dragoncmd

a bit strange, I had a hard time following it, but the writing style was pretty good, the plot seemed to be all over the place though, with no general direction.

I ive it an 8 out of 10 cause I'm a spoiled brat. Pretty good, I didn't notice anything bad about it, but nothing good stood out either.

I'll see if I can get a post up by the end of the week, I am extremely busy this year so I might have to ask you guys to write me out of it. The best I can promise is one a week, and even thats a stretch. Also I'm going to have to review my character. I've used this one in so many different incarnations, that I don't know if I know him any more. Also I have to move all my saved stuff from my old comp to the new one. Forsakenmage, Maybe you could post and then I'll get mine up?

well I guess she is the gazelle after all. Damn that was a creepy story... Could we have a little more comedic value in the future?

YAY! Another story by necro! So when is the next chapter of dreamweb comminG? HUH? What as that? I CAN"T HEAR YOU! [/compltelysupidspamityspam] I really like this one, though something about the second paragraph bothered. You almost form a rhyme scheme there, which isn't bad in itself, but when it breaks its really noticable. Perhaps changing "me", "Quitely", or "lucky" to a different word might help.

I only read the first couple of paragraphs, but it was very good. Try being more descriptive though. You describe actions and what happened, but you don't appeal to the senses, you said, "The vial exploded." Tell me how it exploded, "The vial exploded outwards in a shower of glass shards" Oh and most importantly, keep on writing.

I'm too restless to read it right now, maybe later, I always enjoy your stuff. Off to play D&D. (I'm still contemplating stealing that avatar btw)

nah, they're too weak, though the coding is good. Debugging the kalphite queen? Or maybe the Rise of a great PKer? (don't use real sn's for the last one though)

^^ as you prove all too many times :twisted: :lol: Perhaps the beast in the Fight caves might make a good subject. Or the evil chiken who stole Leester's Full dragon and Guthans?

I loved it, the rhyme scheme could you some work later in the poem, but I love the discription. It would be nice to see more poetry on these forums, it seems like we only get a few every few months.

Intresting premise, but your moving far too fast. How did this guy learn to teleport, if this is in rs, where did he get the runes. Describe what it looks like, were there pillars or light? Purple cubes? Did he shrink? Did he disolve? Details are your best friend, Assume that the reader doesn't know anything except colors, and basic shapes and items.

sorry for bumping an old topic but this was a wonderful story. The swtich for 2nd person to 3rd person was a bit strange, but other than that it was incredible.

That is incredible, I have a very low opinion of most larger online communitites, and it is nice to see a guild stepping up to the plate to save a life.

over simplified but true, fortuanetly they do match up every once in awhile.

I would definatly pay more attention to Zonorhc's advice, if you'd read his stories you would see that he knows what hes talking about. Even so I'm enjoying this. I noticed that the guards forgot to tie his hands, though his line confused me: "Then he was knocked out cold." it was impossible for the guard to wake him up before he escaped because of the time frame of turning around. You implied that he knocked out our killed multiple people within one second of waking up, with his legs bound. The guard would have noticed them when he came in otherwise.

zamorak is not in this story so far.

orginal, I vote that chapter 3 you do an rp of Guthix v. Zaros, You play guthix, archimage plays zaros. You can do what ever you want to control your own side, but it cannot effect the other side's playing ability.

Very, quit flaming and I apologize for mini-moding First you used the abbreviation "2h" fix it before I kill you because I like this story. Second, you have a very intresting balance of comedy and action, slow it down and try to stick closer to one or the other. Your chapters were a bit short but I've seen worse. Tell us about the battle. how is it fancy? Describe this epic struggle. Something more along the lines of, "As he drew Lightsoul out of its sheath he felt an invasion in the back of his mind. He began to concentrate to push the invasion back. It took the shape of a shear black ooze twisting, despoiling and rotting what ever it touched. He desperatly threw up mental barries but even his incredible strenght of will was not match for the power of the dark god of chaos." (I apologize for my misspellings, but I threw this together on the spot) no caps and only one exclamation point is needed. I absolutely loved the list of suspects, but it kinda ruins the story. Its the only truely funny section of hte story and stands out like a well... a halarious section of a serious story. Maybe something more along the lines of "Blasikner Da Vutoug!" He shouted, and felt and a soothing warmth flow through his body as his wounds closed before his eyes." I really don't think this story needs an additional chapters, your ending is dark but really cool just the same.

I see that you put some effort into the plot and you wroting so I'm going to concentrate on the negatives here. First use paragraphs. Large blocks of text kill the eyes. Second, Don't abbreviate. write out crossbow instead of saying x-bow. that might be alright for talking game chat or instand messaging, but in a paragraph it breaks the flow. Thrid, make your chapters a bit longer, this isn't that important, but its kinda disappointeing to see and update, get all excited, and then finish reading within the next minute. (I'm a fast reader so this is especially annoying for me) And most importantly keep on going. I like your premise. Kamaja seems to be popular is legends but rarely used in fan fiction in its present form.

well I personally like the titles. it adds some humor to the forums. maybe keep them andget rid of the post count being displayed?

ok I guess noone cares about this topic, please lock.

the file size was too large, so I had to change the coloring to reduce size.

uh... dwarven empire is open to all races except elves... they don't keep slaves any more except in the rowdy sections of town. prut the island is pretty small, but hte kingdom is pretty large. but your allowed ot play Invent an Island! if you want ot. Oh and archy, I made a map of the elven kingdoms:

archimage, I want exact locations because its very hard to bring the character together without knowing where they are. The characters don't exactly know, but we should. Oh and sorry for the double post, its been a long time since I've done that.

it works, Prut is in the southern human lands, and some of the nearby islans are used by he elven alliance to hide their ships to raid dwarven merchants. Most of the fighting takes place to the north. Don't change your character, but tweak his backstory.