MuffinMaddy

Ok I've calmed down but it literally looks like everybody hates everybody here. I'm actually so confused. I have no idea what's going on anymore. I spoke to the president of the black students society since we're doing a Microbiology project together (I'm normally wary of people like that), I have a feeling they've attacked someone from the Chinese association and everything's just melted into some race war over Yik Yak. The N word is being flung everywhere and so are other derogatory words towards Asians. I've never seen anything like it. Race relations don't look good at this Uni, even within the "black students society" which I'm not involved in but I'm an observer, apparently everyone thinks they're the next Martin Luther King. The whole thing is a shambles. I'm so used to live and let live that I'm lost in all of this. Is this level of division common at Universities out here?

I feel really emotional, I just can't stand midterms. I can't stand being constantly assessed, it's not what I'm used to at home. I can't stand exam after exam after exam, I actually feel so drained. I can't stand my housemate's toy car that has petrol leaks all the time. I can't stand people shouting racist things at me on nights out and thinking because they're drunk it's okay. I can't stand feeling like a fish out of water over here. The bad outweighs the good of my experience. It's not all bad, and I feel awful for complaining but my god this has been a really difficult year - both academically and socially. I am literally not used to the kind of class-ism that goes on here. It's kind of cringey when this happens, but "rich" people back home always wanted to be seen as "normal" so they used to use slang unnecessary and try their best to imitate people from modest backgrounds. I mean, I have no problem at all with rich people, but the ones here are just :angry: :angry: :angry: In the first few weeks, I overheard a conversation where somebody said rich people are inherently smarter than poor people <_< . So I downloaded Rs again, lol. Can't wait to get on the road again, though - Montreal and Washington DC should be good trips. The weird part is that I could totally see myself coming back to Toronto one day. I really love Canada, I just hate this Uni so much. Sorry about the rant, lol.

So a week has gone by. Yes my experience might sound weird to people but I have genuinely made a friend in the woman I've lived with this week. I honestly wish I could stay longer. I don't really want to go back to the reality of uni but at least it'll be over in about two months. I'd kind of made peace with being a lone Wolf and enjoyed being in my own space. It just sucks for it to be all over already. I just don't really want to see people I don't like right now and it sounds ridiculously childish but I just don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to go back to how things were before I made my decision to just [bleep] off and travel solo.

I've affectionately called it a Canadian horror story. I was creeped out on the first night because I don't have much experience with cats and all the spiritual stuff around the house was pretty odd to me. I also got the impression she was trying to suss me out because let's face it - it's a little weird that a girl would come out in the country all alone for a week with no actual plans. But it's turned into a really nice friendship where I've just chatted to a nice lady and given her company. Watch this space though, the bathroom door unlocked by itself two days ago!

My predicament is kinda funny. Don't ask why I'm doing this but I'm staying in a psychic's house for a week. I don't believe in psychics or anything like that but she's a nice person. She comes from Detroit and she's divorced and her whole family moved out of her house. She lives with three cats and seems to really love my company. We just watch films in the evening and talk in the day. I think everybody thinks I'm crazy for doing this but it's making me happy keeping this woman company. It makes me sad that some people are so lonely. We ordered a pizza for valentines day and chatted by the fire. It was pretty nice.

New found respect for Canadians. Wtf is this weather. What the actual [bleep]. So I was caught in a snowstorm and snow squalls for 2 hours and I couldn't see a single thing and the bus driver just kept on driving and I was so bloody scared. I didn't even contact my mum because I knew her type of panicking is even worse than my type of panicking which is pretty bad as it stands. So wow, the driver didn't tell us where we were or where we were going it was horrible. I just said honestly just let me get out, I'll find a hotel, I don't even care anymore I just want to be safe lol. Guy doesn't listen, just drives and drives even though road after road is closed and police are everywhere. I kept being unsure of whether I'd get to my destination or whether I'd just need to stay in a motel for a night or something. I wasn't bothered about staying in a motel honestly, but he said he'd drive us to the motel. Another 40 minutes and we get to where I was meant to be going in the first place. Get there, call a taxi, I got to the place I'm staying - the lady who lives here is kinda kooky, I think she's a medium or psychic and says she "changes the energy" whenever a guest leaves, whatever that means. Anyway, she sells weed and has 3 creepy cats. The decor in her house is much nicer than the decor in the house that I stayed at in Toronto. She seems nice enough, hopefully I sleep well.

I set off on an adventure around Ontario. Might squeeze in a trip to Washington dc in late March as well. I love travelling so much. Only thing is the thought of waiting for five years at the USA border control again makes me feel ill.

Feeling great because I finally know when I'm going home! Just have to wait for the go ahead from my mum and then I can book my flight home. It looks like it'll be a lot cheaper going home than it was flying out here. My exam timetable came out and they're keeping me here until the bitter end. I finish on the 29th of April but at least it's the same day as my housemate. I just can't wait to see my family and good friends and hopefully just rebuild myself emotionally because it's been pretty crazy with my emotions out here

I love an English Rose so sorry rosie but miranda is gorgeous af

I'm really happy because I did well in Pharmacology and Psychology and I got a place on campus for my final year of University so it's been a good day. I was not expecting to do well so when I got the email that grades were in, I was ready to contact my home Uni and ask what happens when you fail so I really didn't have much hope for myself at all. As well as this, I had the night out where I lost my wallet because I was trying so hard to forget about that exam, so it turns out that I did have something to celebrate after being done with that monstrosity of an exam. I'm going back to band practice today after skiving off the last two weeks.

Honestly it's been hard and I've wanted to go home at certain points but I feel like it would be cheating if I went home in the middle. I'm past the halfway point and my moods pretty much determine my decisions which is why I've decided to go away for a week in February, recalibrate and go from there. The exchange student community was a close knit one because everyone understands where you're coming from with things like anxiety and adjusting to a new educational system. I'm feeling more optimistic about the rest of my time here (a friend said she'd go skiing with me) even though I'm still really excited to go home.

Bowling for Columbine left me speechless in a way that lots of documentaries don't, honestly.

I think I'll be really utilising my weekends here because nobody ever socialises in the week as everyone's so hardworking. This isn't a bad thing - it's made me work harder because there's nothing else going on. In order not to double post: I had a really [bleep]ing good night man. I should hang out with Canadians more often! We walked like half an hour to the bus stop in the snow but I really like the girls I went out with. We saw an acoustic band which was a nice change from the usual club hits and we finished off with a burger and a free ride home.

Genuinely torn. The geordie accent is ringing in my ears just from looking at Cheryl but she's an attractive lady. She's going to be tweedy soon as she's divorced from Fernandez versini lol.

I had an hour between lectures so I had time to kill. I genuinely thought she was going to talk about a charity or something. I'm happy to ignore people I do it all the time. I just know this would never be allowed on my home campus literally not in a million years. Also the other two people who came here on exchange from my uni have both left as they didn't really enjoy being here anymore so I'm the last one standing. I do feel sad about it because they were kind of my reminders of home. It was good to have people from home even though we made our own experiences, we flew here together and we were so excited so it was a shame. I'm relieved to say I've cancelled my British bank card and a new one's been sent out to me. Awesome news.

I was approached by an anti abortion protester today and I didn't expect it. She just asked for a few minutes of my time and asked where I'm from because of my accent and then she just went on about how she believes abortion is murder and I've honestly felt so uncomfortable for the whole day since. I just feel totally thrown, it's just a really sensitive topic for me and I wasn't in the frame of mind to really discuss it. There's been issues here with anti abortion protesters writing things around campus and approaching people. Otherwise I've had a good day. The guy I suspected of stealing my wallet in my class completely ignored me so I think I'm gonna cancel my card now lol. I've been frosty for a week with the friend who left me in the cold for half an hour but I'll resume conversation over the weekend.

The girl who invited me in the first place promised to give me a lift there. Ten minutes before it started she gave me the address and said I should just see her there because she didn't know what time she'd be leaving. Eventually she said she'd be leaving in thirty minutes so I left fifteen minutes after she did to catch the first bus. I waited about half an hour because the second bus was delayed so I messaged her to say the bus was running late and at that point she messaged me to say that she and everyone else had left already. She begged me to come out still but I wasn't in the mood but I'm not annoyed anymore. I'm happy to be in bed.

Pretty angry. The people who were hosting it decided not to tell me that they already left for a night out. It's 8 o clock. I had no idea people went out so early. I've been stuck in - 10 waiting for half an hour for a bus for no reason. I've been asked to the night out but [bleep] it. I'm home now. On the bright side I'm happy I took the advice posted here and bought something I'd like which is barbecue chicken so now I'm sat at the dinner table eating it and washing it down with iced tea. So I guess I still haven't been to a potluck! Having dinner with some friends tomorrow at five guys again I'm so shameless haha

The inevitable has finally happened. I got so drunk that I lost my wallet in a club. It's got my keys and bank cards which I've now cancelled. If someone stole it then that's on them. However my actions are what put me in that situation in the first place. Everything in the wallet is easily replaceable and I'm just going to have to learn from this. Security were very helpful and a girl paid for me to get home. Nothing has been taken from either of my bank accounts which is good. In other news omg had the best burger ever from five guys - it was my first time eating there. Would recommend.

Dark hair's pretty sexy so Wilde got my vote

I have to be honest, I feel really happy that I've been invited to this. I came back after the Christmas break feeling really crap and lonely because loads of my friends left because they were all exchange students and were only here for a semester. I have so much doubt in my ability to function in social situations but I know that the doubt is stupid because I genuinely have loads of friends back home. The people who don't like me are people I've personally offended or done something to make them dislike me but otherwise I get along with the vast majority of people that know me. Maybe it's because they don't know me well enough :D So I started my action plan to make some more friends (Preferably Canadian ones so I could actually do social activities with Canadians rather than getting drunk all the time with people from Europe which was fun but not really the point of a year abroad). I reconnected with a girl I met at homecoming whose birthday I went to in December and I invited her out to come to my birthday two weeks ago. I'm really happy I reconnected with her because I feel like she was kind of mad at me because she invited me to her Halloween party but I had been drunk three days consecutively around Halloween and I was in no state to go. I think she was down because there was a low turnout. She didn't really talk to me any more but I continued to make an effort with her and she invited me to her birthday. I bought her some chocolates and went out for her birthday. Since then we've messaged each other a little bit and I've met a couple of her friends. It's weird because I see myself in her in some ways. Like on the outside she's really friendly, bubbly and happy but I think it really hurts her when people don't show up when they say they will. The people at her birthday were her boyfriend, me, and her roommate and roommate's boyfriend. It just feels like no matter how many friends you think you make, no one really has time for you. I was proved wrong by how popular my birthday was but that's the first birthday I've ever had where I did things with people. I've just never bothered because I already feel like no one would show up if I asked them to do anything. I'm in a marching band and should be performing in Montreal in March. I went to a social with the other saxophonists on Sunday and it was really nice. Time is passing by so quickly and I'm happy about it. It feels like a prison sentence sometimes despite the good times. My housemates are legends but I really just want to see my family and friends from home now lol. Kinda funny, I had a good day today. Had Physiology class and I was just talking about the UK to some people who were asking me questions. This guy then asks if there are any countries in the world without any educational institutions and then asks if there are any Universities in the Caribbean and why people study there if there are any. It made me laugh because it kind of sums up my opinion of this Uni. There are great people here, great societies and I've had some brilliant times - sober and wasted. But there's an overwhelming sense that a good amount of the people here don't really want to associate with people who are from a different social class to them or want to know anything about the world. A lot of people here are smart but both ignorant and arrogant and I'm not even upset about it anymore. I'm just amused but it makes me love home even more.

Bring a main dish if there's meant to be a full dinner. Usually pot lucks end up with too much desert and too little real food.So what, do people normally roll up with a cake of some sort ? I feel like I want to be painfully English and make a trifle but I don't have the time so I'll probably just buy some cake if that would be acceptable.... :sI do feel like I can only really manage a dessert as I have no idea what main dishes people would want and I can't trust my cooking ? I said I'd bring some soft drinks because my friend said normally people drink alcohol and there's never enough mixer. I'll wear something casual then cause the cold will slaughter me in anything fancy that I have to wear. In other news I'm performing in a marching band in Montreal. Sounds fun and all but I have a Sean Paul gig hours before and the uniform for the band is expensive but it'll probably serve as a souvenir from my time in Canada. Feels close to my return home now yey

Been invited to a potluck. Mission "make more Canadian friends" is accomplished. Literally dunno what I'm meant to bring though or whether you're meant to dress up fancy?

I'm doing a little better when I wear a sweater with a Cardigan on top and a hoodie on top of that and finally my coat. My jeans let the cold in but I can tolerate it. My boots have become uniform. It always looks like I'm upset because my eyes are so red. First midterm of this semester 7pm Friday . I go Tim Hortons before my 8.30 class and it keeps me alive for a little while. My attendance is a lot better which is good.

The Canadian cold is really getting to me now. I feel very sick. I haven't got a whole lot to say other than this sucks. :mellow: I'm okay for about 10-15 minutes and then it starts to claw at me. I just want to hibernate at this point.