Harakiri

Just post or Pm...I want my fans to have some input cuz they probably won't like my decision!

This topic will be ended if I work on Snake and Noob some more. I also have another story in mind, but I don't know if it will interest any of my funny story readers. This one is serious and pretty violent. It is a terribly long series that I wrote for 5 years when I was a kid. The funny thing is...now that I look back at it, it was damn good for a kid. I don't know what anybody wants but this is a poll: The blue jay files Snake and Noob Guns and swords (Series I mentioned) Which two would you choose cuz I will not work on 3 stories everyday.

you guys answered back pretty fast.

Here is my question to all my devoted readers. SHOULD I CONTINUE SNAKE AND NOOB ON HERE? I have not mentioned much on the random show so lets ask Archimage and Blue Jay and powerent and lya_Helix and Unoalexi and everyone else. SHOULD I KEEP THIS THREAD GOING WHILE WORKING ON THE RANDOM SHOW AS WELL?

NOW FOR A SHOW CALLED: THE RANDOM SHOW EPISODE 2 JUST ANOTHER EPISODE Hello and welcome to another exciting and pathetically written episode of the random show. We will start by making fun of cartoons today. First, let us read this letter from: CARTOONGUY It reads: MAKE FUN OF A CHILD ANIME! That was a broad topic. Here are some of the best: NARUTO: Naruto: I will defeat you Master Kakashi, believe it. Sasuke: Oh for gods sake will you shut up with that? Naruto: What? Sasuke: Saying Believe it all the time! You are beginning to sound like Yu-Gi-Oh when he is all like "Heart of the cards." Naruto: Oh yeah? He says that more than I say believe it! YU-Gi-OH: Joey: What is it Yugi? You look like you are seeing your mom stripping in front of you! Yugi: Someone just dissed the heart of the cards! Tea: Well maybe if we put our hearts together... Kaiba: Oh, shut up you annoying freak! Tea: OH. My heart... Kaiba: No more talking about hearts...you are so girly...go watch more Hello Kitty! HELLO KITTY: Cat: Hi everyone. Uh...Meow? THUNDERCATS: Cat1: I hear a cry for help! Cat2: This show sucks. Cat3: Why are we in this show anyway? Cat1: We are getting paid a little less than minimum wage for doing this. Cat3: Why do we need money? Cat1: We live in a damn stone dungeon! ONE PIECE: Luffy: Gum-Gum... Nami: Why the hell are you all obsessed with gum-gum? Luffy: I don't know... Nami: WHY DON'T I GET GUM-GUM? Sanji: You can have my... Zolo: This is a ************ kids show! BO-BO-BO: How the hell do we make fun of this show? HIKARU NO GO: Guy: Which freak had the idea for this? Other Guy: A show about playing go...Now thats just plain stupid. Guy: So are all the other ones about sports. PRINCE OF TENNIS: Kid: Why am I starring in a show about tennis? Isn't that kinda gay? Me: Well you can blame the guy who writes these stupid as hell comics and T.V shows... O.K...That is enough. Now then...Here is THE DOCTOR: Doctor: Thank you for allowing me this interview. Me: Why, you are welcome. Now what is your real name? Doctor: The Doctor. Me: You can tell me. I know about you man. Your Tardis... Doctor: Oh crap! Me: Don't point that sonic screwdriver at me! Doctor: You are THE MASTER! Me: No I am not, I am just a bloody A&E biography interviewer! Now for something even more random: JAMES BOND 007 in: James Bond: I could not think up a cool title Bond: M. How are you? M: Fine except for my sex change. Turn from an old man to an even older woman. Bond: That must of been painful... M: Oh, Connery you old twit! How did they let you into this movie anyway? Bond: I let myself in. M: What just happened? Where did you go Bond? Bond: Here I am. M: Lazenby? By god...How did they let you back after that pitiful Bond movie? Bond: I am not Lazenby. M: Moore? Bond: Yes. I am Moore. M: What are you doin... You look so terrible since I saw you last 007! Bond: How? M: You are fat as hell! And that wart on your face has wrinkles... Bond: Screw you M! We are leaving! Now for something related to Runescape. NOOBSCAPE: Welcome to Noobscape. Formerly known as Runescape. Our Motto here is: No matter who you are you are a noob in someones eyes. Here in Noobscape you can partake in fun activities such as: Castle Wars: The war of flames begins. Flame people in order to allow your king to steal the enemies flag. And don't go crying in a corner you big wuss! Al Kharid Duel Arena: Come into the arena and fight against high level people! These people consider you a noob and want you to risk high amounts of money. Risk all your well deserved money here. Tai Bwo Wanna Cleanup: Thats right! You can now see how fast you can macro here! Macro as you chop teaks! No gate anymore! Just enter and whoever macros the fastest wins a jagex seal of macroing approval! Pest Control: The Noobs (You) Are fighting against the Choobs (may be you). Fight in very unfair challenges! Your macroer can now chop trees and use them to build a bonfire! They now get firemaking XP too! The Wild: More fun as you kill each other. Come to the wilderness agility course and kill people who don't have anything on them but food! Come to the abyss, where killing runecrafters is fun! And also come to the lever building, where you know you gotta stalker on your hands. This place is not suggested for macroers. TOMMORROW: NOOBSCAPE MAKING FUN OF OTHER STUPID STUFF!

THE RANDOM SHOW: EPISODE 1 Randomness is good Hello and welcome to the first normal episode of the random show. Today, we explore politics and other amazing things. Mostly stuff you could give a pigs [wagon] about. Our first topic is from a fan named: ANONYMOUS A great name and a better letter. He asked DEAR RANDOM SHOW, Can we see a skit of you making fun of Harry Potter? Yes! We will make fun of Harry Potter. Here is: A Day in the office with the harry potter kids: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE DORKY KID WHO'S A STUPID LOSER KID THE CHOSEN ONE LIKE ANAKIN? MUST MEAN HE IS GONNA COMMIT A SIN HARRY POTTER IN THE OFFICE!!!! Harry: I just finished my report to Gringotts about the mysterious disappearance of all that wizard money. Ron: Its all right to say it Harry, I am over laughing when you say it. Harry: Fine. The person who made the money disappear stole all the knuts. Ron: Ha HA HA! You said... Harry: We need to be more mature.We are 36 years old and well... Ron: Harry, you are a true dork. Harry: Why did you say that? Ron: I just had to let it go after all these years. Harry: Oh yeah, well I slept with Hermione one night a couple years ago. Ron: My wife? Oh yeah, well I slept with your wife a couple weeks ago. Harry: Ron, my wife is your sister. RING! Harry: Hullo? Ginny: Harry, I am pregnant. Harry: Excuse me while I tell Ron something...Hay Ron, your youngest daughter is mine. Ginny: What was that? Harry: You heard me woman! Now then, DIE RON! Ron: Can't we just exchange the kids to each other? OW! Your wussy dork punches are hurting me! Ginny: You guys are magicians are you not? Ron: OH YEAH! Harry: I am not, I AM A WIZARD! Ginny: Oh damn you and your role playing games Harry! Just because they call them Wizards in Dungeons and Dragons does not mean that that is what we are. Jerry: Hi there. Jerry Springer here and... THAT WAS QUITE RANDOM WAS IT NOT? Jerry: Will you hush? AND NOW FOR... Him: Another skit? Oh excuse me a moment. Hi, my name is Gimli. Is your child throwing a party and you want one of those cute little midgets to come and do stupid things? Well DON'T ASK ME! I think you are abusing us... Him: And now its time for blackmail! Hello, Mr. Jackson? Your wife is in the audience and we have a couple of people over there with her, about to break her finger. Now the only way to stop this is by sending 5,000,000 dollars to the following number. Priest: I hate this show! So much sin! Him: Hello I would like to get married. Priest: Well I am married but divorce is not to hard. Him: Well, I have a fiance... Priest: Oh, well we can both divorce at the same time! Wouldn't that be exciting! Him: I can break up with her, not divorce her. Priest: You guys hate each other that much eh? Him2: Excuse me priest but will you marry me? Priest: Well, you will have to get in line sir. This gentleman here is gonna marry me and divorce can take a while. =D> =D> WOOT!!! YAY!!! BRAVO!!! Now for a last letter from: YOUGUYSARESTUPID It reads: Dear Stupid People, If you do not do a star wars spoof I will hate you forever. Well here you go: A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY CALLED HOLLYWOOD STAR WARS Lucas: My name is George Lucas and I am writing a new Star Wars movie titled: STAR WARS: C3PO IS GAY? Lucas: Reading this will tell you everything about 3P0. Including his favorite sport, favorite soap opera, favorite song, and favorite circuit to touch. Buy my book. You will anyway cuz' I just used the force on you! SUCKA! Him: Lord Vader! He is not writing a book about you! Vader: Lucas will pay! Him: But where is his planet? Vader: In the outer rim. Some Place called "EARTH" Him: I have never heard of it sir. Vader: It is a planet home to humanoids. Him: So? Vader: I am just trying to sound smart. Him: Should we go to hyper space? Vader: Lets. Him: :-w Oh...here we are. Vader: Get the storm troopers set! Troop1: And then I said, "The only reason I am doing this interview is so I can get revenge on my family" and Vaders like "Who killed them?" And I am like "You". And thats how I ended up in the garbage compactor. Troop2: Good story. Troop3: Can I please squish them? Troop4: No...Those are paid actors. They are trying to do a show... Cameraman: I caught that on tape! Troop3: Lets throw that guy in the compactor, who cares if we kill those two useless actors. Troop4: Yeah! Lucas: Oh My God! Vader has come for me! Vader: Lucas come with me, write a book for me and I will train you in the ways of the dark side. Emperor: get out of the way my stupid apprentice. Lucas: My characters are... Emperor: No we are not real, we are just figments of the force. Lucas: What a terrible dream. Hay Blue Jay, roomie... Emperor: Blue Jay, wake up. Blue Jay: But you wiped me out last... Oh Georgie buddy...Uh...its not what you think. Kill him baby. Lucas: AUGH! WAIT A MINUTE! THE SHOW IS OVER! THANK THE LORD! THE END. =D> YAY WOOT YAY! MORE RANDOMNESS NEXT EPISODE!

No replys to my previous post? Where is everyone? THE RANDOM SHOW THE BLUE JAY FILES (Another episode brought to you by: The Brain Disease Research Clinic. Blue Jay Files is a fine reason to donate money to us.) I was soaring in midair. A sensation that only a bird should feel. WEE! AT THE OTHER CASTLE: Him: What the hell is that? Him2: I think thats a giant lump of dung. Him: Really? Him2: Yeah. Well I made it and fought valiantly until I died by some guy gagging me with rope. Him: You came back? Me: Yup. Him: Wheres the flag? Me: Up my [wagon]. Him: Really? Can I check? Me: Burn in hell. Him: O.K. So I decided to run upstairs, but there were like 20 barricades in the way. Me: You set these up did you not? Him: No that was Snake. Me: Where is he? Him: I dunno. In the distance: Snake: Defend Helms Deep! Me: Why does he all of a sudden have an interest in the Lord Of the Rings. Him: He does? Well, the original was better. Me: There was no original movie. Him: Yeah there was. Me: The book. Him: Yeah. Now that was some good stuff there. Me: Can you even read? Him: No, my dad used to tell me stories. Me: Which one is he telling you now? Him: The Lion, The [bleep], and the Wardrobe. Me: -.- ... Uh, your dad still reads you stories? Him: Yeah. Me: About a [bleep] and a wardrobe? Him: And a lion fur coat. Me: Are you in any way gay? Him: You wish! I was about to scream until Snake ran up the stairs. Him: What is it Snake? Me: Yeah! Snake: No, "Yeah" is not what is going on. we did to get under the castle. Him: O.K. Snake: Follow me... CRASH. Snake: Man, I think I broke my leg. I will try to move using the one I did not break... CRUNCH Snake: Oh god...the pain. Me: What the hell was that? Snake: I am back from a very painful death. Me: What the hell has happened? Snake: Well, I tripped and... Me: No! What has happened to everyone? Snake: Oh god, everyone else. Him: We must save them! Bad guy: You will not! Him: Holy lordie! The CHIEF OF POLICE! TO BE CONTINUED

THE RANDOM SHOW THE BLUE JAY FILES (Don't think I write this from my mothers basement) It was the day we had been waiting for. Castle Wars day. Noob Police against the police. We would win. Once we were on our separate teams, the battle began. Him: O.K people we have to devise a plan. Me: Kill everyone in our way as we steal the flag. Him: No. We will all defend our flag. Me: Don't we want someone getting the enemies flag? Him: Yeah, you. Me: ME? Him: ARE YOU DEAF? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Me: YES! Him: Good. And so the battle began. I grabbed some band aids. Him: What the hell are you doing? Me: Getting some band aids. Him: What the hell are you? Me: A human. Him: No other than that. Me: A mammal. Him: NO! Me: For gods sake man I am not deaf. Him: WHAT? Me: Go away. I exited and fled down stairs. Him: Why are you taking the stairs? Me: To get down. Him: Only old people use stairs. Me: Than what do you use? Him: Ladders. Me: Really? Him: Yeah watch. He walked out of the room we started off on. Him: Damn! I should have known that you don't slide down it. I ran down the stairs only to meet a barricade. Me: Which [wagon] put this here? Him: Me! Me: Why? Him: To protect our flag. Me: Oh god here comes someone! Him: Where? Oh please don't! AUGH! Bad guy: Ha HA HA! Me: I am gonna kill you! Him: No I am... Bad Guy: How the hell do you trip over a barricade? Me: I don't know! Hay, Blue Jay tipped it over! I have escaped! Bad Guy: And I shall sill you! Snake: Hay look everyone I am Legolas. Snake was acting stupid and sliding down the stairs on his shield. He at the bottom step he flew threw the air and somehow the shield decapitated the bad guy. I ran up to the wall and saw our mages. And Blue Jay. Him: Come on! Help us attack! Me: I can't use range or mage! Him: Well, neither can I! Me: How are you helping then! Him: By doing what Yu-Gi-Ohs friends do. Me: What? Be gay? Him: No! Encourage him! Me: With what? Him: Watch. Go young man go...what are you doing? Don't kill him he is one of ours. Baddie: You are aware I am a bad guy. Him: Maybe. This ended with Blue Jay's death. But upon return... Him: You killed me! Baddie: And I will again. Him: No you won't! Baddie: Band-Aids? Him: Yup. Baddie: How nice of you to patch me up...my eyes! Him: Ha, now lets use this cannonball... Baddie: What? OH PLEASE DON'T! Him: Bye Bye. Baddie: Bye Bye? who says that any... AUGGHHHHH! Blue Jay stuffed the cannonball down that guys throat. He chocked to death. The next phase: Him: You. Me: Me? Him: No you? Me: Yes that is me. Him: No not me i am addressing you. Me: Who? Him: Close, You. Me: What? Him: A little off. Me: Huh? Him: No... Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT? Him: God, I am just trying to teach you something. Me: I DON'T NEED LESSONS FROM YOU! WHY ARE YOU ACTING STRANGELY THIS EPISODE? You guys are usually less stupid. Him: Now then. Heres the plan. We will launch the catapult like so. He set it off with a rock in it. AUGHH! Me: Good God! You killed one of our own guys. Him: So? Me: Don't you care. Him: Whats it matter to you? Me: Whats the plan? Him: We will shoot you at the enemies base! Grab their flag! Me: O.K. Just don't aim me somewhere else. Him: We will try. Me: You saying that is reassuring. Him: Really? Thank you. Me: You know I am being sarcastic? Him: Whats that mean? Me: Look it up in a dictionary. Him: Whats that mean? Me: Just shoot me off! And thus the chronicles of the noob police vs. the police fires up. Prepare for more next episode. The first part of the battle of the police is on!

WOW... I got my computer to work long enough for me to write another fun adventure! THE NOOB POLICE NEED MONEY! A BLUE JAY FILES SPECIAL EVENT Blue Jays attempt: Voice: THIS IS...Jeopardy. Him: I am Archimage and today we will figure out random and pathetically hard questions. Blue Jay gets first choice. Blue: I pick stopping noobs for 100. Him: These people are police, specializing in stopping noobs. Blue: Uh, the Bush Administration? AS YOU CAN SEE HIS FIRST ATTEMPT DID NOT WORK. Voice: WELCOME TO THE PRICE IS RIGHT! Him: I am Archimage and this is the Price is Right. Here is our first item up for bid. Voice: This beautiful blue police box that seems to be unlockable. Audience: OOOOOOHHHHHH!! Voice: Its uh, Blue and Uh...just bid! Blue: 500 fivers Archimage. Him: What? Blue: Learn your math. Him: Learn to play. Some guy: You guys need to learn to not take things that are not yours! Him: Who are you? Some guy: The doctor. Him: How'd you get in? What is that? Some guy: A sonic screwdriver. Him: Whats it...Ouch. Some guy: Oh, hello. He is just knocked out. And i would run if I were you. Blue: You are funny. Some guy: Bye then. Robot: EXTERMINATE! BLUE ESCAPED BY THROWING A RACCOON AT THE GARBAGE CAN SHAPED THING. SNAKES ATTEMPT: Him: Welcome back to wheel of fortune. The clue is "Saying". PLEASE -UCK ME -- Him: Snake would you like to answer? Snake: Uh. *************************** Audience: Oh my god! Him: NO NO NO! Snake: What? Him: There go our ratings. Ann you want to answer? Ann: Please tuck me in? Him: Thats right! SNAKES SECOND ATTEMPT: Snake: Step right up. Lots of fun! Play my slot machine. Kid: Can I try mom? Mom: After me honey. AFTER 50 ATTEMPTS: Mom: This is rigged! Snake: Why do you say that? Mom: The slots don't even move when I pull the lever! Snake: Oh, well, I gotta go. MY ATTEMPT: Me: I am ready for this fight. Sumo: [garden tool] Hee Ha! Me: Grr! Sumo: GRRRR! I AM IN THE MIDDLE: ).) Goodbye dear world. CONTINUE GIVING US YOUR SPARE CRAP AND MORE NORMAL STORIES COMING NEXT...AS LONG AS WE GET SOME STUFF. AND THANKS FOR THE BOX OF AIR ARCHI...REALLY USEFUL.

what a good story...full of action adventure romance...

:shock: :shock: :shock: Blue jay finally responded to a story about himself. YAY!!

THE NOOB POLICE TELETHON!!! Yeah, welcome everyone to the second annual Noob Police Telethon. Me: There was a first one? Some guy: That was last year when they actually did their job. I am so sorry for that rude interuption. Now then we will start with three minutes on the clock. We are looking to make about three hundred thousand dollars more than last years twenty two million. Ready? Call! ................... ................... ........RING! Him: Hello? Is there a mister Seymoure [wagon] here? Nope I am sorry sir. Goodbye. .............. Two minutes! ...RING! Him: Would you like to give us some money? Wow! Well thanks. Well? Him: My brothers wife is having a BABY! Well congrats... Him: Uh, Who cares? That means I am an Uncle. So? Him: I have to waste my money on the little snot. RING! Him: Yes. Oh, your watching the show. Well uh, wrong number. ............. .....RING! Me: Hello? Oh and how much is this donation? We do accept millions of dollars. Why sir? Bastard! Hello? Hello? DO ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW TO DO ONE OF THESE? RING! Hello? Why thank you. Him: How much? A donation of two coins. Me: WOW! He gets a gold star on our bulletin board. Oh, does this sign say people who gave us lots of money? Lets change that. Me: It says: People who actually gave us money. Yup. RING! Yes? Archimage studios wishes to donate? How much? A paper clip. Great thanks. Another star on the wall. Me: This sucks. Oh no. Times up. Now then lets count how much we made.... TWO DOLLARS AND A PAPER CLIP! Me: HOORAY! Now lets talk to someone here who is also gonna be someone you can donate money to. Aubury: I am here to get money so we can continue the researching of runes. THREE MINUTES! START! RING!! RING!! RING!! RING!! RING!! Me: WE HAVE TO MANY CALLS! THIS IS OVERWHELMING ME! Oh you wuss! Him: OH NOES! MY PHONE! BOOM!!! Me: OH MY GOD YOUR PHONE! Him: ITS ALL OVER THE PLACE! Aubury: Why is there a piece of phone wedged in my head? Oh let me pull that out. RING!! RING!! RING!! RING!! Me: SAVE ME! RING!! RING!! RING!! BOOM! Aubury: Oh my god! When will the phones stop attacking me? Well uh, please hand in the donation sheets. Bonnie in Varrock gives Aubury twelve thousand dollars. James gives Aubury twenty two thousand dollars LATER: Ralph from Falador gives Aubury eleven thousand dollars. MUCH LATER: Phil gives Aubury his childs college fund. O.K, thats over! Very good. Aubury makes: 250,025,365 No way! Aubury: Thanks guys! Now its time for the white knights of falador to take your pledges... RING!! I HAVE NOT EVEN TOLD YOU TO START CALLING YET! Make a pledge to the noob police here. Please. We are poor!

THE RANDOM SHOW (parenthesis) BLUE JAY FILES EPISODE 5 NOOBY Al Kharid has always been a town I hate. Sand. I hate sand. And there is not much to do. Oh wow, they have a giant mine. Maybe I would care if these stupid dummies could figure out what bug repellent was. And that dumb kid giving out old fliers...I JUST HATE HIM. Him: Excuse me sir...great deals. Me: Go play with some other children. Him: But sir, great deals! Me: You ever read those fliers? Him: No, but I know there are great deals on it. Me: How do you know? Him: Well, I broke my brothers legs and my mom told me to hand these out to passerby. Me: You people are stupid. We found the Zamorrakian mage and Nooby and Snake... Is this thing on? Hi my name is Archimage and I will explain to you what is going on. Snake is drawing the sword of the gods. He seems to be screaming obsceneties at the mage. The mage just told him to shove it up his. Oh lord, he is telling Nooby to attack Snake. Snake is really gonna... SNAKES AUTOBIOGRAPHY By: Snake ...and here came Nooby. Well I left hooked him and POW! He fell to the ground crying. I was about to throw him into the nearby river, but that stupid mage came up behind me and sliced my back open. Those police guys watched, so I ran back and pushed this reporter guy back... ...I was scared as hell, and I drew my sword and watched as the mage proceeded towards me calling me names. Name I heard in my childhood. Him: You are weak Him: You are stupid Him: You are truly developmentally delayed... That was it. The words that that geek back in High School used. The ones I did not understand... Him: Hay everyone, look at reporter! Me: What? Him: You are wearing loafers! Me: Because I am rich. Him: No because you are developmentally delayed. Me: Why not say [developmentally delayed]ed. Him: Who am I? Me: A geek. Him: Which means? Me: You use big words. Him: DUH! Me: Like osteoperosis. And supercalifragelisticexpealadocious. Him: I think thats a little to far. But you are developmentally delayed! HA! I was ready to kill. I was honed on his head. I had my hand clenched hard on my swords hilt. Sweat fell down my arms. I was sweating like crazy. Suddenly, I ran. No thoughts. Just his blood spattering on my face. I am sorry to say that that blood was my own. I scratched that mage. JUST A SCRATCH! Snake jumped in again... SNAKES AUTOBIOGRAPHY By: Snake ...and I mean, how could that reporter be so stupid? I am gonna swing my sword back in forth like a scythe when you are cutting the brush. I mean come on man. Noob could have done better. Well I jumped in and cut that dudes robes off. I mean, they fell. This dude was wearing nothing but a speedo. Don't ask me. This dude was pissed and I could tell by the fire coming from his eyes. And that last sentence was not to tell how mad he was. He really was burning. Nooby took a fork and tried to relinquish the flames. It did not help. I watched the out of control mage run around. Fire started everywhere and sand was being turned into glass. The glass was terribly soft in this one spot and the mage fell into it. The glass moulded around him and that was the end of his magic freakshow. The fire stopped and I asked him what happened... Him: I just went nuts when you made me exposed. Snake: Sorry, and by the way, why are you wearing a speedo? Him: Why were you looking are you gay? Blue Jay: Why have I not been in this episode? This is my show right? Me: No it is called the random show. Him: Oh my god! I am on The Random Show? I love that show! Me: Its only been on for four episodes. Him: SO? I LOVE IT! Me: Well thanks a lot. Him: You are so welcome! Nooby: Hi everyone, have you seen my undies yet? Everyone: OH MY ********************************!!! Well I am sorry to say that we had to see that. Well, we were now after Nooby, who thought we were playing tag. MORE FUN ADVENTURES NEXT EPI... Mage:What about me? UH, YOU ARE STUCK THERE. Mage: YOU BASTARDS... WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY FRIENDS? I WILL SQUISH YOU! OH GOD...Two lines of words...kill...ing...me. Good...bye... THATS THE END FOLKS TUNE IN SOON FOR MORE!

THE BLUE JAY FILES (servings per episode= 2 many) Episode 4 War with sticks Him: Prepare your sticks! Snake: Mine is flimsy! Me: Ha mine is... Snake: Snatch! Me: Hay, that was uncalled for! Snake: Ha ha. War. War is when two or more people in different groups fight each other. I thought it was cool that we were going to war. But the sticks we were using were hardly weapons at all. I had a strange feeling about Snake though, as we marched off to our warzone. The battle was intense, and thankfully we just watched. There was a nice river in the way so we sat and had a picnic. Nothing fancy. Just our emergency rations. Stale Quaker Oat Bar anyone? Soon we said screw it and left back to the Noob Police station where Blue Jay discovered that the keys to the armory were in his pocket the whole time. The armory had glass cases everywhere, showing armaments beyond anyones imagination. Me: So what is this one? Him: A mind rune. Me: Whats it do? Him: Makes us feel smart when we hold it. Me: Can I hold it? Him: Sure, handle it carefully. Me: Not feeling very smart. Him: Well that just sucks huh? I will take that. Me: What is this? Him: A cape. Me: Whats it do? Him: When we throw it over people, they scream and run into something yelling " I am blind." For some reason when we take this off them, their eyes are not there and it looks like they were terrible burned. Me: Because of this LCD Light implanted on the inside? Him: Oh, how'd get there? Him: And finally... Me: A real weapon? Him: A banana. Me: WHAT? Him: What if a nuke is coming at us and we have run out of people and limbs to eat. There is always a banana. Me: How will you unpeel it? Him: I DON"T KNOW! So with that, I left. I went on to bigger and better things. I went back to Archimage Studios. Him: Welcome back. Me: Yup. Him: Successful video? Me: Somewhat. Him: Took you long enough to get a tour of the place. Me: Sorry, I had to learn other things you know. Him: So... Me: This is gonna be on T.V! Him: No its not! Me: WHAT? Him: Not till we get a video of you infiltrating the building and seeing how penetrable it is. Me: WHAT? Him: Archimage's request. Me: Archimage can stick it up his... HIM: I can what? I am sorry, I can't hear much over the radio waves. Him: He is making fun of you sir. HIM: What? The enemies are stuffing rare spinach roles down our throats? Him: No sir. HIM: I better help you guys, but I have a patient here. Sorry. Some guy: I ama ama ama crazyyyy, looopppy, nuuutsss. The transmission was cut off and I was then made to infiltrate the Noob Police Headquarters with a camera on my head. The infiltration part was easy. I just put up a sign for free donuts over the mayors house. Now I was in and nothing happened. I walked out. And was surrounded by Noob Police. My capture was violent: Him: Your coming with me sir with funny head. Me: Its a camera. Him: Are you back talking me? Me: No. Him: Back talk me again! Me: What'cha gonna do about it tubby. Him: Use this tazor. Me: AUGH! THE PAIN! YOU BAST... Him: 2000 volts. Me: I AM GONNA Pass out The court case was swift and I had to do a years worth of community service, for the noob police. And the T.V show I was making was now live and stupid. And just when I entered the Noob police report startled us. THIS IS THE 6:02 NEWS Me: Oh my god. Him: Oh my god. Some guy: These are the best news people ever. WE ARE LIVE AT AL KHARID WHERE THE EVIL ZAMORRAK MAGE WHO RESURRECTED ZAMMORAK (THANKS TO ARCHIMAGE FOR THE TIP, SNAKE WILL SEE SOME PEOPLE ON STRIKE OUTSIDE HIS HIDING PLACE TOMORROW) IS NOW RESURRECTING NOOBY, THE GOD OF NOOBS. THE NOOB POLICE ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AS USUAL AND WE JUST LAY IN WAIT AS THIS WAR CONTINUES AND OUR CRAPPY LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS JUST SIT ON THEIR COUCHES AND WATCH THESE NEWS REPORTS. I BET THEY ARE DOING THAT RIGHT NOW. Me: How'd he know? Him: Damn the news channels are on to us. I guess we gotta get off our lazy [wagon] and work. And so begun my first real mission with the noob police, and a real mission that almost killed me.

I try.... I guess I am writing something people like... :shock: The end of the world is coming.

THE BLUE JAY FILES (This is not a by product of Russia) EPISODE 3 A GIANT BIRD Him: Oh crap, I had not realized that this would be a back to back episode kind of day. Me: Yay I get to see a giant Blue Jay! Him: I know...is it not the most amazing thing ever? Me: When do I get to see the weapons anyway? Him: Soon, we are getting there. Me: Good. Him: Follow me to the bird cage. The bird cage was huge and the bird was a beauty. It was blue. Me: That bird is Blue! Him: Great observation. It is a blue bird. Me: Is it a he or a she? Him: I really don't know. Maybe I should check. Well that was my undoing. The next time I saw Blue Jay conscious was on a stretcher. Him: You are paying my medical bills. Me: Why? Him: You asked me to do that. Me: Like I knew birds were sensitive! Him: I might sue you to. Me: WHAT? Him: I need a lawyer though. Me: I am a lawyer. Him: Hired. As you can see this show was going way off script and well, Oh, did I say script? I am sorry. So used to that word. It was not going according to plan. The judge was a nice lady. She was amazed at the way I defended Blue Jay and also fought for my own case. Me: My client says that on the date of the twenty fourth of July. Me: Rejection your honor. Me: WHAT? Me: It was the twenty fifth so oooo. Me: And you are going to lose this case. Judge: And I am getting annoyed as hell. The Court ruled in favor of Blue Jay because all the people were conned before hand with the money I had to give to Blue Jay for winning. Conning the money off my mom was hard. The next day at work, we were heading for the armory. Me: I can't wait! Him: Opps, the door is locked. Now where is that key. This one? Nope. Me: Hurry! Him: This one? Nope not this one. Me: Hurry please. Him: Why? Me: I just have this instinct telling me something bad is about to happen. Him: Well what if I told you I lost the key? Is that the bad thing? Me: Wait 3,2,1... RING RING RING Him: WOW! YOU ARE AN AWESOME PSYCHIC. Me: Whats that alarm mean? Him: Will all available men report for duty. Me: I am now fighting? Him: Yes...please follow me...Oh, Snake follow me. Me: Are we gonna break into the armory? Him: Nope. Me: Then where are we gonna get weapons. Him: Here. Me: Off a tree. Him: Everybody pick a branch and see who got the biggest and sturdiest one next episode. Me: That was a short episode. Him: I know. Me: Why is that. Mysterious voice: Because...I feel like it. Me: You! You are... Mysterious voice: Thats right, your creator. Me: Mommy? Mysterious voice: Ha...your mom created you, who can say transsexual? Me: You made me say that! Mysterious voice: No I did not! Him: Ha, our intern was created by a manwoman. Tomorrow: WAR! AND OPENING THE ARMORY! DONT MISS IT> IF YOU Do...YOU ARE A LOSER>

THE BLUE JAY FILES (Now with 30% more WTF juice added) EPISODE 2 A completely random episode I was now on the lookout for signs of the noob polices whereabouts. It was gonna be one hell of a day when I caught up with Blue Jay. Him:I told you I don't know anything about our history. Me: No this episode is about your weapons. Him: Wow, I did not know you were that cool. Me: What do you mean? Him:Well, I thought you were a dork for liking history. Me: Do you read a bible of Saradomin? Him: Screw Saradomin. Me: WHAT? Then who do you pray to? Him: No one. I prayed everyday when I was a child and look where I am now! Me: Whats so bad about your job? Him: What isn't? Company picnics, company paperwork, the company football matches. Oh for gods sake the WHOLE COMPANY! Me: You said god...haha. And what the hell is football? Him: A game. Me: What kind? Him: The kind you play. Me: Screw you. Him: You are gay! Me: :? Him: You should look at your face! So I went to the Noob police headquarters where I meet the man in charge of the armory. His name was: Him: What the hell are you doing back? Me: Not you again! Him: Not you again! Me: So show me some weapons. Him: Fine then. Me: Where are they? Him: In the employees only section. Me: Can I enter? Him: No you are not an employee. Me: Fine, what could I sign up for? Him: We need an intern. Me: O.K Him: Fine go talk to the boss and get a interview. After reading the newest copy of Praise Saradomin, I was allowed in the offices where the boss was hard at work, playing with some action figures. Him: Welcome. Me: Hello. Him: Your name Me: Uh, I am just called the voice. Him: Why? Me: Because no one calls me a name. Him: How about Rumplestiltskin? Me: Why that? Him: I don't know. Me: How about killer? Him: How about you leave all the questions to me in this interview. Me: One question? Him: Fine. Me: Why are you hiding under that hood Blue jay? Him: Uh, I am not blue jay, I am just a Sith. Me: What? Him: Fear the power of the dark side. Me: WHAT? Him: Nothing I am blue jay. Ha ha you are smart enough to be a lawyer! Me: I was once. Him: What happened. Me: I said that a Chinese woman stabbed someone with a fork. And guess what? Him: What? Me: He was actually stabbed with chop sticks! Him: So? Me: I lost my job. Him: So? Me: No sympathy? Him: Well that was a stupid mistake. Everybody knows the Chinese don't use forks. Some one: Hay. Him: Sorry Mr. Lee. He's the janitor. So I got the intern job and was allowed in the armory after a tour of the facility. Him: This is the waiting room. Me: Really? I would have never guessed. Him: Why is it wet over here. Me: Where was the bathroom again? Just for future reference. Him: This is the cafeteria. Me: Why are we at the donut store? Him: You noobies. So pathetic. Him: This is the nooby training ground. Meet our new recruit Snake. Snake: Hi. Me: What are you here for? Snake: Well, there was an accident and I let a Zamorakian mage take Pandora's Box and now there is a slight problem between the new god of hell and the old one. And I am here to help defeat the noobs coming from the pits of hell to help Zamorack out and save Noob from an eternity of suffering in hell. Me: Nice story...made me wanna kill you because its all your fault that this war is happening! Snake: Sorry. Lets see you do better. Me: I could! Snake: Lets see you. Me: O.K please don't punch me. I am just, uh, so forgiving of you for bringing the land to war. Snake: I don't like you. Me: And I don't like you. Him: And I won't like either of you if you don't shut yourselves up and watch the training video. Welcome to the training video. Thank you for watching the training video. Me: Uh, what the hell was that? Him: Oh, the video. Me: I did not learn anything! Him: What do you expect to learn? Me: What methods to use... Him: What should you care? Your our intern! Snake: What about me? Him: You get an informational pamphlet. Snake: These are stick figures beating on each other. Him: So? Snake: What am I to learn from this other than that you can not draw. Him: That was giant blue jay who drew that. Me: Who is giant blue jay? Bird: Caa Caa Caa. Him: You will find out more about him. Me: Good lets go. Him: Good this episode is over. Next time you will meet him. (No one here was payed to say anything. They are not actors. We swear!)

Cool. That will help me figure out where to buy specific item bought stuff.

I am sorry to announce the end of the Snake and Noob franchise and the beginning of another. THE RANDOM SHOW: BLUE JAY FILES will continue my works soon. I will tell you what happened with the minotaur and then I will have the noob police join in war. Then more fun excitment with Blue Jay. Say goodbye to this thread and welcome the next part of the Ratchet's Runescape series into your home. Thank you for letting me spam up the forums to by the way. Really, who thought these would succeed?

THE BLUE JAY FILES EPISODE 1 THE HISTORY OF THE NOOB POLICE In order for me to find out some history about the noob police I journeyed to Camelot. I was allowed entrance to the castle there and I met with Merlin, who recently was saved by an adventurer who destroyed the crystal he was trapped in. Me:What do you know of the Noob Police's history? Him: I have been trapped in that crystal for a while, who are the Noob police? Me: If you don't know who they are then why are you called the all knowing Merlin? Him: It makes me sound smart. After a few choice replies, King Arthur had me personally escorted out by Sir Robin and some singing fellow. The king said I had insulted Merlin by calling him the not knowing Merlin. Apparently, Merlin was only to be called that by Arthur: Him: You do not call the not knowing Merlin that! Me: Than why did you just call him that? Him:Because I am the King and I have known Merlin for some time. Me: Do you know anything of the noob police? Him: Did you ask Merlin? Me: :wall: So sir Robin escorted me out. Him: I can't believe you said that to his face. So mean of you. Some Guy: Brave Brave Sir Robin, thinks reporters mean, Brave Brave Brave Brave sir Robin. Him: Shut up! Some Guy: Brave Brave Sir Robin Told me to shut up, Brave Brave, Brave,Brave sir Robin. Him: Please escort yourself out, while I deal with this man. So, Merlin had no clue. So I left to go to Falador, where Archimages library resided. I would ask the smartest man on earth to help me on my search for history. I got there soon and it was quite a trip. Fans flocked after me. Once I entered the library, Archimage set me on a comfy seat and told me to tell him what I thought were on these cards. The cards had blotches of ink on them. Me: I am not here for a psychiatrist! Him: Well then what are you here for? Me: Knowledge. Him: Very well. What would you like the knowledge of? Me: The noob police. Him: Ha! If the noob police put their I.Q together they would still be stupider than an autoer. Me: Autoers are computers and those are smart. Him: Very funny. Ha. Me: What? Him: Did you know that the F.B.I have a place called Third Echelon where they train these spies called splinter cells to infiltrate the worlds most top secret places. The Russian embassy seems to have nukes hiding under it. Me: WHAT? Him: Oh, I was just saying how great a hacker I was. Me: Please teach me about the Noob police. Him: I have much better things to learn about than a bunch of buffoons who help people who cannot cope with, out of all things, Noobs!] So I would not get anything out of Archimage. I had to find someone. But who? Then it hit me. I would go to the noob police headquarters! The walk there was simple. The building was tall and rectangular. I entered to a sitting room where I read runesweek for a while. Then in came Blue Jay. Him: How you doing? Me: All right. Him: What you want to learn about? Our methods? Our weapons? Me: Your history. Him: Did you graduate college? Me: Yes why? Him: No wonder. Me: What? Him: Nothing. Me: So lets hear some history. Him: Well we started in the first age. Me: Any specific date? Him: No. And if there was I would not care. Me: What happened when it started? Him: Uh...what do you think? Me: I dunno. Him: I thought you graduated college. Me: I did. Him: Than you should have read it out of the history books. Me: I did not take history classes! Him: Than why do you care all of a sudden. Me: Its for a T.V show! Him: With that camera, looks like your taping a black and white no sound movie. AHAHAHAHAHA Me: What was that? Him: Oh, the history channel is making a documentary on the history of this place. Me: Why didn't you tell me you knew something about this place? Him: Because I don't! They have the college textbook. So my journey took me to the cells, where the history channel were taping a show on the jail. The camera man had the camera on a tripod and a history book in his hands. Him: Chapter 2 Jail Time. Me: Let me borrow that book. Him: No. Look man I am making a documentary. Me: Let me borrow it for my show. Him: Make me! Me: You are beginning to sound like a guy from those dreadful Snake and Noob stories. So many random bouts of fighting. Him: Did you know that the last chapter of Snake and Noob has been written. Me: Than what will happen to Snake and Noob? Him: Well, the author is now going to add the Noob police into the second god war and a surprise twist for ***** where he ********* ***** and ****** and his new job as a ********* ****** turns out to ****** ****. Me: You just gave the whole plot summary to me! There is no point in reading them anymore! Him: Sorry. Me: Just give me that book. Him: No way. Me: Come on. Him: No! A very amazing thing happened. The people liked the first episode! They wanted more randomness and wanted a better name than the blue jay files. It was then called. THE RANDOM SHOW: BLUE JAY FILES!

All the blue jay files will now be on the new post.

I will start writing today after. The Nooby storyline will be redone into a 5 chapter supplement and more resources will be added soon.

GO to Snake and Noob for the originals and we will start a new series of them here. All kinds of things about the noob police and Blue Jay and Powerent is involved and noob watchers clubs and a whole lot more. Anyone can join in the fun and post random and funny stories about the Noob police.

Instead of putting the blue jay files on Snake and Noob we will have it here.

If one of the mods will tell PM me and tell me if my last post was inapropriate or not I will get rid of it or I will keep it there. We should probably put these Blue Jay stories on a new post but I dont know how to