Errr about my killer graphics....they are in there...you just can't see them...I had to drop more or less 2 in 3 pixals or I would be here tommrow night and maybe have got 1%(If it didn't crash...and being it crashed uploading this one....)....It was somewhere in the reign on 1 GB...and my computer doesn't have that space to use...So compressed it with all the things I knew that worked and got it down to about 20Mb...

 

Anyway hopefully you will know the song otherwise hope you just enjoy it for what it is.

 

 

 

So here it is the long awaited return of Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

 

 

*Muffled fanfair in the distance, followed by claping in the foreground*

 

 

 

Hello I am Archimage A and Welcome to Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

And tonight Not on the News at 10:

 

Details of my Hoilday.

 

"Zammy,the necromancer,Snake,Noob the king of hell, local gladiators,with the power of ghost speak Susan,Reldo,and Archimage." As requested by the director.

 

And a bunch of other stuff that you probably don't care about.

 

 

 

So first up we have some good news. Work on the new studio was completely late last night, and we have been up all day fliming. This was very fortunate because my holiday gave me not alot of time to think about work. So when I got back I wanted to sleep and then make up for it.

 

But we had some bad news as well... Noob returned in new and exciting ways...thats not the worst of it though...Noob's idea of exciting is cutting trees....but it gets worse...Noob's taste in music is terrible and so the past 12 hours have been filled with the same song....

 

But on a lighter note I had a great time in my tent, getting wet, damp, and cold. If Sun and Surf is the bread and butter of Holidays then I defiantely got the gruel, it was amazing, I could actually feel the indivual hairs passing the water up my legs, and felt the blood in my nose turning to ice...Good times....Like going down the see front and getting ice cream warmer than the air outside, and then having the 50Ft waves wash over the see wall and pull your Girlfriend or Boyfriend in....A truely Goldern British Memory.

 

But enough about me, lets talk about how great Britian is. We are a very tolerant people you understand, people say we hate them...and its true. Lets face it the English hate Wales, they hate Scotland, they hate Ireland...Hell most of the English hate most of the rest of the English...and don't get me started on the continent... Suffice to say we hate all of them too, and thats were our tolerance comes from. We are surrounded by people we hate, and not coming out and saying it takes alot of tolerance.

 

But of course its the British weather thats the best part of Britian. No other country in the world can you never be disappointed in with the weather. If you get the slighest glimmer of sunlight you feel blessed...Some Britions have lived in Britain their whole lives...and because they have't gone abroad they only see the sun in Books. But then again the Brits are great complainers. Only we could come up with a way of complaining about the weather and then getting out of it.

 

The weather outside is terrible...but still musten't grumble

 

Its brilliant, who else could do that. But there are no limits to out complaing powers. A book was recently published 'Crap towns in Britain' and only in Britian could they be forced to make a second book because so many people have written in complaining that their town wasn't in the first book.

 

But the one undenable contribution the Brits have made...the ablility to take a field. Put in one ice cream stall, and magically create an orderly queue that strechs as far as the eye can see...But for some reason no other country likes queueing....I just can't understand it. When you are in the queue waiting to buy an ice cream to warm up, you get the entire life History of the people infront and behind you. You should aways take a queing buddy though, because its difficult to listen to both at the same time...

 

But enough about my Hoilday and the Jokes I heard on it...

 

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a radiator?

 

Central Bleeting!!

 

 

 

Amazing low quality film...with sound!!!!!

 

 

 

As you can see Noob returned....Bluejay was there within seconds but Noob's God powers simply overpowered him, and he was take prisoner and forced to participate in the humilating report above. Fortunatly I was able to protect myself with my Codex Bubble, and with the power of Xarosen, my God counterpart from another dimention, was able to save Bluejay...who had to 'unfortunately' spend the night...and then the next night...and soon it turned into an unforgettable week...but then I ran out of Cloraform so I had to let him go...I mean I ran out of medcine so I had to take him the Hospital...thats the ticket....

 

As you can see Noob's power has grown to epic proportions...This was just the waiting room. 4 of our desk boys....err secretaries....ERRRR.....Employees were forced to look like Noob...such a waste...I err..... and were forced to play Yakety Sax for the entire interview....Moving on because I am drawl...allll....all....wing drawing your attention to the matter at hand...the Noob interview and....What do you mean?....What do you mean what do I mean....you don't just say you lost it and expect me to carry on....Ok ok...um oh who cares this report is going downhill anyway might as well let it hit rockbottom...

 

___\

 

____\

 

_____\

 

_____ \

 

______"@"

 

Has everybofy gone? Is that it? Has everyone left?Now then...Bluejay....Got a little friend for you....

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I cannot be held accountable for your reactions to any of my posts. All referances mean nothing, if you are offened get out more and don't blame me, I am having fun and the people that matter know its a joke...are you are person that matters?

 

Ok and speical note to Bluejay...you did ask to be in it...

A very good movie. Next time can we see interviews with characters and I really want to see interviews with the staff of your news. Great job on the movie though. Kinda weird but it was still better than what i could do. Anyway due to special requests (and a couple bucks) I am going to tell you about the codex bubble. A historian, Dr.Knowsall, will explain:

 

 

 

The codex bubble is a spherical object that was created by the wizard (concealed identity for legal issues). This wizard used a ball of molten glass and used a little magic to put part of his soul in it. That was when the codex bubble was created.

 

 

 

How did they get those cool powers into it like making peoples minds get erased and knocking people out cold with just a bare touch to it?

 

 

 

I don't know.

 

 

 

No really.

 

 

 

Oh, fine I will tell you for 50 dollars.

 

 

 

As long as you tell the god honest truth. Here is the money, what do you know about the bubbles powers?

 

 

 

Nothing! Hee hee hee!

 

 

 

Well, at least we learned a little. Anyway welcome to the 6:02 news. I am Ratchet, the new anchor. A better anchor. Anyway today we will have interviews that the not the 10 o' clock news have not had. Like a interview with Snake. And other people. Anyway welcome to the show Snake.

 

 

 

Thanks. I am sorry to say but I am sick of Archimages news! All though, the free uzi's were cool. Hay look you guys seem to have a whole box full from Archimages news.

 

 

 

They are here for...the mailman brought them to the wrong address.

 

 

 

Oh...I hate when they do that.

 

 

 

Anyway, whats your take on Runescapes seemingly endless sunlight.

 

 

 

I sleep in Port Phasmatys.

 

 

 

And what is your take on Reldo being king?

 

 

 

That they should get a new king.

 

 

 

Thanks for all the great points Snake. In other news, Noob, the god of darkness and ruler of gladiator land, or what used to be hell is here to talk to us.

 

 

 

I don't like your news show, it airs on the FOX network so it has low ratings, where is Archimages news show?

 

 

 

Uhh...

 

 

 

Oh, cool. A box of Archimages Uzi's!

 

 

 

No please dont! No not the camera...aim at our intern! Yeah, or hay there is my lawyer...

 

 

 

Due to loss of picture quality, we bring you a clip from, best of the fourth age season 2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh...well, they are still trying to get a camera up. And since Archimage can complain about his country lets talk about the good ol' U.S of A. Everywhere you go there is a fast food restaurant. In Japan you don't have fast food restaurants all over, do you? No instead you have bento box machines. MMM...week old sushi.

 

 

 

Due to technical issues, we have returned with more news.

 

 

 

Noob's ammo seemed to have backfired on him and he is now back in hell. Anyway, we now are selling an ammo clip that the god of darkness used to shoot at us with. The gun was destroyed in the guns back firing. Anyway here with us to comment on our new camera is...Archimage.

 

 

 

That is not your camera forever you know, we need that back sometime.

 

 

 

Thank you Archimage, well we have time to talk to someone about how to light the dungeons under Lumbridge better right? He died from noobs shooting? Well then we have another guest who calls himself a gladiator of noob.

 

 

 

I always wanted to be a gladiator. I commited suicide one day and minutes later I was wisked away to a beautiful island of lave and shards of glass for sand. I went into the arena and wam! I was a gladiator. Go to hell. Because being a gladiator is cool.

 

 

 

That sounded like an infomercial but O.K and here on a special occasion, is Mr. Nimboya, who is the director of best of the fourth age.

 

 

 

Yes, I am. That last clip you showed was good.

 

 

 

Well, you did select it for the show and I would only hope for the best from you.

 

 

 

Here is a clip from my next show, the future of Runescape.

 

 

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MxAWpsVoPgQ

 

 

 

Wow, we look pathetic.

 

 

 

Very.

 

 

 

Well, on behalf of what is left of the crew...

 

 

 

Remember, Archimages news shows are better.

 

 

 

Dammit, get off our show.

 

 

 

OBITUARIES

 

Cameraman:Billy mandral

 

Guard:Serengio gojaval

 

Other people: 22 dead, most wrote the script. (Its hard to right you know

 

 

 

PRESUMED DEAD

 

Guy in policebox preventing our news from being better than Archimages: The doctor.

 

 

 

 

 

COMMENTS:

 

The doctor was an odd fellow. And a policebox? So outdated.

Due to technical issues, we have returned with more news.

 

Great line...Great news story...I am just not with it...Sorry...I will get better later on...Lol try to make a big splash and what happens it all fails miserably...on the plus side it was my first feature lengh movie...and took less time, with talking...so I must be getting better. Lol.

 

 

 

Yeah I alway thought it would be so much easier...and it wasn't...But it was more fun than creating characters...Anyway I am slightly worried about why you want to talk to me staff...They always have their mouths full...and errr...Its just best not to talk about them...But I suppose I will have to now... Ok next report will have some interviews and some other general stuff...hopefully I will put some structuring in or something lol.

 

 

 

Great name for the Professor it was just believable...And snake...snake is going on the news next time...its not gonna be nice but someone has to take it....errr and those Uzi's...quite something don't you think....*sweats profusely* I have to go and errr see to some interns...I mean take advangage, I mean ERRRR perform a cavity search....ERRRRR No stick with the first thing I said. Errr bi....

I will be gone on vacation most of the week and I am leaving Archimage with the news segments to keep it going. I will return with updates every now ans then but...

 

 

 

See ya later, and Archimage, you can write a mini series about your character if you want.

Because we are missing the normal inspiration for the news(the events that are happening in the story...here's something I made up off the top of my head.

 

For this I need a stage, and Volia:

 

[hide][/hide]

 

Ok ok that was the old studio but I lost the new plans...and they are nearly the same...cept the new one is infinately better and has fifty foot titatium walls with guns and stuff on...Oh and some bedrooms and broom closets but you don't need to know about them.

 

And the story does being:

 

 

 

Chapter the Beginning.

 

 

 

The sun beat down, through the raging storm that was outside.

 

"Ok turn the left and lets go again..."

 

That was me. We are trying to shoot a new movie based on the RuneWood classic "The SunDanceGoat". But of course nature is putting its full force against us and we are having to use magic, its so draining....Not as draining as some of these interns though, they are something else entirely. Never quite satisfided and want to keep revisiting the same scenes over and over...Then again they can't act and thats really draining too.

 

That over there is Eric, our most talented intern. Goes for hours at a time without a break, exausting even me. His acting is quite good too, so its no suprise that he is the lead character and our longest intern yet...feeling quite sad that next year I will have to promote him, but still he earned it more than once or twice. Now then let me describe the scene to you.

 

 

 

The sun is rising, and the lead character, Eric, is trying to buy a drink. But has forgotton to put on his pants. Or so he says...But the barkeep is quite fit actually, who is played by out second best actor, David. So the audiance isn't sure if he is on the pull...However in a second, Dirk, will come in, he is the bad guy of peice. His plan is to bring show girls into the bar and slowly make the community unhappy. Then he can buy up all the land and put in a themepark.

 

 

 

Of course our main character needs to stop him, but is so enthralled with the Barman's suggestion to pay upstairs that the audiance is worried. Meanwhile Dirk is putting mud on the pink doilies that are all around the bar....

 

"Ok cut. Nice going Eric but try to let David do some of the work, this isn't a one way thing." He does like to take control of the situation sometimes...

 

Anyway where was I? Oh yes, then our second Good guy, Barry, comes into the bar, looking for Eric, his long time target of affections. But when he sees Dirk a fight breaks out. Eric and the Barman hears the commotion and cut their session short. When they get down there is a gun fight.

 

Eventually Dirk is shot, and the three remaining characters want to get a drink, but the barman is mortally wounded, so they are forced to go to the hospital conveniantly based next door.

 

And they ride off into the distance, unfortunatly they don't have horses so we are gonna give them the idea that maybe one of them could be a horse, it should work but see what they think.

 

 

 

I am needed in the other room so, now the News.

 

____

 

 

 

Hello I am Archimage A and Welcome to Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

And tonight Not on the News at 10:

 

An interview with a number of interns. Namely Dirk, Eric and David.

 

 

 

So how does it feel to be part of this great work of movies?

 

Well I...Do I read from the card that says jokes?

 

....Eric you are the intelligent one, can you tell me what you think of it all?

 

Its a great honour to be part of it. Working with people as great as Archimage A, isn't something that happens every day, you need alot of skill and alot of power.

 

Yes I am quite great arn't I, but perhaps we should give a few words to our producer, Sir Rachet, The Married With Kids.

 

Its an honour to work with him aswell, but we all know that he is not quite normal.

 

Yes but the important thing is not to judge those that are different from us.

 

Of course master.

 

I told you not to use that name outside the dungon

 

Sorry Mas...Archimage

 

Ok so Dirk, we all know that you usually play the bad guy. Do you feel that sometimes you should be the good guy.

 

Well it doesn't make alot of difference to me...You see I think the Bad guy is the best, because in the end they always suffer and thats alot of fun to act out.

 

Yeah you gotta stick to what you know. Well lets see...Oh their is Snake lets see if we can drag him in. OI SNAKE!!

 

Yeah what?

 

You wanna be in another news report.

 

Hell no.

 

Yeah but Noob made this place like hell for only one day...

 

What?

 

Look you are in the report whether you like it or not.

 

Yeah right, I am gonna come in their and rip your head off.

 

Come on then lets go.

 

Ok then!...wait what the...Hey that doesn't look like a probe....MUMMY!!!!!!!

 

*Some time later*

 

Please help me....

 

*Some more time later*

 

Can't stand up...

 

And thats a wrap.

First, I'd like to say, WHAT KILLER GRAPHICS??

 

And second I'd like to say you are EVIL!!!!!

 

And third I'd like to say, oww!! why'd you bite me???

The killer, Video Game Like, graphics like this:

 

[hide][/hide]

 

And this

 

[hide][/hide]

 

And to a lesser extend this

 

[hide][/hide]

 

Funnierly enough the top two took 2 hours in total and there is another 2 shots...Where as that movie took 12 hours and total about 50 seperate frames.

 

So thats:

 

.5 frames per hour

 

Or

 

4.1 frames per hour

 

 

 

2I am not Evil....per say....I am just slightly not Good....Thats the ticket...Now come into my lair....

 

 

 

3Because you secretly want it, I am just liberating you from your fleshy entrapments.

 

 

 

On a serouis note, you wanted to be in there, and I needed a character...Alot of good interns died to bring your dream to fruition....

 

But of course I could switch you and snake over if you want... :roll:

hay...i have just enough time to say...I am not wierd Archimage and i don't have kids. I don't really want kids. Especially with a job that makes me travel around like this. Anyway, regular stories start back by the weekend. God no's when i will get home with jet lag the way it is. Anyway Japan is fun and we are gonna go see some of the ancient temples tomorrow. Keep it going Archimage and nice graphics by the way.

This story is awsome and really cool, and the not the ten 0'clock news is funny. Hey Ratchet you got someone else that enjoys your topic! :) anyway, are you still accepting more characters for the story? if so:

 

 

 

Name: Kuul

 

Level: 125

 

wears: Full Zammy Armor

 

Weapon: A Dragon Long Sword

 

Gold: As much as you can have at one time

 

Likes: Killing people, watching people kill other people

 

Dislikes: Peace and quite, not seeing other people kill each other

 

Story: He is a creature born from pure shadow, and steals the items of the slain and sells them (Thats how he has so much money)

Chapter the Middle

 

 

 

Often is the time I think of the future, and what it holds for us. But no more than once a long time ago....

 

I was on stage back when I was a carefree and much used intern at RuneWood Studios. It was light at night and me and two of the other interns were in a late night session with the Director, we needed the money and he needed to get a film out quickly, or something. But anyhow....I was on stage, everyone else had gone home and it was about three Am. I looked round once just to check to see if there was anyone there, you know because when you are in a studio late at night you are like a kid in a candy store, all those props....But as I was looking around, in my skin suit, I found a woman. I don't know how she got in but she was sort of flickering a bit.

 

 

 

Then she was suddenly visiable. I *Ahemed* quitely and she looked round. She was suprised to say the least but didn't pay that much attention to me, just gave the sort of smile you give yourself when you see someone on a desert Island after 15 years without contact.

 

"I can see you." I said it very slowly and deliberatly. She once again looked up at me. This time her eyes fixed on my chest.

 

"I see, perhaps you can help me then."

 

"What do you need?"

 

"I lost one of my lens."

 

"Lens?"

 

"Sort of half sphere shaped thing, small and see through."

 

"Oh..." I was in way over my head, all the lens I had seen were sort of oval shaped and were big and fractured so you couldn't see through them completely easierly. "I will look, where was it last?"

 

"On the floor somewhere...I don't suppose you would have a bullseye lantern?"

 

"Yeah actually, we were using it earlier...you know get the right light."

 

"Yeah I know all about what you get upto here...Can you just go and get it?"

 

"Yeah....Ok..." I was sort of worried. We weren't doing anything wrong here....were we? Why did she need a lantern anyway, the lights in the room were fine, ah well... "Ok here it is, why do you need it anyway?"

 

"I will show you, can you turn off the lights?" I never felt good when someone said that, although usually it was something always told me there was something bad waiting to happen. But there was a brilliant red coming from the lantern, and suddenly my skin flared luminous green. "Oh my, well...Errr the lantern shows you what you want most...and I want my contact lens." My skin suddenly turned from its green back to its normal colour, and one of her eyes flared. On the floor there was a flash and she could see the lens. "Thanks, that was embaressing. Perhaps you would like to keep this lantern in case you need it in the future?"

 

A moment or so later she faded from my vision. I stood there for a moment, but I heard the guards outside running towards me....I suddenly realised she had trashed the room looking for the lens. I really wanted a place to hide. But just as it flared green the guards came in...They were dazed by the red but an ill wind blew though and the lantern went out. I was hurled from the premises...

 

But not all was lost. I found the small lens she had been using with the lantern...It seemed to fit into my eye. So when I wanted money, or food or anything it would always show me were I could get it. Using that I was able to find everything I needed to form my own company...and using a dictionary was able to write the most incredible film ever. But that was my story, and I wonder about one day finding her again...

 

 

 

 

 

Hello I am Archimage A and Welcome to Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

And tonight Not on the News at 10:

 

And interview with two leading scientists.

 

 

 

Welcome to the show, I am here with I.M. Aburk and N.X. Purt, and we are talking about time travel. What are your views Professor Aburk?

 

Vell I vould say vat you vere very lucky, yar. Mmm for these peoples from va future...vhey are not like us, no. Vhey are magical...vith vheir ray guns and vheir space ships and sliced bread!

 

I....see, I hate to be the one to tell you this but we already have sliced bread.

 

VHAT? I must check vhis.

 

Er...Well he has left the studio, so Dr Purt...what are your views?

 

GASDGSDds sdaGFSDGsdf asdgSDGSG!!!!!2112111111one2121eleven

 

I see....I forgot to say that Dr Purt is slightly insane.

 

#@$SAafsafaserwe 3rw4F$f4f6$%F%@#!$@#f

 

I don't think you need to say that...

 

$Q@#TGF%$TYEG$WGQ%TWG^UWWE#$R%FFF%$T#WG

 

Thats it lets cut to adverts!

 

 

 

 

Do you have a problem keeping all these heroes tied up? Do you worry about them cutting it off with a conveinately placed knife? If so then you need:

 

CHAIN GUARD

 

KEEPS THOSE PESKY HEROES TIED UP 50% LONGER

 

It works on everything, from the level 3's to the level 5's,

 

and buy now and recieve a free paintbrush.

 

The PAINTBRUSH is incredible, it does nothing but in 2099 we guarenty that it will have as much use as bird eggs. Its just that amazing. So don't wait.

 

Call now!!!!

 

Does not effect those above level 5 and is unlikely to effect level 5s anyway. Also level 4's are less effected by it than you are by a dead ant. Level 3's though, they are slowed up to 1% more than they would be if they were attacked by a passing butterfly. It truely is the best 1 Mill you will ever spend.

 

 

 

And we are back. We really need better adverts....And guests...in fact its as if someone isn't really bothered with the news they just want to make us suffer...Cut to another Ad...

 

 

 

Are you paying to much to be a member?

 

Do you have a pension you are not currently recieving?

 

Do you have no life outside of Runescape?

 

If you ticked yes to all the above boxes then call WriteIFA.

 

We can help unlock tax-free cash to give to jagex, the sum is far in excess of the amount you would have paided to be a member for the rest of your life...espcially if you have a pension.

 

So now you know, Don't wait. You could be playing runescape safe in the knowladge that your money has removed the flour from the pots for the general store on the minimap. Now call 090 TAKE MY MONEY NOW1

 

 

 

 

 

Ok stuff this everyone is maveling at the wonders of sliced bread....

 

Thats a wrap.

Archimage, I remember the "KEEP THOSE PESKY HEROES CHAINED UP LONGER" ad from the 55-word story thread that one guy made! "The best 1 Mill you will ever spend!" Keep the thread alive! It's-it's-it's A-LIVE! You get the picture.

i am at the hotel and about to leave. Read yor newest post and have to say "HAHAHA". Anyway, you should not have changed your icon at the bottom. The Xarosen Archimage one was better. Just a friendly opinion Archimage. And I am sorry to say I don't use bios at the moment though blue jay will be used as a major character soon. I could use yours, guy with whatever that pokemon is called as an avatar. Gangar. Thats it. You see, in Japan these animes are pretty cool. I read subtitles on cartoons but even in pokemon they say hell! Japan is cool, and after watching all the T.v I have here, its a wonder by puny american body can stand to the show and not make me have a siezure! Anyway, keep em coming archimage and woot!!! Cograts to everyone for getting this story to a ninth page.

Yay exam results day!!!![/sarcasm]

 

Yeah I am just trying new formats for my sig....When I find something that works I will keep it. Just wanted a change....and other people complained...

 

 

 

Yeah I just lifted it striaght from that...but its not exactly easy to come up with stories of 55 words on a daily basis....

 

 

 

Anyway gonna keep working depending on my results...if they are good then I will post nice...if they are bad...I will post naughty. :-# :-X :-#

 

 

 

Edit: All A's and B's Ah stuff that

 

NAUGHTY ALL THE WAY!!!!!

Do you have a problem keeping all these heroes tied up? Do you worry about them cutting it off with a conveinately placed knife? If so then you need:

 

CHAIN GUARD

 

KEEPS THOSE PESKY HEROES TIED UP 50% LONGER

 

It works on everything, from the level 3's to the level 5's,

 

and buy now and recieve a free paintbrush.

 

The PAINTBRUSH is incredible, it does nothing but in 2099 we guarenty that it will have as much use as bird eggs. Its just that amazing. So don't wait.

 

Call now!!!!

 

Does not effect those above level 5 and is unlikely to effect level 5s anyway. Also level 4's are less effected by it than you are by a dead ant. Level 3's though, they are slowed up to 1% more than they would be if they were attacked by a passing butterfly. It truely is the best 1 Mill you will ever spend.

 

Lol, good use of the 55 word story ad.

 

 

 

Are you paying to much to be a member?

 

Do you have a pension you are not currently recieving?

 

Do you have no life outside of Runescape?

 

If you ticked yes to all the above boxes then call WriteIFA.

 

We can help unlock tax-free cash to give to jagex, the sum is far in excess of the amount you would have paided to be a member for the rest of your life...espcially if you have a pension.

 

So now you know, Don't wait. You could be playing runescape safe in the knowladge that your money has removed the flour from the pots for the general store on the minimap. Now call 090 TAKE MY MONEY NOW1

 

hmm, is $80 CDN too much?

 

Pension? HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM???

 

I have a life outside of RuneScape! :shock: , just dont use it. :-s

 

Should I call?? GHOSTBUSTERS!!

 

 

 

i am at the hotel and about to leave. Read yor newest post and have to say "HAHAHA". Anyway, you should not have changed your icon at the bottom. The Xarosen Archimage one was better. Just a friendly opinion Archimage. And I am sorry to say I don't use bios at the moment though blue jay will be used as a major character soon. I could use yours, guy with whatever that pokemon is called as an avatar. Gangar. Thats it. You see, in Japan these animes are pretty cool. I read subtitles on cartoons but even in pokemon they say hell! Japan is cool, and after watching all the T.v I have here, its a wonder by puny american body can stand to the show and not make me have a siezure! Anyway, keep em coming archimage and woot!!! Cograts to everyone for getting this story to a ninth page.

 

Do the hokey pokey!!! \ \ \

 

hmm, is $80 CDN too much?

 

Pension? HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM???

 

I have a life outside of RuneScape! :shock: , just dont use it. :-s

 

Should I call?? GHOSTBUSTERS!!

 

 

 

 

Man you own!!!(Not ment to be creepy)

 

Anyway... I think the bold is true for alot of us that secretly wish they could phone their ISPN and make the noises so we could check our emails on the go but still...We have to live outside in that nasty uncensored and...wait...that sounds alot like here...Oh well.

 

 

 

I think the Ad was designed for maybe an older generation...though come to think of it with a viewing public of 3 it did seem a bit foolhardy...Those ad companies paid me so either way!

 

 

 

$80 CND...Sounds like alot...but I wouldn't know...Call our new phone number to find out!!!

 

0U00 WILL HAVE NO MONEY!!!!111

 

 

 

When you see a number you should away call it...I get even more money that way!!

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway I leave you with another Ad...Story will be written and posted tommorw...Simply because its Chapter the Ending...So not to leave a massive gap...

 

 

 

Do you remember when Pots had flour in them?

 

Are you past your spell by date?

 

Do you have trouble remembering your password?

 

Do you simply choose to ignore the fact that you are senile?

 

Have you forgotten any of the the above already?

 

 

 

 

If you answered yes to any of them, then you are Gonna Die Soon!!!!

 

So it would be a good idea to start thinking about leaving a little extra behind. This is guarrented over 15's package. By watching this commercial you have applied, payments start from just all the money you have and increase from there.

 

This is a whole of life policy...if you die you won't get back any of the money you paid in. If you miss any payments then you will be forced to start from scratch.

 

There is a medical...can you swallow this chainsaw? If you don't pass you have to pay us a deposit...if you die then we will forclose on anything you have.

 

If you respawn then you immediately owe us everything you get there after.

Do you remember when Pots had flour in them?

 

Are you past your spell by date?

 

Do you have trouble remembering your password?

 

Do you simply choose to ignore the fact that you are senile?

 

Have you forgotten any of the the above already?

 

 

 

 

If you answered yes to any of them, then you are Gonna Die Soon!!!!

 

So it would be a good idea to start thinking about leaving a little extra behind. This is guarrented over 15's package. By watching this commercial you have applied, payments start from just all the money you have and increase from there.

 

This is a whole of life policy...if you die you won't get back any of the money you paid in. If you miss any payments then you will be forced to start from scratch.

 

There is a medical...can you swallow this chainsaw? If you don't pass you have to pay us a deposit...if you die then we will forclose on anything you have.

 

If you respawn then you immediately owe us everything you get there after.

 

 

 

Yes.

 

No?

 

On Tip.it yes.

 

No?

 

I dont think so.

 

 

 

NOOOO!!!IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!

 

Umm, I didn't watch that ad, I read it so... HAHA!!

 

Ill give my 460k to my close friend **********. Im not mentioning his name here =)

 

 

 

And for the life thing, I do have a life, I was just kidding. And I do use it, not like some people. :shock: :shock: :shock:

:anxious: STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!

 

 

 

Meh your character watched it so your character is gonna die MWHAHAHAHAhahaha....sorry... :oops:

 

 

 

I have just noticed a terrible flaw in this advert...It says if you die you won't get back any of the money you paid in...But it doesn't say that your friend won't get money back...Oh well there are no contact details(another flaw) so you can't claim off it. :thumbsup:

 

 

 

Oh and I just thought it was a really good quote.

Ratchet 573 is in Japan and waiting for a meeting starting in two hours and wants you to know,

 

 

 

THE LAST 6:02 NEWS IS HERE

 

 

 

Hello and welcome people, to the 6:02 news, with terrible ratings and even worse reviews, we are gonna have to pack up and leave. The god thing is that I have been accepted as one of Archimages interns.

 

 

 

5 WEEKS LATER (What would happen in real life)

 

 

 

I am Ratchet reporting from, the barney meets the powerranger movie

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

The barney and powerranger...

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

The barney and power...

 

 

 

what?

 

 

 

The...

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

The barney meets the powerrangers movie.

 

 

 

O.K!

 

 

 

Damn it, I hate you little John, how did you get hired anyway?

 

 

 

IN RUNESCAPE:

 

 

 

I am currently in the wild where a clan war is going on, as you can see, those rangers sure are whomping on the attackers. Thank god I am far from their range.

 

 

 

Ohh...here is where the clan war is at! That noob gave us the wrong directions.

 

 

 

Oww...hey watch it...Oh dear...well I have to report out for now...oww...can I finish? Thanks. Goodbye and see you later and screw you Archimage.

 

 

 

I am Archimage and am here to say that that finger Ratchet just stuck up, his last movement he will ever make, is not to be used by young noobs. Thank you. And here is a comercial by a sponser.

 

 

 

Are you bored of being called a murderer for killing your annoying Boyfriend or girlfriend?

 

Does a noob annoy you with his constant attacks with a rubber chicken?

 

If you answer yes to any of these questions then you need...

 

 

 

ARCHIMAGES CODEX BUBBLE!

 

 

 

Fun colors!

 

Cool powers.

 

Thanks to Archimage, I have been sued by Jagex for screwing up their game.

 

We are jagex and we want to say, forget you Archimage.

 

I am a world famous Texas judge and I want all of you to shut the hell up.

 

Yes sir.

 

Dammit, I love my codex bubble.

 

 

 

ARCHIMAGES CODEX BUBBLES

 

For two payments of 1 billion gold. If you don't pay within the set time, you will be incinerated and your ashes will be thrown in a pot and incinerated. Then the guy incenerating your ashes will be cremated. Just for fun.

 

 

 

And remember, psychology is for chumps, live life to the fullest with Archimages Codex bubble. Here is a happy customer!

 

 

 

Here is my codex bubble... his name is...give me the camera...thank you. *gasping*

 

 

 

And Saradomin raves:

 

 

 

That damn Archimage has done it again, I see no point in being a god. Goodbye.

 

 

 

Go bye a codex bubble. Now...are you listening? Good. Hand over the money. Here is a codex bubble. Oh...look at this, the whole of Runescape was watching the infomercial...can't pay? Go incinerate yourself noob.

 

 

 

Yes master.

 

 

 

Side effects of the codex bubble=

 

 

 

explosive diareha

 

other bodily malfunctions

 

the sudden urge to want to become a piece of cheese or a fungus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to continue my vacation in Japan. see ya.

Mwhahaha you are mine!

 

 

 

Anyway good little show and it wa humorous to be sure...Update when I feel like it.

Ill take 1 Codex Bubble in red :

 

Oh, wait I dont have 1 billion :| . Stupid noob scammer :evil: :evil:

 

Well, Can I make down payments? :?:

 

And can the Codex Bubble protect me from scammers? :pray:

As promised!!!

 

Someone once said that

 

"Of all the roads that we walk down, death is the first we start."

 

How do I know they said it, because I said it. That I suppose is one of the most important tales in life, because no matter what we do we are still gonna die. What happens afterwards we can only guess...and make stories about so here goes.

 

 

 

 

Chapter the Ending.

 

 

 

And God spake to his followers. "For all of you have believed in Jesus, and I shall cast you aside. None of you have ever known me." The next lot came in "For all of you have believed in me, and I shall commit thee to heaven." The final man came in. Me "For all of you have no believed in me, but you have all done my work. For you shall I commit to heaven as well."

 

As I walked though the pearly gates I was forced to look back on my life, nothing was as full as regrets and destruction as it, but on the other hand there was nothing I would change in it. For I had walked all the roads it had gave me and given back all I had put in. Not for some glory or some hidden agenda, but because it was what I wanted. Sure my own life was in a terrible state but as I looked around me, at all those who I had helped, I could not help but think that maybe something good had came out of it all in the end.

 

Of course a few minutes later we were in the great hall of heaven, where a huge banquet had been set out for all. I sat alone. Not out of habit or out of any real reason, I just wanted to have some me time. But of course God is never out of your life, so he came and set himself next to me.

 

"Archimage, why are you so unhappy? You have lead a fine life, you have helped people around the world, surely you must be proud that you have got into heaven?"

 

"God...Its just that now that I am here I don't have anyone to help. I feel as though my life has lost its purpose."

 

"I understand you. I made you, I watched you grow. But I understand you more than anyone because my son went through the same thing. He came up to heaven and felt as though his life was over, because he could never help anyone ever again. So I will tell you what, I will send you back down, and you can carry on helping people. But next time you die, you are staying. Ok?"

 

"Thanks God, I will carry on my work."

 

As I was stepping back through the gates of heaven I felt a sudden warmth leave me, and I knew that I didn't believe in God again. Oh well, it was back to just accepting that some day I was gonna die and that would be it.

 

The Doctor looked into my white face, "You gave us quite a shock, not least at all because you have been dead for three hours. The press will be arriving any minute...what do you want us to do?"

 

"Just tell them...Tell them they need to have faith in themselves and at the end Good deeds will triumph above all else?

 

"Are you saying you went to heaven?"

 

"I am saying that whatever is up there, it wants Good deeds and not just faith."

 

 

 

___________

 

And that is the final in this mini-series....Yes this was based directly on my beliefs, with a little Christain interference, so just believe in yourself and do good things.

 

And now its time for Not the Ten O'clock News!!!

 

 

 

Hello I am Archimage A and Welcome to Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

And tonight Not on the News at 10:

 

An interview will some dead people

 

 

 

Tonights broadcast is brought to you by the people who invented the hole in donuts...its what makes them that extra bit expensive

 

 

 

Hello.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

Ok on to plan B.

 

*Some moments later*

 

As you can see we have moved to scenic Morton, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE ELECTRODES ON THEIR FACES. We assure you its perfectly normal. 3...2...1...*Sorry we appear to have lost video...again, audio will resume.*They are ALIVE!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!What?

 

Hey whats the big idea I was in Zen.

 

No way I was in Heaven with God.

 

I was just dead...and it was alot more peaceful than here.

 

I want to go back to paradice!!

 

Ok can I just quiet you down a bit, I know you have all had a great experiance but we are trying to make TV here......GET THE MAGE!!!

 

RUN AWAY!!!!!!

 

Hey a fortunately placed box of Uzi's I have't sent out yet.

 

*Some minutes later*

 

I think they are dead...Now...But we better double kill them to be safe.

 

*Some more time later*

 

Well that was interesting. We know that all religions are somehow correct...or that people waking up from death are cronic liers....Either way I think its safe to say we need to kill all the dead people to make sure nothing like this happens again.

 

While we desecrate this graveyard please watch this Infomercial.

 

 

 

Come visit Fairy land today!

 

We have jagged rocks, broken glass and otherworldly beings.

 

Its fun for your whole family.*

 

We also have an on-site cosmic temple and talking sheep. It really is a great place to bring the family. As these people will tell you.

 

Errr

 

Hmmmm

 

Well it had Good points....

 

Ummm

 

Errwellummm

 

All of them are great reason to go, and prices start from just 80K a night** and week long breaks from just 200 mill*** With prices like that how can you afford not to go?*Claims based on a family of manic depressives**Claims based on a one person box and not actually coming into fairy land. ***Claims based on the travel time only.

 

 

 

HAHAHA die die die!!! Let the bullets tear through your ashes and urn. MWHAHAHAHAHA...What? Oh right errr well as you can see I was performing an exocism on that particular urn and errr....ADVERTS

 

 

 

Do you dream of seeing scenic Faldor?

 

Or wish you could visit Varrock?

 

Well now you can visit Lumbridge instead. IT IS EVERYTHING YOU WANTED So come on down and forget about all those other places. We have flights to them but unfortunately they land just outside...in Lumbridge. So now you can visit that place, when you don't die ...and all for the extra special price of 500K per person, per mile.

Hmm, Fairy Land... :-k

 

Isn't that Zanaris? I work there for the fairys, so I get great rates there. Free!! I also get access to one of the best transportation routes in Gielinor (Typed Right?) That also means I must get some of that money :thumbsup:

 

 

 

If you are going to ask, ill show you my papers (No, not my passport):

 

 

 

Dear Bluejayfan94,

 

We require your assistance in the lost city of the fairys, Zanaris. We will provide you with the proper living space and give you access to everything (except the bank vaults) in our fine city. If you do need anything during your stay in Zanaris please ask the Fairy Queen.

 

 

 

Sincerly,

 

Fairy Nuff

 

 

 

See Im working for them :thumbsup: And that was only part of the letter.

 

 

 

Second, Why do I need to go to Lumbridge? Im a proud citizen of Falador for now, and it is a much nicer city. Plus I can canoe there, or teleport there, or walk there for free.

 

 

 

Watch out people, Archimage's sponsors are really expensive. And I can get you in fairy land for free :mrgreen:

Dear BlueJayFan Number Ninty Four

 

You have be terminated from the Zanaris company. You will remain were you are. Liquidation squads are enroute!

 

 

 

Please note that under paragraph 29B-433D/Baker 23 you have agreed to this.

 

You will at no time critise anything the ADVERT COMPANY does.

 

And under Paragraph 342T-9923S/Alpha 332D you have agreed to be teriminated.

 

You will, if you break any rules or if commanded to, wait quietly for liquidation squads to arrive to 'liberate' your soul from its fleshy structure.

 

And finally under PS33232E\FAQ25

 

Our meaning when we say liberate is to remove all your skin and then peel back each progressive layer until we reach the bone. We will then use an angle grinder to break through, and then search for your soul. If we cannot find one we will set fire to your remains, while keeping you alive through the Alive-o-matic, or if this is unavalible we will simply hook your heart and brain to the mains electricity.

 

 

 

Besides everybody knows that Lumbridge is the best and most owning-est place to live. If you live anywhere else then you will be terminated, by reading the line before and/or this line you agree to it.

 

 

 

We hope you enjoy your after life.

 

 

 

Sincerly,

 

Archimage Underscore A

 

Director of ADVERT COMPANY

 

Head Producer of Archimage Studios

 

Your Boss

 

Your Master

 

Future King of the Realm

 

123 God Mode On

God

 

Assorted other titles that you will not be able to read before liquidation.

Dear Archimage Aquan,

 

You can not fire a trusted employee of which does not work for you. As long as Bluejayfan94 is in the lost city of Zanaris he cannot be liquidated. Thank you for reading this message.

 

 

 

Sincerly,

 

Fairy Nuff

 

 

 

Also if you read this or the message above the fairys will grant me 1 wish.

Dear Fairy Nuff's Next of Kin

 

Fairy Nuff has been liquidated, as per paragraph 1 of their contract with us.

 

I agree to be liquided if Archimage Aquan comands it.

 

 

 

As you have long been aware the ADVERT COMPANY holds all the cards. We own all the other companies and through a network of contracts we control everything and everyone. So we are now taking over all of Fairy Nuff's assets. If you wish to complain the liquidation squads will be their momentarly.

 

 

 

Sincerly,

 

Archimage Underscore A

 

_____

 

Dear BlueJayFan Number Ninty Four

 

You are on the run. We hope this letter finds you well. Please hand yourself in at the nearest service station and we will 'Liberate' you 'as quickly as possible.'

 

[As per PS33232E\FAQ25-26

 

 

 

25Our meaning when we say liberate is to remove all your skin and then peel back each progressive layer until we reach the bone. We will then use an angle grinder to break through, and then search for your soul. If we cannot find one we will set fire to your remains, while keeping you alive through the Alive-o-matic, or if this is unavalible we will simply hook your heart and brain to the mains electricity.

 

 

 

26Our meaning of as quickly as possible is as quickly as we see fit.

 

 

 

We wish you well if you wish to continue to escape for when you get back, and you will be getting back, we will be extracting your teeth and nails. Then bathing you in acid. We will then heal you, and begin the process all over again, 'as quickly as possible'.

 

 

 

Sincerly,

 

Archimage Underscore A