Kuroi_Ame Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 My friend wrote this, but since he's not a part of Tip.It, I'm posting it for him. He says he wanted some c/c on it, so I thought to post it here for him. I personally thought it was VERY good. It is a bit horrific, but it's worth reading. No, he's not emo.. Months of planning, days of preparation The party decorated as if for a king Hopes of a splenders fill innocent minds The guest of honor worries about every detail One bye one the guest arrive bearing faces full of joy None hide themselves All are merry The night starts like this as if it were perfect Many spend the night chasing new lovers Others try to avoid their last The new sixteen year old lets lose after a long day of anticipation She knows not of the fate set for her The many lovers carefully wait their chance to dance with their idolized image Overprotective of their prize, Each hug, every dance, every look spreads jealousy to there competitors He watches them stab their hearts again and again and laughs Seeing greed, envy, and lust embedded in his peers Determined to see their sin die Longing to repent for his own He anxiously seeks his moment A night of celebration proceeds accordingly Soon itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s time for the main event The cake is brought out Delicately the sugary concoction is placed in front of the birthday girl All eye the cake then the girl The candles are lit Song soon emanates from the guests Now was his chance He took out his revolver from his coat pocket Carefully placing the end at the back of her head She feels the cold steel tap her head Then she falls limp Blood is splattered on the once delouses cake The guests have yet to realize what has happened Two more bullets fire Two more are dead Instinct takes hold They begin to run Others try to hide But itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s to late Two more are dead A hero emerges to stop the onslaught But his actions are all for naught Their was nothing left for him to do The gun was pointed His target known Into his own head The bullet was meant to go Six bodies lay limp on the floor The birthday girl left with the smile still on her face The hero with only images of death and helplessness The last words of the killer left in his head Have a nice life This is also on TokyoPop. do u wow?Cassiius|Level 70 Night Elf Preist|RunetotemSambora|Level 37 Tauren Shaman|BurningLegion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodredsword Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 oh mah gawd kinda disturbing :shock: Listen to the mighty words of Bloodredsword. Tip it MGC Xbox live leader board! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckeyemange Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 oh mah gawd kinda disturbing :shock: +1 It was good, but, well, disturbing. I liked it, even though I won't sleep tonight... The GES, the only clan ruled by a Goat. "How did it start? I mean, did one kid just yell out lets have sex!"" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I really really don't like it. Its' got little flow, seems to have been thrown together with no regard for rhyme or rhythm, I didn't find it scary at all, and there's at least one mistake in there. Overall, as a poem, it just didn't work for me. Also alot of the later lines are very explicit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckeyemange Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Do poems truely need rhyme? Can a poem just be a story? I think so. I don't believe a poem needs a formal rhythem or rhyme pattern. It's the message that's important. The GES, the only clan ruled by a Goat. "How did it start? I mean, did one kid just yell out lets have sex!"" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingWenlok Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 It was a quite good, but the writer should remember to check for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Writing mistakes can make a story rather difficult to read, as it distracts the readers attention. I also found it didn't have much rhythm, and it didn't really feel like a poem to me. It would have been better off written as a story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Do poems truely need rhyme? Can a poem just be a story? I think so. I don't believe a poem needs a formal rhythem or rhyme pattern. It's the message that's important. The message isn't the only thing. I certainly agree that many poems don't need rhyme or rhythm, but in this case it just sounds unprofessional. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 I really really don't like it. Its' got little flow, seems to have been thrown together with no regard for rhyme or rhythm, I didn't find it scary at all, and there's at least one mistake in there. Overall, as a poem, it just didn't work for me. Also alot of the later lines are very explicit. I usually don't like to say bad things about others poetry but to be honest I'm going to have to agree with Issy on this one... I also didn't quite get the point being made? It didn't impact me like I'm sure the writer intended it to... Do poems truely need rhyme? Can a poem just be a story? I think so. I don't believe a poem needs a formal rhythem or rhyme pattern. It's the message that's important. A poem is defined as and I quote 1. the art of rhythmical composition, written or spoken, for exciting pleasure by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts. 2. literary work in metrical form; verse. therefore what I would consider what your friend wrote to be along the lines of Prose* with a dramatic flare. He might as well of written it as a story,rather than breaking up the sentences and calling it a poem...atleast it would of made more sense that way...No offense... Thats just my two cents worth... * Prose is the ordinary form of spoken or written language, without metrical structure, as distinguished from poetry or verse. My PoetryA short story: THE INTRUDERA Short Story:Jerrel the Jester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deloriagod Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 I really liked that poem.. Maybe the death metal I'm listening to helped bring a better picture into my head, but I really enjoyed reading this. Internet Marketing For Newbies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 I really really don't like it. Its' got little flow, seems to have been thrown together with no regard for rhyme or rhythm, I didn't find it scary at all, and there's at least one mistake in there. Overall, as a poem, it just didn't work for me. Also alot of the later lines are very explicit. /agree Its more distrubing than anything else, Ambitious though. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sychospy Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 I liked it, dont know why, just liked The message isn't the only thing. I certainly agree that many poems don't need rhyme or rhythm, but in this case it just sounds unprofessional. Just look at the crow by E.A Poe, It's one of the best terror poems, and it doesnt have rhyme. "hasta la victoria siempre."Beated Monkey madness lvl76.Beated haunted mine at lvl 77.cmb +75 and total +930 all stats +46 before p2p.Al f2p stats +50 (15/02/08) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now