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About dymed

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    Bear Fur
  1. This is my friend's HJT log; her computer is really messing up quite a bit and spyware/adware programs (Spybot, Adaware, Spy Sweeper) are not picking things up. If anyone could look this over and tell me absolutely anything that is unnecessary and/or malicious, I'd appreciate it. Logfile of Trend Micro HijackThis v2.0.2 Scan saved at 12:08:49 PM, on 1/17/2008 Platform: Windows XP SP2 (WinNT 5.01.2600) MSIE: Internet Explorer v7.00 (7.00.6000.16574) Boot mode: Normal Running processes: C:\WINDOWS\System32\smss[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\winlogon[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\services[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\lsass[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\svchost[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\System32\svchost[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\EvtEng[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\S24EvMon[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\WLKeeper[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Lavasoft\Ad-Aware 2007\aawservice[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\spoolsv[Caution: Executable File] c:\program files\common files\logitech\lvmvfm\LVPrcSrv[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\eHome\ehRecvr[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\eHome\ehSched[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Common Files\McAfee\HackerWatch\HWAPI[Caution: Executable File] C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\MSC\mcmscsvc[Caution: Executable File] c:\program files\common files\mcafee\mna\mcnasvc[Caution: Executable File] C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\VIRUSS~1\mcods[Caution: Executable File] C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\MSC\mcpromgr[Caution: Executable File] c:\PROGRA~1\COMMON~1\mcafee\mcproxy\mcproxy[Caution: Executable File] c:\PROGRA~1\COMMON~1\mcafee\redirsvc\redirsvc[Caution: Executable File] C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\VIRUSS~1\mcshield[Caution: Executable File] C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\VIRUSS~1\mcsysmon[Caution: Executable File] C:\PROGRA~1\mcafee.com\agent\mcagent[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Common Files\Microsoft Shared\VS7DEBUG\MDM[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\McAfee\MPF\MPFSrv[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\icthis[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\isfmntr[Caution: Executable File] C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\MPS\mps[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\icmntr[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\ehome\ehtray[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Synaptics\SynTP\SynTPEnh[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\McAfee\MSK\MskSrver[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\isfmm[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Dell\QuickSet\NICCONFIGSVC[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\hkcmd[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\igfxpers[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\igfxsrvc[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\stsystra[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\Rundll32[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\RegSrvc[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\SiteAdvisor\6253\SAService[Caution: Executable File] C:\DOCUME~1\Athena\LOCALS~1\Temp\clclean.0001 C:\WINDOWS\system32\LVCOMSX[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Common Files\InstallShield\UpdateService\issch[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Dell Photo AIO Printer 924\dlccmon[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\McAfee\MPS\mpsevh[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\McAfee\MSK\MskAgent[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\stacsv[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\bin\ZCfgSvc[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\ifrmewrk[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\SiteAdvisor\6253\SiteAdv[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\iTunes\iTunesHelper[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\svchost[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Webroot\Spy Sweeper\SpySweeperUI[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\ctfmon[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\dllhost[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\eHome\ehmsas[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Common Files\Creative Labs Shared\Service\CreativeLicensing[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\system32\dlcccoms[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Webroot\Spy Sweeper\SpySweeper[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\iPod\bin\iPodService[Caution: Executable File] C:\WINDOWS\explorer[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\isfmm[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Webroot\Spy Sweeper\SSU[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Internet Explorer\IEXPLORE[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\AIM6\aim6[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\AIM6\aolsoftware[Caution: Executable File] C:\Program Files\Internet Explorer\IEXPLORE[Caution: Executable File] C:\Documents and Settings\Athena\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\Content.IE5\U8M65B9X\HiJackThis[1][Caution: Executable File] R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Search Bar = http://red.clientapps.yahoo.com/customi ... ch/ie.html R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Search Page = http://red.clientapps.yahoo.com/customi ... .yahoo.com R0 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Start Page = about:blank R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Default_Page_URL = http://www.yahoo.com R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Default_Search_URL = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896 R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Search Page = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896 R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Start Page = http://www.yahoo.com R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\SearchURL,(Default) = http://red.clientapps.yahoo.com/customi ... .yahoo.com R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Connection Wizard,ShellNext = http://www.dell.com/ R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Window Title = Windows Internet Explorer provided by Yahoo! R3 - URLSearchHook: Yahoo! Toolbar - {EF99BD32-C1FB-11D2-892F-0090271D4F88} - C:\Program Files\Yahoo!\Companion\Installs\cpn0\yt.dll O2 - BHO: &Yahoo! Toolbar Helper - {02478D38-C3F9-4EFB-9B51-7695ECA05670} - C:\Program Files\Yahoo!\Companion\Installs\cpn0\yt.dll O2 - BHO: Adobe PDF Reader Link Helper - {06849E9F-C8D7-4D59-B87D-784B7D6BE0B3} - C:\Program Files\Adobe\Acrobat 7.0\ActiveX\AcroIEHelper.dll O2 - BHO: (no name) - {089FD14D-132B-48FC-8861-0048AE113215} - C:\Program Files\SiteAdvisor\6253\SiteAdv.dll O2 - BHO: DriveLetterAccess - {5CA3D70E-1895-11CF-8E15-001234567890} - C:\WINDOWS\system32\dla\tfswshx.dll O2 - BHO: SSVHelper Class - {761497BB-D6F0-462C-B6EB-D4DAF1D92D43} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre1.6.0_02\bin\ssv.dll O2 - BHO: scriptproxy - {7DB2D5A0-7241-4E79-B68D-6309F01C5231} - c:\PROGRA~1\mcafee\VIRUSS~1\scriptcl.dll O2 - BHO: MYPOINTS - {A057A204-BACC-4D26-CEC4-75A487FD6484} - C:\PROGRA~1\mypoints\mypoints.dll O2 - BHO: (no name) - {BA0BACB5-FC95-451E-94D2-4959AB0949D2} - C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\isfmdl.dll O3 - Toolbar: Yahoo! Toolbar - {EF99BD32-C1FB-11D2-892F-0090271D4F88} - C:\Program Files\Yahoo!\Companion\Installs\cpn0\yt.dll O3 - Toolbar: McAfee SiteAdvisor - {0BF43445-2F28-4351-9252-17FE6E806AA0} - C:\Program Files\SiteAdvisor\6253\SiteAdv.dll O3 - Toolbar: MYPOINTS - {A057A204-BACC-4D26-CEC4-75A487FD6484} - C:\PROGRA~1\mypoints\mypoints.dll O3 - Toolbar: IE Custom Tools - {F2BADA0D-FD61-45EF-A994-64A073FD6613} - C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\ictmdl.dll O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [ehTray] C:\WINDOWS\ehome\ehtray[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [synTPEnh] "C:\Program Files\Synaptics\SynTP\SynTPEnh[Caution: Executable File]" O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [igfxtray] C:\WINDOWS\system32\igfxtray[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [igfxhkcmd] C:\WINDOWS\system32\hkcmd[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [igfxpers] C:\WINDOWS\system32\igfxpers[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [sigmatelSysTrayApp] stsystra[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [MBMon] Rundll32 CTMBHA.DLL,MBMon O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [updReg] C:\WINDOWS\UpdReg[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [LVCOMSX] C:\WINDOWS\system32\LVCOMSX[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [iSUSPM Startup] "C:\Program Files\Common Files\InstallShield\UpdateService\isuspm[Caution: Executable File]" -startup O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [iSUSScheduler] "C:\Program Files\Common Files\InstallShield\UpdateService\issch[Caution: Executable File]" -start O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [DLA] C:\WINDOWS\system32\dla\tfswctrl[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [DLCCCATS] rundll32 C:\WINDOWS\System32\spool\DRIVERS\W32X86\3\DLCCtime.dll,[email protected] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [dlccmon[Caution: Executable File]] "C:\Program Files\Dell Photo AIO Printer 924\dlccmon[Caution: Executable File]" O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [MskAgentexe] "C:\Program Files\McAfee\MSK\MskAgent[Caution: Executable File]" O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [intelZeroConfig] "C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\bin\ZCfgSvc[Caution: Executable File]" O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [intelWireless] "C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\ifrmewrk[Caution: Executable File]" /tf Intel PROSet/Wireless O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [siteAdvisor] "C:\Program Files\SiteAdvisor\6253\SiteAdv[Caution: Executable File]" O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [NielsenOnline] C:\Program Files\NetRatingsNetSight\NetSight\NielsenOnline[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [QuickTime Task] "C:\Program Files\QuickTime\qttask[Caution: Executable File]" -atboottime O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [iTunesHelper] "C:\Program Files\iTunes\iTunesHelper[Caution: Executable File]" O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [spySweeper] C:\Program Files\Webroot\Spy Sweeper\SpySweeperUI[Caution: Executable File] /startintray O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [ctfmon[Caution: Executable File]] C:\WINDOWS\system32\ctfmon[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [Aim6] "C:\Program Files\AIM6\aim6[Caution: Executable File]" /d locale=en-US ee://aol/imApp O4 - HKLM\..\Policies\Explorer\Run: [some] C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\icthis[Caution: Executable File] O4 - HKLM\..\Policies\Explorer\Run: [start] C:\Program Files\Video Add-on\isfmntr[Caution: Executable File] O4 - Global Startup: VPN Client.lnk = ? O8 - Extra context menu item: &ieSpell Options - res://C:\Program Files\ieSpell\iespell.dll/SPELLOPTION.HTM O8 - Extra context menu item: Check &Spelling - res://C:\Program Files\ieSpell\iespell.dll/SPELLCHECK.HTM O8 - Extra context menu item: E&xport to Microsoft Excel - res://C:\PROGRA~1\MICROS~2\Office12\EXCEL[Caution: Executable File]/3000 O8 - Extra context menu item: Lookup on Merriam Webster - file://C:\Program Files\ieSpell\Merriam Webster.HTM O8 - Extra context menu item: Lookup on Wikipedia - file://C:\Program Files\ieSpell\wikipedia.HTM O9 - Extra button: (no name) - {08B0E5C0-4FCB-11CF-AAA5-00401C608501} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre1.6.0_02\bin\ssv.dll O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: Sun Java Console - {08B0E5C0-4FCB-11CF-AAA5-00401C608501} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre1.6.0_02\bin\ssv.dll O9 - Extra button: ieSpell - {0E17D5B7-9F5D-4fee-9DF6-CA6EE38B68A8} - C:\Program Files\ieSpell\iespell.dll (file missing) O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: ieSpell - {0E17D5B7-9F5D-4fee-9DF6-CA6EE38B68A8} - C:\Program Files\ieSpell\iespell.dll (file missing) O9 - Extra button: (no name) - {1606D6F9-9D3B-4aea-A025-ED5B2FD488E7} - C:\Program Files\ieSpell\iespell.dll (file missing) O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: ieSpell Options - {1606D6F9-9D3B-4aea-A025-ED5B2FD488E7} - C:\Program Files\ieSpell\iespell.dll (file missing) O9 - Extra button: (no name) - {9034A523-D068-4BE8-A284-9DF278BE776E} - http://www.updatesgate.com/redirect.php (file missing) O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: IE Anti-Spyware - {9034A523-D068-4BE8-A284-9DF278BE776E} - http://www.updatesgate.com/redirect.php (file missing) O9 - Extra button: (no name) - {CD67F990-D8E9-11d2-98FE-00C0F0318AFE} - (no file) O9 - Extra button: (no name) - {e2e2dd38-d088-4134-82b7-f2ba38496583} - C:\WINDOWS\Network Diagnostic\xpnetdiag[Caution: Executable File] O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: @xpsp3res.dll,-20001 - {e2e2dd38-d088-4134-82b7-f2ba38496583} - C:\WINDOWS\Network Diagnostic\xpnetdiag[Caution: Executable File] O9 - Extra button: Messenger - {FB5F1910-F110-11d2-BB9E-00C04F795683} - C:\Program Files\Messenger\msmsgs[Caution: Executable File] (file missing) O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: Windows Messenger - {FB5F1910-F110-11d2-BB9E-00C04F795683} - C:\Program Files\Messenger\msmsgs[Caution: Executable File] (file missing) O16 - DPF: ActiveGS.cab - http://www.virtualapple.org/activegs.cab O16 - DPF: {02BF25D5-8C17-4B23-BC80-D3488ABDDC6B} (QuickTime Object) - http://qtinstall.info.apple.com/qtactivex/QTPlugin.cab O16 - DPF: {2E12FB00-546B-4EE3-9CC2-057BF02E1C17} (Webshots Multiple Media Uploader - Container) - http://community.webshots.com/html/atx/wsaxcontrol.cab O16 - DPF: {30528230-99F7-4BB4-88D8-FA1D4F56A2AB} (YInstStarter Class) - http://us.dl1.yimg.com/download.yahoo.c ... 040510.cab O16 - DPF: {5C6698D9-7BE4-4122-8EC5-291D84DBD4A0} (Facebook Photo Uploader 4 Control) - http://upload.facebook.com/controls/Fac ... oader3.cab O16 - DPF: {5F8469B4-B055-49DD-83F7-62B522420ECC} (Facebook Photo Uploader Control) - http://upload.facebook.com/controls/Fac ... loader.cab O16 - DPF: {74E4A24D-5224-4F05-8A41-99445E0FC22B} (GameHouse Games Player) - http://aolsvc.aol.com/onlinegames/qadum ... player.cab O16 - DPF: {9FC5238F-12C4-454F-B1B5-74599A21DE47} (Webshots Photo Uploader) - http://community.webshots.com/html/WSPhotoUploader.CAB O16 - DPF: {A18962F6-E6ED-40B1-97C9-1FB36F38BFA8} (Aurigma Image Uploader 3.5 Control) - http://filelodge.bolt.com/ImageUploader3.cab O16 - DPF: {CF40ACC5-E1BB-4AFF-AC72-04C2F616BCA7} (get_atlcom Class) - http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/nos/gp.cab O16 - DPF: {DF780F87-FF2B-4DF8-92D0-73DB16A1543A} (PopCapLoader Object) - http://games.pogo.com/online2/pogo/zuma ... der_v5.cab O20 - AppInit_DLLs: 5.dll O22 - SharedTaskScheduler: (no name) - {b59f3ba4-98da-4b5f-8a2d-7b56fb11140b} - (no file) O22 - SharedTaskScheduler: hemoglobinometries - {c7cd9e83-3bf6-47f8-b2e2-b114c96c1888} - C:\WINDOWS\system32\qhcvdw.dll O23 - Service: McAfee Application Installer Cleanup (0289041200549863) (0289041200549863mcinstcleanup) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\028904~1[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Ad-Aware 2007 Service (aawservice) - Lavasoft - C:\Program Files\Lavasoft\Ad-Aware 2007\aawservice[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Creative Labs Licensing Service - Creative Labs - C:\Program Files\Common Files\Creative Labs Shared\Service\CreativeLicensing[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: dlcc_device - - C:\WINDOWS\system32\dlcccoms[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: DSBrokerService - Unknown owner - C:\Program Files\DellSupport\brkrsvc[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee E-mail Proxy (Emproxy) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\COMMON~1\McAfee\EmProxy\emproxy[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Intel® PROSet/Wireless Event Log (EvtEng) - Intel Corporation - C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\EvtEng[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: InstallDriver Table Manager (IDriverT) - Macrovision Corporation - C:\Program Files\Common Files\InstallShield\Driver\11\Intel 32\IDriverT[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: iPod Service - Apple Inc. - C:\Program Files\iPod\bin\iPodService[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Logitech Process Monitor (LVPrcSrv) - Logitech Inc. - c:\program files\common files\logitech\lvmvfm\LVPrcSrv[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee HackerWatch Service - McAfee, Inc. - C:\Program Files\Common Files\McAfee\HackerWatch\HWAPI[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Update Manager (mcmispupdmgr) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\MSC\mcupdmgr[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Services (mcmscsvc) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\MSC\mcmscsvc[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Network Agent (McNASvc) - McAfee, Inc. - c:\program files\common files\mcafee\mna\mcnasvc[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Scanner (McODS) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\VIRUSS~1\mcods[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Protection Manager (mcpromgr) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\MSC\mcpromgr[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Proxy Service (McProxy) - McAfee, Inc. - c:\PROGRA~1\COMMON~1\mcafee\mcproxy\mcproxy[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Redirector Service (McRedirector) - McAfee, Inc. - c:\PROGRA~1\COMMON~1\mcafee\redirsvc\redirsvc[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Real-time Scanner (McShield) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\VIRUSS~1\mcshield[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee SystemGuards (McSysmon) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\VIRUSS~1\mcsysmon[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Personal Firewall Service (MpfService) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\Program Files\McAfee\MPF\MPFSrv[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee Privacy Service (MPS9) - McAfee, Inc. - C:\PROGRA~1\McAfee\MPS\mps[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: McAfee SpamKiller Service (MSK80Service) - McAfee Inc. - C:\Program Files\McAfee\MSK\MskSrver[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: NICCONFIGSVC - Dell Inc. - C:\Program Files\Dell\QuickSet\NICCONFIGSVC[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Intel® PROSet/Wireless Registry Service (RegSrvc) - Intel Corporation - C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\RegSrvc[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Intel® PROSet/Wireless Service (S24EventMonitor) - Intel Corporation - C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\S24EvMon[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: SiteAdvisor Service - Unknown owner - C:\Program Files\SiteAdvisor\6253\SAService[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: SigmaTel Audio Service (STacSV) - SigmaTel, Inc. - C:\WINDOWS\system32\stacsv[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Webroot Spy Sweeper Engine (WebrootSpySweeperService) - Webroot Software, Inc. - C:\Program Files\Webroot\Spy Sweeper\SpySweeper[Caution: Executable File] O23 - Service: Intel® PROSet/Wireless SSO Service (WLANKEEPER) - Intel® Corporation - C:\Program Files\Intel\Wireless\Bin\WLKeeper[Caution: Executable File] -- End of file - 15424 bytes Thank you. :D
  2. Thanks a lot guys. Reading all of that felt kind of nice. It does help to know you are not alone. :) I still have not decided whether or not I want to see someone, not am I completely sure about what the laws/rules are. However, I do believe that I am feeling a bit more confident about talking to one if I choose to. It might be kind of nice. I can't really go to one for the next couple of weeks anyway, so I have some time to decide. Thanks for the kind words Mel. When I am passionate about something, I tend to just go on about it, explaining everything that I can in as much detail as I can. I'm a pretty good writer when it comes to things like that. The only poetry I have ever written are silly ones where the lines rhyme. Might not be deep, but they sound good! :D And yeah, you are right. I think all I need is a best friend. That's one of the big reasons why I am reluctant to go to a professional. I think all I really need is a best friend again. I completely understand where you are coming from with that whole "needing to be needed" mindset, I am the exact same way. I need someone, and not only that, I need someone to need me too. It makes me feel really weak sometimes; needing someone is not the best of things. I am trying to change that, but it's still how things are, how I am. If it ever does change, if I can manage to do it, it won't be any time soon, I know that much. Everyone should have a best friend; I just need mine again. As corny as that sounds, it's true. I have been doing slightly better past day or two, at least I think so. Went and saw some friends and tried having a good time. Wasn't exactly the most fun I've ever had, but it got my mind off things for a few hours at least. I'll take it. The eating is becoming a problem, but I'm trying to work on it. Eating without an appetite is so blaaah. And when you have severely decreased your food intake for a while, your stomach essentially "shrinks", and you can handle less and less food. I'm pretty sure this has started to happen, as I am getting very full very fast with quite little portions. Trying to reverse this process, but eating when food has kind of lost taste is no fun. Trying to eat things that I find tasty or somewhat good in bigger portions. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories with me. And to those who offered advice and are trying to help. And definitely to those who dropped me a line through PM or on MSN and talked to me. It means a lot and I appreciate it. :D
  3. Most of this stuff is just me getting things off my chest and rambling. Please read the "main point of my post" part, that's the important stuff that I need advice on. Wow, there's so much I want to say, but I will try to keep this as short as possible. And somewhat logical/organized; I kind of just want to blurt random things out. I actually wanted to make this post about 4 or 5 weeks ago, around the time of the week after Thanksgiving or so. That is when I was at my worst. For a (long) while, life just dealt me crappy hand after crappy hand. Put on the pressures of medical school and then add in a major "life incident" to top it all off, and I finally totally broke down, so to say. I started thinking of really terrible things, started doing really terrible things that I am and probably always will be embarrassed of. Thoughts of suicide were rampant; I started looking into things far more than I'd ever like to. I closed down my browser so many time because I was reading about poisons and painless methods of suicide and the like when someone walked into the room. It was terrible. I'd even open up random help sites and sites with hotline numbers on them and read about what they suggested to do if you knew your friend was thinking about it, and tried to follow those things. I was very close to attempting it, but I either didn't have the materials necessary, or I would come to my senses long enough to stop; the part that scares me is that it might have been more about the former. I did end up hurting myself. In the beginning, it was to try and feel better, but I soon realized that wasn't happening. It then just became about doing it to purposely feel bad. Even feeling bad/hurt was better than feeling so depressed. Yeah, yeah, emo, I know, which is funny because I'm really probably the least emo person you'd ever meet. It disgusted me to do it, but I kept it up for a while. I did eventually stop though for a few weeks. Along with all this, I lost my appetite and stopped eating, sometimes for a whole day. I lost massive weight. I felt like a freaking anorexic person, lieing to people about what I ate and stuff. The sleeping went away as well; I'd be up for 2 or 3 days at a time, trying to function properly. I felt so alone, like there was no one there for me. If you hadn't guessed already, yes, I did fall out with someone very, very close to me. No matter how many people were around me, I just felt totally alone and cold. It was driving me insane. For the most part, I hate being or feeling alone. So it was really getting to me, bad. I constantly cried, couldn't concentrate on my studies, didn't eat, didn't sleep, the works. I told no one except the person I fell out with (we still talked). He couldn't always be there for me though, especially since it was a long distance thing as we went to school in different states. Other than him, no one knew what was happening to me. People obviously noticed a change, but I kind of just made excuses and hid it from others. What ended up happening is that I kind of got into a funk, and it wasn't that I was feeling "better", I just got used to it, kind of? It's hard to explain, but I was just in a very sedated-like state of mind. It was kind of a hopeless mentality. It wasn't in any way being better, but the thoughts of suicide did stop and so did the hurting myself. I think in a way that was even worse; now I was just perhaps subconsciously repressing everything. Now this went on for about a month, but some more "life incidents" happened recently, and I'm starting to kind of lose my guard again. I picked up the knife again today, much to my dismay. I hated to do it, but I just needed something again. And so I figured I'll just make this post now and not tell myself to keep putting it off. I am really reluctant to do it, but I think perhaps professional help might be needed. Now, I don't completely believe this to be true, but I want to keep the option open. Around Christmas, I told my mom about how I was feeling. I opened up to her about a lot of things, about how I was feeling lonely and alone, how I didn't eat and didn't sleep well. I did keep the suicide and hurting myself stuff out of the conversation though. She brought up the whole going to a psychiatrist thing, and asked me if I needed to go. I told her no, and she was very relieved. She's pretty against me going to one (ironically enough, she's a doctor herself, a surgeon). :idea: The main point of my post: :idea: There are some free clinics that me and that friend have found out. I am pretty nervous/scared about going to one, but he said he'd go with me. I am not totally sure how they work though, so I was wondering if anyone here has ever had any dealings with psychologists/psychiatrists, especially if they were in free or low-cost clinics. When it comes to medicine, and even surgery a bit, I know how the deal works for the most part, but the psychiatric field is pretty different. I am a legal adult, but I am a student and so my parents pay the medical insurance bill. Will I have to involve any type of insurance if the clinic is free? What about if it is low cost? Also, even though I am an adult, I think that in the psychiatry field, the doctor might have an obligation to tell my parents if he sees fit. How does this whole thing work if I tell him about the things I have done? Like I said, I don't want my parents to find out about this, at least not yet. Will he, or rather, can he tell them without my consent? I know the whole suicide thing needs intervention sometimes, and he might feel it best to alert them. Or maybe if he thinks they should know about the whole hurting myself thing even if I don't. Can he tell them about that even if I don't want him to? Basically, does anyone know what they can or cannot do? I hear there are some people here looking to go into the field, so maybe you guys could help me out with that. :idea: More important stuff: :idea: And also, I'd like to know about the actual experience of talking to one. Did they really help you out? Did you feel comfortable during it? I don't know if I'll be totally cool with telling him everything, those people kind of freak me out, it's like they have a secret agenda for you and are trying to analyze everything you say. What kind of questions did he ask? I want to be truthful to him, but I don't know if I will totally be saying the truth to everything. I understand that I'm asking for potentially very personal information here. I don't mean to be invading, but I'm just wondering these things. Anything anyone shares with me would be greatly appreciated, whatever you are comfortable with. You can have a 100% guarantee that anything you tell me will be kept in total confidence. I'm on my way to becoming a doctor here, and I have a lot of experience in dealing with patients and such. I have also been trained in confidentiality time and time again and have been given access to private medical records. You don't know how many times I've been told not to talk about patients in the hospital elevators and things like that. :P If you don't want to post it here, a PM or asking on MSN or some other chat client would be great too (probably even better). [/end of important stuff] Any other advice anyone has for me is greatly appreciated to. I'm just glad to kind of get this off my chest. It's not making me feel a whole lot better, but hey, it's something. As much as I try not to, I do believe that most of this world is a pretty crap place. But at the same time, I don't want to be a reason adding to that. I always try to be a positive person. A lot of people here know me fairly well, I'm pretty sure they can agree with me on that. Deep down, I am an optimist. I sometimes come off as a pessimist because the worst usually happens, and I try to be real about it. I also try to think that if i expect the worst, it won't be so bad, and if the good happens, it'll just be great. But who am I kidding, deep down I always hope for the best. A lot of people here might never have expected me to come up with a post like this, I'm not emo by any stretch of the imagination. What really gets to me is that I don't think I deserve this crap. I'm a really good person on the inside, I know this. Yes, I make mistakes and do things that are wrong, even when I know they are wrong. But my intentions are never to hurt people. I end up hurting those I care about the most and are closest to me, and I hate it. I don't know why I do it. It's like I seriously have problems. I'm not some sadistic douche who likes to see people unhappy. I'm actually the total opposite. It's one of the biggest reasons why I want to be a doctor. I love helping people out and being a positive influence on people's lives. As bad as the world is, I think it's so important to just keep smiling. I want to be the reason someone out there smiles. Yeah, I realize I should take my own advice here, and believe me, I do. I try my hardest. I try to stay hopeful. I am always telling other people to. It's really hard though sometimes to just smile when you have no reason to. That's another reason I like when people come to me with their problems. It's like I am helping myself through them. I stay positive for them, I smile for them, I am openly optimistic. It feels really good. I just need someone there myself I think. Someone to hold my hand. I am barely in my 20s, but I'm always going to be a kid on the inside. I need someone to bring it out again. That happiness, that carefree-ness. I love it so much; I think everyone should always keep the kid inside them alive. I'm afraid mine is just dead for now. Bah, I shouldn't say that. It's more like she's taking a really, really (really, really) long sleep. I need to wake her up! I'll just stay hopeful about the fact that perhaps one day, and one day soon, someone will come along and wake her up again. I just have to be hopeful and keep my head up. If you read this whole thing, please say so; you deserve a medal, haha. Thanks a lot for taking the time to listen. If anyone has any questions for me, please feel free to ask. I'm a pretty open person. I can also be caught on MSN, just drop me a line. I don't bite too hard. Unless of course, you know, you're good looking. :wink: It's appreciated guys. :D -Karisma
  4. I have a story that should totally bring me up some man cards. :P If anyone else wants to add me, give me a holler. All you fools went back to high school and left me bored all day. :(
  5. Re-heated pizza, for sure. How people can eat pizza cold is beyond me. I like it warm and cheesy and fluffy. :thumbup: I can polish off a whole medium pie from Domino's. :oops: Wanted to try a large once, but just the thought of it makes me feel disgusting and bloated. I've been trying to lay off the pizza anyway, I used to have it waaay too much. Especially Domino's because it is covered under my school's expenses and they always have nice deals going on. If there was one food I could have everyday and be okay with it, it would definitely be pizza.
  6. My picks. The Patriots are beatable, but it's just not likely. They are a beastly team, playing like real champions. Tom Brady never loses his composure. He looked real nervous and tense in the beginning of the Giants game and I thought he might blow it. But of course, he pulls through, right when it was really needed. That's a championship-caliber team right there. Besides, it would be a shame to see the Patriots lose in the playoffs. I want to see history being made, even though I'd love it if the Giants won it all. :P
  7. dymed


    I agree with the fact that if a child works on art at a young age, he has a better chance of becoming a good artist when he is older; that's pretty much the case for anything really (sports, writing, etc.) Children may be more creative than their adult counterparts, sure. But it doesn't mean that all children have the same level of creativity. Let me tell you, when I was a kid, i was nowhere near as creative as some of my friends. And this carried on throughout high school, college, and past. Regarding the part of how all children are creative but a lot just don't know how to put it down on paper: that's pretty much what I'm saying. Some children are predisposed to knowing how, some children aren't and need a push. In art class, I was one of those kids that needed a push. In gym class, I was the first kid dressed and ready to play. That predisposition is exactly what I'm talking about, it's innate in some. N0M, I'm saying basically what you are. You misunderstood me, I didn't say that without natural talent you can't be good. It's entirely possible, I don't doubt that. It's just much easier, and more probable, if you have the genes to predispose you for it, such as creativity or patience or perfect pitch, things like that. I'm on the same page as ThoseTheBrokes. I don't quite believe that everyone can be great at anything though. For example, I have friends who are so squeemish of blood. They run away at the mere sight of someone with a bad cut. These people could never be surgeons. I, on the other hand, cannot wait for my surgery rotation in medical school. Watching cardiac surgery was one of the coolest things I have ever done. Next term in medical school, we will start in the cadaver lab, and I'm looking forward to it. Those same friends wonder how I can handle it, much less like it. I don't know, I just can. :P I do agree with the whole "if you set your mind to it, you can achieve whatever you like", but with a slight limit. Some people are just built for certain things while others aren't. Personality (and on a more biological level, your genes) is a huge factor and I don't believe you can fundamentally change your personality.
  8. Well guys, finally finished! Lots of pictures along the way: Garden quest finished, yay. Which gave me... 30 Farming! Not that it means much, but yay. Took care of the first part, not bad. 10k exp. :shock: Wow, the second part took forever. Getthing those bones was such a pain in the...but anyway, I got it done. And it got meee.... GOT IT! Finally, whew. That took a while. But, I wasn't done just yet... All prayers complete! :D Not sure what to do first. I've never done Barrows or Kalphite Queen or anything. So NOW, anyone want to teach me how to monster hunt? :P
  9. That's because the "facts" don't exist, for either side. :P
  10. You're 13. You'll be in bed all night. The room will be dark. You'll be reading. :uhh: I give you no more than 36 hours, and I'd be impressed if you can pull that off.
  11. dymed


    I believe this more than anything else. What more or less rules who you are is your DNA. Now, I'm not saying your genes will necessarily directly make you into a great artist, but it will predispose you to be one. For virtually all forms of art, you need to be creative, you need to be imaginative. Some people just aren't. They are much more methodical, more structured. Also, some personalities just don't cater to becoming an artist. For the most part, (really good) art requires you to sit/stand in one position for hours at a time, day after day for weeks or months or even years. I could never do that. I need to be active and moving. Which is why I became interested in sports at an early age and still am. I completely stink at basically an art form you name name, from music to drawing to pottery. But when it comes to sports, I'm very good at some of them and can hold my own in almost all of them. And I can pick new sports/physical activities up very quickly. Drawing is a very different case; I used to take drawing classes when I was younger and failed horribly at them. With that said, of course practice and dedication is a huge part as well. A person practicing for 1 month will almost never be as good as someone practicing for 10 years. But the person practicing for 10 years I can pretty much guarantee had some sort of predisposition towards their craft, whatever it may be. Also, I believe that "natural talent" not only functions to start people off in something, it also limits what they can achieve. I'm talking about really, really great artists here, on the order of da Vinci and company. People like them are just born with an innate ability which they fostered with years of practice. Unless you have that within you, you can "work hard" your whole life and you'll never get up to that point. Life isn't always as fair as some people would like. Basically, being successful in any walk of life, whether it be music, bodybuilding, sports, drawing, or even professions like doctor or lawyer, your genes definitely have a very large (but not complete) say in the matter.
  12. Took care of more quests yesterday; here they are: Some prayer exp, yay. Needed to take care of this quest as a prereq for Swan Song. Now I also have that nifty Ring of Charos. And then I realized that I needed 25 farming to to Garden of Tranquility, so I could do Swan Song. Seeing as how I had never farmed in my life (the level 9 is from Recipe quest) I had no clue what to do. So, read up on the tip.it guide and asked around, and got on my way. Dayuuum, farming takes way too long. Those 5 levels took me freaking forever. And way too much running around involved! I don't think I was doing it efficiently, but meh, I didn't know any better. :oops: So I said screw it, and looked up what quests give farming exp. Forgettable Tale gave 5k exp, but I needed to be 17. At 17, 5k exp would bring me to 25, so perfect. I managed to get 17, and then... Voila, 26 farming, enough for Garden of Tranquility. But before I started on that, my friend logged on and we wanted to do Spirits of Elid together, so got that done. Smooth 8k exp. Nice. :thumbup: Now it's time to do Garden of Tranquility... That'll finish up the prereqs for Swan Song, so then it's off to that... Then I will take care of Bone and Rag man to get some more prayer exp... At that point, I'll be less than 1k exp from 70 prayer. I'll bury some bones for that... And then do King's Ransom. And THEN it's FINALLY time to go monster slaying. 8-) Too many quests. >.> If anyone else wants to add me and keep me entertained during them, go right ahead. :D
  13. If Runescape, or any other video game for that matter, is the biggest regret of your life, you sir are a lucky, lucky man. Either that or your life hasn't gone on for that long. Believe me, there will be plenty of things to regret more than a game. And they will suck more than you can imagine. :(
  14. Thanks for the compliments guys. :D More quest progress: A very decent amount of prayer exp. : Gave me the long awaited Ectophial, and free access to Port Phasma-what. Anyone know what the enchanted key does now? Bleh, kept messing up and having to start over on this one. But I finally did it. Now I can respawn in Falador, yay. Almost 70 prayer, still have to do a few more quests. Spirits of the Elid in particular will give me 8k exp. I have like 28k exp left, so quests won't quite get me there, but I'll just get the bones after that. And nyyankees, I'll add you now. I'll be up for going monster hunting soon. :D
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