Kirschen

Someone who isn't fully afraid of me, or admires my cruelty. Snacks.

Banned for implying you appreciate my creative sadism and question if you should try out-sadisming me.

Arctic blue. Creativity.

Banned because coincidence does not exist, only hitsuzen.

While dreaming, a small child walks into your room with a large, soft polar bear plushy. While drifting off, he chains your hands and feet to the bed and slowly places several bricks on your chest, taping a two feet of them to your shirt, topping it off by using a gagball to trigger the Rube-Goldberg machine when he smashes the bricks. With the smash, the broken ribs causes you to wake up, chew on the gagball, which spills out and triggers the device to react and inject you with a cocktail of drugs (not one of them a painkiller), tightening the chains and holding you down even harder. While dying from poison, suffocation, and broken ribs, your last sight is a soft-white teddy bear looming over your eyeballs, taped to the ceiling and hear the giggles of a child.

Banned for choosing a bad time to snipe (on another, darker thread). EDIT: Let me take the time to appreciate the unexpected coincidence.

My personal playground to be a sadist. Leonardo.

You wake up with each hand tied to a tree in the middle of a black forest, facing an estranged cult. The leader confronts you begins unbuttoning your shirt and carving intricate symbols while the rest bathe you in rotten animal flesh and make slight cuts over you to add salt and lemon juice. Behind them is a rabid and carnivorous painted in rainbow like colors. What makes it weird is when you discover the signs look like girly marks and have ponies, bunnies, and rainbows all over you. To top it off, the cultists reveal themselves that they're making a sacrifice that would be 20% more amazing than the last, and you realize the horror: You're about to be the human sacrifice for a cult of bronies to please their god.

Banned because, for the first time in my life, I feel sympathetic for someone who will be part of a game I am participating in to claim a title here. For that, I'll make a nice voodoo doll for you to hang on your shelf.

Except I borderline on token evil teammate and poisonous friend. 62 HP

A nicely-dressed female appears before you and you engage in the best conversation of your life, you have everything in common, and you fall madly in love with her. Afterwards, you have a nice experience at the theatre, you get a free five star dinner, and win the lottery, implying a great romance. Then she makes the reveal...

Unfortunately, I talk to my friends with innuendo, scathing sarcasm, and full-blown insults. 61 HP

Granted, but the granite will always break when it touches paper. I wish I had the title of "grim reaper" on the death thread here.

Banned because being constructive was never anybody's M.O. for /fg/, and if it was, they would be eaten up by the social darwinist style of this location.

You have to finish a bowl of broccoli-flavored Jello that refills itself when you are 9/10th of the way finished. Death by belly burst ensues.

You break down when you find out your most cherished beliefs are proven wrong and any hope you had is crushed, making you wallow in your misery for the rest of your life.

Banned for causing this three-way stalemate.

Eight words: Embarrassing play starring Snow White; you're the lead. Includes the kissing scene and you will look great in a dress.

Granted. You have the fastest, strongest, and most perfect body possible (minus immortality)... for a cockroach. I wish I had amazing pisionic powers.

Banned because my initial post was for you, not innocent Dev.

Banned for not getting my vague ramblings.

Just need to use the other two types of bombs in a fight and kill Pest Queen and tower will be "complete".

Banned because I speak the truth.

Banned because you weren't savvy enough to take off his armor and then ban him.

The Wall reads Cyanide & Happiness. 61 HP