How to... Be a noob!

[p0nd3r4]

This is a list of methods noobs often use, compiled from the actions of professional n00bs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've put people's names next to the tips, if they gave the idea for it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. ALWAYS stand on fires, and don't get off until it's burnt out. Pretend you can't hear them screaming "get the hell off the fire n00b!!!".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Sell things that don't exist, such as "coal bars".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Walk around trying to trade with everyone. If they do trade either a. Decline and then try to trade again or b. Wait for about 10 seconds before saying "free stuff plz". Alternatively, put up a bundle of rubbish and don't tell them what you want for it. The chances are good that your opponent will be very frustrated by this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Not unlike 3., trade with people who are selling expensive items. When the trade screen is open, put up (to the exact amount):

 

 

 

3 buckets

 

 

 

1 tinderbox

 

 

 

34 gold coins

 

 

 

10 body runes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Whenever you sell things that are usually bought in notes, such as rune essence and ores, always make sure to sell in item form. If possible, go out of your way to sell something, then put up 1 full inventory of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. The golden rule: Always ask richer people for "free stuff plz", and when you can be bothered, make up crappy excuses like "im poor" and "i got hackd". If you do get something, say "noob" and run away immediately.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Call "noob" at anyone you don't like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. If you're called a noob yourself, claim to have a "lvl 79 main".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. NEVER, EVER be polite. Always demand things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. Always uphold the belief that YOU alone are the best in the game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11. Maintain that 1 Tiara is better than 2 Santa hats and 250,000 gold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

12. Never wear all the same type of armour, always have at least 50% of one and 50% of the other. If possible, make sure none of your pieces of armour are the same type.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. Carry all your best items with you at all times, especially in dangerous areas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14. Try vainly to form boyfriend/girlfriend relationships with people who have much higher combat levels that you. - Joosep14

 

 

 

 

 

 

15. Make sure to use lame abbreviations that aggrevate intelligent people such as "plz", "pl0x" and "soz" - Moopymitchell182

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

16. Follow someone around until the logout without ever telling them why. If you feel like it, occasionally ask them for money. Try to blackmail them into giving them free stuff by following them around saying "noob" until they give you some items. Follow the last part of method 6.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

17. For better ignorance effect, constantly say things wrong, for instance, say "sord" instead of "sword", and "mony" instead of "money".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

18. When naming your noob, be sure to give it your name followed by random numberage, for example: Dave3952982443. Even better imitate a higher level's name, such as Zezima jr 395 or Bubsa9392 - Bubsa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

19. Stand in front of a door to a place you can't enter (Guilds are recommended) asking: "Could you open the door plz?" - Ivan_The_Hun and Superpiff0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20. When you see a ranger, go grab his arrows and them try to sell them back to him at 10x their worth. For example, try to sell his bronze arrows to him at 100gp each. - Ivan_The_Hun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

21. If you see someone with a rare item, follow them and repeatedly ask to buy it for any amount less than 50 gold coins. Don't stop until they logout. - Dzan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

22. Use chat effects. Badly.

 

 

 

Example: marquee:freestuffs plz!1!

 

 

 

Example: rwdscroll:whu isn dis worken/ - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

23. Every 5 minutes, have a break from n00bing it up by relaxing with another 5 minutes of toggling the private chat setting, to spam your friends. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

24. Perform scams like a [developmentally delayed] would. Watch out in Varrock Square for a rich looking person. Add them to your Friends list. PM them saying any of the following:

 

 

 

"hi i am mark give me your pass"

 

 

 

"hello im jagex's nephew

 

 

 

if you give me your pw my uncle will put phat on your acc"

 

 

 

Or, in a public area, enthusiastically repeat "wow jagex blocks ur pass look ******* see now you try it!! try it now! it blocks it! look ***! see! see! try it with yours!" - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

25. When fishing, make poor attempts to pass yourself of as a random event by saying "leave these woods now!" and "dem fishies be mine go away" - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

26. Go to a bank and start shouting that you need a job. Keep it up until you are offered one, at which point you refuse and claim that the job is boring or something. (ADVANCED) Or, if it's a job that's likely to take a day or more, take the job and PM them saying that you're starting work. Say that you have to leave, but you'll be back on later to work. Put your employer on the ignore list. When you should've completed your job, unignore your employer and tell him you didn't do it because you don't like him, you got cancer in your face, or just plainly because it was boring. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

27. Go onto Suggestions forums and request that ridiculous things be added to the game, such as Horses, Light Sabers, Rocket Launchers, A Vending Machine and Aliens- Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

28. Go onto Market forums and sell things you don't own. While you're there, bid the autowin on a few things you can't afford. If they PM you ingame, arrange to meet up. Follow step 4. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

29. Report people for telling you to go away, not giving you their armour or otherwise offending you. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

30. Go to Falador East Bank and start selling accounts that don't exist. For example: "selling level 110 account 6k"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

31. Get yourself killed by a Mugger, then report him for item scamming. - Misterxman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

32. State pointedly that you need something, and expect that everyone will care and provide you with your needs.

 

 

 

Example: "i need free cooked swordfish."

 

 

 

Example: "i need free armer."

 

 

 

Example: "i need lots of money."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

33. Don't ever get things for yourself, always beg for them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

34. Hang around fishing spots and follow Step 32. If this doesn't work, which it won't, then collect the burnt fish and try to sell them as "rare black fish".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

35. Buy combat levels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

36. If you see find something and don't know what it is, assume it's rare and attempt to sell it for 100,000 gold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

38. When mining, claim a rock as your own. Get mad and threaten to report people who mine the rock that you've claimed. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

39. If someone has a pick-pocket victim cornered, attack and kill it. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

40. Stand by the gate between Lumbridge and Al Kharid and ask people to give you 10gp so you can get through. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

41. Stand in a semi-crowded area and try to buy or sell (especially if you don't have one) untradeable items. When people point out that it's untradeable, insist it is and continue. - Sligo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

42. Argue that anyone over your combat level is sad and has no life. - Karvinen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

43. Send trade requests while saying "look" until someone accepts. Put up a charcoal and say "100k". When he declines, say: i need mony plz buy it. - Lode

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A helpful picture, courtesy of qwerty_uiop aka Zezima180190 :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope this guide will help you be the best n00b you can be! :)

 

 

 

Feel free to add things :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EDIT: ROFL it's gettin big :lol:

[Embraced]

1.

 

 

 

6. The golden rule: Always ask richer people for "free stuff plz", and when you can be bothered, make up crappy excuses like "im poor" and "i got hackd". If you do get something, say "noob" and run away immediately.

 

 

 

12. Never wear all the same type of armour, always have at least 50% of one and 50% of the other. If possible, make sure none of your pieces of armour are the same type.

 

 

 

13. Carry all your best items with you at all times, especially in dangerous areas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rofl... :lol:

 

 

 

So funny yet so true, those ones are the best. :P

[moopymitchell182]

never say please, always say "plz" or "pl0x" (where did pl0x come from anyway?) also never say sorry say "soz"

[joosep14]

Follow high lvls and ask them to be your bf or gf ;)

[Embraced]

Doing random letters:

 

 

 

asfadfdsgr

 

 

 

sdfgregreahetwas v

 

 

 

rgertg ergerg

 

 

 

egerghrrt

 

 

 

trhtrhrth fdg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

etc 8)

[lollol]

Nice rules i'll try to remember

[Sensei_3_tails]

8. If you're called a noob yourself, claim to have a "lvl 79 main".

 

 

 

but what if it's true? or semi-true? one of my accounts is a lvl. 74.

[Bubsa]

18. When naming your noob, be sure to give it your name followed by random numberage, for example: Dave3952982443. Even better imitate a higher level's name, such as Zezima jr 395 or Bubsa9392 (:oops:)

[ivan_the_hun]

18. When naming your noob, be sure to give it your name followed by random numberage, for example: Dave3952982443. Even better imitate a higher level's name, such as Zezima jr 395 or Bubsa9392 (:oops:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

^^ :D :D :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also

 

 

 

19. Stand in front of mining guild's door asking: "could you open the door plz?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20.When you see a ranger, go grab his arrows and them try to sell them 10x the usual price

[Abandoned]

ROFL...Nice job..really funny..Selling Coal Bars :D :lol:

[Superpiff0]

21. Go to a door that can only be opened by certain people (Such as guild doors or some quest doors), and when someone comes along say "Open it, I'll try to run through"

[dzan]

when u see high levels with phats or other rares follow them and say u would buy it for 56gp, keep asking until they log out lol :D

[p0nd3r4]

Ja, this has turned out really really good, I might make a site full of lists on how to be a noob, one for everything :D:D:D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What you think? Would anyone visit? :P

[ren-worm]

ive found a good armour combo for noobs is iron chain bronze full helm no legs and an iron sword. :P

 

 

 

for any non noobs full broze plate. :lol:

 

 

 

follow them around asking them what a rune dagger does. works a charm.

[qwerty_uiop]

Know what? I'll imediatly create a noob and try your tricks. I may post pics.

[Warp_Blade]

I always roleplay as a noob when (and if) I logon... Except it isnt very convincing because everyone can see my [usually] red combat level, and my trademark blue party hat sign is a dead giveaway that Im not a noob.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But thanks for the tips. Noob long and prosper.

[qwerty_uiop]

I did it, i made a noob. It's very amusing. Heres some trades i made

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

^^i was ripping him off but he ended declining :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

^^ what do you think of that :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was sending trade offers many times a high lvl, she traded, i put up my rubbish stuff then she decline and what a surprise how nicely she said she didn't needed that stuff!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also I tried to get a gf but nobody wanted :cry: .

[xXru1n3dXx]

Rule 22: Stay f2p and dont come to p2p worlds.

[sligo]

Here's some you missed:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Try to use chat effects, but do it incorrectly.

 

 

 

e.g.: whte:why isn't this chat fx wrkg?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spam your friends by constantly toggling your private chat setting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tell people who are ignoring you that they are using an auto-er and report them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Claim that you are related to a Runescape staffer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spam the screen with repeated characters.

 

 

 

e.g.: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Experiment with chat effects using repeated characters in crowded areas, like banks or popular fishing spots.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stand in a bank and yell out "I need a job!" but when someone offers you one, refuse to do it, claiming that it's boring or something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Go on to various suggestions forums and suggest things that are on the restricted lists, like horses, light sabers and console game versions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Go on to various market forums and offer to sell stuff you don't have, or offer to buy stuff you can't afford. And, most importantly, announce your sales in the wrong forums.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And, the best noob rule there is: With a new character, continue an activity that got your previous character banned.

[misterxman]

Ask a high level how to get from A to B, then after reply ask again, after the second reply ask for the person to take you there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beg to an NPC's.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Report NPC's.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Besides asking for free stuff, ask for "spare" things, such as "spare gold" or "spare armor".

[_k0m0d0_]

Go to a fishing spot and start begging for free fish, if no one gives you, start colecting the burnt ones and sell them in the General Shop, or seel them in Varrok World 1, for like 10 gps each.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a n00b!

[Sensei_3_tails]

Report NPC's.

 

 

 

i dunno about that one, i saw a player mod tell people to report the hairdresser for armor trim scamming...

 

 

 

it was quite funny... i belive it was bacon dude...

 

 

 

anyways, i say trying to malaciously set fire to various buildings could be listed here... although i plan on making that more common....... errr... or not...

 

 

 

the cossack project is supposed to be secret.... umm... AMNESIA DUST!!! *throws amnesia dust at people reading this, causing them to forget about what he just said in the line above this long line explaining this.*

[Domovoi]

Oh so true, all those things are trademarks of the noob :P

[willyhenriksen]

report the WOM when he takes money from you when showing your money to him.

[Xchunky59X]

HAH :shock:

 

 

 

i like it