Life Question

[TheLeader]

Right, This is a bit of a senstive question, so don't take the mick out of me...

 

 

 

My mum lets say is ill... Well no actually i may aswell say that she is a alcoholic. She has been a alcoholic for about 6 1/2 years. I've been though things you cannot possibally imagine. Trips to hospital.... (everything!).

 

 

 

Basically shes at my nan's house right this very moment, becuase my dad wont have her in this house. (Really understandable, really, i don't want her the way she is).

 

 

 

Anyway, my dad has started seeing this girl, (oh and for the record im 15).

 

Just before i was going on holiday with my dads parents, he told me he was going to go and pick his 'friend' up from the airport. He did mention that she was female but i dident really think about it like then like i think about it now.

 

 

 

She had been to canada. (oh and her name is 'Lorna' (how i know that i will expain later)). Even though i have never ever spoke to her, seen her, or even seen a picture of her, she bought me some stuff (e.g. keyring, loads(i mean loads) of sweets, and some other junk...).

 

 

 

I really don't want to have anything to do with it, i really don't want to meet her,

 

 

 

Anyway she came around to night, even though i told my dad i dident want me meet her, he drove her round. I went into the garden, lorna sat in the front room, my dad came in the garden. I told my dad im staying in the garden until she goes. 20 minutes later my dad comes back out, saying hes taking her home.

 

 

 

I really don't want anything to do with it, am i being unreasonable?

 

 

 

Thanks, i really am relling on what you people say. :pray:

 

~Parker

[Anesthesia]

I haven't been through it myself, but I know that is a normal thing to feel. However it is also something that you will have to do; you'll have to meet her and if you make an effort to get along with her it will be better for you in the long run.

[TheLeader]

Would i be unreasonable just to say, "no acctaully, you can meet her as much as you want, but i want nothing to do with it"?

 

 

 

Thanks

 

 

 

~Parker

[indy500fan]

if i were you i would say "hi" or something. no need to be impolite, but you can make it clear that you arent happy with the situation.

[Anesthesia]

It might not be unreasonable but like I said it will only make things more difficult for you.

[TheLeader]

Hmm, I don't want to make my dad unhappy, but for the last 6 1/2 years i have been under the impression and have been told, that one day my parents will be back together.

[Bubsa]

Not unreasonable at all. In fact, I'd say it's quite mature. You can see your father's wishes and, despite them contradicting your own, you respect them and protect your own.

 

 

 

You'll have to have the awkward conversation with your father about it sooner or later, but I think you're protecting everyone involved quite well from what I gather.

[katha610]

bubsa is right.

 

and just explain or say to her: hey, i have no problem with you dating my dad but i wanna stay out of it.

 

just tell her. in the end. its all up to you. no one requires you to sit with them or anything

[Kiriyama]

U kno a man and woman can be just friends u may be jumping to conclusions

[mad4u689]

It doesn't sound like he's jumping to conclusions.

 

 

 

Maybe I'm missing something, but there was one important thing I was confused about: are your parents officially separated? i.e. your dad isn't lying to your mom about dating another woman - he is doing it honestly and not "cheating" on her?

 

 

 

If this is the case (that your dad is being honest and your parents are officially separated), then I think you should at least try to be civil. I don't think you're being unreasonable; your reaction is a perfectly normal one to have. But if she's going to be around for a while, there's no point in being miserable the whole time. It sucks, but she's probably nice deep down, your dad has the right to date other people, and accepting it now will prevent a lot of (understandable but kind of unjustified) resentment later on.

[issy2]

Yes indeed...although that seems unlikely.

 

 

 

Aaaaaaanyway.

 

 

 

You can't jump to conclusions. She might be a lovely person...

 

 

 

You don't know Lorna. She's bought you a keyring and some sweets. Not the nicest of greetings, but it appears to be a friendly gesture.

 

 

 

In other words, yes, I think you are acting unreasonably. If I was in your situation, I'd probably be doing the same thing, but I suggest you spend a little time with her, chat, get to know her. Your Dad's been through alot too. Maybe it's not my place to say this, but he (probably, I've never met him) deserves better. If he's got a new girlfriend I don't blame him.

 

 

 

Show Lorna your nicest side. (We've all got one!:wink: ) Who knows, in a few years you might be best of friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Good luck.

 

I hope everything turns out ok, whatever you decide to do.

 

Issy.

[deloriagod]

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable, but if you think your father may be serious about having a relationship with this woman then you should try to make the best of it. You don't have to like her, but you could at least get along with her and not act as though she's the devil. There's no point in hating her if she may become a part of your life.

[Kryptic]

You respect your fathers wishes and dont wish to be apart of it, which is fine. You're doing whats best for you and the big picture, I respect that.

[No_OnE]

It would be polite and respectful of your dad to at least put forth some effort to like this woman. If, she and your dad start a relationship, then your going to need to know her. Also, it can't be too bad. It will be hard at first but after a while you'll get used to it.

[Tigra00]

Your mom is an alcoholic, whom I'm assuming you haven't had too much care for eachother by what you're saying...

 

 

 

This lady buys you things and wants to meet you.

 

 

 

The choice here is obvious. Candy lady wins! :lol:

[TheLeader]

It doesn't sound like he's jumping to conclusions.

 

 

 

Maybe I'm missing something, but there was one important thing I was confused about: are your parents officially separated? i.e. your dad isn't lying to your mom about dating another woman - he is doing it honestly and not "cheating" on her?

 

 

 

If this is the case (that your dad is being honest and your parents are officially separated), then I think you should at least try to be civil. I don't think you're being unreasonable; your reaction is a perfectly normal one to have. But if she's going to be around for a while, there's no point in being miserable the whole time. It sucks, but she's probably nice deep down, your dad has the right to date other people, and accepting it now will prevent a lot of (understandable but kind of unjustified) resentment later on.

 

 

 

Well... if she could talk over the phone, or just listen rather than being intoxicated all the time...

[TheLeader]

Yes indeed...although that seems unlikely.

 

 

 

Aaaaaaanyway.

 

 

 

You can't jump to conclusions. She might be a lovely person...

 

 

 

You don't know Lorna. She's bought you a keyring and some sweets. Not the nicest of greetings, but it appears to be a friendly gesture.

 

 

 

In other words, yes, I think you are acting unreasonably. If I was in your situation, I'd probably be doing the same thing, but I suggest you spend a little time with her, chat, get to know her. Your Dad's been through alot too. Maybe it's not my place to say this, but he (probably, I've never met him) deserves better. If he's got a new girlfriend I don't blame him.

 

 

 

Show Lorna your nicest side. (We've all got one!:wink: ) Who knows, in a few years you might be best of friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Good luck.

 

I hope everything turns out ok, whatever you decide to do.

 

Issy.

 

 

 

My first thoughts were, right, a woman i've never known buys my things, she wants to date my dad... SHE MUST BE TRYING TO BUY ME... IF YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYING...

 

 

 

Some of you have changed my mind,

[TheLeader]

Humor, oh humor...

 

 

 

I love my mum to bits, she just seems to sober up for like 3 months then basically f**ks it. I'm really fed up of it, i'm quite neive i suppose. Everytime she gets well, i think, woah this could be it. But me and my dad have tried everything. Including going in to *tescos* with a picture of my mother, and asking them not to serve her. They refused, i could nearly punch the bloke. Me and my dad sometimes talk, he's the best father he really is, i couldent ask for more, but he simply says, "i just don't love her anymore, she's put you though so much".

 

 

 

It all started on holiday when she had to much to drink, she was shouting stuff on the coach going back the hotel (Stuff i cant really repeat). Although she is such a wonderful person inside.

 

 

 

My cousin's parents split up, he's a bit older than me, but he was only about 8-9 when they split up, i just have no idea how he coped. It must be easier to hear both parents SOBER say, "We just don't love each other anymore and want different things", and just splitting up. But to she your mother killing herself slowly, (i am crying now just thinking about it). I just can't live with it.

 

 

 

Hey, but it will come one day when she sees what shes lost, 35k a year job and her boyfriend/partner, she might just think that shes got to sort herself out.

 

 

 

~Parker

[Aijiru]

My hystory is slightly different of yours, but I can understand what are you feeling. My dad died three years ago due to a cancer; my mother meets her actual boyfriend like a year ago. At the begginning of their relationship I didn't wanted to meet him, or go on vacations with my mother and him (it was summer). It took some time, but things have changed now. I finally realised that he's a cool person, he's living at home and I have nothing to complain about him. Maybe you need time to accept the new situation of your father, but always remember, like my mother told me "He's not your dad, it's my boyfriend. Nobody can replace your dad"

 

 

 

Hope this story helped you...

[TheLeader]

My dad said the same thing, your mother will always be your mother nothing can change that.

 

 

 

And i don't suppose you came here for sympathy, but i really do feel for you pal!

[Aijiru]

Tyvm :D. I understand that it is hard for you: you can't see your mother living a normal life, and then your father meets another person, a "stranger" who you don't know and you feel like she's going to take your father for herself... at least that was what I felt. It's not easy to explain, and English is not my language, so hope you can understand what i'm trying to say :wall:

 

 

 

Ah, btw, I'm 17 and I was 16 when all those things happened.

 

 

 

I suggest you to try and meet your father's friend, you have nothing to lose. Maybe you realise that she's a good person... If finally and definitevely you don't like her, talk with your father, i'm sure he will understand you, but first give her a chance, you might be surprised! :thumbsup: I did it with my mother's partner... One day my mother told me that he played a game with soldiers,and it was Age of Empires! I really liked that game, and he's a really good player, lol :thumbsup:

[TheLeader]

He's around at her house now, becuase i don't want her here.