~~~Vampire Tears~~~

Ok here it is. Please post feedback. Tell me what you think, good points, areas of improvement, etc.

The cold overwhelms

Eyes begin to tear

Mind swelling with anticipation

Knowing his kill is near

Seduces with passion

Plays games with her mind

Staring in her eyes

Her soul frozen in time

Strikes softly with love

She doesn't suspect a thing

Drains life from her neck

As with love she clings

He is flowing with heat

As he drinks he feels free

Brutal lies are uncovered

For a spot of ecstacy

Cold soothes to warm

Her body lies on the ground

Tears swell in his eyes

As he gawks at her wounds

Cold settles back in

He is once again caught

In the life of murder and blood

Away from love that had rot

Tears flow from his eyes

Sting cold on his face

Wonders with sadness why

He has to follow this lifelong chase

remember feedback please!!! \

\ Those words are great!

\ hey you should like make a band.

thanks for ur words darkdragon :D

Pretty good. I think its great how you captured the perspective of a reluctant vampire.

Pretty good. I think its great how you captured the perspective of a reluctant vampire.

thanks, the funny story behind this was that it didnt take long to write. i just got an idea...and pretty soon i came up with this! :P

It is suprising how people will do things that they find completely repulsive to survive. There is a scientific term for it, can't remember it though. The idea was actually quite interesting, going agaisnt the norm is fairly difficult to do.

It is suprising how people will do things that they find completely repulsive to survive. There is a scientific term for it, can't remember it though. The idea was actually quite interesting, going agaisnt the norm is fairly difficult to do.

cool, thanks. i got this idea from a book. its called "The Silver Kiss"

its by Annette Curtis Klause, and its a pretty good book. u guys should check it out :D

It is suprising how people will do things that they find completely repulsive to survive. There is a scientific term for it, can't remember it though. The idea was actually quite interesting, going agaisnt the norm is fairly difficult to do.

cool, thanks. i got this idea from a book. its called "The Silver Kiss"

its by Annette Curtis Klause, and its a pretty good book. u guys should check it out :D

Very nice poem =D>

any more comments? 8-)

Wow. I really mean that. Like archimage said, it is very repulsive what people do to stay alive. You are a really good writer in poetry, and this particular poem I thought as a song. I can hear the beat and everything rushing through my head! I'm not great at poetry, and I already said your good, I can see more in the future, maybe a story similar to this poem. :D

Wow. I really mean that. Like archimage said, it is very repulsive what people do to stay alive. You are a really good writer in poetry, and this particular poem I thought as a song. I can hear the beat and everything rushing through my head! I'm not great at poetry, and I already said your good, I can see more in the future, maybe a story similar to this poem. :D

yeah, im definately writing more. once i make more, im definately posting them here! maybe i will make a story. that'd be cool! :D

Woo! You're a writer as well as a Runescaper? 8-) Me like, me like v. much! :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :)

Woo! You're a writer as well as a Runescaper? 8-) Me like, me like v. much! :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :)

Thanks!

I can't exactly give you advice as to what to improve on, as I'm not very good at poetry, and I couldn't find anything..

Anyway, personally, I really liked that poem. Reading it sparked emotions in me, which is always a good sign.

Keep up the good work. :)

very nice i must say, and can be taken out of context to show how one might feel having to kill to survive in normal life....very deep if you meant it like that , but even if you didnt, its a nice poem :

written by friendof issy's

i love your poem it is so passionately written wth the most fantastic word choices. The rhymes are smooth and work well with the general feel of the poem, great subject great style well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one suggestion-tears well in his eyes perhaps?????

written by friendof issy's

 

 

 

i love your poem it is so passionately written wth the most fantastic word choices. The rhymes are smooth and work well with the general feel of the poem, great subject great style well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

one suggestion-tears well in his eyes perhaps?????

Well, I said his eyes filled with tears, so it's kind of the same thing.

Thanks for the nice comment! :D

That's really great...the only bit I'm not too keen on is:

For a spot of ecstacy

those words don't seem inkeeping with the rest of the poem.

Apart from that, yes, it's well written and I enjoyed reading it.

Its really good, it captures a diffrent view of a vampire so this is me :thumbsup: well done, you are a very talented writer

That's really great...the only bit I'm not too keen on is:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For a spot of ecstacy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

those words don't seem inkeeping with the rest of the poem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apart from that, yes, it's well written and I enjoyed reading it.

Do you mean the general feel of the poem? Perhaps next time I should make it flow better. Thanks for the comment! :)

The words seem too...umm....I'm not sure how to describe them....but what I mean is that the words "a spot of" make me think of old ladies drinking a spot of tea in an ornate little tea shop in Devon. Do you see what I mean? It's not a word I would associate with ecstasy.

The words seem too...umm....I'm not sure how to describe them....but what I mean is that the words "a spot of" make me think of old ladies drinking a spot of tea in an ornate little tea shop in Devon. Do you see what I mean? It's not a word I would associate with ecstasy.

It means a small amount...I sent you a message explaining it more.

:arrow: WEWT!!! 1,000 posts!!! VOTE RUSHROCK!!! \