pretty lady?!" began Gina, drawing her sword, "I'll have you know that 'pretty lady' is a 5th level Black Paladin who is about to open up a can of whup-[wagon] on yo' green behind!"

There was silence apart from the soft crackle coming from Gina's sword.

I sighed, "Nice work"

"Oops,"

The orc grinned oafishly.

"Ok, youse wait there while me go tell da boss dat youse here."

"What?!" gawped Gina, "Are you st- Mmpf"

"Sure!" I smiled, clamping a hand over the mouth of the protesting paladin, "We'll stay right here. Off you trot"

Against all odds, the orc managed a passable trot.

"Well, I think that went well

"MMPF!"

"Oh sorry," I replied, removing my hand from Ginas' face.

-----------------

Entering the underground temple that had previously been occupied by MummyLovers LTD we crept along a passageway until it opened out into a large room, which was empty apart from one man wearing a loincloth. Gina drew her sword.

"Put it away" I sighed,

"He could be dangerous!"

I glanced over at the man, he was rocking slightly as if drunk and had a vacant smile.

"Put it away"

"He's heavily armed!"

Again I glanced at the man. He was wielding a daisy.

"Put it away" I said through gritted teeth,

"I have REALLY bad hay fever!"

I grabbed the sword form her and rammed it into her sheath.

"Do you want to kill EVERYTHING you see?!"

"No..."

"Then wh-"

"...just MOST things."

I stared at her.

"Why?! Are you psychopathic?!"

"I prefer the term ' infused with religious zeal' "

Sighing, I took a step into the room.

With a huge roar of "BY THE POWER OF SPROUTS!" the man held the suddenly-quite-imposing-after-all flower above his head and rushed towards me.

As he grew nearer Gina leapt out of nowhere and plunged her sword into the unfortunates' flank,

----------------

A minute later we were both standing over his corpse. Gina was smiling.

"Told you."

"What the hell was that?!"

"A Greenpeace berserker," she stated

"And...?"

"They gorge themselves on a very potent mushroom and attack everything in sight."

"With daisies?!"

"Not always. I've seen one armed with a lily defeat an entire troop of heavy infantry."

"How do these mushrooms work?"

"Magical properties."

I blinked.

"Magic mushrooms eh?" I grinned, nudging her

"Yes. Quite."

-----------------

Descending another flight of stairs into the bowel of the temple I was surprised to see the architecture take on a more generic ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹Ãâevil dungeon' feel. The second thing I noticed was that the area had very small doors.

"So, this place is celestial, eh?" I grinned

"Yup. It's a nice place."

"IT HAS LAVA FOR PETE'S SAKE"

"Who's Pete?"

"Ok. Cheap joke."

"Sorry."

On the other side of the lava, the ruins opened up again into a large cavern with a pedestal in the middle. The walls... the walls had...

Gina picked me up after had finished retching.

"Are you ok?" she asked with a genuine look of concern

"They're... they're...!"

"I know."

"My gods! It's terrible!"

"Ok. Maybe the place is a LITLE bit evil."

"A little?!" I screamed, "THOSE ARE BACKSTREET BOYS POSTERS!"

I drew my sword and focused on the figure standing on top of the pedestal who was chanting whilst making some complex finger movements in the air.

"Quickly!" hissed Gina, hefting her own blade, "Before he completes the ritual!"

With a yell I sprinted across and swung m sword with one hand, imbedding the steel deep into the wizards' clothing. There was a scream.

I turned towards Gina who glanced down towards the writhing man.

"Nicely done she conceded, kicking him.

"Thanks."

There was a chuckle from the ground.

"Your order is too late, again!" grinned the wizard

"Oh? Well Mephisto, you're on the floor half dead and there is a distinct lack of giant-red-thing-ness"

"Nooo..." he shook his head and pointed, "Look."

We looked and there was a rapid scuffling from below us. Glancing down I saw the wizard complete a hand gesture.

The very earth trembled and there was a noise that can only b transcribed as 'HRUUUUGH!'

Standing before us was a slightly familiar red creature with a name tag that read "Hello, my name is XANOS. I will be destroying your world this epoch'.

"What the heck?!"

"That," sighed Gina, "is a demon"

Only one thing remained to be said.

"Oh feck"

Damn those ecowarriors.

BTW, OMG that's a lot of spelling errors.

[wagon].

*Bumps good story*

No need to bump old posts.

It can be easily found using search :wink:

~Alduron

Edit: My bad ;) post unlocked happy posting :)

Amazing!!

Really clever, liked the comedy! Keep it coming!

Well, since SmokeEagle seems to be lagging somewhat in his updation...

Pandora's Requiem Chapter 8: Apocalypse Next Wednesday

I opened my eyes after what seemed like an eternity and did a double take of the small child-sized, tomato-red imp that stood in the middle of the summoning circle. Its two oversized wings flapped uselessly as the being tried to fly.

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅAre you sure thatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s a demon?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Haha. Great commedy and ty for taking over the story. It always annoys me when someone leaves a storty half done.