[cabbage], really? That sounds terrible; what's wrong with feeling happy? I just feel like I shouldn't be happy, I'm not happy for the most part, on ocassion I'll feel happy, but that's if I have a distraction to make me not feel guilty. It just doesn't feel like I should be, so I'm not. Sometimes I'll feel calm, and not feel guilty but feel alright, I like it when I'm like that, I don't do much though. Just read and listen to music. I can't really properly explain what I mean, not something I can put into words. Nos langues nous trompent.