dragoncmd

Necro: Yes they are, I'll be messing with the spelling but the basis is dutch (no I do not speak dutch, its called a dictionary) Xewleer: Yes he died in the prelude, The story is of what leads him to that point. Should I continue? I only really had the shadow song formed in my mind when I started this, no real story. I'm slowly working on that.

This is play I am writing, it is meant to be sung, but because of my lack of musical talent I am leaving the tune to your imagination. Currently I only have The Prelude and Act I finished. I would appreciate if anyone could take the time to proofread this. Thanks. Characters: Juwelen Schaduw - War hero and leader of unknown rank Litava Liucht - The daughter of a prestigious senator, she loves juwelen Arguine Liucht - A prestigous senator, he loves his daughter, and wants to secure her position after his death Master of Shadows - An unknown person who hates the Liucht Family Prelude A Hero's Death Prologue (spoken, Narrator): As he lived he died As he died he lived A warriors death The Boatman took The diamond of the world. The Battle (Sung, Juwelen Schaduw): As blood falls around me we die As oil pours from these Walls we burn A Death fit for a hero but not for me Take it back death! Take it back! I Have a wife I love, I don't wish her pain! I have a wife I love! Don't Make it Rain Blood from the sky! But our cause is just We must triumph But our cause is just Our deaths will save Those we love So this is how I died Act I The Shadow's Song everywhere> Chorus: We are the blank Spots of your world. We are the blank hole in your mind. We don't exist. We never did. Forget that we are here. We listen to your secrets. We listen to your doubts. Everything you've said was heard by us. We take your mind but never did be-cause... We are the Blank spot of your world. In darkness we are one In light not at all escape us if you will, You will only escape a mirage, For We are the Blank spot of your world. Look behind you we are there. Or perhaps in front instead Head away from the light, Head towards us, But never find We are the blank spot of your world Chorus Noone has this voice... A Loving Day Litava: You Don't understand me! You listen to those fools I love that man with all my soul Forget your arrangements Fa-Ther Arguine: He might be rought around the edges but he is a good man Listen to me daughter Listen to me now He will secure your life He will allow you to live After I am gone Litava: He is a friend; That I do not doubt, But listen to your words Listen to your heart Listen to me Guynuwhire is a good man But I have my eye on another Arguine: Who? Litava: One that you know One that you don't Let him come to you, Don't force me. Arguine: I trust your intentions I trust your heart Your innocence I do not I will leave you be, But I hope you think on the wisdom of your act. Litava: He Worries to much My love will protect Himself and Me. Oh, his valor is known around His virtue shall be given unto me. Who is this I hear Is it she who promised to me Let me love being near Her beauty in heart and mind Litava and voice: I love but I don't know Who he/she is Will we be together, or are we doomed apart Let us be with me Let us be with you A perfect union of two

Quite refreshing to see a readable AND intresting story. Only thing I would complain about is the short chapter.

Edit: I appologize for my previous comment, I had not read enough to pass judgement. But you do have a capitalization error in the second sentence. After seeing that, plus the intentional stupidity of internet (is it?) dialogue, made me judge you unfairly. I'll read the rest later.

no time now, but I'm bookmarking this to look at later. EDIT: What I've seen is very intresting. I noticed a few minor details with weapon design, and continuity. I made an account on that forum, I'll send you a pm.

How many times do I have to tell you. Forget all these different attempts, write a novel and get published!

5 never seen

That feels better, I was going through withdrawl. This story is as addictive as the ichor in it!

three letters killed it for me "omg" I didn't bother reading the rest. I've only seen two people be able to pull off a story with rs slang, and their long gone.

your moving too fast, its not bad, but slow down, and describe the scene, dialouge isn't everything. Remember, deatil is your friend. How 'bout "Zamarokian Onslaught"

/agree Its more distrubing than anything else, Ambitious though.

You sir, are obsessed. I love it!

*reminds myself never to explore necro's mind.*

BLASPHMEY! It is common knowledge that mice are the smartest animals on earth and dolphins are second!

pretty nice. Issy, I thought you would have picked up on the fact that he *only* picked cliche phrases.

Whats he got to be grateful about? :-k Perhaps Reverant would be a better term?

and another great story by Zonorhc! Are you planning on continuing this? It really doesn't seem to need it, its great as is.

thats not rap at all...

*Sitting quietly is a dark corner, dragoncmd looks up from his book to see archimage_A walking in. excited to see the guy for the first time in a month dragon yells, "HEY ARCHI OVER HERE!" Oops... That was a tad bit loud for the libary wasn't it.

necro, wheres your trash can? May I go picking through it?

Kumlekar noticed rain waking up, but said nothing. After another hour the monotony of walking was broken when he say a flicker of motion to the left side of the path (if a canyon lined wih red bushes with razor sharp leaves could be called that). Without giving any sign that he noticed anything, he made his way over to Armaneth and whispered, "Something's following us" "I know, they been there for about a half hour" "Ideas?" "Got any oil?" "One vial, why?" "Toss it on those plants" As soon as the oil touched the plants, an inferno erupted around them. "LETS GO!"

Once out of sight of the group, KumlekarÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s stride changed, slowing, allowing him to blend into his surroundings. He worked his way from boulder to boulder, along a shallow canyon. Once the portal was in view, he climbed the cliff face, letting his cloak hide him from any wandering eyes. He examined the camp, using a shallow ledge for balance. There he sat and watched in silence. The Zaramokian camp was far larger than they had first seen. The portal was continuously opening and closing, letting supplies in and out of the camp. Through the portal Kumlekar could see a mine shaft, with dimly lit lanterns hanging from the ceiling. There was a series of mine cart tracks heading from the portal to some mine shafts within the encampment. Periodically a cart would roll through the portal carrying some sort of Black ore out of the abyss. By watching the interactions between the priests, Kumlekar began to get a vague idea of the hierarchy within the camp. The higher ranking priests seemed to reside on the eastern side of the camp is some small caves in the rock walls. Slave teams periodically went between some caves on the western side, and the mine shafts. As Kumlekar was about to turn and leave, he saw two greater demons flanking a naked woman of unearthly beauty. They headed for the high priest, and the priest gulped in fear. As the woman and the priest talked, Kumlekar watched her closely. She filled him with a mixture of revulsion and lust at the same time. Unlike everything around her, her skin did not have a red tinge to it, as if the blood red sun did not reflect off of her. When the coast was clear Kumlekar dropped off of the wall and hurried back to the party.

Pretty nice, it almost makes me want to start writing again. For your sig, try changing the ">" 's to brackets "[" Check out My POETRY

I have a guess though, Room 101?

that first one was awsome, I'll definatly be comming back to read the rest later. I like how something of such beauty springs from the life blood of the incarnation of hideousness.