Who is the "I" that cannot live with the self?

[Ss_J9_Goten]

I couldnt live with myself any longer. And in this a question arose without an answer: who is the I that cannot live with the self? What is the self? I felt drawn into a void. I didnt know at the time that what really happened was the mind-made self, with its heaviness, its problems, that lives between the unsatisfying past and the fearful future, collapsed. It dissolved.

 

I would like to share a life changing experience I have had with all of you. I am not quite sure of the nature of what I experienced just yet, but I'm sure that understanding will come with time.

 

I have been somewhat "depressed" for the past few weeks, perhaps even months; it's difficult to pinpoint the exact moment I began to feel this way, if indeed an exact moment exists. I have not been to a doctor about it, nor do I feel I need to anymore. I do not claim to be depressed, although I did have certain symptoms characteristic of clinical depression. I was moody, by turns angry and melancholic, but never truly happy. My body was hungry, but I wasn't. Reality became mundane, and I felt tired of everything. It seemed as if I viewed everything through a slightly dirty lens.

 

Today, however, I had a "moment of clarity", if you will. I was attending a lecture at my university, lost in my own thoughts, and everything became clear . It seemed as if someone had wiped clean my lens and I could see what was there. This was not life changing, but perhaps it was a precursor to what was to be.

 

It was a few days ago that I stumbled upon the above quote. It intrigued me; how could I live without "I"? I thought I understood then, but I was wrong.

 

I understand now, however. It is not something I can explain with words; it is only something you can feel.

 

My life changing experience occured when I was lying in bed listening to "Irae Melanox" by Adramelch (an album I could not possibly recommend more). I have always found music to be incredibly cathartic, and it was for this reason I was listening to this album. While I was listening, all the negativity in and around me coalesced into a ball in my mind, and when all had become one, I thought "Who is the "I" that cannot live with the self? Who is the "I" that cannot live with the self? Who is the "I" that cannot live with the self?" And it disappeared. I suppose this is what is meant by a cognitive shift (although I may be wrong); I had experienced similar things before, where I suddenly and without reason simply felt different (in the context of feelings), but never something quite like this. I am hesitant to say I experienced ego death, but I would certainly not rule it out.

 

In this I have had a revelation. It is not one I can qualify with words; it is simply an understanding. I feel as if all my negativity has ceased to be, and I am at peace. Others can still infuriate me (like my mother), but that is their negativity that cannot hope to truly touch my mind. But who knows? Perhaps I will wake tomorrow and not want to get out of bed, but that seems unlikely :)

 

So, hate/relate/congratulate. This is something everyone should experience.

[Lenticular_J]

You realized life is good.

 

Congrats.

[Sam]

Feels good man

 

I've been like that before, it just happens, you know.

[l0rd]

Thanks for that anecdote, quite interesting.

 

In my opinion, depression and other negative states of being are rooted in an overly-narrow or overly-wide view on reality. It is necessary to acknowledge both your relative unimportance and importance and contextualize your "I". In your case, it seems you were too focused on what one part of your consciousness felt, the "I", and so an overly-narrow view on reality distorted and overpowered the other parts.

 

Anyways, yaysies gurl.

[Lateralus]

"Man is spirit. But what is spirit? Spirit is the self. But what is the self? The self is a relation which relates itself to its own self, or it is that in the relation that the relation relates itself to its own self; the self is not the relation but that the relation relates itself it its own self. Man is a synthesis of the infinite and the finite, of the temporal and the eternal, of freedom and necessity, in short it is a synthesis. A synthesis is relation between two factors. So regarded, man is not yet a self."

 

From the introduction of The Sickness Unto Death by Kierkegaard. The language is deliberately obtuse, but it's interesting nonetheless. What we are is an experience which experiences itself.

 

I subscribe to Camus' idea of the Absurd Man. It seems to me that he lays out the best methodology for a full and happy life in The Myth of Sisyphus.

[tortilliachp]

Catharsis indeed!

 

self-reflection leads to more self-reflected selves. Freud's Es, Ich and Über-ich aren't mere philosphy. That is why self-reflection is so important, and why psychology is so complex. Following Camus' Stranger "I make my way into death" as Krista Wolf put it. Neither "Cassandra" nor Mersault exist outside the absurd.

 

 

We don't take the time to sit and reflect any more. When was the last time you sat with a book, had an epiphany, and sat, open book in hand, simply to think, rather than dispelling the fleeting fish of Woolf's (not Wolf) "Idea" ? No, too busy doing everything to accomplish anything, as the saying goes.

[Ss_J9_Goten]

You realized life is good.

 

Congrats.

 

No, it's so much more than that. It's like all this tension has just built up due to all my negativity, and has released itself. It's really hard to qualify with words, but that's the closest I can get.

 

I've been like that before, it just happens, you know.

 

Yeah, it does just happen. It's just so amazing how something like this can just happen.

 

In my opinion, depression and other negative states of being are rooted in an overly-narrow or overly-wide view on reality. It is necessary to acknowledge both your relative unimportance and importance and contextualize your "I". In your case, it seems you were too focused on what one part of your consciousness felt, the "I", and so an overly-narrow view on reality distorted and overpowered the other parts.

 

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I think more people need to realise this, especially people suffering from depression. It's a difficult thing to come to terms with, but it's an amazing release. Far better than any medication, in my opinion.

 

I subscribe to Camus' idea of the Absurd Man. It seems to me that he lays out the best methodology for a full and happy life in The Myth of Sisyphus.

 

I'm not too familiar with Camus, but The Myth of Sisyphus is certainly very interesting, something I will be reading in the future. And yes, that quote is very interesting. I will definitely be reading that too, thank you for those two.

 

We don't take the time to sit and reflect any more.

 

Exactly! So many people are caught up in their problems without actually analysing their problems. The more you reflect, the more you understand, and the more you understand, the closer you are to an amazing revelation, or epipany, or even a life changing experience. At least that's what I think.

[NorthernHero]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAVM_Xk_o9E

[Saru Inc]

Catharsis indeed!

 

self-reflection leads to more self-reflected selves. Freud's Es, Ich and Über-ich aren't mere philosphy. That is why self-reflection is so important, and why psychology is so complex. Following Camus' Stranger "I make my way into death" as Krista Wolf put it. Neither "Cassandra" nor Mersault exist outside the absurd.

 

 

We don't take the time to sit and reflect any more. When was the last time you sat with a book, had an epiphany, and sat, open book in hand, simply to think, rather than dispelling the fleeting fish of Woolf's (not Wolf) "Idea" ? No, too busy doing everything to accomplish anything, as the saying goes.

 

 

I self re-flect literally 24/7. Not even kidding.

[Romy]

So many people are caught up in their problems without actually analysing their problems. The more you reflect, the more you understand, and the more you understand, the closer you are to an amazing revelation, or epipany, or even a life changing experience. At least that's what I think.

 

I disagree. Over analysing can definitely hurt you. A whole lot.

[NorthernHero]

So many people are caught up in their problems without actually analysing their problems. The more you reflect, the more you understand, and the more you understand, the closer you are to an amazing revelation, or epipany, or even a life changing experience. At least that's what I think.

 

I disagree. Over analysing can definitely hurt you. A whole lot.

I think it has to do how you analyze things. Pondering over one problem for days is definetely not the way to go. Over anylyzing is, pardon my crude language here please, it is nerdish.

 

Doesn't mean you don't have to face your problems and that you can sweep them under a mat though.

 

Instead you should realise what is happening and accept it. Don't judge anything, nothing is right or wrong, no expectations either. Just take the problem at hand as it is and then think what you want to happen. Next: take action and change the problem if you so choose. Then you are free to move on.

[Saru Inc]

"nerdish" is crude language vut.

 

Tbh this whole topic is pretty much common sense. =\

 

discuss

[Romy]

So many people are caught up in their problems without actually analysing their problems. The more you reflect, the more you understand, and the more you understand, the closer you are to an amazing revelation, or epipany, or even a life changing experience. At least that's what I think.

 

I disagree. Over analysing can definitely hurt you. A whole lot.

I think it has to do how you analyze things. Pondering over one problem for days is definetely not the way to go. Over anylyzing is, pardon my crude language here please, it is nerdish.

 

Doesn't mean you don't have to face your problems and that you can sweep them under a mat though.

 

Instead you should realise what is happening and accept it. Don't judge anything, nothing is right or wrong, no expectations either. Just take the problem at hand as it is and then think what you want to happen. Next: take action and change the problem if you so choose. Then you are free to move on.

 

Over analysing can't ever be good. Nothing is good when done more than enough, definitely not when done a lot more than enough.

[Saru Inc]

Very true Romy. Too much of anything is bad. This involves everything.

[NorthernHero]

Yeah, I definetely agree with you romy. I wasn't disagreeing with you in the first place you know.

[Romy]

Yeah, I definetely agree with you romy. I wasn't disagreeing with you in the first place you know.

 

You said it has to do with how you analyze things :P, I said it doesn't matter, overanalyzing is never good.

[tortilliachp]

Yeah, I definetely agree with you romy. I wasn't disagreeing with you in the first place you know.

 

You said it has to do with how you analyze things :P, I said it doesn't matter, overanalyzing is never good.

 

the term over-analyzing means that analysis has progressed beyond the reasonable. It is by definition never good, and can never be justified.

 

language mix-ups ftl, you seem to agree by what you say, but not on the language used.

[Ss_J9_Goten]

So many people are caught up in their problems without actually analysing their problems. The more you reflect, the more you understand, and the more you understand, the closer you are to an amazing revelation, or epipany, or even a life changing experience. At least that's what I think.

 

I disagree. Over analysing can definitely hurt you. A whole lot.

 

Yes, over analysing can definitely hurt, especially when it borders on obsession, so I suppose my language was a bit off. But people certainly need to analyse their problems to see where the root of the problem lies.