Sins of Kitsu - An Excerpt (My NaNoWriMo 2008)

[andufusthebronze]

I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year, and I thought I'd post my excerpt that I'm putting up on the site on here as well. For those of you that don't know NaNo is a challenge to write 50,000 words in the month of november.

 

 

 

In this excerpt, Grover is a 16 year old girl who is starting sixth form the next day.

 

Ogden Park was a serene place, especially on the last days of summer when everyone else was busy preparing for going back to work, or looking after the kids. Grover had walked to Owens house with him, and then decided to take some time for herself. The park had a very small forest and a pond in the heart of it, which was were she came to hide away from the world. Even on busy days hardly anyone was ever there. Shed brought an old notebook and a pen so that she could just express herself, except when she got there she was surprised.

 

Sunlight shone through the gaps in the leaves, leaving weird patterns on the ground; but giving more than enough light to see by. For a natural pond, the water in it was very clear. Grover looked up to see a small child standing in-front of it, blowing bubbles. The boy had his back to her, his short brown hair shining slightly in the light. Bubbles travelled in two streams away from his mouth, but his arms were at his side. Confused as to how he was doing it, she approached him.

 

Hey there; big fella. She bent her knees to his height behind him, and waited for him to turn around. It took him a while to respond, and he turned around, his watery blue eyes gleaming.

 

Hello. The bubbles had stopped as hed turned around, and he was smiling faintly. Who are you?

 

My name is Grover. Whats yours? She was speaking loudly and realized she was being patronizing, but decided she may as well go with it.

 

He pointed out towards her in a cutesy way Grober! she smiled at his pronunciation. Me Danny, you Grober.

 

Resisting the temptation to coo at him, she just grinned and nodded eagerly. She put down her notebook and pen, and gave him her full attention. That was when he started to blow a spit bubble again. When it all changed. He scrunched up his eyes, and bubbles flowed out. It was impossible to blow bubbles from nothing but spit.

 

How are you doing that? She inquired, carefully.

 

Magic. The child giggled. You just have to believe, is what my mummy said. She said I can do anything I put my mind to, and I tried and it worked.

 

Laughing awkwardly, she dismissed the thought. But at the back of her mind, it stayed, nagging her. The boy did it again. She came up with an idea.

 

Can you do anything else?

 

He nodded frantically before screwing his face up with concentration, and then jumping. Instead of coming down, he floated. He wasnt high off the ground, but it was sustained, until with a big puff he sighed outwards, and landed again softly. Seeing the surprise on Grovers face, he giggled. She could not believe her eyes. Shed been brought up with the fact that magic wasnt real being drilled into her skull. No-one would believe this. She had to try it. She did a very E.T style finger movement, and closed her eyes, thinking of having bubbles come out of it. It was the only thing she could think of. She opened her eyes, nothing was happening.

 

You just have to believe Grober! Danny exclaimed.

 

She decided to go all for it, and let herself go. She fully extended the arm, and concentrated on magic. Nothing in particular about it, just Magic. Happen. She thought to herself. Something. Anything. Happen. She slowly opened her eyes again, and was shocked.

[SwimmyTheDuck]

Andu's done it again. :

[Harakiri]

Cool...can you post a link?

[dragoonson]

Cool...can you post a link?

 

 

 

And is there a prize?

[Zonorhc]

Besides bragging rights, no.

[andufusthebronze]

Zonorhc has the right link, follow that. Hurry up though, you only have 27 days to go!

[Bluejayfan94]

But sadly there is no prize, or else I would have entered my Machinima's script.

[SwimmyTheDuck]

I see andu's working on this, can't wait 'til the next chapter, this one looks interesting.

[andufusthebronze]

This is the first major fight scene of the entire book, and it's the death scene of one of my Cameo's, because it was requested to have an epic death.

 

Sarah realized she recognized one of the mages; it was the girl from her school who'd been chasing Elly. What was her name? Rammi that was the one. She must have been seventeen, and here she was risking her life to fight something that could well destroy her.

 

The beast was taller than all of the trees in the surrounding clearing, and it was putting up an amazingly strong resistance to the magic and the technology. In fact, the magic hardly seemed to faze him. Sarah watched as he lifted his arms up in the air, and leapt upwards, smashing his fists into the ground with as much force as he could. The rifle battalion on the ground was split in two by the cracks in the ground, and several people were at least knocked out by the blow. That was one female sniper took specific aim at the head of Darren and pressed the trigger button to fire. The bullet whizzed through the air and hit his nose, but it hardly even scratched it. These were specialist bullets and not even they could harm him. The magicians had gone for a different tactic. Rammi was having all the energy channeled into her, and she was floating above the roof top, charging a compact ball of blue light. She had all the energy and the ball was as ready as she was going to get. She was only a teenage girl. She screamed as the ball flung itself away from her arms, and smashed with great force into the upper torso of the beast. He was jolted by the blast and he had to brace himself, on contact with him, the ball split into several different bolts of electricity and they all darted around his body. Her roared in anger, but Sarah was paying more attention to Rammi. Blue sparks were igniting all the way up her arms, and she started to panic. Her concentration broke and she fell back onto the rooftop, landing roughly on her knee. The sparks had turned into bolts and channeled up her arms into the sleeves of her uniform. Her screams echoed louder than the on-going battle between the supposed forces of good and evil. The blue lines carved their way up to Rammi's neck. Her scream got higher in pitch before she went silent. Even with the bullets still finding their way into contact with the bear, the bear roaring and sending rocks and occasionally magic at the platoons of soldiers, as Sarah looked at the now-corpse of the battle mage known as Rammi, everything seemed to be deadly silent.

[aeternitatis]

This is great. I always love your work. Good luck.

[issy2]

I didn't read the second part but the first is great! Nice work. I think you could edit the couple of sentences where the boy steps and starts floating to make Grover's surprise a bit more powerful... but other than that it's great. I love the idea of a boy doing such 'innocent' magic... he's not killing people or turning things into gold, he's just blowing bubbles. Anyway congratulations! 50k words is a heck of a lot. Can we read the whole thing?

[andufusthebronze]

Just hit 30,000 today.

 

If you really want to O,o

 

Only after it's finished though... Plus if you want it you'll have to email me because the forums can't handle the amount of code needed

[dragoncmd]

I loved the first part. Unfortuanetly fight scenes out of context are just meh.

[andufusthebronze]

My novel is like 20% fight scenes, which is really annoying me at the moment...

 

The lesser violent, much smaller quotes.

 

 

 

Sarah's nightmare

 

Street lamps shone dim light out of their bulbs, lighting up most of the small ally way Sarah was walking down. Her heart was pounding inside her chest as she moved, trying to listen out for anything. A twig snapped and she spun around.

 

Hello. A sinister voice called out, as if he knew her. As a friend, but she didnt recognize the voice.

 

Whos there? She called out, taking a step back slightly, reaching for her sword.

 

Its been a while; Im not surprised you dont remember me. So how have you been? She couldnt pin-point the location of the voice, every word seemed to be coming from a different direction.

 

Whos there? She repeated herself loudly, trying to hide the panic from her voice.

 

Anyway, moving on from the small talk. You must think youre great, Sarah Grover. Youve beaten the three sins so far. But there are four more to come, you know.

 

She didnt understand this. She had her sword in her hand now, and she placed her free hand on it as well. Power surged up and down it, shining in the dim light.

 

Lust. A girls scream echoed out from one of the shadows, the words she were saying lost on Sarahs un-lignified ears. Sarah edged backwards towards the corner the scream had come from.

 

Sloth. A massive crashing sound came from a more distant shadow; the force of impact mustve been huge because a small shock of wind came towards Sarah, whipping the bare flesh of her legs

 

Gluttony. A disgusting, deep throated cackle came from a shadow directly behind in front of her. She took another step back and felt something cold wrap around her leg. She snapped round to see a pitch black hand clutching her ankle; she twisted her foot out of the hands reach and slashed at it with the sword.

 

Pride. Sarah waited for something to happen. A noise, a movement, something to grab at her, anything. However when the thing that happened did happen, it was not what she was expecting. The furthest shadow away from her merged with that of a Mans head, and then the mans shadow extended out, until out of the darkness there was a figure. A fairly tall man with brown hair, but with a slightly grey tinge that she didnt recognize; he had pale light green eyes that she could see herself in, as if he wasnt actually looking at her, his eyes were just reflecting an image of her. The man reached out with both arms, charging two small balls of black energy in his palms.

 

And their coming for you. He snarled, before the balls extended into large pillars that arced in a pair, striking her in the stomach.

 

 

 

 

 

Sarah transforms into Pride.

 

She stamped her foot, and a wave of powerful energy knocked Owen back down from his position sitting up gingerly on his elbows. He cried out in pain and rolled into the dirt as the person he thought was his hope flew away. He watched her, half blinded by the sun, leaving him in the dust. She was lost in herself.