Necromagus

While this image is grossly oversized for signature purposes, it does sum my opinion on ranged vs. melee nicely :P

How Scams Changed Our World (Just A Little) - originally ran February 15th, 2009 As long as there is an economy, people will try to cheat others out of their money to make a few quick GP without doing any actual work. This is why every MMO, including Runescape, has rules against this sort of behaviour. Of course these rules are rarely a deterrent, and there will always be people that think they can beat the system. As new scams become popular, Jagex takes the appropriate measures to deal with them. Some of these anti-scam measures have ended up being a part of the daily Runescape experience. An early example of this is the unique look of Dragon items, compared to similar items made of other metals. When the dragon longsword and battleaxe were first introduced, their inventory sprites were, like all other metal items at that point, simple palette swaps of older sprites. This was exploited by people who would offer a sword or axe for trade, then trade the dark red coloured dragon item for a brown coloured bronze item at the very last moment. To put an end to this the weapons were given distinct sprites that made it easy to tell the difference between dragon and bronze. Of course graphical limitations still meant that dragon items still looked like dark red versions of normal items, but when RS2 came around their ingame appearance was given a more distinct look. Another Runescape Classic classic abused the fact that the width of an item slot allows for stacks of up to seven digits before the number starts flowing over into the next slot. This was exploited by a few 'clever' players who used a combination of two stackable items: coins and needles. They would, for example, offer ten million GP for a party hat, then offer one million GP and a single needle. Because the inventory sprite of the needle was very thin and because the trade window was partially transparant, the needle would be virtually invisible and it would look like the player was offering 10.000.001 GP. To put an end to this Jagex implemented the trade confirmation screen that would clearly list the items being transferred, thus exposing the fact that you were about to receive one million GP and a needle in stead of the expected ten million. Something that persisted well into RS2, even with the presence of the confirmation screen, was players with quick fingers swapping items at the last second for something cheaper that was very similar both in appearance and in text in the confirmation screen. For example, 100k GP would be swapped for 1004 GP, yew logs would become regular logs at the last second and silver ore was replaced by tin ore. The first measure taken against this was adding colour to the number indicating the size of the stack (white for anything up to 99.999, cyan for anything up to 9.999.999 and green for anything higher than that). Quick swaps became all but impossible to do when Jagex added an angrily flashing red exclamation point to the trade screen that would appear whenever a change was made, and was truly stamped out once and for all with the implementation of balanced trades. For as long as the game has been around people have been offering their skills to help others process raw materials. Doing this would give them the XP reward and their 'client' the finished product. This was most commonly done with gemstones to raise the crafting skill, but was also done with comparable skills, such as smithing and crafting. However, there was an inherent danger to this scheme as there was nothing to stop the other player from simply walking away with the raw materials. An interesting side note regarding gems is that since the introduction of the Grand Exchange the price of uncut gems compared to their cut counterparts has risen considerably. Because of this Jagex was forced to change the examine text of uncut gems, which had been the same since the start of the game, from the classic "This would be worth more cut." to the simple "An uncut X". All this was ended with the introduction of the Assist System on November fifth, 2007. This allowed players to 'borrow' the skills of another player and produce whatever goods they needed (with a few exceptions, such as raw materials, quest items and items that have a quest requirement). In return, the assisting player would receive all XP. This meant that players could now turn their raw materials into finished products without the items ever leaving their inventory. Related to the previous scam are the herb scams. For a very long time all herb drops from members would simply be an unidentified herb, with no way of telling what it actually was unless you had a herblore level high enough to identify it. These levels were similar to the levels needed to clean herbs today. Players would commonly identify whatever herbs they could with their herblore level, then offer everything they could not use for trade, commonly using phrases such as: "Selling unidentified herbs, avantoe and up.". Players would know that Avantoe requires level 48 herblore to identify and thus that the herbs they'd be buying would be relatively high level herbs such as torstol, lantadyme and dwarf weed. The problem here was that each unidentified herb still registered as a separate item, and thus would get its own bank slot. This meant that a player could simply take one herb from each stack and identify it, thus being able to offer a whole stack of unidentified guam leaves and marrentills while passing them off as potentially being more than they really were. Of course, it was also common for people to offer to identify herbs, which, like the aforementioned gems, had the risk of the other player simply walking away with them. To end the herb scams and to make trading herbs easier, unidentified herbs were replaced with grimy herbs on September tenth, 2007 as part of a larger update to the herblore skills. Players would now know what kind of herb they were holding from the moment it was dropped, and players could no longer pass off unidentified herbs offering false potential. There are of course many more major and minor scams which affected the game in smaller ways after being fixed. Jagex staff impersonation has led to a small gold crown being added in front of all usernames used by Jagex staff. The scam of getting a player to drop an item in your house, then quickly expelling them, has led to a warning message being shown whenever you try to drop something in another player's house. As players continue to find new ways to scam, new fixes will be introduced to combat those scams. This might sound trivial, but like in Runescape, the real world is filled with things that were, directly or indirectly, implemented to protect people and help enforce the rules. Everything from door locks to zebra crossings falls under this category. While comparable measures in Runescape aren't quite as drastic, they are still quite present at times.

Mass Bannings - Damned if they Do... (originally ran February 8th, 2009) Rule four of the rules of conduct, forbids players to use any glitches or bugs in the game software to gain an unfair advantage, is a rule that pretty much any MMORPG has. It's a necessary part of running an online game to make sure that players do not gain an unfair advantage just because they happened to be at the right place at the right time. In RuneScape's relatively long (for MMO standards) history, there have been a few incidents of bug abuse that are remembered for their enormous impact on the game. I witnessed in first person the absolute chaos that was caused when a player found a way to duplicate items through the trade window and passed that secret on to a few friends. Within hours RuneScape was flooded with thousands of duplicated party hats, christmas crackers, dragon square shields and dragon medium helmets. Another famous incident was the Falador Massacre, where an innocent house party ended in a slaughter. Anyone wearing anything worth more than a pair of leather gloves was cut to shreds. Other incidents include a brief period of time where players could get infinite amulets of glory by taking down the mounted amulet in a friend's house, and, most recently, the glitched penguin that allowed players to rack up hundreds of penguin points. Obviously bug abuse needs to be dealt with swiftly. The solution is two part: Fix the broken code and deal with the players who exploited it. The first part is simple. Isolate the broken code, rewrite it and roll it out across the servers. Jagex has done this dozens of times over the last few years. The complicated part is what to do with the players who broke the rules. The problem with rule 4 is that it's rarely violated by just one person. One person finds a way to quickly wring out a few points of XP or some valuables out of a piece of poorly tested code, tells a friend, who tells their friends, who post it on their clan forum... you get the point. This means that there are potentially hundreds, if not thousands, of rule breakers that will have to be punished. To do this, Jagex has several options. First of all they can sit back and do nothing. This however, is never the right solution, because it sends a negative message to both the rule breakers by letting them know they can get away with it, and to the regular players who will cheated about the fact that they are essentially being punished for following the rules, losing out on experience and money because they accept the terms dictated to them by Jagex. Then, on the other end of the spectrum there's the nuclear option: The rollback. What this means is that the state of the game gets reverted to the latest backup made before the exploited bug entered the game. This can be anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. Of course, this should be used only in the very worst case scenario. This option is unique because it affects all players equally. Both the player that just gained 99 in their favourite skill and the player that got a Visage drop after camping at the Skeletal Wyverns for the past two weeks will lose all their hard work. For this reason, Jagex has never used a rollback to fight bug abuse, no matter how absolutely massive the impact was. Then there's the third option. Banning the offenders. Like I said before, the problem with violations of rule 4 is that it's often done en masse. This means that the good people at Jagex will either have to pick through the game logs to manually identify the offenders or just ban everyone that was anywhere near the location where the offense was taking place. Contrary to popular belief, the customer support staff at Jagex is not made up of a pack of chimpanzees that they abducted from a medical lab, shaved and stuck in front of a desk (they have been released to the care of professionals, except for the ones that handle the non-member cases). This has been shown in the excellent handling of the recent penguin bug abusers. Of course, even as the Jagex moderation team was racing to take a look at each individual banned account, RuneScape players did what they do best: They whined and cried. This was their fearful reflex to the fact that they could no longer access their account after breaking the rules, something which is not entirely uncommon in any MMO game. Frightened they huddled on the various forums, spouting off endless tirades of how unfair it was that they got banned for for breaking the rules just a little bit. While they were complaining, Jagex went to work, producing results within two to three hours. These are the facts as given out by Jagex: * 159 players have been banned permanently. These players all have spotted the glitched penguin at least 250 times. * A larger group of players has been temporarily banned. Although numbers suggest that they clearly knew that they were repeatedly exploiting a bug, their gains were not, in the words of Jagex, 'obscene'. * The rest of the players that were temporarily banned have had their bans lifted. All the people that were part of the mass banning but were found to be innocent upon closer inspection not only had their accounts unbanned within two or three hours, but actually received a month of membership credit to make up for the missed playtime. So after the initial mass banning and the panic that it caused, it all turned out to be wasted energy. While players were running around like headless chickens Jagex calmly assessed the situation, set the standards by which the banned players would be judged, and sorted out all the cases individually within three hours. After Jagex announced the results of their efforts, people whined some more. This is of course to be expected, as for a significant portion of the RuneScape community complaining is the natural response to anything Jagex does. This is why it sucks to be Jagex: No matter what you do, there will always be people who know better. A quest is too easy or too hard. A new weapon is too powerful or not powerful enough. And, in this case, a punishment is too harsh or not harsh enough. Maybe, just maybe, after over seven years of experience running this game, it is time we start to trust Jagex. Obviously they have made their mistakes in the past. But the fact remains that they are still running the second most popular MMORPG out there. This achievement wouldn't have been reached if the good people at Jagex HQ didn't know what they were doing at least most of the time. The problem is, they often find themselves in no-win situations, like mass violations of the fourth rule. Still, I think that Jagex has done more than enough in the past week to show us that they do know how to deal with bug abuse problems, should they arise. They handled swiftly and openly, while being as open as they could realistically be towards the players. Maybe it's time for those players that still found time to complain that Jagex will never be able to please everyone, and is not in the business of pleasing everyone. They run their MMO to the best of their ability, and judging from the membership numbers their ability to run an MMO is pretty damn impressive.

The God Wars II - Part 2 (originally ran February 8th, 2009) Last week, in part one of this article, I explored the possibility of a second God Wars, and the role the followers of the four gods that inhabit Gielinor today would play in it. However, since the days of the God Wars, various other gods have made their appearance on Gielinor. There is also a number of groups that seem to hold no divine allegiance yet hold enough power to make a significant difference in the tides of war. The Fremmenik tribes have carved out their own existence in the rocky wastes to the north of Kandarin. Their territory is fairly isolated, cut off by the sea on two sides and mountains on the third. Their resources are fairly limited. Their main food is the fish they catch in the seas, their main export consists of the Fremmenik helmets and other equipment that only the Fremmenik blacksmiths know how to forge. Their position however, is all but safe. The mountain that forms the eastern border of their territory is swarming with the trolls that make up a major part of Bandos' forces. In the southern kingdom of Kandarin the Zamorakian forces will take any chance they get to expand. The Fremmenik people will not go down quietly however, as they are a nation of proud warriors who will defend their home to the very end. Unfortunately this pride has also lead to an isolationistic attitude that could cost them in the long term. If they do get desperate enough to ask a god for help, it's all but certain that those gods will even listen, and that the Fremmenik are willing to pay the full price of divine intervention. However, if they do decide to rally under the banner of any one god, they will be a powerful asset on the battlefield. The dwarves' participation in the last God Wars was limited to getting the hell off the surface of Gielinor and walling themselves in as deeply as possible. While the dwarves could easily abandon their strongholds under White Wolf and Snowy Mountain to seek the safety of Kandarin, this might not be the safest option for the dwarves. Many of their mines are accessed to territory that is controlled by one deity or another, and they will be called upon to fork over the goods sooner or later. Knowing the nature of certain gods, this calling upon may be done rather forcefully. The city of Keldagrim, the main dwarven stronghold in Gielinor, could easily be isolated from the outside world by collapsing the various tunnels that lead into the city. Their precious blast furnace, capable of churning out metal bars faster and with less fuel than any regular furnace ever could, might be too tempting a target, motivating some very determined divine forces to dig through the dwarven defences in search of control for that facility. If the dwarves do call on divine help to protect their mines, the dwarven warriors and metalworks that will be asked in return will surely make a difference in the flow of war. In the south-eastern Kharidian desert, the peoples' spiritual needs are fulfilled by a wholly different group of gods. The Kharidian pantheon stands completely independent from the gods that control the rest of Gielinor, and are generally much too busy fighting amongst themselves to concern themselves with the larger world. Furthermore, it seems that the sands of the south offer very little of any interest. There are a handful of mines, but other than that most of the area seems to consist of sandy wasteland. If the desert pantheon does become involved in the war however, they could bring in quite a few nasty surprises. Besides the mummies, scorpions, wild camels, Menaphite thugs and Bedannin tribes that inhabit the desert, there is also the constant thread of Kalphites. The tunnels of the hive stretch far, so far in fact that they stand in almost direct contact with Lumbridge castle and the underground city of Dorgesh-Khaan. There would be no end to the carnage if the toxic Kalphite soldiers come pouring into the streets of Lumbridge. The gnomes, though diminutive in size, make for fierce warriors possess perhaps the most powerful cavalry of all of Gielinor. From the backs of their terrorbirds and war tortoises their warriors, rangers and mages have proven to be more than a match for invading humans. They are also the only faction to maintain an active air force. From their Grand Tree they can launch powerful gliders that have an action radius that covers most of Gielinor. The mobility of their forces is further boosted by their abilities to cross the world at a moments' notice through the spirit trees. While the gnomes might wish to isolate themselves from the world like the dwarves, their Grand Tree is not nearly as easily sealed off as the dwarven mines. Their two main settlements, the Grand Tree and the Tree Gnome Village, are both surrounded on four sides by the forces of Zamorak. They have had skirmishes with human forces in the past, most notably with the army of General Khazard. There are even elements within the Gnomish community that would actively seek war with the humans around them. These forces are far more unpredictable than your regular garden variety gnomes (editor's note: the author was beaten severely for this pun). While they are rumoured to hold a Zamorakian allegiance very little is known about their loyalties and long term goals beyond destroying all humans. The pirates of Runescape seem to hold no divine allegiance at all. Their only loyalty is to their wallets. Of course war can be a very profitable business. Whether it's smuggling weapons and supplies or capturing ships loaded with riches to fuel the war effort, pirates will have plenty of opportunities to exploit a global divine conflict for personal gain. One major advantage they seem to have is that all their major ports, such as Brimhaven and Moss'le Harmless, are fairly isolated from any potential battlegrounds, thus giving them plenty of room to retreat and catch their breath if the heat of battle becomes too much for them. Furthermore the pirate fleet seems far superior to anything the gods can put out to sea. This means that, for a while at least, pirates will be free to do as they please. However, the greed that defines pirates can also be their downfall. To get ahead in the world pirates are willing to make a deal with pretty much anyone, including but not limited to the devil. This is evidenced by the presence of the cursed zombie pirates that roam the seas of Gielinor to this day. Because of their lust for gold pirates may be willing to sacrifice a little independence in exchange for capital gain, but very few mortals realize that there's no such thing as sacrificing 'a little' independence when you're dealing with the gods. The elves that are still loyal to the Crystal Goddess find themselves in a pretty much indefensible positions. Those outside the mighty Iowerth clan are already hunted by their Zamorakian kin, and the constant pressure they are under seems to have completely eliminated their hope of founding a permanent settlement. They are surrounded on all sides, with little hope to escape except for the small port the humans have established in the far south western corner of their lands. If any god could add those loyal to Seren to their forces they would find that the elves, despite the fact that they have been living nomadic lives for the past few centuries, still make fearsome warriors, rangers and mages. All these paragraphs are of course nothing but speculation, educated guesses at what might happen if the god wars break out. There is of course one group I haven't discussed yet. You. The adventurer that roams the land in search of fame and riches. Of course each adventurer will choose their own path through the conflict, whether it's joining forces with one of the four gods, trying to stay with one of the independent factions or remaining entirely neutral. Whatever choice we make, when the second God Wars break out all we can really do is strap in, brace for impact and pray to the gods that we have made the right choice.

The God Wars II - Part 1 (originally ran February 1st, 2009) The God Wars. A cataclysmic event that spanned an entire era of Runescape history. Four millenia of brutal fighting that left the world a withered husk of its former self. The beginning of the wars came when the Mahjarrat Zamorak beat the god Zaros in single combat, essentially usurping his position as god. Sensing their opportunity other gods lashed out, hoping to catch Zamorak off guard before he could consolidate his power to seize total control of Gielenor. Unfortunately Zamorak was ready for them, and what followed was four millenia of bloodshed that didn't end until Guthix himself awoke from his slumber. Nowadays the God Wars are mostly forgotten. A select few still hold knowledge of the event, but they are by far the minority. The archaeologists seem to have no real interest in the Third Age beyond the gathering of knowledge. The church of Saradomin has cowed the general population, with seemingly only the highest ranking officials being aware of the full extent of the conflict. The guardians of Armadyl have gone largely underground. Goblins seem largely unaware of their role in the wars beyond serving their "Great High War God". But despite the Edicts of Guthix that ended the God Wars, the gods still continue to manipulate life in Gielinor. Each god seems to have staked out claims to various territories and peoples. As proven by the events of Shadow of the Storm however, the Edicts of Guthix are no longer as binding as they once were. The barrier of the River Salve is waning. Mages loyal to Zamorak have repeatedly attempted to bring new, powerful demons back into the realm. The guardians of Armadyl have to struggle to hang onto the last remnants of their power. The influence of the Kharidian desert gods seems to be spreading. There is turmoil brewing beneath the (mostly) peaceful facade of Gielinor. So let's assume that tomorrow the first blow is struck, and the Edicts of Guthix go out the window. The gods come out fighting, mobilizing their forces, tapping into their resources and digging into their trenches. Armies will need to be mobilized, fed and armed. Who will step into the fray? What will they bring to the fight? How will they be looking to secure their total domination? What role will those groups that seem to hold no divine allegiance play? The Saradomist forces seem to hold an impressive amount of territory. The kingdoms of Misthalin and Asgarnia and the duchy of Lumbridge are firmly under their control, and while their hold on the kingdom of Kandarin isn't nearly as strong as they like to think they do seem to have some loyal outposts in the west. Each of their cities has a standing militia that is well supplied and armed, and they have a number of knightly orders throughout Gielinor. Their presence in the city of Ardougne, besides the aforementioned knights, includes paladins and heroes. However, their loyalties will be split between their king and their god and any Saradomist general would be a fool to place blind faith in their loyal participation in the conflict. Their resources are bountiful. They hold the verdant farmlands surrounding Lumbridge, Draynor and Falador that produce plenty of wheat and vegetables. They have access to mines south of Lumbridge, inside the Barbarian Village, south of Varrock, north of Rimmington and south of Port Sarim. However, the most productive mines under Ice Mountain and in the mining guild are under dwarven control, and they have historically been highly protective of their treasured ores. One of their biggest advantages is their control of the production of runestones. Several figures that appear to be loyal to Saradomin hold the knowledge of access to the rune essence mines and most of the minor altars lie firmly within their territory. This means that the magical edge appears to be firmly on the Saradomist side. Those loyal to Zamorak hold several territories. In the east, Morytania is home to werewolves, vampyres, ghasts and various powerful nasties. In the north the wilderness is now mostly desolate, but scattered across the wilderness there are still demons, chaos dwarves and several human groups that appear to be loyal to Zamorak. In the west, King Lathas of Ardougne has proven more than willing to collaborate with the forces of Zamorak to expand his kingdom. Beyond the mountains lies the Elven city of Priffdinas. Although they once worshiped the goddess Seren, the crystal city is currently under control of Lord Iowerth, leader of the Iowerth clan, who has pledged his allegiance to the god of chaos. At a moment's notice his elven armies, armed to the teeth with their deadly crystal weapons, could come streaming from over and under the mountains to help consolidate King Lathas' grip on Kandarin. In the west also lies Port Khazard. With a sizable standing army and a port that, along with Port Phasmatys, would allow the forces of chaos to spread out quickly across the oceans, Port Khazard could easily be considered one of Zamorak's most important strategic strongholds. Developing a solid stream of resources doesn't seem nearly as important for Zamorak's forces. His non-human soldiers are generally carnivorous, happily feasting on their fallen opponents. They even appear to be farming large groups of humans in the city of Meiyerditch. The kingdom of Kandarin has several farms to feed their human troups, as well as some of the most bountiful fishing areas in all of Gielinor (Piscatoris, the fishing guild, the Khazard trawlers). The claws, teeth, [bleep]es and other appendages of Zamorak's non-human forces are often deadly enough to get the job done. The elves can arm themselves with powerful crystal weapons. The metal for any weapons wielded by the forces of chaos will mostly be coming from the various mines in the wilderness. This includes runite ore, which, when combined with the constant flow of coal from the coal trucks and the general Zamorakian attitude towards slave labour, could provide Zamorak's human forces with a large amount of runite weapons. The monks of Zamorak have recently managed to gain knowledge of access to rune essence, and through the abyss they can churn out large amounts of runes of their own. The third, and until recently mostly unknown, participant is Bandos, affectionally called the Big High War God by his followers. He is the only god to hold no human forces at all. However, his armies easily hold the highest numbers. Goblins, hobgoblins, various species of giants, several different kinds of ogres, orks, trolls and cyclopes. These species are scattered all over Gielinor, which is a considerable weakness. The goblins hold several enclaves throughout the known world. Hobgoblins have gone mostly underground, along with the giants. Ogres are a little more concentrated, holding large stretches of territory south of Yanille. The trolls can come pouring down their mountain strongholds at a moment's notice. Cyclopes and orks are all but gone from the world. This means that when Bandos goes to war, his first priority should be to gain a defendable foothold in enemy territory. If the war god's forces can't be unified fast enough, various other gods can easily pick off his smaller settlements and leave the larger ones isolated to the point where their position becomes almost indefendable. However, due to the primitive nature of his forces they are highly mobile, which means that amassing a sizable army in a central point could be a very viable strategy, if they are mobilized fast enough. Another advantage of the primitive nature of Bandos' forces is that they are relatively low maintenance. Their weapons usually consist of crude wooden clubs and makeshift spears, if they even use any weapons at all. Their diet seems to be "anything that holds still long enough". This means that the armies of Bandos can be fed with pretty much anything and are therefor not nearly as dependent on holding large amounts of farmland as the forces of the other gods are. Armadyl, the fourth participant in the first god wars, is, at this point in time, without a doubt the weakest of the four gods when it comes to sheer martial strength. The Aviantese and Aviansie, highly mobile shock troops, are now all but extinct. The human forces that pledge their allegiance to the god of purity are few in number. The Guardians of Armadyl recently found themselves under a full out attack that left their numbers all but decimated. They are a mostly underground organization that concern themselves with little more than keeping the Staff of Armadyl safe. While they could survive as an underground organization, open participation in the conflict would be suicidal. However, since the days of the God Wars, various other gods have made their appearance on Gielinor. There is also a number of groups that seem to hold no divine allegiance yet hold enough power to make a significant difference in the tides of war. Check back in two weeks for an analisys on dwarves, desert gods, gnomes, and many other neutral groups that could have a huge influence.

It's alright, but as far as sitcoms go the only one that comes close to greatest series of all times is M*A*S*H. Anyway, I've caught up on season eight the past two days. My favourite random moment was during the Sesame Street episode: "I think I see what the problem is. You have a hand inside of you." "That explains so many things."

Yeah, I've already tried changing the refresh rate. The problem doesn't appear on other TVs. However, like I said, my DVD player hooked up to the same port doesn't have any problems showing colour.

Locked. I'm sorry, but this isn't enough of an issue to warrant its own thread. Please use the existing thread on this update in stead. -Necromagus, Tip.It Mod.

Like I said, a scart port. I run the consoles' component cable through a scart converter like this one.

Right, I have a pretty old TV (ca. 1995) that has a weird problem with consoles. Both my Xbox 360 and Gamecube have a weird problem where the display switches back and forth between colour and black and white. Sometimes for less than a second, sometimes for minutes at a time. The DVD player that's hooked up to the same scart port through the same converter does not have this problem. Both consoles are PAL, for what it's worth.

Well the person responsible for uploading them lives in Hawaii so things are posted pretty late on Sunday.

Yeah, there was something about the way you asked me to step into the GE for a sec that was very convincing.

Aw man, here I was thinking that DLC added new perks and a new cap :( I don't even have X-box live, although DLC for this and Mass Effect might eventually convince me. Really looking forward to The Pitt most of all. I hope it's just one big city, Oblivion style.

Yeah, I got bored training hunter the regular way so I got five levels off penguin points. I never noticed any glitch, and by the end of the night I had my gecko pet.

I absolutely loved In-n-Out when I was over in San Francisco for the summer. I've had at least three meals there. On my second to last day I had a four by four (four patties, four slices of cheese), a double double (two patties, two slices of cheese), a serving of regular fries and a serving of animal style fries (with cheese, grilled onions and secret sauce). I couldn't believe how much better stuff tasted just because all their items are fresh.

If you haven't checked yet, go to Paradise Falls. Eulogy Jones is sitting on a nice cache of his own. Other than that, check with every scavenger you come across.

On the role of professional wrestling in the movie: By putting the main character into this branch of entertainment he becomes infinitely more tragic. He's decades away from the time he was a star, putting his body through hell in front of crowds that are rarely bigger than a few dozen people. He's desperately trying to reclaim a shred of his old fame, but how do you redeem yourself in a sport where the outcome is always fixed? Also, by using real wrestlers and real wrestling crowds (all the matches were taped at actual wrestling shows), the whole experience becomes a lot more realistic. The other wrestlers talk like wrestlers. The crowd reacts like a wrestling crowd, chanting, cheering and booing. The deathmatch that takes place halfway through the match features Necro Butcher as Randy's opponent. This man really is a deathmatch wrestler, regularly competing in exactly the kind of match that's shown in the movie. He really does go through barbed wire, sheets of glass and thumbtacks on a regular basis.

Bumping this in honor of the two Golden Globes and two Oscar nominations... surely someone must have seen this movie by now :|

I don't know if anyone here even knows what Ring of Honor is, but basically it's the third biggest wrestling promotion in America. It was the last stop for wrestlers like Samoa Joe, A.J. Styles, Brian Kendrick, CM Punk, Evan Bourne (Matt Sydal), Christopher Daniels, Paul London, Low-Ki, and Homicide on their way to national fame. To give you an idea of the basic 'style' of ROH, watch this video: [yt]cmp1HaBcRws[/yt]

Amen. Especially since they have songs different kinds of drunk. I love songs like Thousands Are Sailing or The Auld Triangle for that sentimentalist kind of drunk.

I remember you :-w You really need to post the Omegawytch Chronicles though, those were awesome :D

I'm glad people liked my article on pet rocks, although I hope those of you that are rushing off to get your own realize that it's still a big responsibility. I'm aware that both my articles this week are rather silly, but I hope that doesn't put you off too much :)

The Imp and the Jinn (fictional, ran January 25th, 2009, originally posted in December of 2006) The little imp furrowed its brow in a deep frown, the same frown it used when it tried to remember its full name or when the master asked it why it was late. It was a frown of painful confusion. This time the cause for its confusion was an object. A rusty, dented object that seemed useless by all standards. Still, it matched the description the master had given his diminutive servant, so it tucked the thing away in a hidden fold in its loincloth before scaling back up the wall and out of the window. The imp hurried along past ramshackle houses and heaps of garbage without paying any attention to either. The two were interchangeable anyway. All it wanted to do was get its delivery done, have a well-earned meal of warm maggots and curl up on whatever corpse had supplied them. The life of an imp was simple: Serve, eat, sleep, repeat. It was enough for the imp, who very much preferred to keep things simple. Simple things always did what they were supposed to do and never asked hard questions like What are you laughing at? or Wheres that wretched smell coming from? The imp didnt know that the object it was carrying was no simple thing. What it also didnt know was that the filthy fabric of its loincloth had been rubbing against the thing since the moment he had tucked it away there. It had almost forgotten it was there until the object started vibrating. The imp yelped in surprise and skidded to a halt, just barely avoiding collision with a barrel of rainwater nearly four times its size. The sudden jolt jerked the object from its hiding place, causing it to skid across the cobblestones until it came to a halt a few feet away. The imp stalked closer, eying the thing suspiciously. Lying there on the rain soaked streets with the rest of the garbage it seemed normal, but now the imp knew it wasnt. His master wouldnt send it out to retrieve any ordinary piece of trash, and the strange vibrations had definitely confirmed that. Carefully a bony finger was extended, and the imp wagged its tail nervously as it crept closer and closer. Finally, after what seemed like hours, they made contact. And thats when all hell (and the imp had seen a lot of that) seemed to break loose. A thick cloud of smoke spewed forth from some unseen opening in the bent lump of metal, filling the alley and blocking it from sight. The imp was just about to reminded of home by the sulfurous smell when it heard a cold but cheerful chuckle. Youd think the feeling gets old, but damn it feels good to be able to stretch my legs again. The imp just barely heard it, it had already bolted. Smoke wasnt supposed to talk and trash wasnt supposed to produce smoke. The thick stuff filled its lungs, causing them to ache, but the imp was used to much worse so it kept running. Its no use you know it wont let you go until youve done your duty as the new master. Master? Now there was a novel thought. Imps were bred to serve, and this imp more so than most. Still, it seemed like the smoke was only getting thicker, so after a while the imp decided to give up its attempts to escape. Master? Of course, by the standards of my contract you will now be my master. At that moment seemingly out of nowhere several feet of parchment erupted from out of nowhere, snaking around the imp a few times before coming to a rest at a convenient reading distance. Of course the imp couldnt read, so he had to take the voices word for it. Who who you? Again the cold chuckle. Why I am the jinn of the ashtray, havent you heard of me? I really need to get a better publicist, its only been what? Two centuries since I got tucked away? The imp felt overwhelmed by the concept of living more than two or three years, so overwhelmed that he nearly missed the rest of what the jinn had said. Still, something wasnt right. Ashtray? No lamp? The chuckle came again, but a lot less merrily this time. Bad real-estate agent Im afraid besides, the lamp market hasnt exactly been very stable for the past few millennia Anyway, where are my manners? I almost forgot Before the imps eyes, the thick smoke began to coalesce into a single shape. The thick strands were retracted, and the alley came back into view. It remained for a moment as a shapeless grey mass until it began to shift again, sprouting arms, legs, and finally a head. A round, bald head that was dominated by a wide toothed grin set beneath small, beady eyes and a flat nose. Its skin had taken the green colour of corroding copper. Floating about two feet of the ground was what appeared to be a fat little child dressed in a riot of brightly coloured silks, although the head didnt quite match. Before the imp could say anything, the child-jinn bent down to pick up what was supposed to be an ashtray. The imp heard him mutter something along the lines of this wont do before a bright flash of light blinded him. When the last of the black spots had been blinked away, the jinn was holding what appeared to be a simple but well-crafted silver ashtray, which it held out to the imp. Dumbfounded the little creature accepted it, not sure what else to do. Luckily, the jinn seemed more than happy to take the initiative, hovering closer and looking the imp directly in the eyes. So lets get down to business, shall we? My name is ibn-Aravi, but most masters seem to think that simply jinn will do, so I will accept that too. What is your name, my diminutive master? Difficult question. Bad difficult question. The imp furrowed his brow in confusion. My name Ghrok Ghrok Ghrokila just Ghrok. An amused look passed over the jinns face, and he was visually struggling to repress another giggle. Very well then, Ghrok, lets talk business. Before we can continue, I need you to sign this. The jinn clapped his hands, and the long scroll from earlier reappeared, but this time it was the end that was hovering in front of the imp. Please sign on the dotted line The imp was about to open his mouth when he felt a quill appear in his hand, dripping with ink. His hand trembled slightly as he brought it up, drawing a jagged X. The jinn reeled in the scroll and inspected the signature. Very well, I suppose this will have to do Now then, on to business, what is your first wish, master Ghrok? Ghrok thought about it for a few seconds, which was quite impressive for a creature that considered thinking to be hard labour. Wish? What should he wish for? There had to be something something he had always wanted Of course there was! How silly of Ghrok! Ghrok wanna be biggest imp ever! The jinn chuckled once again, folded his hands over his sagging belly, and gave a short nod. The blow almost sent the imp flying. It could feel its muscles ripple, its bones twist and extend, its organs swell to fill the newly created room. It wanted to scream but found it couldnt. When the painful transformation was finally over, Ghrok was standing a mighty two feet tall. The imp glanced down at the ground behind him, nearly losing his balance. Finally he managed to shift his eyes back to the jinn, who was patiently waiting. Whats your second wish, master Ghrok? The imp struggled to think again, which was a lot harder now because its mind was still trying to grasp the consequences of the transformation he had just undergone. Finally he shrugged and gave up. I I think I dunno The jinn let out a tired sigh, trying his best to remain looking cheerful. He didnt suffer fools lightly, which was very inconvenient in his line of work, especially if your master was a creature bred to understand only simple commands. Proper jinn-master relationship ethics dictate that you send me back to my lamp- my ashtray if you dont require my services just rub it again if you need me Or just make your wish, I can hear you just fine from inside. And with that, the jinn transformed back into his smoky form, which rushed back into the ashtray. The imp, still confused and disoriented from the encounter, tucked the silver object away again. It stood there for a few more minutes before an awful truth rushed up on it. Master! He was supposed to deliver the ashtray to his master! He would be late! Master would amputate his tail again! Immediately the imp pelted down the crooked alleyways, hoping he would be back in time to avoid punishment. The masters tower was an impressive thing, towering over the ruined section of the city it was standing in. Of course it was dwarfed by the structures of the central city, but on its own it was mighty. The imp scrambled up the spiraling staircase. The master would be waiting for it in his study all the way on the top floor. By the time the imp reached the floor it was panting, lungs aching with exertion, but it was still alert enough to dodge the howling projectile that came flying at it. It ducked just in time to send the projectile, judging from the high-pitched wailing one of its siblings, crashing into the wall in stead of itself. The little thing groaned and didnt get up. Ghrok let out a whimper. The master was not in a good mood. The imp took a step forward to check up on its kindred. It got no further than that. A multihued fireball burst forth from the open door, engulfing the unfortunate imp that had just been hurled through the same opening in bright flames. The rushing inferno almost drowned out the targets last screams of agony. When the magical blaze cleared, only a small, imp-shaped pile of soot remained. Master is mean I wish I stomp master The imp had barely spoken the words when the ashtray in its loincloth vibrated briefly. It yelped and scrambled backwards, but the jinn didnt seem to appear. A few moments, just enough to gather its nerves, and the imp stepped forward, into its masters study. Carefully he called out. Master? Nothing, no response, but master had to be here. The blazing demise of its sibling had told the imp that much. He continued on. As it stepped, the sound of creaking floorboards caught its ears. The sound puzzled the imp, it was something that didnt belong to such a well-built study. The creature stopped walking forward. The creaking didnt stop. Puzzled, the imp glanced around, first to the left and right, then up. Then down. There was master, standing at his toes, screaming and yelling and tall enough to fit ones pocket. Stomp master The imp lifted a foot, which was now enormous by imp standards. It came down fast, but not fast enough. The master had raised his arms, squeaked something in an ancient arcane language, and launched a spell. A spell that streaked upwards at the foot, a spell that impacted in a puff of smoke and feathers. The intended impact of imp on Little person never came. What did come was the impact of chicken on floor. Chicken with about three quarters of imp attached. Before Ghrok could adjust, the chicken clucked loudly and lurched forward, dragging the rest of the unfortunate chicken-legged imp down to the floor. The imp wasnt strong enough to drag it forward, and after a brief struggle it managed to get back up again. Something stuck to the back of its head. The imp brought a paw up against it and pulled it away. Red, sticky. With a shred of a colourful robe. It hadnt been a stomp, but it was good enough. Master was stomped in a way. The imp shrugged. No more master, no more serving eating was next then. Carefully it limped towards the stairs, one leg clucking with every step. After a few minutes of embarrassed limping past all the masters other servants the imp reached the door. They didnt know yet, and it wasnt about to tell them. Some of them genuinely liked master, and it didnt know what theyd do. No. Now life was just eating and sleeping. Eating first. And eating would be easy now. It still had the ashtray. Carefully he pulled it from its loincloth, gently rubbing it. Almost immediately the jinn burst forth again with the familiar cackle. Master? You needed something? Ghrok smiled and nodded enthusiastically. I wish food lots of food The jinn nodded, grinning as always. Lots of food? I can do that. What kind? Always maggots I wish maggots, heap of maggots, great big heap of maggots! The jinn smiled broadly and nodded again, twiddling it thumbs. Very well then, your third wish ends our contract enjoy And with that, it was gone, and so was the ashtray in the imps hand. The creature stared at its empty paw, completely puzzled, completely oblivious to the fact that all around it, the city held its collective breath, watching the large indistinguishable mass of white writhing things loom up like a tidal wave, almost blocking out the sun as it reached its apex. Then gravity took hold, and it started toppling forward.

Your Pet Rock and You - A Guide for New Owners (ran January 25th, 2009) Congratulations! You have just acquired your very own pet rock. With some tender love and care your pet rock and you can be best friends forever. However, the pet rock can also be a demanding creature, which is why we have created this helpful pamphlet filled with various the various do's and don'ts of pet rock care. Feeding Your Pet Rock Pet rocks are well known for their extremely slow metabolism. Even though this makes them excellent pets for the busy adventurer, it does have some needs. For optimal growth, it is suggested that the rock is placed directly under a stalactite drip every fifty years or so, for anywhere from two to five years. By absorbing the nutrients that trickle down from above your rock will grow rapidly. If your rock does not grow or seems to refuse to eat, it is suggested that you feed it by hand by dissolving nutritious minerals in a bucket of lukewarm water and applying a drop every ten seconds until the bucket is empty. Consult your local veterinarian or geologist for nutrition advice for your specific species of pet rock. Sheltering Your Pet Rock While pet rocks have been known to survive both the frigid cold of the far north and the scorching heat of the Kharidian deserts, your pet rock does have certain requirements when it comes to shelter. First and foremost your rock should be protected against exposure to streaming water and high winds, especially if these carry small particles such as sand or clay. Furthermore your pet rock, while able to resist extremely low and extremely high temperatures, repeated changes between the two are extremely harmful. While gradual changes may merely cause extreme discomfort (see also the section on common pet rock maladies), repeated rapid changes will often prove fatal. Therefor the ideal shelter for your pet rock protects it from wind, water and rapid temperature changes. Fortunately the pet rock is not very demanding when it comes to roaming space. Exercising and Training Your Pet Rock While the rock is normally a mostly stationary creature, it still requires occasional exercise to prevent unpleasant infections (see also the section on common pet rock maladies). Due to its stationary nature it is suggested that any training takes place on a slope of some sort, although hills that are too steep might excite the pet rock to the point where it might injure itself. Furthermore your pet rock might become impossible to keep up with, and nobody likes the idea of losing a footrace to a rock. Training your pet rock is a matter of knowing its strengths. Some popular pet rock tricks include "sit", "stay" and "play dead", although especially intelligent pet rocks can, with some encouragement, also be trained to roll over or even jump. The key to quickly training your pet rock is positive reinforcement. A few encouraging words and the promise of a calcium treat will yield results far more quickly than verbal and physical abuse. Grooming Your Pet Rock While some people prefer the aesthetic of the rock's naturally rugged coat, others may wish for a smoother look. This look is easily obtained by the occasional polish with a simple piece of cloth and a bit of mud. However, the most even and smooth results are achieved with a polishing paste made from ground diamond dust. A few minutes of tender love and care every now and then will have your pet rock shining with pride. Please note that some species of rock can lose their polished luster by exposure to water or air. If this is the case with your pet rock, a protective coating may be necessary. The easiest way to do it is to melt a small amount of wax and carefully applying a thin, even coat with a small brush. This protective coat should be refreshed frequently. Common Pet Rock Maladies While the rock is an incredibly resilient creature, it is by no means impervious to injury or disease. While these maladies can usually be prevented by proper care, there is always the off chance that your pet rock does run into some form of illness. The most common affliction for pet rocks is moss infection. This is a fairly harmless condition that can be prevented with regular exercise, but if left unchecked could actually be fatal. It is recognized by a creeping growth, with colours ranging from light grey to a deep green, slowly covering the rock's surface. To cure a moss infection, first carefully remove as much of the growth as possible by hand, then carefully scrub any affected areas with a brush with stiff bristles. Nine out of ten geologists recommend larupia hair brushes. Please note that this procedure can be extremely uncomfortable for your pet rock, so make sure to soothe it with kind and friendly words while you take care of it. Chips and cracks are usually caused by fights with other rocks, usually over territory or potential mates. Chips are usually not fatal, although sharp edges should be carefully polished down to protect both yourself and your pet rock from further injuries. Cracks are, unfortunately, far more harmful, but still treatable. To treat a moderate to severe crack, you should wrap your pet rock tightly in cloth, pressing the surfaces of the crack together. To ensure rapid healing, carefully drip a highly concentrated mineral solution into the crack for six months to a year. This treatment may need to be repeated several times, and you should take care not to remove the bandage until you are sure the wound has healed properly. A very rare but very dangerous condition is the thermokarst. This condition occurs when a small crack is left untreated and allowed to fill with water. As the temperature rises and drops the water will expand and shrink, eventually causing great discomfort and even death. If you suspect your pet rock is suffering from a thermokarst you should place it in a warm, dry room for about three days. Afterward, make sure that there are no traces of moisture and treat the crack as necessary. If you suspect that your pet rock is ill but does not show any of the symptoms mentioned above, please consult a professional. Conclusion While necessarily brief, this guide should provide you with all the essential knowledge required for pet rock care. Further reading is available in the better bookstores across Gielinor.