muggiwhplar

You guys underestimate how similar and predictable humans are when it comes to relationships. :P

Have you read the part where they have sex yet??

I haven't sent out any openers since my previous update. I do a new blitz on the first Sunday of every month, so my next one is this Sunday. Unfortunately, there haven't been a lot of hot new girls joining since my last blitz. If worse comes to worst, I might have to join sites which charge a monthly fee so I can put in more numbers. :( But hopefully it won't come to that.

Well, keep in mind that in Noxx's case it's not exactly a "genuine persona." ;) Being genuine is ALWAYS a good thing. I was referring more to the "nice guy" persona he's demonstrating-- that persona usually just gets people friendzoned. So I imagine he's acting like a "good person," but not the stereotypical needy "nice guy." If that makes sense. I was in the same boat as you after I started examining the "reality" of monogamy and the alternatives. I didn't pursue relationships seriously because I knew what I didn't want, but I didn't yet know what I did want. At the time, I didn't want the poly lifestyle that I currently have because I didn't think I was emotionally mature enough to handle it, and I also felt like it was somehow deceptive or "unfair" to the girls I was seeing. However, the thing that ultimately made me choose to commit to polyamory was when I sat down and examined my options without any clouded emotional judgments. Looking at all of the relationships my friends-- both male and female-- were in, I realized that their relationships were gradually losing their spark and becoming less "beneficial" towards their long-term happiness. Even my friends who really have their shit together and are seemingly a perfect match with their partner followed the same path as everyone else-- just at a slower pace. So, back to my anti-poly reasoning, I realized that I was afraid of hurting girls feelings and making them less happy in the long run. But then I realized that regardless of which option I choose, the girl is going to eventually have to accept some discomfort along the way-- either accepting that I'm boring her; accepting that I'm cheating on her; or accepting that I'm not going to get exclusive with her. As I've said before, polyamory is by no means a perfect system, however when its negatives are compared to monogamy's negatives, poly was certainly the lesser of the evils. [hide=Smartass anti-monogamy comment] Well, this distance thing with Claire wouldn't really be an issue to begin with if you believed that all relationships are only temporary. But since that's not the case... :P [/hide] Does Claire know that you're moving yet? Since you're moving regardless, you might as well enjoy these experiences while you've got them. You can still Skype with her or something when you move, but for the love of God, DON'T PURSUE A LONG-DISTANCE MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP. That's literally the worst thing you could both possibly do. It may be tempting to get that emotional security, but it's not worth it. If I were you, I'd get monogamous with her and then break up when you move, or just allow yourselves to both see other people. But make it clear so that she understands this as well. And if she doesn't agree to it, then you'll probably have to cut your losses and move on. It sucks, but that's life sometimes. Cutting a girl out of your life whom you have very strong feelings for is very difficult, but it will make you a stronger person in the long run. Ask me how I know. :)

Ah, ok. Well according to the wiki, it looks like you get the max LP boost once you hit 90 firemaking, so I guess I won't worry about that.

Yeah, I sort of lost interest in DG after seeing how badly the rewards got "nerfed" in EoC. But I think I'll probably be using my bonus XP on slayer and prayer for now. I suspect that slayer would be the best "investment" for future updates, anyways. I didn't know the FM boost was dependent upon level; I thought it was just based on log type. Good to know.

I play very infrequently, and work on my skilling goals very slowly. I'm about to finish my final skilling goal (86 farming for my last set of elite tasks), and after I'm done with that, I'm wondering: Are there any stat goals I should have next that can significantly benefit me monetarily? In other words, I've already got turmoil, access to overloads, 99 summoning, etc. Looking at my stats, is there anything right now that's "missing?" I'd like to get my construction up, for example, however I don't really see the point since it won't benefit me in any way. Are there any high-level benefits that I'm missing out on right now? If not, I suppose I'll go back into full-retirement until I have a need to skill again :P

I decided to "permanently" quit posting in this thread last week since I felt like I was wasting a lot of my time and energy posting here nowadays, particularly since most of the posts on this thread belong to at least one of the following categories: 1. Asking questions that have already been answered time and time again over the past several years 2. Asking questions that you already know the answer to, yet want a different answer because they're afraid to do what needs to be done 3. Posting about recurring problems that you've done nothing to solve or prevent 4. Me being a contrarian jerk 5. People arguing with me for being a contrarian jerk :P However, Noxx's post here is slightly out of the ordinary and right down my alley so I don't mind responding :D Even though Noxx is making mistakes, it's very nice to see that he's still out there trying to succeed. Now, if he continues to post about the same problems while clearly doing nothing to solve/prevent them, then I'll just quit taking his posts seriously and stop responding. :D But let's hope that doesn't happen! Okay, let's get to work *cracks knuckles* Yup! Most of the time, people don't even try to do things. If you actually make an attempt to do something, regardless of how terrifying it is, most of the time you'll find that it's not as terrifying as you thought it was, and then you can really start making some significant progress towards your goals. To be honest, I think taking such risks actually gets to be quite fun and exciting once you actually realize that if you want to increase your long-term happiness, you'll have to temporarily sacrifice your short-term happiness. The happiness and "scary" goals timeline looks like: 1. Set uncomfortable goal because you believe it'll make you happier in the long run when it's complete Many people quit here, before they've even started. They'll say they want something, but refuse to actually pursue it for various reasons (fear, uncertainty, false beliefs, stubbornness, laziness, etc.). 2. Begin working towards uncomfortable goal and start feeling unhappy because you're outside of your comfort zone At this point, something interesting happens, and this is what separates people with high emotional intelligence from people with low emotional intelligence. By working towards your goal, depending on how "intense" it is, you'll have the urge to abandon it because it's making you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you're abandoning your diet because you're sick of the effort required to count calories, or eat foods you dislike, or not eat foods you love; or if you're tired of awkwardly talking to hot girls and getting rejected. During this discomfort, you can either revert to how you were before you pursued the goal and increase your happiness back to the level it used to be at; OR... 3. Allow this new goal to become "normal" for you and therefore "comfortable" Once you make it over the "discomfort hump," and start making real progress with your goal, then all of that progress will directly translate over to your long-term happiness. The more successful you become, the happier you become. And, more importantly, the happier you will be compared to if you had abandoned your goal prematurely or not even attempted it at all. There are tons of women that can make you feel that way. And they're not hard to find, either. However, if you insist on promising eternal monogamy to her, then she will eventually get bored of you or get sick of you being an [wagon]. That's reality, and it's your job to structure your life such that this unpleasant reality doesn't conflict with your long-term happiness. I'm not going to elaborate on this right now since I've beaten that horse to death and I'm not in the mood to debate everyone on it again for the next few days. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss it further, though. Clearly you've got "oneitis" for Claire. Next time you're feeling happy, rational, and clear-minded, you need to sit down and figure out what you want with her. In other words, pick a time when you feel your emotions won't be clouding your judgment. This is going to be hard since you're already emotional by default, and it's something that you should consider before you get into this situation again in the future. I wrote about this more in-depth here. You basically need to figure out what kind of relationship you want with Claire, and then you need to make it clear to her what you want. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for misery down the road. Since you have oneitis for her, this rules out keeping her as a friend with benefits. So your "abridged" options are: 1. Long-term polyamorous relationship with her: keep seeing her like you've been seeing her, but tell her you're going to keep seeing other girls and if she doesn't want to keep seeing you, then you'll understand 2. Serial monogamy with her: get exclusive with her and enjoy those honeymoon feelings, but don't do anything stupid like get engaged, and be prepared for the relationship to end in about 3 years. Make it clear that you aren't interested in marriage right now. And if you genuinely don't want to get married, then don't lead her on by saying things like "Well maybe down the road..." just to keep her from dumping you. If you do want to get married (God help me), then save that discussion with her for another time. Option #1 is the more emotionally difficult option, but better for you in the long run. Option #2 is the much easier option, but it will lead to more problems down the road than option #1. To be perfectly honest, given your current emotional state, I'd go with option #2 and then immediately start focusing your time and energy on getting your shit together so you won't have this problem in the future. There's many more options than those two, but they're largely irrelevant given your circumstances. Fun psychology fact: spending money on others makes you a happier person. The amount of money you spend is irrelevant. Spending money on yourself, however, usually won't make you any happier. Why do you think you're a sad person? If you're unhappy with how your life is currently going, then change it. If you can't change it right now, figure out what you need to do to make change possible and do that ASAP! Abortion is another issue that I'm not really interested in debating the ethics of, however I believe that abortion is a wise idea if you're not mature enough (emotionally and/or financially) to raise a child. At your age, having a child would be a terrible idea-- for you, for your girlfriend, and for your unborn child. I'm not going to try and convince you that my beliefs on the matter are "right," so instead you just need to learn that the past is in the past, and there's nothing you can do about it. If an abortion will make you feel like a murderer, then you need to either abstain from having sex, or be damn sure that all of the following conditions are met if you choose to keep having sex: 1. You always wear a condom, unless she's had her tubes tied or something, and has the medical records to prove it 2. She's on a reliable form of birth control that doesn't force you to rely on her or trust her. In other words, the pill is not sufficient. I wonder how many babies are born because women "forgot" to take the pill. 3. You always make sure that you "clean up" to prevent any "accidents" 4. You always make sure that the condom doesn't break. 5. You have morning after pills and pregnancy tests in your bathroom, accessible at all times 6. You check the expiration date and keep your condoms in a safe, secure location that only you know about People have babies because they don't follow those simple precautions. There's going to be a close-to-zero chance of getting a girl pregnant if you follow those steps. However, if you're still completely unable to bear the thought of an abortion, then you need to figure out what you're going to do if you're faced with such a situation again in the future BEFORE YOU START HAVING SEX AGAIN. Are you going to have an abortion again and feel miserable for doing so? Or are you going to raise a child that you're completely "unqualified" to have? If your "friends" don't give a shit about who you are, then they aren't really friends. Part of developing a very close and loving friendship is being open with that person-- and that includes sharing some of your lowest lows. The closer you are to someone, the more understanding they will be of your problems. You might even be pleasantly surprised to find that some of your friends have been in the exact same situations as you. But you won't know that until you come to terms with your demons and become comfortable with making yourself more open to others. I used to have a similar problem, but when I went to college and basically hit the "restart button" on my life and made new friends, I made a deal with myself that I'd be as genuine and open as possible with everybody. By doing so, I was able to quickly screen out who was worth developing a friendship with, and who wasn't. Not everyone will appreciate you for who you are. Not everybody will like you. That's something you have to eventually accept if you want to grow. Just keep in mind that rejection isn't necessarily a bad thing. If someone rejects you-- either as a friend or a lover-- then you can think of it in one of two ways: 1. I'm an inferior being. I'm of low-quality and this person doesn't want anything to do with me because I'm worthless. 2. I'm glad I found out so quickly that this person and I don't get along; I dodged that bullet! That wouldn't have been a good friendship! Disclaimer for your relationships: If you haven't had sex or promised monogamy with any of these girls yet, then you're making mountains out of molehills and shouldn't feel bad about anything you've been doing since you really haven't "done" anything with these girls yet to put you in that position. My advice is given under the assumption that you've had sex with each of these girls. If you just want her as a friend with benefits, I don't see how that's "taking advantage" of her if: a) she enjoys having sex with you b) she doesn't want a relationship with you However, if you've led her to believe that you want to be her boyfriend, then yes, that's your fault and you need to make it clear what your intentions are. If she agrees, awesome. If she doesn't, then quit seeing her. It's unfair and cowardly to lead her on. Same advice as for the barmaid. You're going to keep feeling bad until you follow my advice, and rightfully so. To be honest, I'm surprised you're having so much "success" by masquerading as a "sweet innocent guy," lol. Usually guys do the opposite when they're trying to get laid. I think I know why it's working for you, but that's another topic. Anyways... Basically the same advice I've already given you. I'll elaborate more in a moment. Well, allowing a girl to see the "real you" is another big topic beyond the scope of my response here. But if you want to discuss it in-depth, feel free to shoot me a PM or something. There's a saying that you can only love others as much as you love yourself. I think right now your main issue is your self-esteem, rather than your actions. Let's say, however, that you actually were "genuine" with all of these girls and then continued seeing all of them simultaneously. Do you think you would still feel guilty? I'm just trying to determine if this is purely an emotional issue, or if it's also a matter of personal beliefs and morality. Sometimes we feel bad about ourselves even when we rationally know that we shouldn't. Do you rationally believe that you shouldn't feel bad about yourself, but just not emotionally? Even though I disagree with your recent behavior, I understand where you're coming from and why you did it. In other words, I'm not judging you or anything. Let me know if you need any more help. :)

Dear Annoyed in Arkansas, I have about fifty brown recluse spiders that I could release inside your apartment to combat your ant problem. I understand that money is an issue, so I’ll loan you my spiders for only $40. For a small additional fee of just $10, you can upgrade to the “Gold Extermination Plan,” which includes about two-dozen black widow spiders. And for an additional $15/month, you can join the exclusive “Platinum Extermination Club,” which includes a wasp nest installation right inside your home! Ants hate wasps! This is a great value that you won't find anywhere else-- I'd highly recommend it! Let me know if you’re interested and we can set up a payment plan! Best, Muggi

Let's rename this thread to: "what leg workout did you do today" :P

I miss the days before "themed" worlds-- where world 6 was the "unofficial" Castle Wars world for serious competition, and every other random world always had enough people to play a good game at any given time. Oh well

There's a sense of happiness/freedom that arises from knowing you can do something if you want to do it, even if you don't actually want to do it. If that makes sense >_> lol

That's why I've said that I'm not really looking for an OLTR right now. And I've also said that no system is perfect; just a better alternative to traditional marriage.

Probably underplaying the sex drive in his youth, assuming you're correct. Regardless, his sex drive is still high. So then why does it matter that women lose their sex drive in monogamous relationships? Why are you placing so much emphasis on this sex thing, then when someone holds you to closer inspection, say "well sex doesn't really matter so long as you're together anyway"? If you're not having sex while single, you can still have sex whenever you want with whoever you want. If you're in a relationship, and your significant other won't let you have sex with her, then you're stuck using your hand or going to bed with blue balls. The issue is sexual freedom, in addition to sex itself. I could easily level that accusation at you. You're 22 years old. It's hardly a case study in itself for proving one lifestyle is better than any other, let alone better for everyone, which by arguing against those who have chosen to "settle down", you're effectively saying. Except my MLTRs and FB relationships are already in their "end-game" status, whereas you won't get into marriage "end-game" until you're married and living together, most likely with kids. In other words, I'm already happily living out my relationship goals. You guys aren't. Another question: why are you guys so afraid of living "my" lifestyle for at least a few months? You'd meet tons of new women, and then if you still want to "settle down," then you'd at least have a much better chance of settling down with the "best" one, since you'd be dating many girls in a short period of time, rather than dating them one at a time and wasting your time on the ones who don't live up to your expectations.

Oh, they'll be busy alright! Food for thought: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YGLW3SELyc

"Square one." I see where you're coming from now. It's this fear of "square one" that drives many people to get into committed relationships in the first place-- the comfort and safety of a relationship, even if it's not what they expected-- is better than being alone in the world and having to keep dating strangers-- something which most people will admit that they suck at. Point being, if I was in an OLTR, it'd be after decades of dating different women and forming relationships with them. I wouldn't be back to square one. I'd be back to doing something that I know I enjoy. Like I've alluded to before-- too many people get married and stay in shitty relationships out of fear, not love. If she gets together with the young hottie, one of two things will happen: she'll eventually get bored of him and dump him (or stay together unhappily); or she'll eventually get tired of him cheating on her and dump him (or stay together happily). But that's sorta irrelevant since it's her life, not yours :P Divorce is just a minor inconvenience thanks to the pre-nup and no co-ownership of assets. This really should be a no-brainer for anybody getting married, regardless of the arrangement.

Well my brother's 40 years old and his sex drive is still high as ever, so I expect mine to be similar. And I plan on dating younger women as long as my sex drive remains high. There's a difference between being single and going w/o sex and being in a relationship and going w/o sex. I'm beginning to realize that most people in this thread just want to "settle down" and become that boring couple that gets home from work, watches TV, then falls asleep every night. But I think they're overestimating how happy that lifestyle will make them. Oh well. Only time will tell :P

This. You might think that OLTR's are drama-free, but the fact that you offer your spouse and yourself so much freedom means that there will be plenty of times when she realizes that she is being held back by you, especially if she's 15 years younger. Pretty sure she'd be even more held back by the constraints of traditional monogamous marriage >_> The drama issue is mitigated via soft nexting. But soft nexting becomes impossible when you're living with your significant other.

That probably won't happen till I'm in my 50s or 60s. But, like Obfuscator, I too am capable of going without sex for as long as needed. You guys are forgetting that sex and love are completely separate things, and that I can still fall in love with any of my MLTRs or get those honeymoon feelings from their presence. But to answer your question, I'd probably go with an OLTR. It's not something I'm interested in right now, but it sure as hell blows traditional monogamous marriage out of the water in virtually every aspect. Which introduces another question: Why do you guys insist on a traditional monogamous marriage over something more realistic like the OLTR?

You guys also might want to check out this video series on Youtube. More evidence suggesting that women need both a lover and a provider, and how one man can't be both simultaneously.

A woman's sex drive gradually decreases over time once she's got a monogamous boyfriend. A man's stays the same. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4790313.stm

Infrequent sex (or none at all) is just one of the "threats" which marriage poses to your happiness. It's an irrelevant issue if you're like obfuscator, but if you're a guy with a high sex drive like RPG then you're really pushing your luck by pursuing marriage. And that's not "being human" or "having faith"-- it's just being stupid. Again, tell me what you're expecting your marriage to look like, and why you think it'll make you happy, and how you plan on achieving that. There's a big difference between being happy and merely being content/satisfied. (Note: For the sake of avoiding future misunderstandings, I'm just going to start saying "marriage" now instead of "monogamy." This is because serial monogamy is still "monogamy" and is also an OK idea (just not really my cup of tea), as opposed to long-term traditional marriage. I think most people equate "monogamy" to eventual traditional marriage anyways)

This reminds me-- what reasons do you guys have for not wanting to "share" your significant other? I could understand STDs and pregnancies, but those can be avoid if you're sexually responsible. Is the main reason just to make things harder on yourselves and therefore somehow make your marriage "better" if you can overcome even more challenges? Or is this just a jealousy thing? My main argument has always been-- your happiness goals have to be coherent with reality. Reality, in this context being, there's about a 13% chance that you're "qualified" to even make a marriage "work," and if you are, it'll be "boring" (again, "boring" is subjective). Even if you're in that 13%, you're still basically betting your long-term happiness and financial stability on a coin toss . Even if you, RPG, are in the "boring" category (which I don't think you are), this isn't a very smart or realistic "goal" to set for yourself. Obfuscator could go without sex for the rest of his life at any given time. Can you?

Why is this "accountability" thing so difficult to grasp.. We live in a cause and effect universe. And the universe rewards stupidity with pain.

We know :P