Granted. He grows superhans that he uses to destroy you since you're responsible for them getting chopped off.

 

I wish I hadn't noticed that silver said "her hands"

Granted, you think silver_wits said "its hands" and get even more pissed.

 

I wish for American girlfriend, then I'd marry her to get my green card.

Granted but you aren't happy being an american, or in a loveless marriage of convenience.

 

I wish I had a nice cherry pie

Granted, but it's so hot, it burns your mouth.

 

I wish the media would stop trying to cover up the truth.

Granted. They tell the truth each night with no exaggeration or disinformation. The news suddenly becomes very very boring.

 

I wish people were smarter

Granted. The media unveils the truth that it's possible to have a marriage of convenience with two men for your green card.

 

I wish that I had earphones that weren't bitten up by the cat.

Granted. They were instead bitten up by a dog and are thusly in much worse shape.

 

I wish I had indestructible headphones

Granted. however the price you have to pay is for someone to point out to TBM that you are an american citizen he could marry for his green card.

 

I wish that I didn't just say that.

Granted, you become mute and can't say anything.

 

I wish an astronaut from another planet would crash into my apartment. Then I'd call the police and tell them "Some idiot crashed into my apartment.".

Granted. They arrest you because you look more alien than the astronaut.

 

I wish that I had fleas.

Granted, but they're super fleas that nearly kill you from blood loss

 

I wish something so terrible would happen to me that its impossible to corrupt any further

Granted. they find you dead while wearing women's underwear.

 

I wish that psycho did not like wearing women's underwear.

Granted. He starts liking wearing no underwear at all

 

I wish I didn't have to go to class right now >_>

Granted. you get kicked out of class for wearing no pants... because.. remember.. the underwear issue?

 

I wish that I could eat marshmallows instead of cereal.

Granted, but your teeth rot and fall out.

 

I wish my teeth were unrottable no matter how much junk I ate and how little I brush.

granted. you get diabetes.

 

I wish that I never get diabetes!

Granted. You get dysentery instead.

 

I wish I knew what dysentery actually was. I just know its a funny disease name.

it's diarrhea.

 

I wish that psycho knew how to google stuff.

Granted, he already knows, so nothing interesting happens.

 

I wish Eric McVlyer's grave would be hidden under Chaos Village somewhere in the United States.

Granted, but its vandalized and destroyed because there's no security under Chaos Village.

 

I wish I never needed sleep

Granted, you never need it because you are dead.

 

I wish for a dial tone.

Granted, but it's a very annoying dial tone. And you get annoyed every time you hear it, and there is no way to turn it off, so you're stuck with it for the rest of your life, and you'll never get used to it.

 

I wish to become the owner of the biggest DVD collection in the world.

Granted, but the shelf you put them on had too much stress put upon it so it collapsed while you were underneath it.

 

I wish for the "lol" smiley back.

Granted, but all the other smileys get erased.

 

I wish for a behind-the-scene featurette of my life.

Granted, but it sucks and it makes you realise how terrible your life is

 

I wish I had a million dollars