November 16, 200619 yr Ok here it is. Please post feedback. Tell me what you think, good points, areas of improvement, etc. The cold overwhelms Eyes begin to tear Mind swelling with anticipation Knowing his kill is near Seduces with passion Plays games with her mind Staring in her eyes Her soul frozen in time Strikes softly with love She doesn't suspect a thing Drains life from her neck As with love she clings He is flowing with heat As he drinks he feels free Brutal lies are uncovered For a spot of ecstacy Cold soothes to warm Her body lies on the ground Tears swell in his eyes As he gawks at her wounds Cold settles back in He is once again caught In the life of murder and blood Away from love that had rot Tears flow from his eyes Sting cold on his face Wonders with sadness why He has to follow this lifelong chase remember feedback please!!! \
November 17, 200619 yr Pretty good. I think its great how you captured the perspective of a reluctant vampire. With a quill or reading spectacles, visit the Varrok Library today.Become one of the first members of the Order of Honor!http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=572462http://s8.invisionfree.com/The_Order_of_Honor/
November 17, 200619 yr Author Pretty good. I think its great how you captured the perspective of a reluctant vampire. thanks, the funny story behind this was that it didnt take long to write. i just got an idea...and pretty soon i came up with this! :P
November 17, 200619 yr It is suprising how people will do things that they find completely repulsive to survive. There is a scientific term for it, can't remember it though. The idea was actually quite interesting, going agaisnt the norm is fairly difficult to do. http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.
November 17, 200619 yr Author It is suprising how people will do things that they find completely repulsive to survive. There is a scientific term for it, can't remember it though. The idea was actually quite interesting, going agaisnt the norm is fairly difficult to do. cool, thanks. i got this idea from a book. its called "The Silver Kiss" its by Annette Curtis Klause, and its a pretty good book. u guys should check it out :D
November 17, 200619 yr Author It is suprising how people will do things that they find completely repulsive to survive. There is a scientific term for it, can't remember it though. The idea was actually quite interesting, going agaisnt the norm is fairly difficult to do. cool, thanks. i got this idea from a book. its called "The Silver Kiss" its by Annette Curtis Klause, and its a pretty good book. u guys should check it out :D
November 27, 200619 yr Wow. I really mean that. Like archimage said, it is very repulsive what people do to stay alive. You are a really good writer in poetry, and this particular poem I thought as a song. I can hear the beat and everything rushing through my head! I'm not great at poetry, and I already said your good, I can see more in the future, maybe a story similar to this poem. :D Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want)
November 29, 200619 yr Author Wow. I really mean that. Like archimage said, it is very repulsive what people do to stay alive. You are a really good writer in poetry, and this particular poem I thought as a song. I can hear the beat and everything rushing through my head! I'm not great at poetry, and I already said your good, I can see more in the future, maybe a story similar to this poem. :D yeah, im definately writing more. once i make more, im definately posting them here! maybe i will make a story. that'd be cool! :D
December 2, 200619 yr Woo! You're a writer as well as a Runescaper? 8-) Me like, me like v. much! :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :) "Gain lvls? As a "lvl 3 skiller"? The clue's in the title, nub!"
December 5, 200619 yr Author Woo! You're a writer as well as a Runescaper? 8-) Me like, me like v. much! :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :) Thanks!
December 14, 200619 yr I can't exactly give you advice as to what to improve on, as I'm not very good at poetry, and I couldn't find anything.. Anyway, personally, I really liked that poem. Reading it sparked emotions in me, which is always a good sign. Keep up the good work. :) Cool.
December 16, 200619 yr very nice i must say, and can be taken out of context to show how one might feel having to kill to survive in normal life....very deep if you meant it like that , but even if you didnt, its a nice poem : Killed Hobgoblin Champion: 1/28/07 The economy is run by 13 year olds. Inflation hits when their girlfriends dump them. Besides, in any normal economy an influx of new items is a good shot in the arm.
December 17, 200619 yr written by friendof issy's i love your poem it is so passionately written wth the most fantastic word choices. The rhymes are smooth and work well with the general feel of the poem, great subject great style well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one suggestion-tears well in his eyes perhaps?????
December 17, 200619 yr Author written by friendof issy's i love your poem it is so passionately written wth the most fantastic word choices. The rhymes are smooth and work well with the general feel of the poem, great subject great style well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one suggestion-tears well in his eyes perhaps????? Well, I said his eyes filled with tears, so it's kind of the same thing. Thanks for the nice comment! :D
January 5, 200719 yr That's really great...the only bit I'm not too keen on is: For a spot of ecstacy those words don't seem inkeeping with the rest of the poem. Apart from that, yes, it's well written and I enjoyed reading it. The Poison Fairy
January 5, 200719 yr Its really good, it captures a diffrent view of a vampire so this is me :thumbsup: well done, you are a very talented writer
January 6, 200719 yr Author That's really great...the only bit I'm not too keen on is: For a spot of ecstacy those words don't seem inkeeping with the rest of the poem. Apart from that, yes, it's well written and I enjoyed reading it. Do you mean the general feel of the poem? Perhaps next time I should make it flow better. Thanks for the comment! :)
January 6, 200719 yr The words seem too...umm....I'm not sure how to describe them....but what I mean is that the words "a spot of" make me think of old ladies drinking a spot of tea in an ornate little tea shop in Devon. Do you see what I mean? It's not a word I would associate with ecstasy. The Poison Fairy
January 6, 200719 yr Author The words seem too...umm....I'm not sure how to describe them....but what I mean is that the words "a spot of" make me think of old ladies drinking a spot of tea in an ornate little tea shop in Devon. Do you see what I mean? It's not a word I would associate with ecstasy. It means a small amount...I sent you a message explaining it more. :arrow: WEWT!!! 1,000 posts!!! VOTE RUSHROCK!!! \
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