Gender Dysphoria

[The Dark Lord]

Wait, could you explain something? Are you biologically a man or a woman, and, erm, what do you think you should be? I'm a little confused.

 

 

 

Anyways your parents should leave you alone about it and I hope for the best.

 

 

 

I'm mentally female and physically male.

 

 

 

Thanks.

[Lenin64]

So what really would gender reassignment surgery accomplish? It's all cosmetic, right? Except for the hormones, but no you still have the Y chromosome. No matter what you'll always genetically be a man, not having body hair or a penis wouldn;t change that. I'm not trying to talk you out of it or anything, just something I randomly thought of today

[ktmcf121]

 

Being wise for your age or whatever doesn't mean you're old enough to make your own decisions, though. No one under 18 knows anything about like. I'm 20 and still learnin' and I'm mature for my age as well. My parents are both 40 and still are. To say "I'm 16, I know what I'm doing." is....Well, just not true.

 

 

 

the most truth i've seen in this forum in a long time.

 

 

 

the only part of this topic i haven't seen discussed yet is the part that bothers me the most. what do you plan on doing about relationships? unless you already have a guy who knows what you're doing and is ok with that, you're going to have a hell of a time finding a guy who wouldn't be totally disgusted with the thought that his girl used to be a guy. if that makes any sense.

 

 

 

plus, you wouldnt be able to have kids? you may not care now but it's something you'll be thinking about when you're older, i promise.

[kelem_ryu]

 

Being wise for your age or whatever doesn't mean you're old enough to make your own decisions, though. No one under 18 knows anything about like. I'm 20 and still learnin' and I'm mature for my age as well. My parents are both 40 and still are. To say "I'm 16, I know what I'm doing." is....Well, just not true.

 

[hide]

 

the most truth i've seen in this forum in a long time.

 

 

 

the only part of this topic i haven't seen discussed yet is the part that bothers me the most. what do you plan on doing about relationships? unless you already have a guy who knows what you're doing and is ok with that, you're going to have a hell of a time finding a guy who wouldn't be totally disgusted with the thought that his girl used to be a guy. if that makes any sense.

 

 

 

plus, you wouldnt be able to have kids? you may not care now but it's something you'll be thinking about when you're older, i promise.

[/hide]

 

 

 

How many people in the world know what they are doing? -.-

[ktmcf121]

 

Being wise for your age or whatever doesn't mean you're old enough to make your own decisions, though. No one under 18 knows anything about like. I'm 20 and still learnin' and I'm mature for my age as well. My parents are both 40 and still are. To say "I'm 16, I know what I'm doing." is....Well, just not true.

 

[hide]

 

the most truth i've seen in this forum in a long time.

 

 

 

the only part of this topic i haven't seen discussed yet is the part that bothers me the most. what do you plan on doing about relationships? unless you already have a guy who knows what you're doing and is ok with that, you're going to have a hell of a time finding a guy who wouldn't be totally disgusted with the thought that his girl used to be a guy. if that makes any sense.

 

 

 

plus, you wouldnt be able to have kids? you may not care now but it's something you'll be thinking about when you're older, i promise.

[/hide]

 

 

 

How many people in the world know what they are doing? -.-

 

 

 

very few. which even further emphasizes our point that the younger you are, the less able you are to properly make life changing decisions.... :?

[2k7ownage2k7]

you are only 16, im TELLING YOU you dont know if you want this or not, remember it is permenant and a huge change and is probably psycological because of all the thousands of websites which make try and make people think they have every medical problem known to man.

[The Dark Lord]

The other day, a friend betrayed me and told people about me putting Ashley as my screen name on IM. This got out of hand and I went to the counselor's office and talked to the counselor about it. She said she this was harrassment and she would take action against the girl. Since she willingly leaked information that she knew could get me harmed, my ex-friend may be suspended or even expelled.

 

 

 

That night, my dad was watching TV and a man dressed in drag was on it. My dad turned the channel and yelled "Isn't there enough of that [cabbage] in the world than for them to put it on TV?!?!" I calmly told Dad that he needs to calm down. He turns on me and then I tell him that he should be tolerant instead of a hateful bigot. He gets mad and yells at me for over an hour! He keeps attacking me and attacking me. He tells me I can never be a woman because I have male chromosomes. He tells me I betrayed him and Mom by rejecting my faith and being transsexual. He tells me I'm going to Hell and that I'm a freak.

 

He does this to the point where I have a mental breakdown and start ripping at myself and trying to bite myself. I even became suicidal and thought about drowning myself in the bathtub. I'm glad I didn't follow through...

 

 

 

This is really getting out of hand...

[Lenin64]

you are only 16, im TELLING YOU you dont know if you want this or not, remember it is permenant and a huge change and is probably psycological because of all the thousands of websites which make try and make people think they have every medical problem known to man.

 

Yea, isn't there an episode of "Seinfeld" with something like this? george sees a show about heart attacks, keeps thinking he's having one, same thing that had happened previously (mentioned in the episode, but we never saw it) about either anorexia or bulimia, he thought he had it for a while. While I'm not saying your case isn;t real, I am saying maybe you should give it a lot more thought and maybe not get all...flamboyant? about it. I.e., changing your screen name to Ashley, listing gender as female, etc. until you can figure the whole thing out.

[Lionheart_0]

Social worker?

 

 

 

Thats pretty much the last step, if you cant find one and they arent willing to help you, you have to take everything your parents say and just sit there.

[GlowinRedM]

Once you get to the suicidal part cause of your damn dad, thats where I would draw the line (that was kinda off topic)

 

 

 

But this is one of those things. Though I knew about when you first told me after you took that gender test thing online, you were changing and kept changing like this over and over.

 

 

 

(BTW I am not going to call you Ser cause it reminds me of a pain-in-the-bum part of Spanish class this year)

 

 

 

I changed my MSN btw, if you still wanna talk with me I will PM you my MSN address.

 

 

 

Your parents are completely stupid for hating it. And this is one of those things that happens. I live on the saying that everything happens for a reason.

[IGoddessI]

Your mum was even more scared that you'd be suicidal right? Tell her the thing your dad says makes you feel that way not anything else.

 

 

 

Then get out of there, go to a more liberal aunt or uncle, friend etc and go live with them.

 

 

 

Verbal abuse and being put down for years is worse than being hit in my opinion. The suicide rate is horrible.

 

 

 

Talk to your psychologist about safe ways you can get around your dad.

 

 

 

You're doing really well if I was in your position I would have told him exactly what I think of him and his opinions, exactly how they make me feel and tell him, "your god, your hell, not mine buddy" and to kiss my [wagon] on the way out the door.

 

 

 

But that's me... you shouldn't put up with this crap ash or people will do it your whole life.

 

 

 

You've already taken the first step and gotten help so I know you will get through this with a happy ending.

 

 

 

And more importantly, never stay silent; it diminishes your inner self. Imagine it as a bottle; eventually under too much pressure it will shatter, itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s beneficial on your health to let it out.

 

 

 

NOBODY has the right to force you to listen to what they have to say while withdrawing your say. The first signs of a control freak.

 

 

 

I say this a lot Sep, because it's very true. People see their own strengths and insecurities in others. Your father has poor self control and lack of control over his own life, so he tries to control yours.

 

 

 

He likes to say 'you'll go to hell' a lot. It's my bet he's done something really bad in his life that was quite 'sinful' and has unsuccessfully pulled a blind eye to it. Unconsciously however, weaknesses always surface and now that you've done something 'sinful', you're the one copping the crap for his own insecurities.

 

 

 

You can tell so much about a person by the things they say :-k

[warri0r45]

The other day, a friend betrayed me and told people about me putting Ashley as my screen name on IM. This got out of hand and I went to the counselor's office and talked to the counselor about it. She said she this was harrassment and she would take action against the girl. Since she willingly leaked information that she knew could get me harmed, my ex-friend may be suspended or even expelled.

 

 

 

That night, my dad was watching TV and a man dressed in drag was on it. My dad turned the channel and yelled "Isn't there enough of that [cabbage] in the world than for them to put it on TV?!?!" I calmly told Dad that he needs to calm down. He turns on me and then I tell him that he should be tolerant instead of a hateful bigot. He gets mad and yells at me for over an hour! He keeps attacking me and attacking me. He tells me I can never be a woman because I have male chromosomes. He tells me I betrayed him and Mom by rejecting my faith and being transsexual. He tells me I'm going to Hell and that I'm a freak.

 

He does this to the point where I have a mental breakdown and start ripping at myself and trying to bite myself. I even became suicidal and thought about drowning myself in the bathtub. I'm glad I didn't follow through...

 

 

 

This is really getting out of hand...

 

 

 

The ignorance and bigotry of your father are his problems. The fact that he dosen't know that you can't choose the situation you're in (in respect to you 'betraying your faith and being transexual') and that he has the narrow foresight to call you a freak and that you're going to hell tell how little he understands and/or how little compassion he has for you over his narrow worldview.

 

 

 

Does he read anything about transexualism? Have you talked to him about it or has he been open to hear it at all? I'm suspecting not. I find the fact that he would judge you in such a harsh way without willing to understand disgusting. He's your father. He's supposed to hear you out and be empathetic and compassionate.

 

 

 

By the way next time I'd suggest a more gentle approach in helping him understand than 'don't be such a hateful bigot, dad'. I don't condone how he reacted or his reprehensible behaviour in any way but I think you could have handled this situation a little better too. Next time don't converse with him about it so bluntly and he might begin to understand. I know, sounds like dealing with him is way to difficult to cope with and being calm and level headed with your approach at all times sounds difficult as hell, but I urge you to try. Understanding is the first step to repairing your relationship and you can only do this by trying to be civil with him.

 

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

Edit: I think Godess has some good suggestions too. I know judging your situation over the net is difficult as hell because there is so much detail that we'd have to fill in ourselves yet if it gets too hairy, I don't think there's anything wrong in getting away from your dad and seeing some other relatives.

[IGoddessI]

Agreeing with Warrior here, although you were only retaliating, you could have handled the situation better than what you did.

 

 

 

I know your father both purposefully and inappropriately yelled that out when he saw it on the TV, probably hoping that you'd hear. However, times like that are best left ignored, unless they were clearly directed at you.

 

 

 

It could have saved you the whole heart ache of everything that happened.

 

 

 

In the case that something like that is directly said about you, I would suggest a much more calm approach which minimises defence of the other personÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s feelings.

 

 

 

You have to remember you are both hurting a lot and while he is dealing with his feelings in an inappropriate manner, you are better than that.

 

 

 

You could say something like, "Dad, while I realise this obviously affects you a lot, I would appreciate that you didn't speak to me like that. While I also realise you're feeling pretty betrayed and hurt, you're hurting me a lot with the things you say too. I really think that it's probably best if we both keep our opinions to ourselves while the both of us are feeling the way we do."

 

 

 

So in that paragraph, you're acknowledging the way your father is feeling, you're also telling him how you're feeling and to minimise defence you are finding common grounds saying you both feel the same inside.

 

 

 

But to be honest, your father portrays a lot of signs of 'the abuser' and in their minds, while you can minimise defence they will always believe theyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢re always right. Within saying all of that however, your dad still deep down loves you or he wouldn't keep the roof over your head, or keep providing the food that you eat or the bed you sleep in at night.

 

 

 

And this isn't going to be healthy for you mentally because you potentially have aspersers. Telling somebody with aspersers that they can no longer talk about their favourite subjects is like putting duct tape around their mouth and telling them they can no longer speak for the rest of their life.

 

 

 

While these two personalities exist in the same house, I honestly don't think it's worth the hassle of learning these communication skills with your psychologist. However, if you're still interested there are a lot of books on interpersonal skills out there.

 

 

 

Referring back to my aforementioned post, I suggest talking with your psychologist about finding ways to remove yourself safely from the environment you're in.

 

 

 

It seems as though you really don't want to be there and as unfortunate as it is, I really don't think your father will decide to approve of the person you truly are.

 

 

 

Successfully finding a mends around this could help you to freely live your life again, without the verbal abuse of your dad. Something I need you to keep in mind though is, that there are many people like your dad in this world who aren't going to make it easy for you.

 

 

 

You can't escape all of those people. So somehow within yourself, you will still need to develop the strength to get past it all.

[crimsonking]

The world is made up of all types, no matter what happens there is always a place for you and everyone else, it is our differences that make us human and bring us all closer in a way, despite what others may say or do it does not change that fact.

 

 

 

You must be who you want to be not who others expect you to be, it may seem hard, but in the end it will be worth it because you can not achieve true happiness by being who you are not.

 

 

 

If you are a religious person, your god wouldn't have made these differences without some sort of point in mind, all those who say they are religious yet shun those who are different blind themselves from this fact, there would be no point if everyone was the same.

 

 

 

So just do what you think is right, do not give into the will of others, if you don't feel comfortable doing this then don't its your life to live how you want.

 

 

 

It is important not to become a slave to other's beliefs.

[IGoddessI]

It is important not to become a slave to other's beliefs.

 

 

 

Very, very true.

[GrimHams]

I'm not an expert on this matter, but does christianity abhor transexualism? I can only guess (not being a christian) that they would see it as insulting gods decision to make you a man. If it does then his dad isn't a bigot for not agreeing with the idea of his son wanting to become female, hes just been brought up that way and abides by the word of the church over the word of diversity. People need to understand that his dad probably grew up in a very strict way, homosexuals are enough to anger him (i'd expect) so his own son wanting something that goes against his religion would offend him.

 

 

 

Personally, i'd say you need to talk to him about it in a calm way, telling him hes a bigot isn't going to help the matter and maybe you'll have to accept that what you want to do is against his idea of religion (or the style of religion he follows) and he'll never sway from that. I'm just going on assumptions about his character. He might also think this is a "stage" (assuming you're a teenager) that you'll get over and realise you don't want it for the rest of your life.

[amalgam]

I can only guess (not being a christian) that they would see it as insulting gods decision to make you a man.

 

 

 

while thats probably true, one could also assume that being a woman in a man's body was also part of god's plan, if one believes that god made us who we are. he made all of us, not only the bodily-physical part.

[darkforaster]

The other day, a friend betrayed me and told people about me putting Ashley as my screen name on IM. This got out of hand and I went to the counselor's office and talked to the counselor about it. She said she this was harrassment and she would take action against the girl. Since she willingly leaked information that she knew could get me harmed, my ex-friend may be suspended or even expelled.

 

 

 

That night, my dad was watching TV and a man dressed in drag was on it. My dad turned the channel and yelled "Isn't there enough of that [cabbage] in the world than for them to put it on TV?!?!" I calmly told Dad that he needs to calm down. He turns on me and then I tell him that he should be tolerant instead of a hateful bigot. He gets mad and yells at me for over an hour! He keeps attacking me and attacking me. He tells me I can never be a woman because I have male chromosomes. He tells me I betrayed him and Mom by rejecting my faith and being transsexual. He tells me I'm going to Hell and that I'm a freak.

 

He does this to the point where I have a mental breakdown and start ripping at myself and trying to bite myself. I even became suicidal and thought about drowning myself in the bathtub. I'm glad I didn't follow through...

 

 

 

This is really getting out of hand...

 

 

 

Does he read anything about transexualism? Have you talked to him about it or has he been open to hear it at all? I'm suspecting not. I find the fact that he would judge you in such a harsh way without willing to understand disgusting. He's your father. He's supposed to hear you out and be empathetic and compassionate.

 

 

 

He's probably just as stressed Serephurus. He's not happy about her being a transexual. Then it seems the world is turning against him and he keeps seeing other transexuals. It's a pretty frustrating situation. I completely understand how he reacted.

 

 

 

And calling him a hateful bigot isn't going to win you points on his good side is it.

 

 

 

Try to make him understand. don't be some kind of rebel and repeatedly act female on purpose. that will just make them angrier. i'm not saying give up, just don't go against your parents too much.

 

 

 

And the friendship thing was possibly over harsh. She definetely needs to be punished, but expulsion or suspension is way beyond what i'd expect. Bullying at my school doesn't come close to that.

 

 

 

She probably had an exterier reason for leaking the information. Unless of course she told loads of people. She probably told someone she could trust, who then betrayed her. Though i don't the details so i can't really comment.

[GrimHams]

I can only guess (not being a christian) that they would see it as insulting gods decision to make you a man.

 

 

 

while thats probably true, one could also assume that being a woman in a man's body was also part of god's plan, if one believes that god made us who we are. he made all of us, not only the bodily-physical part.

 

 

 

How would our views be distinguished if god made every part of us, including our conscious thought? It wouldn't imply the choice to do anything, and if god did give you contrasting mental thoughts to your physical body then he can't be "all loving" and "all knowing" because he would have to do the right thing by the person.

[warri0r45]

I'm not an expert on this matter, but does christianity abhor transexualism? I can only guess (not being a christian) that they would see it as insulting gods decision to make you a man. If it does then his dad isn't a bigot for not agreeing with the idea of his son wanting to become female, hes just been brought up that way and abides by the word of the church over the word of diversity. People need to understand that his dad probably grew up in a very strict way, homosexuals are enough to anger him (i'd expect) so his own son wanting something that goes against his religion would offend him.

 

 

 

Personally, i'd say you need to talk to him about it in a calm way, telling him hes a bigot isn't going to help the matter and maybe you'll have to accept that what you want to do is against his idea of religion (or the style of religion he follows) and he'll never sway from that. I'm just going on assumptions about his character. He might also think this is a "stage" (assuming you're a teenager) that you'll get over and realise you don't want it for the rest of your life.

 

 

 

Just because he espouses a religion dosen't automatically make him not a bigot. By the definition of the word he's acting like one. Religion is no excuse to call your son a freak and tell him he's going to go to hell just because you don't like the fact he's of a different sexual mindset.

[warri0r45]

The other day, a friend betrayed me and told people about me putting Ashley as my screen name on IM. This got out of hand and I went to the counselor's office and talked to the counselor about it. She said she this was harrassment and she would take action against the girl. Since she willingly leaked information that she knew could get me harmed, my ex-friend may be suspended or even expelled.

 

 

 

That night, my dad was watching TV and a man dressed in drag was on it. My dad turned the channel and yelled "Isn't there enough of that [cabbage] in the world than for them to put it on TV?!?!" I calmly told Dad that he needs to calm down. He turns on me and then I tell him that he should be tolerant instead of a hateful bigot. He gets mad and yells at me for over an hour! He keeps attacking me and attacking me. He tells me I can never be a woman because I have male chromosomes. He tells me I betrayed him and Mom by rejecting my faith and being transsexual. He tells me I'm going to Hell and that I'm a freak.

 

He does this to the point where I have a mental breakdown and start ripping at myself and trying to bite myself. I even became suicidal and thought about drowning myself in the bathtub. I'm glad I didn't follow through...

 

 

 

This is really getting out of hand...

 

 

 

Does he read anything about transexualism? Have you talked to him about it or has he been open to hear it at all? I'm suspecting not. I find the fact that he would judge you in such a harsh way without willing to understand disgusting. He's your father. He's supposed to hear you out and be empathetic and compassionate.

 

 

 

He's probably just as stressed Serephurus. He's not happy about her being a transexual. Then it seems the world is turning against him and he keeps seeing other transexuals. It's a pretty frustrating situation. I completely understand how he reacted.

 

 

 

And calling him a hateful bigot isn't going to win you points on his good side is it.

 

 

 

Try to make him understand. don't be some kind of rebel and repeatedly act female on purpose. that will just make them angrier. i'm not saying give up, just don't go against your parents too much.

 

I agree.

[l0l0lpur3]

just get over it, do you WANT to have it or something? you probably just think you have it because of the 100s of internet articles which try their best to convince people they have stuff... also it sounds like you are being a "rebel" to your parents rather than trying to help them to understand it, no wonder they get angry. changing your msn to ashley and stuff wont help :\ just act like yourself, it seems like you are acting "like a girl" on purpose rather than just being yourself.

[Unoalexi]

just get over it, do you WANT to have it or something? you probably just think you have it because of the 100s of internet articles which try their best to convince people they have stuff... also it sounds like you are being a "rebel" to your parents rather than trying to help them to understand it, no wonder they get angry. changing your msn to ashley and stuff wont help :\ just act like yourself, it seems like you are acting "like a girl" on purpose rather than just being yourself.

 

 

 

Seriously, do you understand anything about people who are trans-gendered? This IS a real condition..

 

 

 

The problem is that 'acting like him(her)self' Is 'acting like a girl'. Internet articles do NOT brainwash people into thinking like this..

[IGoddessI]

also it sounds like you are being a "rebel" to your parents rather than trying to help them to understand it.

 

 

 

It takes two to tango. If his parents were approachable, don't you think he would help them understand it?

 

 

 

His dad sounds like a real control freak (do some research) controlling parenting rather than authoritarian can lead to rebellious behaviour.