champion

I'm still kinda undecided on it. Milk tastes a whole lot better and gives you even more protein, but I find that a big protein shake with milk often makes my stomach feel bad. I'm thinking I'm probably just mildly lactose intolerant though. I've been lifting weights for a little over a month now. I'm seeing both numerical increases in the weights I'm lifting, as well as some increased muscle definition already. I'm proud of myself for getting this far since I've gone to the gym a couple times before to eventually quit shortly after. But it's become a good habit of mine now that I fully intend on continuing, despite easily still being one of the skinniest guys in the gym. on an unrelated note, I smoked a lot of pot last night and fell asleep at 2:30 and it's my last day to study for my last final, which happens to be at 8:30am tomorrow. my wisest choice? nah. not too concerned about it though, test should be very manageable.

pls stop triggering me with math related terminology

i probably failed the class

LIFE

Just signed the lease for my first apartment. Starts next year, gonna be living with 3 of my friends. It's pretty cramped, but the location is amazing (very close to campus and right next to a grocery store), and given Seattle's rent prices it's a very fair monthly cost. It's gonna be great. And tomorrow I have one of the biggest tests of my life, my calculus final. It'll be my last non-stats math test of my life, ideally. "Ideally" meaning I'm very ill-prepared for it and I could very well fail the class if I do badly enough. I've barely studied at all because this is like the busiest I've ever been in my life. PRAYING TO THE PARTIAL CREDIT GODS

hahahaha given my username on here and the fact that they're a seattle hardcore band, i was probably the one that got you to listen to them however many years ago. that's funny, i still occasionally listen to them to get pumped up at the gym. anyways, on topic: beautiful indie pop record with heavy shoegaze influences. all i've been listening to lately. dreamy, dreary, fuzzy.

star wars sucks, superhero movies suck, you're all nerds

lets not

i got drunk af (tequila, vodka, and fireball) and smoked a lil bit last night, no real hangover at all today either. even went to the gym and everything. it was a fantastic time getting very intoxicated around good people. even if it was mostly pleasant because it served as a sweet release from a lot of the turmoil and anxiety occurring in my life as of the past few weeks ha haha ahahaahaahhh i have to go write like 3 papers right now

Uhhh yeah I don't think telling her that would benefit anyone. Taking a break year to reevaluate priorities is incredibly common and like I said, she's already fully expecting to go back to school.

Yeah, you guys are both 100% right. Especially about the whole acting sooner rather than later part. Whenever we next hang out I'm just gonna be blunt and tell her how I feel and hope for the best. I have a bad habit of looking too far into the future and contemplating the various consequences of things and trying to adjust my current situation to prepare for the future when it's often too early to judge anything that far in advance anyways. This doesn't just go for girls, I plan the [bleep] out of everything. It's helpful in some instances but mostly annoying and something I'm trying to work on. In the meantime, I'm just gonna focus on my schoolwork and the gym. One thing at a time.

Basically taking a gap year from school. She got her AA down in California and was really stressed out with school so she moved up here to live with her older sister for a while, now she's just working but recently completed her transfer apps for other schools.

So, here I am again. With a situation that's pretty significantly different from my last one (the whole thing with the girl who had a boyfriend. It was a quick casual thing and we never contacted each other again and I don't care lol. She was kind of crazy). This post will hopefully help me clear my mind and put the situation in perspective. Also welcoming any input/advice/whatever. About a month ago I started chatting with this girl on Tinder. We exchanged numbers, casually texted back and forth for a week or so before hanging out for the first time, which was like 3 weeks ago (seems longer). It wasn't established as being a "date" or anything, we both just seemed like cool people to each other and wanted to meet each other. I was the only person she's ever met off Tinder, it was really a big coincidence that it even happened in the first place. We both just had a couple beers and walked around downtown at night talking, goofing around, skateboarding, etc. We ended up learning that we have an insane amount of stuff in common. We're both psych majors, both have the exact same Myers-Briggs personality type, both enjoy weird goofy humor (like the Eric Andre Show), among a ton of other weird little coincidences. She's incredibly easy to talk to, like I don't think I've ever talked to a girl where we could just talk for hours without it getting awkward in the slightest. She's lived an incredibly interesting life and has all sorts of awesome stories. Oh, I also find her very physically attractive. Needless to say, I'm completely infatuated. We've hung out two other times, the latest being a couple days ago. It was pretty similar to the first time we hung out, we got drunk and walked around and talked for hours. We ended up going back to her place and smoking cigarettes by the beach, talking more. It got really late and I didn't have any good way to get back home, so I stayed the night at her place, which she was fine with offering. It's worth noting that all the while leading up to this we still both just seemed to consider each other friends. That whole night hanging out we both seemed to be pretty flirty, and the majority of it was on her part. Nothing super obvious, just brief-ish arm and leg touches and stuff. We fell asleep in the same bed together, again with a lot of physical closeness but nothing expressing explicit romance (also to be fair it was a really big bed so it's not like we were exactly cuddling). I know that at this point in the story, it might seem like the obvious response is "dude you were in the same bed, she was being kind of flirty, and you like her, why didn't you make a move?" Believe me, I've asked myself the same thing. But I think it goes back to the infatuation thing. I'm at this point where I'm so infatuated with her as a person that I didn't have the balls to just be like "[bleep] it, I don't care if I get rejected, I could get over it pretty quick." If she'd rejected me, I probably would've been pretty [bleep]in' crushed. It'd be nice to have that closure, but our friendship that we both value would've been significantly more awkward, if it didn't just end right then and there. It's kind of a double edged sword though even if she did want to pursue something with me. I'm only here in Seattle until June for school until I go back home for the summer, and next fall she's entering college somewhere in California, so if we were to have a "thing," whatever that might be, it'd just be for like 3 months. She recently broke up with a long-term boyfriend of hers due to distance, so it's not like realistically we'd be able to last. She's going back to California for like a week or something to get her wisdom teeth removed, but I can only assume we'll hang out again not long after she gets back. After rambling up to this point, the only conclusion I'm coming to is that next time we meet up I should just explain to her my feelings (in a more articulate, less needy-sounding way than this post haha). Weighing the costs and benefits here, I think there'd be a lot more long term self-loathing if I never told her how I felt and there was this weird sexual tension between us before drifting apart than I would if I just got flat-out denied. And of course there's always the chance that she reciprocates my feelings, which would be great (up until we'd stop seeing each other after a few months but OH WELL). As you can tell by now, I overanalyze shit way too much. It's weird with girls, I'm either fine with hooking up, have pretty high self-confidence and I don't get attached at all or I fall desperately into the snares of 'oneitis' and doubt everything I do, which I'm experiencing now. There never seems to be an in-between. But this post helped confirm that I just gotta grow a pair and let her know how I feel rather than deal with this anxiety and lack of closure forever. Anyways, thanks to anyone who read this and wants to give any input, it was cathartic for me at least.

I distinctly remember this same exact conversation occurring like 3 months ago.

Sasquatch Festival lineup got released last night. Lookin' pretty great: http://pitchfork.com/news/58338-sasquatch-music-festival-announces-lineup/ Assuming all goes according to plan, I'll buy my tickets this Saturday. So that'll be a cool thing to look forward to. In worse news, I did really shitty on my first calc midterm. I didn't think I did that bad, but apparently I was sorely mistaken. Soooo that's not good. One nice thing however is that I'm pretty sure I only need to pass with a 2.0+ instead of a 2.5+ like I needed in precalc last quarter. It just really blows doing great in highschool and pretty much great in all my other college classes, but when it comes to math I'm just like literally incapable of understanding it well at all.

lmao y'all salty af, GO HAWKS even tho we lost it was an entertaining game the whole time calc midterm on tuesday shiiiiiietttt

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photic_sneeze_reflex

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Women can seem scary when you have virtually no actual real-life interaction with them, and everything you hear about them is from the delusional echo-chambers of places like /r9k/ (which I know that abc Horatio visits constantly). Women can't just snap their fingers, say "this guy raped me" and have you sent to prison with no proof of anything. Abc, you've been arguing this same thing for literally years now. Hasn't it gotten old? You drive a car, right? Your odds of getting in a fatal car accident while driving every day are astronomically higher than any woman deciding to say you raped her and you actually being sent to prison with no proof. Why haven't you stopped driving then? You're scared of women because you force yourself into irrational mental feedback loops that perpetuate statistically improbable scenarios that you can use to comfort yourself with the fact that taking the initiative to talk to women is challenging. Like someone else posted above, fat ugly people can bang chicks left and right without issue. Does it help to be handsome and in shape? Sure. But ultimately the only thing holding yourself back is your mental attitude, which is something that nobody else can change but you.

hahaha what? that's an oddly specific assumption but it's probably not too far off. she doesn't smoke anymore but I wouldn't be surprised if that's what she did smoke. I only smoke very rarely, like a cig or two a week, but I got a pack of newports myself.

An update about that girl I posted about 2 or 3 pages ago. Last night we hung out, got drunk under a bridge and talked and walked around her town for a while. She was explaining how she knows how her current long-distance relationship is going to fail, and how her boyfriend knows it too. It was really obvious she was coming on to me, and soon she was resting her head on my shoulder as we were sitting down. Then we ended up kissing for a little while, then talking about the implications of the fact that she has a boyfriend. She explained that she's just a really sexual person and the fact that her boyfriend is across the country means that she just isn't romantically satisfied at all. Then we made out for like 20 minutes before I had to go catch my bus. It was really enjoyable, and now we've texted a little bit today about how we're both just down for being casual friends with benefits. It's just kind of weird because I've never been in a scenario quite like this. On paper, everything is kind of perfect. I wouldn't really want to date her because I'm not like super physically/emotionally attracted to her, and she's fine with that. Like I can't really picture myself developing serious feelings for her at all. But it's still enjoyable to be romantic with someone. She seems a little needier than me, but if it ever gets weird or unbalanced, she's like an hour bus-ride away and goes to another college so it'd be pretty easy to break ties. So yeah, overall a pretty good situation to be in.

Yeah, have like one selfie max. Always have an obligatory picture or two of you with other people, and another one or two of you doing something like a hobby. I have one of me playing the guitar which I think helps a lot, but it could be hiking or something like that. I've had Tinder for exactly one month now. 228 matches total. Helps that I alternated between my hometown and my large college, but yeah. My pictures could be a lot better and I swipe right on a large majority of girls. I honestly don't care much about it, I'm not really actively trying to get dates out of it. I really only talk to girls when they initiate. It's fun though, as dumb as it can often be.

SEAHAWKS