Harakiri

Great stories. Especially the xarosen one.

Well, we know you can describe well enough but I would have to see a full story to determine your skill. By the way welcome to the forums. And also welcome to the varrock library, sadly the most unlooked at part of the tip it forums.

My team won. Our boss sucks at football... we let him play quarter back for one of our plays. How the hell do you get sacked 21 yards away? Dont ask me. Anyway, it was a terrible game. 0 to 0 for a long time, then they finally put me as quarterback and look at that. I threw a 30 yard pass for a touchdown. That game: 13 to 0 :notalk: Anyway enough about my life, lets continue with a look at blue jays personal life after his day job at the noob police. THE BLUE JAY FILES SPECIAL (Now with extra mayonnaise) Well, we are going to show the end of Nooby later but right now we get to go home with Blue Jay and see what his life at home is like. He has a beautiful trailor home. It seems to be next to someones house. Blue jay you bastard, let me live in their with you. There is no plumbing in here. When I use the faucet, my crap from the toilet spews out. Sorry mum. You treated me bad as a child and now that you are old and feeble you are now the one treated bad. You should be ashamed of yourself, go to your room young man. Young man? Mom, I am 16! WHAT? You were only 16 this whole time? How did you get the noob police gig then? Uh, got all the policemen drunk and applied then. I love to defeat noobs. On my resume I am 21. NAUGHTY NAUGHTY BLUE JAY! Giant Blue Jay, throw her in a lake! Your own mother? You sick bastard. I swear I will haunt you for the rest of your life. How did they accept that beast into the noob police? I gave them a picture of an apache helicopter and they accepted it. What the hell is an Apache? I don't know, I got a picture of it when a virus leaked out and something called "google" popped up. I like that name. Is it a por... No, nothing of that sort...here is that picture, if you will follow me down here please. You live in the basement -.- Giant Blue Jays got to live somewhere you know! O.K, put him in a cage in the backyard. Why I never...you are a sick bastard. A sick, sick, sick bastard. Where is this picture. Why should I show you animal hater. It was just a suggestion for your sake. My sake. Look at this basement and tell me it is not better than anywhere else in this house! We can't even show it in color for gods sake! This is so unsanatary,and look at the birds living room! Why does that bird need all those chairs? Who does he invite over? He says there are these birds that are called [roosters] and that he likes those birds... :shock: You bird is a woman bird! Man, that completely hit me. And the whole time that I walked in there and the bird asked me if I wanted him I just replied "Maybe someday." I thought he was gay! And I think you are like byspecies gay. What, so I like animals and I can't tell there sex. Why are there dead parrots here? AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? I am a robotic version of Blue Jay. C3PO human cyborg relations. THEN WHERES... Man that was a good sleep. Hay? GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE! Who was that? I dunno. MEANWHILE: Oh, lord that was a terrible nightmare. Good lord I hope I don't have to do another one of those reports. Oh, please come back to bed hon. AUDIENCE: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: AUDIENCE: Is this an actual episode. This episode of THE SIMPSONS will return. AUDIENCE: Oh thank god. MEANWHILE: I AM GOING TO SUE THOSE DIRTBAGS! I AM NOT GAY! OR TRANSPECIES GAY. I AM A 25 year old man with an ounce of dignity left in him. Then why are you in the noob police? What the hell are you doing here? GET OUT! LATER: I would like to point out to the court that they had no permission from me to do this. Your honor, that is a lie. We have it right here. He is right sir. This is signed by you. And no signs of forgery. Well maybe I was a little drunk. Case dismissed. Bring in the next defendant. Those people made fun of me on public television. You were drunk when you signed the form. How did you know? Court dismissed. IF ANYONE WAS OFFENDED (namely blue jay) REMEMBER THAT IT WAS ALL ON AN EPISODE OF A COMEDY SERIES. BLUE JAY IS NOT CALLED GAY AND TRANSPECIES GAY TO OFFEND HIM, OR TELL THE WORLD ABOUT HIM. (HAY I DON"T KNOW). SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO FELT BAD ABOUT THIS AND NEXT EPISODE WILL BE A LOT MORE TONED DOWN>

Company football match tonight (yes you read right). I am not gonna write so, uh, wish me luck. Thankfully I am on the bosses team. If I were on the other team he would probably fire me for tackling him or something. :pray: Thank you lord!

sorry screwed something up...keep posting.

Battlefront: A really fun game. I did not find much of a story in it but fighting in the major battles in the star wars universe was fun. It was addictive but I got to say I like battlefront 2 more. Battlefront 2 had a more story driven campaign and allowed you to play in more big battles. This game also allows you to play as jedi and sith, which rocks. Favorite part: Killing Ewoks using Darth Vader. Lego Star wars is truly one of the most genius games I have ever played. Cute and fun enough for children but hard enough to please hard core game fans. This was a somewhat funny and easy game. I will not take off points for how simple it was. Lego Star Wars 2 is even better than the original. More things to unlock, character customazation. A funnier game too. Star Wars Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith is truly a bad game. Sword play is fun but the game just does not work out. You fight through like three levels with robots before you finally fight count Dooku. And when did Obi-wan have a hard time fighting General Grievous's bodyguards? And I know Yoda did not just dance. End this please! Star Wars clone wars was pretty good. A nice storyline and pretty good controls. It was pretty good I guess. Star wars republic commando was a great shooter that rocked. The characters were so complex and this was a real good shooter. Some parts were overly complicated though. Star Wars Obiwan is pure CRAP! An O.K storyline, a camera that stays behind you and you cant move(which helps when you need to jump to a platform below you. You are basically blindly jumping, usually to your death) and bad fighting controls make this truly a terrible game. Battlefront: 9.5 Battlefront 2: 10 Lego starwars: 9.8 Lego Starwars 2: 9.9 Revenge of the sith: 4.2 Clone wars: 7.5 republic commando: 9.9 Obi wan: 2.0

KOTOR was fun. I can't say it was perfect but I love that you can choose the lightside and darkside and it is fun. I think the story was good too. My favorite moment had to be when you were on the sith planet and basically killed everyone. Yup, training to be evil and hell, just cuz I am bored I will kill my peers and teachers...and head master...and guards. The second game had a good story explaining a lot if you read the books but it just was somewhat the same and not as long. Most levels bored the living crap out of me with boring enviroments and more than enough useless parts where you talk to someone for ten minutes only to get nothing out of them. The story was up to my standards but I think that KOTOR 2 was not as good as its predecessor. KOTOR:9.9 I have to say that as a person who hates RPG's, I found it really good. But then again, that may be cuz I am a major star wars geek. KOTOR 2: 8.0 I am sorry to say that the story is the only reason I did not give it a worse review. Many people say it is good but I just could not get into it very much and hated all the senseless conversations. KOTOR 1 usually would not have senseless conversations. Now for more star wars game reviews:

wow...that game looks like fun...I will pay for everyones copy... LOL I think if I played that piece of bullcabbage game, I would end up stuffing that CD somewhere no one wants it shoved up. :shock:

Oh yea, two weapons, The lancer and torquebow are hardly unique, and the swinging aspect of the grenades has absolutely no use at all. Stick a bayonet on a rifle. Yea, original. I can imagine Epic going "Hmm, the lancer blows. Lets make the bayonet a chainsaw, that'll sell it!". And exploding arrows I remember in the first Rambo movie around 20 years old. Honestly, I think the torque bow may be way more original than lancer, but even it is hardly innovative in itself. And the other weapons? Shotgun. Sniper rifle. Pistol. Oh, two pistols. The weapons of gears is very, very generic. It's definitely not the worst, but coming from the company that made Unreal Tournament, you'd expect some better weapons. I am sorry to say but in G-phoria and about every other game awards show this year it has won all awards that it was nominated for except for 1. Gears of war kicks major cabbage!

THE BLUE JAY FILES (law enforcements finest. LIKE HELL. OWWW! Welcome people to a fantastic episode. Yes a great one. Today we will encounter ancient enemies and learn more about the Noob police. So let us begin! THE BLUE JAY FILES (Apply only when needed.) So Blue Jay, what kind of education do you need to become a Noob policeman? Oh, it depends. On what? If you passed college you are our intern,lawyer,computer geek. If not you are a policeman like us. And what job will you be tackling today? Well, rumors have spread that the 6:02 news is back and, well, that may be a sign of the apocalypse. Well, lets see that report they have then. O.K Welcome to the 6:02 news. A breaking news report. Nooby is now on a rampage here in Al Kharid. He is scaring the living bejesus out of people by acting like he does not know what things are. Oh my god...a gate to hell! Seal it! Thats a furnace. You people and your fancy names...what is this contraption? Uh...my script. Amazing, such a technological breakthrough. I would pay so much to have a "Script." It is just a piece of paper! PAPER SCRIPTS! Why must young people be so cruel. What did I say? And what is this? Sand. Liter? Kitty litter? What brand. The kind that comes in from the sea. What did you say you just saw? Oh my god! What are these. Gems. What kind? The kind I am gonna shove up your [wagon] if you don't shut up! What is an [wagon]? It seems our camera man is beating Nooby up. Hell of a right hook from our camera man. It seems to me that Nooby is dead. Oh crap...who knows what he might be causing in Lumbridge! Run Run Run! As you can see, the apocalypse is beginning. SHHH!!! Its back on! It seems to me that Nooby is in the general store! Who invented this pot? Uhh...I don't know. So your saying it was an ancient Chinese secret? What? Who the hell are the Chinese? You never heard of the land of dragons and Kung-Fu? What the hell are you talking about? Get out of here...NOW! I guess we should get there before it gets to bad. Oh...can i just sit here maybe? Come on...you can drag yourself with me. But if we stay here we could start watching the big Gnomeball game. Tape it! Tape a gnomeball game? Sure. Whats the point, everyone will talk about it before we get to see it. Then don't tape it, I don't care just hurry up before Giant Blue Jay drags you along by force. Coming...just taping the game... THE END OF ONE PART THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER! Tune in for the epic conclusion of the Nooby storyline!

Putting up new heading for the Snake and Noob thing.

Gears of war is a great game and you should try playing it on a 75 inch plasma...HOLY CABBAGE! AMAZING! :shock:

For a change of pace...we are gonna see a lot of blue jay stories for a while and no SNake and Noob. Author is having a lot more fun with Blue Jay at the moment and since he has not been used at all for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time, we will give him what he deserves. (Me, screwing up his character) is he reading this? Now for more BLUE JAY FILES It seems to me that this is not a random news paper clipping about the boss and his wife getting into a fight, it seems to be a...a...JOB!!!NOOOOO!!! Oh cabbage get the camera out of here. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Sneaking up on someone like that. Well, uh, I guess we must wait here, in this area...Oh, a new magazine, A two year old issue of Runestoons! Oh yeah. THE BLUE JAY FILES (Where the police are the ones in the line of fire) Well, lets go check on Blue Jay. Seems to be lunch hour. Boy those puzzles in Runestoons were challenging. I can't believe four year olds can cope with those. Hay there you are Blue Jay! Yup. Well I gotta go get some donuts. Want to come? Sure, I can't say why not. Giant Blue Jay! OWWW!!!!Not my head! I am sorry Jay. Not this time, maybe next time, put him down. That hurt...anyway here we go. SCENE OF THE CRIME DONUT SHOP TIME: LUNCH WHY NO POLICE RESPONDED:LUNCH So we got our two dozen donuts... Hay, i have seen you before have I not? No never sir. Were you on the cruise boat? Nope. Oh well. Enjoy the old donuts, I bought all the fresh ones. Man its a beautiful view from this sky... I know where I saw him. Where? On a wanted poster. BOOOOOMMMM!!! Shouldn't we... I have fresh donuts...do you think I am going back? THREE MINUTES LATER Donuts...I call glazed. I call custard filled. CAW CAW CAW Damn, that bird always takes my favorite donuts. Stupid giant bird, should roast it and AUGHHH AUGHHH AUGHHH. THAT NIGHT Man Giant Blue Jay, this meat is so fresh and tender, where did you get it? CAW CAW! Man, Private purple would love this. MEANWHILE: This is the 6:02 news with an Alert! Yes it is so bad that they had to call us to tell the civilians. Archimages news crew is having dinner with the noob police. Anyway, the undead master of Noobs Nooby, has risen from the dead and is trying to figure out what a microphone is...For the last time it is not a club!!! MORE BLUE JAY FILES SOON TUNE IN FOR MORE!

Same here for your review Adam. I really thought it was pretty good but some of the jumping over sandtraps was a pain in the [wagon]. Best part of the game...using the upgraded gravity gun and throwing enemies like rag dolls into a body decinegrater.

Ghost Recon OMG...he shot my leg! OMG he shot my leg again...WTF...I am dead? Could not even get past the first level! It was real cabbage.

I would not ask me...Played RE4 5 times through and had no nightmares at all. It really is not that scary. And its really not that great a game (talking about FEAR not RE4). Just voicing my opinion. You want a horror shooter play RE4. Giant chainsaw wielding maniacs scary to you?

Here you can review whatever game you feel like. I guess I will do a sample so you got a guidline. (if someone already reviewed the game you wanted to review you can still review it. I let any one have an opinion and no flaming for bad reviews. If you dont like a review of a game make another review yourself for it.) God of war (PS2) This was the first PS2 game I had ever played. I bought it due to everyone saying it was in the top 5 best PS2 games list. I played the first level and was instantly hooked by the great graphics and really neat sword combos and moves. It started off looking like a straight platformer but then puzzles came in to play and some of them annoyed the hell out of me. Still though, the story was great and the game was pretty straightforward where controls are concerned. I would recommend this to anyone who has a PS2. It might be a good idea to get used to the controls. Lots of button mashing and hitting the right buttons at the right time. THE GOOD: *Easy to learn controls *great story *Good graphics *One of the bloodiest and goriest games ever *challenging puzzles to get you thinking (and sometimes fighting). THE BAD: *terrible camera can sometimes piss you off. GRAPHICS: 9.5 Story:10 Controls:10 Sound:9.5 ALL Together score: 9.8 All reviews post here. All games must be console games. Accept all C.D ROM games but no free games on the internet. (E.G Runescape)

THE BLUE JAY FILES This was written by a noob named, Nooby. He was quite evil. His scams were amazing, his money outrageous, his control over macroers almost destructive. But he was brought down by the Noob Police. We were not payed to say this. OWWW!! Tonight on a special edition of the blue jay files, you have seen future weapons of the Noob police but you have not seen the originals. We will take a tour through history. So, what is this? One of our first weapons. Back in the first age we thought that we threw these at noobs, they would explode, but all they did was render them unconcious. Then what? We threw these at them because we thought that it would wake them up with cold water. And what would happen? They would stop breathing. Very useful. Now that you have showed us your methods in the first age, lets see what your methods were in the second. This was the only method we used back then. You see, we would smack them with this and watch them scream. They would eventually give in and share there secrets. Then we threw those runes at them. So very interesting. Now that we have seen these methods that were used basically until you took over, lets see some glorious technology that you have created. Well...uh... Yes? Oh my god...is it lunch already? See you. Well then. Goodbye. Hope you get hit by a couple runes you twit. I heard that. Giant blue Jay! Uh-Oh...AUGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Where are you taking me? Please spare me. Uh...well if I live you will see a very special episode of The Blue Jay files, because an ancient cult has returned and boy, are they stupid and Noobs.

THE BLUE JAY FILES (Please, at least pretend you care) Today, we will take you on an adventure with Blue Jay. Lets read the dossier and see what his mission is. Hi Blue Jay! How long was your dossier? As long as a newspaper clipping. O.K lets see. Ah, the classifieds section lets see: URGENT! The noob police are having their annual, take a noob to jail day, where they fight, by seeing who catches the most noobs and puts them in jail. We need a stripper for the win... Uh...you did not see that...please turn it over! NOOB CAUGHT SCAMMING! Some noob just sold a rare Spinach role! Reports have come in that this noob Height:4 foot Weight:N/A Description: bald and wearing green has been scamming, please capture immediatly. To lumbridge! **** Excuse me sir, have you been scamming? No...i just started the game. No you have not, you fit the description perfectly, you are under arrest. But what about that guy chopping the willow down? He looks like me. Fine. Sir? Sir? SIR? Oh really? Is that what you gonna do? Ignore me, Blue Jay? Giant Blue Jay, come! That is one hell of a blue jay. Good god is it large. I think its...it just picked up that noob. The blue jay seems to be going to the jail. Now then, where is that other guy. Hay, I told you to stay there! Who the hell are you? The noob polices agent, Blue Jay. LOL!!! (he did not say rolling on the floor laughing, he just said LOL. Just say those three letter together.) LOL? What the hell does that mean, you are coming with me! Get off me! So that was a very fun and educational day with Blue Jay. Tune in for more soon.

THE GOD WARS CHAPTER 4 The Zamoraks and Snake and Archimage were inside the temple. It was finely furnished in the front. Chairs of gold and silver were strung about and a finely crafted staircase was in the center, leading down to a dark area. Snake was wondering why they were not going down and entering the area. "Sit my minions." The mage stood by the staircase everyone took seats. "It is here that our greatest achievement will happen. It is here that I gain the power of a god and overthrow the insolent new god. It is NOW that we will stand up for lord Zamorak and defeat all in the way. Snake stood. "You? You get to use the power? And how can we trust you? Why not trust the son of Zamorak?" The mage watched as the Zamoraks started nodding their heads. "I am His Lords greatest servant." He said. "But I am his son and this is a burden that I must bear. For my dear father." There was a bit of sarcasm in both sentences that only Archimage detected. "Well, what contributions have you made to His Lords fine kingdom?" "What have I not contributed to his kingdom?" The Zamoraks stood and confronted the mage face to face. They wanted Snake to use the box. They trusted him more than anyone. They apparently had not read the book in that cabin, Snake thought. "But that man, he betrayed his fa..." His voice was trailed off by a faint scream from the dark area that the stairs led to. "Can we please get into the cavern?" asked Snake. Everyone lit a torch and followed the steps down. The walls were pretty close to each other and everyone had to line up single file in order to get through the corridor. Suddenly, the corridor branched off to the left, right, and straight ahead. "Split up!" The mage yelled from the front. Snake and Archimage were right behind him. Snake decided to follow him down the right path. It was not as narrow a corridor as the last. Another faint scream could be heard in the distance. Snake saw a small, circular room ahead. There were small holes all over the floor. There were three paths branching from the room. A small set of clicks could be heard. "Go middle! Hurry!" Snake called as he figured out the trap. He ran in and waited for everyone to file in. "What was that for?" The mages question was answered as out of the small holes, spears shot up. They stayed there for a few minutes and then lowered into the holes again. Snake pushed past everyone and told them to follow him. They walked silently down the silver cavern they were in. The screams seemed to get louder as Snake moved down the cave and soon he found himself at a gate, that went into a circular arena, where a young man was facing a minotaur. "AUGHH!" He cried as he dodged attacks. Snake kicked down the gate and ran in. The box was hanging from a piece of rope high in the air. No one could throw or even shoot anything that far up. "What is your name kid?" Asked Snake. "Theseus!" He parried a blow from the minotaurs large hammer with his sword. TO BE CONTINUED Now to blue jays story.

Welcome to the 6:02 news, now in color! Today we will watch a noob police training video as we learn what it is like to live the life of a noob policeman. That is why our show is now called: THE BLUE JAY FILES The noob police headquarters. A beautiful building. The pretty flowers growing along the cobble stone sidewalk. The bushes, finely cut. The windows, so square... If you fell for that description, you are a noob! Welcome to the noob police. Our description of our building is a building. Period. Everybody who comes here has a problem with a noob. LEts ask what this young man has to say about a noob: This noob admitted to me he is a child. All children must be punished in rude and nasty ways! Like killing them? Hell yeah! This is blue jay. He is a highly respected agent of the noob police. Any tips for new noob police. All noobs are idiots. Well, all the ones we seem to catch. Welcome to the sitting room. Here, we place very uncomfortable chairs and boring magazines for your enjoyment. Runesweek anyone? This is the lavatory. We use this in various ways. If a noob needs some solitary time we stick them in here. When a noob says something very nasty that our police can not put up with, they come in here. Here is the office. Here, our workers work. Typing mission reports that no one reads, reading dossiers that somebody reads, sometimes wondering who came up with the idea of a mechanical pencil. Really, isnt it an amazing piece. Behold, the mechanical pencil Is it not, simply amazing? Now then, here are the cells. There are no noobs in the cells because, well we were overcome by anger and we...we...killed them. Those people in the back are family. That concludes our tour...we will give you more wonderful information on the noob police and blue jay soon. Until then, remember, if you have noob problems, you can count on blue jay and the noob police.

I put the poster as my desktop...that is funny as hell.

THE SECOND GOD WAR CHAPTER 3 The old man watched the approaching ship. He had an old cottage on the beach and a bunch of sticks and dead animals, and what could be made out as dead human bodies, in a pile. He opened his closed fist and the pyre suddenly burst into flames. The old man cackled. The water around the island rippled violently. A large thing was heading towards the boat. **** Snake and Archimage looked at the upcoming island. Thats when they noticed a jet of water being sprayed up. It came towards the boat fairly fast. Snake drew his sword. Archimage took his staff out and prepared his magic. The water was suddenly calm. Snake pushed Archimage towards a small dinghy that was strung to the ship. All of a sudden, the monster struck through the middle of the boat. The boats drifted into two pieces and the monster ate a nearby Zamorak. Snake told Archimage to use magic spells and give him cover. Archimage nodded and prepared a powerful attack. Snake meanwhile climbed the mast and got to the top. The sea monster, a serpent from what Snake could tell, struck the mast and broke its foundation. It fell towards the monster. Snake jumped and landed on the monsters head. Zamorak archers prepared their bows. Snake tried to tell them not to shoot by they did anyway. Snake dodged arrows. Only a few struck the monster. Small pools of blood were now oozing on the ships floor. The half of the ship that Snake and Archimage was not on, was drifting into a large pile of rocks. The ship could not be saved. Snake payed more attention at the task at hand and held onto the serpent as it tried to shake him off. Snake plunged his sword into the serpents head, between its eyes. The green, grimy snake fell to the water, its blood leaving the ocean red. Snake watched the other half of the ship drift into the rocks. The ship was getting shattered slowly. Suddenly, the mage appeared and yelled: "We shall swim to land." Everyone acknowledged and jumped ship. Snake walked back to where Archimage was standing. "How will we get back to Port Sarim?" "I really don't know." Archimage then jumped into the water. Snake followed in. The water was cool and refreshing. He swam the mile or so to shore. He was tired. An old man walked over to them. "So, what ye be wantin' with me and the ancient island of Crete?" Snake got up. The mage got up as well and walked over to the old man. "We are in search of Pa...." "ndoras box? Ye came to the right place." "Where is it?" "In that temple on top of the hill over there." Snake saw the large temple against the glimmer of the stars and light of the moon. "Who are you?" asked Snake. "The guardian of the box. I keep watch of adventurers who come to retrieve it." "What was that monster back there?" "A sea serpent. My pet sea serpent." "Oh, uh, sorry about that." "Well, it gives me an excuse to get a baby serpent, boy are they cute." The mage walked away. "Are you coming?" "Good luck, ye be needing it." The old man said. Snake followed everyone as they walked towards the temple. TO BE CONTINUED Oh dear, a short chapter must mean Ratchets working on something else. Let me say that I am and it may make Blue jay very happy (or very mad). I have devised a story called THE BLUE JAY FILES depicting his missions in the noob police. Yes, thats right. A fun romp through the world of noobs with Blue Jay. The series will have fun, engaging stories, and lots of Blue Jays noob prevention program crap. And also, the 6:02 news is doing it! Thats right! While Archimages news gets to have more fun and exciting Noob police adventures. (That means I am asking you Archimage, to some engaging adventures with Blue jay.)I am starting tonight with an intro to the noob police and what they do. Then Archimage can work off that and I will work of Archimages post excetra excetra. So tonight the chronicles begin and when you can start working on it Archimage, please do. Together we might be able to write a good cllection of short stories and random mumbo jumbo about blue jays exciting life. Blue jay: \ Me: :? Blue jay: :shock: Me: :notalk: Blue jay: :wall:

THE SECOND GOD WAR CHAPTER 2 Snake and Archimage were led to a large cabin, with two bunks on the right side of the room and a desk on the left. A small bookshelf took up the space in the front, covering a window. Snake could tell. "Welcome to the captains quarters. It is all yours son of Zamorak." The mage in red robes bowed deeply. "Uh, thanks." Snake sat on the bottom bunk. "Where you going to sleep?" "Oh, I am the captain, I cannot sleep. Your fathers incompetent fools of followers could not walk through a wide open door without hitting their shoulders on the wall." Snake did not laugh or respond in anyway. His mind said what the hell while his mouth said "Uh...yeah, good joke." "I will leave you two to read or talk until our breakfast." The mage left and closed the door. Snake laughed. "I guess we are going to have to follow them to the eastern lands." "It is no laughing matter. Have you heard the legends of the box of Pandora?" Archimage asked in a serious voice. "No. Whats wrong?" "That box, it can be used to gain the powers of a god." "So...ohh, they want to overthrow Noob." "Yeah. I am afraid so." "And then they will use the power of the box to return Zamorak to power and he will rule over hell once again.Will they actually make it through the palace of the gods?" "Temple of the gods you mean?" "Whatever." "It is said to be full of terribly nasty traps and monsters." "O.K, so what? You actually think these idiot Zammoraks are going to make it past. I mean, I think Noob would have a better chance at getting through it the way these idiots fought." Archimage walked over to the book case and looked at titles of some of the books. "Ancient history of demons" "Dark magic handbook" "The unholy book of Zamorak" "Legends of the gods" Archimage was stopped. Snake said "Read the story of Pandora. I want to hear this story." "O.K" Archimage flipped through the pages of the book and came to a page with a large picture of a golden box. It was small, and had a picture of a sword on the front. The legend of Pandora is one that most people that follow the stories of the god wars know. A long time ago, a powerful mage named Pandora was the ultimate evil on earth, destroying villages, farms, and cities. The gods were not happy to see their land destroyed by a mortal. The god Saradomin came to earth and searched for this wizard. He had no idea that his evil brother, Zamorak, was hiding the mage in a cave,now popularly called "The Waterfall Dungeon" by some adventurers. Saradomin had no idea that Zamorak was involved and when he cast himself to hell and found that his brother had left from his palace, Saradomin suddenly found a young woman in Zamoraks bed. The woman seemed to be a slave. She had blond hair and blue eyes. She wore only rags. She told Saradomin where to find him, because she did not want the world in which she used to live to be destroyed. Saradomin went back to the land and found Zamorak. Zamorak suddenly started to attack his brother out of nowhere. Guthix was not pleased with this development and left the heavens to help stop Zamorak. But, their was a flaw in the plan, Heaven was left unprotected. Hell was unprotected. The gates to heaven and the gates to hell were unprotected. The dead from hell suddenly invaded heaven and tried to defeat the angel guardians. Many passed and lived forever happy. Many were cast back to hell. The afterlife was a shattered wasteland that no one wished to live in anymore. The fight of the gods resulted in the god wars. The god wars are explained fully in the god wars story on page 458 of this book. Pandora was eventually taken by Saradomin and Guthix and sent into a hand crafted box made by Saradomin. A temple was built, full of traps and a monster that is so evil, it can only be defeated by the sword of Saradomin. After all these years, Pandora, as the legend goes, has learned enough magic, that you could use it to be as powerful as a god. Many have sought the box, but the temples challenges seemed to hard for them. No one has retrieved the box. SIDENOTE *THE WOMAN IN ZAMORAKS BED IS BELIEVED TO BE HIS WIFE, WHO GAVE BIRTH TO ZAMORAKS SON. MORE ON PAGE 678. "I want to read about the god wars." Said Archimage. "As long as you read my legend." "No problem" The god wars were a time when the whole of Runescape itself, seemed to have no hope. The gods were in a battle that destroyed half of the mainland. The western lands used to be connected to us but the god wars were so destructive, the border between the two was broken and the western lands were drifted into the sea. The gods gave no pity on each other. Guthix and Saradomin worked together, trying to defeat their destructive brother. The war between the people in hell and the people of heaven was a main battle in the war. It is sometimes called, "The gods greatest mistake." The war resulted in the breaking of the gates leading form hell to heaven, and heaven to hell. The only relic we have of this war, is a fallen angel, said to be cursed and whoever tries to put it up in their house or in a museum suddenly dies. The war between the gods became more intense when Zamorak started turning the slaves in hell into monsters. These monsters killed civialians and continued the destruction that Zamorak could not cause himself, due to his brothers. The end of the war brought a weary Zamorak watching his slaves be defeated by fallen angels. Zamorak had no point in continuing when he saw that the mage he was trying to protect, Pandora, had been sealed away in a box. He gave up and returned to hell. He has been known to walk the earth in some places, but is rarely seen. "Lets hear my story." "I guess. This book is not very descriptive." Zamorak was married to a young woman named Maria. She supposedly had a son with him. The son, who is sometimes named Snake or Devil Baby, was supposedly treated terribly by his father. Constant beatings, telling him to do some of the slaves dirty work for hours for a punishment. Snake had had it. At the young age of 16, right before the portals from heaven to hell and hell to heaven were destroyed, he used the one to heaven. When he was there, the gods heard his story and allowed him a new life on runescape. Nobody knows where he resides at the moment. "You are that old?" "So what? I may be old, but I still kick a..." He was cut off by the Zamorak mage entering the room. "Sir please follow me to breakfast." Breakfast consisted of eggs, bacon, and bread. After this not so great breakfast, Archimage and Snake were back in the cabin. Archimage read select stories from the book while Snake listened intently. After about a week of sailing, Snake was surprised by a shout of "LAND [garden tool]!" Archimage put down his book. He had gotten through more than half the books in the shelve that week. TO BE CONTINUED Thanks for welcoming me back. Anyway, more coming and I guess blue jay is coming into the story. I will tell you that the second god war= We discover where the noob police operate and Blue Jay fights against the warriors from hell. Thats all I am telling. I am not saying any thing else. That chapter you just read must be my longest one ever. :shock: Oh my god...it had no violence... I am toning down the violence guys till the actual war. There will be the occasional fight but they won't be huge fights. The second god war= REALLY AWESOME FIGHTS AGAINST GODS WITH AWESOME POWERS! MORE TOMORROW!!!

I have returned with news... I am going to skip parts of my story and get to the chase. Here is a summary of what has happened to Snake and everyone else while I was gone. Snake and Archimage managed to erase everyones knowledge of Snake being an enemy. The Archival wizards banished the two and they continued on an unknown journey. Meanwhile Noob had passed the god test. Welcome to the new Snake and Noob. Welcome...to the second god war saga. SNAKE AND NOOB THE SECOND GOD WAR CHAPTER 1: ZAMMORACK UPRISING A Zamorackian mage looked at the bloody mess of that the HAM members writhing bodies had left. The zamorack followers had filed in and killed all opposing HAM members. The stage in front of the wooden chairs was being scavenged. All flags were ripped down and in their place, a flag of Zammorack was hung. The seats were getting filled fast and the mage, wearing the red and gold robes of a Zamorrackian mage, walked up the short wooden steps to the front of the stage. Each of the followers of Zammorack were clad in basic red robes. A symbol of His Lord was strung around each persons neck. Two candles, one to the left of the mage, and one to the right were lit. The cavern was instantly silent. The mage stood proud and stared at each of the people in the room. "Welcome my brothers and sisters. I hope you all are wearing good boots. For this is not the only slaughter that is planned for us. Lord Zamorrack..." "Heil, Heil." Yelled the crowd. The mage put a look on his face that instantly silenced the people. "Lord Zamorrack has been overthrown. And who by, you may ask? Look at this picture and look at it well." He pulled a rope and a large picture of a bald man wearing tight green pants and a tighter looking green shirt was in the picture, being eaten by a giant rat. The man all knew as Zamorracks son was in the background running to the mans rescue. "He is pathetic, a giant rat eating him alive?" Asked a man in the crowd. "Yes, I know how you feel. I feel the same way." "But what are we to do?" asked another person in the crowd. "Pandora's box. That is what." "But it is a legend." The man who said that stood up. "No, I believe we will find it." "Please tell us the legend. We have never heard of such a box." The person who said that was a young child, barely in his teens. "Alright. The legend goes that Pandora was a powerful magician who used her magic to take over the land. The gods were not pleased with this and trapped her and her magic in a box. They say that it is so powerful, that you can use it to access heaven and could even be as powerful as the gods." The child looked awed. "And where do you think you will find it?" "In the lands to the east. We will travel there. We will travel tomorrow. By the boat THE SEA SERPENT." "We have no such boat." said one in the crowd. "We will. It is docking tonight in Port Sarim. We will take it and kill its crew." The meeting was dismissed and the followers went their own ways. ***** Snake was sleeping in a small farmhouse with Archimage guarding the door. It had been a quite couple of nights. They were not doing much but heading east. They were going to go to Varrock. Snake awoke to a howl. Outside, Archimage was running up a cobblestone street. Snake pulled the covers off of himself and ran after Archimage. They entered Port Sarim. A ship was where the commotion was coming from. Snake ran off the dock and grabbed the rope that held the anchor. He climbed and hurtled himself over a railing and onto the boat. Zammoracks followers were killing the crew ruthlessly. Snake drew his sword and sliced an unsuspecting follows head off. Some saw him and ran to avenge the death of one of their own. Snake saw an archer on top of one of the mast aiming at him. The archer shot. Snake cut the arrow in half in mid air, Snake then threw the shaft half up at the archer. The shaft hit the archers stomach and blood began to pour out of the hollow shaft. It dripped down the mass. The archer fell into the water. Archimage was surrounded and Snake suddenly was dodging swords. Snake was surprised when a loud, commanding voice said: "Put your weapons down. Look who it is buffoons." They dropped their weapons. "Zammoracks son." The words rang around the boat. "Sir, I am sorry but allow me to introduce myself, I am Zarov, follower of Zamorrack. Allow me to give you quarters as we journey to help your father." "Where is it your going?" "To the temple of the gods, where we will retrieve pandora's box." TO BE CONTINUED More later. Thanks Archimage and now you can go back to your news sessions and whatever else. I am back for a while...WITH A VENGEANCE