You're back! Welcome back and people, stop hyperventilating and say hi to him and, as my minions, beg for more Snake and Noob!

Ok then...

 

 

 

Hi!!! :mrgreen:

 

Awww, there isn't a wave emoticon :(

 

 

 

EDIT...

 

 

Hi again!!

 

Happy now?

 

Well I am ruddy well not! This is MY THREAD NOW!!!! I HAVE CREATED AN ENTIRE STORY HERE!!!! WHERE IS MY ACKNOWLADGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rant over...Ok I am fine....But I can't really go back to writing the news things over night....I need to think of a suitable cover story....

 

 

 

FIRE!!!

 

This is Oakimage O. Famed brother of the even more famed Archimage A. Oweing to a certain take over the world stratagy that so far has conquered Rimmington to Varrock, in fact the entire free world, including the wilderness. To be stopped by the unfortunate fact that the Archimage Standard is a Free Player Item only.

 

However he is very busy...doing what ever it is that he actually does...torture of some sort I think. But enough of that and on to tonights news.

 

 

 

Welcome to the Post-Mid-Prior To-Evening News.

 

I am your host Oakimage O, and tonight we will be discussing the recent turn of events in members world negative 2...The Freelance Themed world(Being the role playing world is over rated). This event is in fact MURDER in Port Sarim *Cough* anyway MURDER!!! To discuss this we had a few experts...but in a very dangerous game of dungons and dragons one of them....got a PAPERCUT, can you believe it! But they could not arrive for that reason...as at the sight of blood they all fainted, and being incapacitated were unable to stop the nosebleed that bled them dry...Killing them all. So instead we have these two PROFESSIONAL...Volunteers

 

Thank you thank you Mr Oatcake.

 

Its Oakimage.

 

Thats what I said, young thingamugumy.

 

Yes quite....Anyway this is...well I will let them introduce themselves.

 

I am Dr Smarties, and I contain no artifial flavours

 

* #-o *

 

And I am Dr Bean....Apparently.

 

* #-o * They are very intelligent and are experts in the field of vegtables...the one next to the farmer's house... and in Modern Art. So perhaps you could tell us alittle bit more about yourselves?

 

Well as you said I am an expert of vegtables. I know everything there is to know about...what the hell is that.

 

Thats a carrot.

 

No it isn't thats a hitty thing.

 

I see....

 

And that thing! Thats a cry thing!!!

 

You mean an onion.

 

No its a cry thingy!

 

Ok Dr...Bean...Care to tell us about your work?

 

I sit in the corner and look at the paintings.

 

Brilliant, when was the last time any of us just sat and looked at the pictures themselves. So what have you learnt from your studies of our pictures of the crime?

 

Well...

 

...

 

Well...Firstly they are rather BIG....Which is excellent! Because if they were really small, MICROSCOPIC, then no body would be able to see them, which would be a shame....

 

:-s

 

Sec...condly...And I am getting quite near the end now...of my...ANYALSIS of this picture...Is that its a picture...Of a CRIME SCENE....

 

:-s

 

Which as I have leant, from my good friend, Dr Smarties, is very important. Why I hear you ask...Well because some looked at this and thought 'This would get me my next pay check'...and even though there are clearly no clues here, they stuck with it, and even took the time to paint this amazing picture. And to me...thats just...Well just...

 

:-s I see, so you are saying that it isn't helpful at all.

 

:-s What do you mean?

 

I mean what does this tell you about the crime? :-s What crime?

 

The crime that was commited on this picture!Oh!!! Its one of those magic eye things right? #-o O...k Cut to commercials.

 

 

 

Have you ever felt worthless?

 

Its because you are. Archimage knows this...Volunteer for his surgury treatment today. Then you will no longer have to live in fear...You can be safe in the knowladge that you are still a hidous freak.

 

 

 

:-s Ummm that was different...where was the colour? Oh right yes we are back...Well umm thats all the time we have folks. Roll commercial.

 

 

 

In the lastest work by Archimage Studios, we see a young boy, Slowly coming to terms with the fact that he is gay.

 

Hey neat I like Guys and Girls.

 

We go through the relationship issues.

 

Wow I can have fun twice as often as normal.

 

And of course the cripperling after effects.

 

Oh man. I can't believe that my mum disowned me.

 

But also the steps you can take to fixing that.

 

Officer, I didn't know that she was going to step in front of me while I was test firing the gun.

 

YOU WERE TEST FIRING IT ON HER DOORSTEP AFTER YOU HAD KNOCKED!! WHAT SORT OF SICKO ARE YOU!

 

AHHH SEXUAL HARRESSMENT

 

And finally how to retire from the orrientation, perfectly fine.

 

We find the defendent not guilty.

 

Advanced screenings tommrow. Offical release, NEVER!!!

 

 

 

The ability to poke fun of ourselves is on of the critical aspects of growing up.

 

Disclaimer: This is in no way accurate of any group of people...except perhaps straight people, who have something naturally wrong with them...Its just not right :uhh:

 

Second Disclaimer: Serouisly though offence should not be taken.

Ratchet, Just thinking too.. In the second God wars, am I going to be a bigger character? And also yes, I know I am very selfish :XD:

 

GO BLUEJAY AND HIS GIANT BLUE JAY!! :thumbsup:

 

 

 

 

Happy now?

 

 

 

Yes, now I am... For now...

 

 

 

 

Have you ever felt worthless?

 

Its because you are. Archimage knows this...Volunteer for his surgury treatment today. Then you will no longer have to live in fear...You can be safe in the knowladge that you are still a hidous freak.

 

 

 

:-s Ummm that was different...where was the colour? Oh right yes we are back...Well umm thats all the time we have folks. Roll commercial.

 

 

 

In the lastest work by Archimage Studios, we see a young boy, Slowly coming to terms with the fact that he is gay.

 

Hey neat I like Guys and Girls.

 

We go through the relationship issues.

 

Wow I can have fun twice as often as normal.

 

And of course the cripperling after effects.

 

Oh man. I can't believe that my mum disowned me.

 

But also the steps you can take to fixing that.

 

Officer, I didn't know that she was going to step in front of me while I was test firing the gun.

 

YOU WERE TEST FIRING IT ON HER DOORSTEP AFTER YOU HAD KNOCKED!! WHAT SORT OF SICKO ARE YOU!

 

AHHH SEXUAL HARRESSMENT

 

And finally how to retire from the orrientation, perfectly fine.

 

We find the defendent not guilty.

 

Advanced screenings tommrow. Offical release, NEVER!!!

 

Hmmmmmmmmmm..... Very Strange.....

 

Second.... I AM NOT GAY!!!

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This is in no way accurate of any group of people...except perhaps straight people, who have something naturally wrong with them...Its just not right :uhh:

 

Second Disclaimer: Serouisly though offence should not be taken.

 

 

 

Well, you and your damn disclaimers

THE SECOND GOD WAR

 

CHAPTER 2

 

 

 

Snake and Archimage were led to a large cabin, with two bunks on the right side of the room and a desk on the left. A small bookshelf took up the space in the front, covering a window. Snake could tell.

 

 

 

"Welcome to the captains quarters. It is all yours son of Zamorak." The mage in red robes bowed deeply.

 

 

 

"Uh, thanks." Snake sat on the bottom bunk. "Where you going to sleep?"

 

 

 

"Oh, I am the captain, I cannot sleep. Your fathers incompetent fools of followers could not walk through a wide open door without hitting their shoulders on the wall."

 

 

 

Snake did not laugh or respond in anyway. His mind said what the hell while his mouth said "Uh...yeah, good joke."

 

 

 

"I will leave you two to read or talk until our breakfast." The mage left and closed the door.

 

 

 

Snake laughed. "I guess we are going to have to follow them to the eastern lands."

 

 

 

"It is no laughing matter. Have you heard the legends of the box of Pandora?" Archimage asked in a serious voice.

 

 

 

"No. Whats wrong?"

 

 

 

"That box, it can be used to gain the powers of a god."

 

 

 

"So...ohh, they want to overthrow Noob."

 

 

 

"Yeah. I am afraid so."

 

 

 

"And then they will use the power of the box to return Zamorak to power and he will rule over hell once again.Will they actually make it through the palace of the gods?"

 

 

 

"Temple of the gods you mean?"

 

 

 

"Whatever."

 

 

 

"It is said to be full of terribly nasty traps and monsters."

 

 

 

"O.K, so what? You actually think these idiot Zammoraks are going to make it past. I mean, I think Noob would have a better chance at getting through it the way these idiots fought."

 

 

 

Archimage walked over to the book case and looked at titles of some of the books.

 

 

 

"Ancient history of demons" "Dark magic handbook" "The unholy book of Zamorak" "Legends of the gods"

 

 

 

Archimage was stopped. Snake said "Read the story of Pandora. I want to hear this story."

 

 

 

"O.K" Archimage flipped through the pages of the book and came to a page with a large picture of a golden box. It was small, and had a picture of a sword on the front.

 

 

 

The legend of Pandora is one that most people that follow the stories of the god wars know. A long time ago, a powerful mage named Pandora was the ultimate evil on earth, destroying villages, farms, and cities. The gods were not happy to see their land destroyed by a mortal.

 

 

 

The god Saradomin came to earth and searched for this wizard. He had no idea that his evil brother, Zamorak, was hiding the mage in a cave,now popularly called "The Waterfall Dungeon" by some adventurers.

 

 

 

Saradomin had no idea that Zamorak was involved and when he cast himself to hell and found that his brother had left from his palace, Saradomin suddenly found a young woman in Zamoraks bed. The woman seemed to be a slave. She had blond hair and blue eyes. She wore only rags. She told Saradomin where to find him, because she did not want the world in which she used to live to be destroyed.

 

 

 

Saradomin went back to the land and found Zamorak. Zamorak suddenly started to attack his brother out of nowhere. Guthix was not pleased with this development and left the heavens to help stop Zamorak. But, their was a flaw in the plan, Heaven was left unprotected. Hell was unprotected. The gates to heaven and the gates to hell were unprotected.

 

 

 

The dead from hell suddenly invaded heaven and tried to defeat the angel guardians. Many passed and lived forever happy. Many were cast back to hell. The afterlife was a shattered wasteland that no one wished to live in anymore.

 

 

 

The fight of the gods resulted in the god wars. The god wars are explained fully in the god wars story on page 458 of this book.

 

 

 

Pandora was eventually taken by Saradomin and Guthix and sent into a hand crafted box made by Saradomin. A temple was built, full of traps and a monster that is so evil, it can only be defeated by the sword of Saradomin.

 

 

 

After all these years, Pandora, as the legend goes, has learned enough magic, that you could use it to be as powerful as a god. Many have sought the box, but the temples challenges seemed to hard for them. No one has retrieved the box.

 

 

 

SIDENOTE

 

*THE WOMAN IN ZAMORAKS BED IS BELIEVED TO BE HIS WIFE, WHO GAVE BIRTH TO ZAMORAKS SON. MORE ON PAGE 678.

 

 

 

"I want to read about the god wars." Said Archimage.

 

 

 

"As long as you read my legend."

 

 

 

"No problem"

 

 

 

The god wars were a time when the whole of Runescape itself, seemed to have no hope. The gods were in a battle that destroyed half of the mainland. The western lands used to be connected to us but the god wars were so destructive, the border between the two was broken and the western lands were drifted into the sea.

 

 

 

The gods gave no pity on each other. Guthix and Saradomin worked together, trying to defeat their destructive brother. The war between the people in hell and the people of heaven was a main battle in the war. It is sometimes called, "The gods greatest mistake."

 

 

 

The war resulted in the breaking of the gates leading form hell to heaven, and heaven to hell. The only relic we have of this war, is a fallen angel, said to be cursed and whoever tries to put it up in their house or in a museum suddenly dies.

 

 

 

The war between the gods became more intense when Zamorak started turning the slaves in hell into monsters. These monsters killed civialians and continued the destruction that Zamorak could not cause himself, due to his brothers. The end of the war brought a weary Zamorak watching his slaves be defeated by fallen angels. Zamorak had no point in continuing when he saw that the mage he was trying to protect, Pandora, had been sealed away in a box. He gave up and returned to hell.

 

 

 

He has been known to walk the earth in some places, but is rarely seen.

 

 

 

"Lets hear my story."

 

 

 

"I guess. This book is not very descriptive."

 

 

 

Zamorak was married to a young woman named Maria. She supposedly had a son with him. The son, who is sometimes named Snake or Devil Baby, was supposedly treated terribly by his father. Constant beatings, telling him to do some of the slaves dirty work for hours for a punishment. Snake had had it.

 

 

 

At the young age of 16, right before the portals from heaven to hell and hell to heaven were destroyed, he used the one to heaven. When he was there, the gods heard his story and allowed him a new life on runescape. Nobody knows where he resides at the moment.

 

 

 

"You are that old?"

 

 

 

"So what? I may be old, but I still kick a..." He was cut off by the Zamorak mage entering the room. "Sir please follow me to breakfast."

 

 

 

Breakfast consisted of eggs, bacon, and bread. After this not so great breakfast, Archimage and Snake were back in the cabin. Archimage read select stories from the book while Snake listened intently. After about a week of sailing, Snake was surprised by a shout of "LAND [garden tool]!" Archimage put down his book. He had gotten through more than half the books in the shelve that week.

 

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

Thanks for welcoming me back. Anyway, more coming and I guess blue jay is coming into the story. I will tell you that the second god war=

 

 

 

We discover where the noob police operate and Blue Jay fights against the warriors from hell.

 

 

 

Thats all I am telling. I am not saying any thing else.

 

 

 

That chapter you just read must be my longest one ever. :shock: Oh my god...it had no violence...

 

 

 

I am toning down the violence guys till the actual war. There will be the occasional fight but they won't be huge fights. The second god war=

 

 

 

REALLY AWESOME FIGHTS AGAINST GODS WITH AWESOME POWERS!

 

 

 

MORE TOMORROW!!!

 

Hmmmmmmmmmm..... Very Strange.....

 

Second.... I AM VERY GAY!!!

 

 

 

Its good to see you coming to terms with it.

 

And do you really near to be a major character? I mean YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHRONICLES!!!

 

 

 

Anyway story related:

 

POWERENT IS RETURNING!!!!Well just guessing since he is the son of Saradomin(Or I am getting more forgetful and none of that happened)

 

Umm interesting story.

 

Did you have to base my character on Mrs. Granger(Harry Potter). Sorry if you didn't, just seemed very much like her.

 

 

 

Anyway I have to read Emma, by Jane Austein(Or some other author), by tommrow...and I really don't want to...because? Because I want to do my news report and the next Part of the BlueJay Chronicles. :cry: :cry: :cry:

 

Oh well...thats life.

I based it on nobody in particular, and I really don't know. Truth is, I could be writing more of ShadowBlood then I really am, as I WOULD like some other responses by Archimage who is...*sniff*...so kind as to give helpful advice and saying that at least SOMEONE likes the story!

THE SECOND GOD WAR

 

CHAPTER 3

 

 

 

The old man watched the approaching ship. He had an old cottage on the beach and a bunch of sticks and dead animals, and what could be made out as dead human bodies, in a pile. He opened his closed fist and the pyre suddenly burst into flames. The old man cackled. The water around the island rippled violently. A large thing was heading towards the boat.

 

 

 

****

 

 

 

Snake and Archimage looked at the upcoming island. Thats when they noticed a jet of water being sprayed up. It came towards the boat fairly fast. Snake drew his sword. Archimage took his staff out and prepared his magic.

 

 

 

The water was suddenly calm. Snake pushed Archimage towards a small dinghy that was strung to the ship. All of a sudden, the monster struck through the middle of the boat. The boats drifted into two pieces and the monster ate a nearby Zamorak.

 

 

 

Snake told Archimage to use magic spells and give him cover. Archimage nodded and prepared a powerful attack. Snake meanwhile climbed the mast and got to the top. The sea monster, a serpent from what Snake could tell, struck the mast and broke its foundation. It fell towards the monster. Snake jumped and landed on the monsters head.

 

 

 

Zamorak archers prepared their bows. Snake tried to tell them not to shoot by they did anyway. Snake dodged arrows. Only a few struck the monster. Small pools of blood were now oozing on the ships floor.

 

 

 

The half of the ship that Snake and Archimage was not on, was drifting into a large pile of rocks. The ship could not be saved. Snake payed more attention at the task at hand and held onto the serpent as it tried to shake him off.

 

 

 

Snake plunged his sword into the serpents head, between its eyes. The green, grimy snake fell to the water, its blood leaving the ocean red. Snake watched the other half of the ship drift into the rocks. The ship was getting shattered slowly. Suddenly, the mage appeared and yelled:

 

 

 

"We shall swim to land."

 

 

 

Everyone acknowledged and jumped ship.

 

 

 

Snake walked back to where Archimage was standing.

 

 

 

"How will we get back to Port Sarim?"

 

 

 

"I really don't know." Archimage then jumped into the water. Snake followed in. The water was cool and refreshing. He swam the mile or so to shore. He was tired. An old man walked over to them.

 

 

 

"So, what ye be wantin' with me and the ancient island of Crete?"

 

 

 

Snake got up. The mage got up as well and walked over to the old man.

 

 

 

"We are in search of Pa...."

 

 

 

"ndoras box? Ye came to the right place."

 

 

 

"Where is it?"

 

 

 

"In that temple on top of the hill over there."

 

 

 

Snake saw the large temple against the glimmer of the stars and light of the moon.

 

 

 

"Who are you?" asked Snake.

 

 

 

"The guardian of the box. I keep watch of adventurers who come to retrieve it."

 

 

 

"What was that monster back there?"

 

 

 

"A sea serpent. My pet sea serpent."

 

 

 

"Oh, uh, sorry about that."

 

 

 

"Well, it gives me an excuse to get a baby serpent, boy are they cute."

 

 

 

The mage walked away. "Are you coming?"

 

 

 

"Good luck, ye be needing it." The old man said.

 

 

 

Snake followed everyone as they walked towards the temple.

 

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

Oh dear, a short chapter must mean Ratchets working on something else. Let me say that I am and it may make Blue jay very happy (or very mad).

 

 

 

I have devised a story called THE BLUE JAY FILES depicting his missions in the noob police. Yes, thats right. A fun romp through the world of noobs with Blue Jay. The series will have fun, engaging stories, and lots of Blue Jays noob prevention program crap. And also, the 6:02 news is doing it! Thats right! While Archimages news gets to have more fun and exciting Noob police adventures. (That means I am asking you Archimage, to some engaging adventures with Blue jay.)I am starting tonight with an intro to the noob police and what they do. Then Archimage can work off that and I will work of Archimages post excetra excetra.

 

 

 

So tonight the chronicles begin and when you can start working on it Archimage, please do. Together we might be able to write a good cllection of short stories and random mumbo jumbo about blue jays exciting life.

 

 

 

Blue jay: \

 

Me: :?

 

Blue jay: :shock:

 

Me: :notalk:

 

Blue jay: :wall:

This is a great story, and it is great to know you're back! And also, "Dearest" Archiemage, I guess this is the end of our formal (yet unprofessional) letters, and I can't wait to see the next of the epic tale of Snake and Noob

Welcome to the 6:02 news, now in color! Today we will watch a noob police training video as we learn what it is like to live the life of a noob policeman. That is why our show is now called:

 

 

 

THE BLUE JAY FILES

 

 

 

The noob police headquarters. A beautiful building. The pretty flowers growing along the cobble stone sidewalk. The bushes, finely cut. The windows, so square...

 

 

 

If you fell for that description, you are a noob!

 

 

 

Welcome to the noob police. Our description of our building is a building. Period. Everybody who comes here has a problem with a noob. LEts ask what this young man has to say about a noob:

 

 

 

This noob admitted to me he is a child.

 

All children must be punished in rude and nasty ways!

 

Like killing them?

 

Hell yeah!

 

 

 

This is blue jay. He is a highly respected agent of the noob police. Any tips for new noob police.

 

 

 

All noobs are idiots. Well, all the ones we seem to catch.

 

 

 

Welcome to the sitting room. Here, we place very uncomfortable chairs and boring magazines for your enjoyment. Runesweek anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the lavatory. We use this in various ways. If a noob needs some solitary time we stick them in here. When a noob says something very nasty that our police can not put up with, they come in here.

 

 

 

 

Here is the office. Here, our workers work. Typing mission reports that no one reads, reading dossiers that somebody reads, sometimes wondering who came up with the idea of a mechanical pencil. Really, isnt it an amazing piece. Behold, the mechanical pencil

 

 

 

 

Is it not, simply amazing?

 

 

 

Now then, here are the cells.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are no noobs in the cells because, well we were overcome by anger and we...we...killed them. Those people in the back are family.

 

 

 

That concludes our tour...we will give you more wonderful information on the noob police and blue jay soon. Until then, remember, if you have noob problems, you can count on blue jay and the noob police.

Hehe, lol I was cracking up while I read that... *laughs hysterically*

 

 

 

*Drifts back to reality*

 

 

 

Aaaah... the joys of cartoon torture...

 

 

 

Whoops, sorry, no one should have heard that... :oops:

 

 

 

Why do I feel as if my seat is squirming under me? And why do I have bite marks all over my legs? And besides, why am I bored to death with these horrible magazines? Oh god, oh god, oh god!!! *screams*

 

 

 

Bedbugs! Wait... this isn't a bed... it's a chair... so it must be...

 

 

 

*several hours later*

 

 

 

Chairbugs!

 

 

 

Can't wait for more juicy details on the noob police...

 

 

 

Speaking of juicy, these chairbugs sure look tasty... :oops:

"Heil, Heil." Yelled the crowd.

 

heil?! :shock:

 

Reference intended or unintended? o_0

 

 

 

Btw, your story is coming along great (It's absolutely hilarious! :XD: ), although just a tad too unnecessarily violent in some parts.

My best guess would be that it was intended... although the entirety of the phrase is now banned in Germany, I believe that as individual words it is acceptable... although highly controversial...

Yay even more work to add to my ever mounting pile...

 

On the plus side it seems pretty good.

 

On the negative side...Its alot of work...I have very little time now that school is back...oh and I am not allowed on the computer again for the rest of the day...What fun...

 

 

 

Sigh...Anyway I will write up a new hard copy of all my new works and hopefully post them tommrow...if I can....

 

 

 

And Ratchet I don't mind getting lumbered with all this work...as long as you pull a fair weight as well.

 

 

 

Anyway checking the last of my messages...printing off my latest works...and then writing them up...then reading RUBBISH Emma for 2 hours....Well my evening is gone already.

HAHA!!! Nice story about me :

 

Very Funny...

 

At least it dosent have something saying im gay. IM NOT!

 

And yes, That is our lavatory... :XD:

THE GOD WARS

 

CHAPTER 4

 

 

 

The Zamoraks and Snake and Archimage were inside the temple. It was finely furnished in the front. Chairs of gold and silver were strung about and a finely crafted staircase was in the center, leading down to a dark area. Snake was wondering why they were not going down and entering the area.

 

 

 

"Sit my minions." The mage stood by the staircase everyone took seats.

 

 

 

"It is here that our greatest achievement will happen. It is here that I gain the power of a god and overthrow the insolent new god. It is NOW that we will stand up for lord Zamorak and defeat all in the way.

 

 

 

Snake stood. "You? You get to use the power? And how can we trust you? Why not trust the son of Zamorak?"

 

 

 

The mage watched as the Zamoraks started nodding their heads.

 

 

 

"I am His Lords greatest servant." He said.

 

 

 

"But I am his son and this is a burden that I must bear. For my dear father." There was a bit of sarcasm in both sentences that only Archimage detected.

 

 

 

"Well, what contributions have you made to His Lords fine kingdom?"

 

 

 

"What have I not contributed to his kingdom?"

 

 

 

The Zamoraks stood and confronted the mage face to face. They wanted Snake to use the box. They trusted him more than anyone. They apparently had not read the book in that cabin, Snake thought.

 

 

 

"But that man, he betrayed his fa..."

 

 

 

His voice was trailed off by a faint scream from the dark area that the stairs led to.

 

 

 

"Can we please get into the cavern?" asked Snake.

 

 

 

Everyone lit a torch and followed the steps down. The walls were pretty close to each other and everyone had to line up single file in order to get through the corridor. Suddenly, the corridor branched off to the left, right, and straight ahead.

 

 

 

"Split up!" The mage yelled from the front. Snake and Archimage were right behind him. Snake decided to follow him down the right path. It was not as narrow a corridor as the last. Another faint scream could be heard in the distance.

 

 

 

Snake saw a small, circular room ahead. There were small holes all over the floor. There were three paths branching from the room. A small set of clicks could be heard.

 

 

 

"Go middle! Hurry!" Snake called as he figured out the trap. He ran in and waited for everyone to file in.

 

 

 

"What was that for?" The mages question was answered as out of the small holes, spears shot up. They stayed there for a few minutes and then lowered into the holes again. Snake pushed past everyone and told them to follow him. They walked silently down the silver cavern they were in.

 

 

 

The screams seemed to get louder as Snake moved down the cave and soon he found himself at a gate, that went into a circular arena, where a young man was facing a minotaur.

 

 

 

"AUGHH!" He cried as he dodged attacks.

 

 

 

Snake kicked down the gate and ran in. The box was hanging from a piece of rope high in the air. No one could throw or even shoot anything that far up.

 

 

 

"What is your name kid?" Asked Snake.

 

 

 

"Theseus!" He parried a blow from the minotaurs large hammer with his sword.

 

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

Now to blue jays story.

THE BLUE JAY FILES

 

(Please, at least pretend you care)

 

 

 

Today, we will take you on an adventure with Blue Jay. Lets read the dossier and see what his mission is. Hi Blue Jay! How long was your dossier?

 

 

 

As long as a newspaper clipping.

 

 

 

O.K lets see. Ah, the classifieds section lets see:

 

 

 

URGENT!

 

The noob police are having their annual,

 

take a noob to jail day, where they fight,

 

by seeing who catches the most noobs and

 

puts them in jail. We need a stripper for the win...

 

 

 

Uh...you did not see that...please turn it over!

 

 

 

NOOB CAUGHT SCAMMING!

 

Some noob just sold a rare Spinach role!

 

Reports have come in that this noob

 

Height:4 foot

 

Weight:N/A

 

Description: bald and wearing green

 

has been scamming, please capture immediatly.

 

 

 

To lumbridge!

 

 

 

****

 

 

 

Excuse me sir, have you been scamming?

 

 

 

No...i just started the game.

 

 

 

No you have not, you fit the description perfectly, you are under arrest.

 

 

 

But what about that guy chopping the willow down? He looks like me.

 

 

 

Fine. Sir? Sir? SIR? Oh really? Is that what you gonna do? Ignore me, Blue Jay? Giant Blue Jay, come!

 

 

 

That is one hell of a blue jay. Good god is it large. I think its...it just picked up that noob. The blue jay seems to be going to the jail.

 

 

 

Now then, where is that other guy. Hay, I told you to stay there!

 

 

 

Who the hell are you?

 

 

 

The noob polices agent, Blue Jay.

 

 

 

LOL!!! (he did not say rolling on the floor laughing, he just said LOL. Just say those three letter together.)

 

 

 

LOL? What the hell does that mean, you are coming with me!

 

 

 

Get off me!

 

 

 

So that was a very fun and educational day with Blue Jay. Tune in for more soon.

Funny funny!

AHHHHH the stress!!!

 

Ok back to reality.

 

 

 

We have 2 stories for your viewing pleasure.

 

 

 

The BlueJay Files.

 

A Ratchet Supposered Event.

 

 

 

Hello, and welcome to the world of Tommrow! To guide us on this tour of futureristic anti-Noobing methods here is our much beloved, and straight as a 180 Degree line, Officer BlueJay.

 

Hello.Now then the first thing we want you to show us is your new Anti-Rubber-Chicken Sword.

 

Yes and here it is.

 

 

Wow, isn't it a beauty. Now then this is quite simply how it works. When a noob comes up to you use this with its Rubber Chicken. The Noob will not know what is going on because you are trying to eat rubber chicken. You then say "I love eating rubber chicken." The Noob will freak out, and will be compelled to eat it. Which brings us on to our next item?

 

Yes, here it is, Anti-Noob Poison.

 

 

So why is this poison so deadly to noobs only?

 

Well it is quite simple. This is special Anti-Rubber-Chicken Sword poison. It will transfer to the rubber chicken in a second of contact. After that the Noob will eat it.

 

So is it harmful to the user?

 

Well only if they eat the rubber chicken :lol: :lol:

 

Hahahah I see. So what else have you got?

 

Well how about this?

 

 

Wow that looks hightech!

 

Yes it is quite. What you can't see is the stick in action. You see it has a special Prod, attack. When you prod a noob, they will explode.

 

Wow that is a pretty powerful special, what if you use it on a non noob?

 

Well then it doesn't work, as you see here....

 

 

Well he must have been a Noob. Lets try it on the Camara man.....No he is shaking his head. Well anyway that is all the inventions we have for the time being. Tune in next week for another exciting issue of the BlueJay Files.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to the Post-Mid-Prior To-Evening News.

 

I am your host Oakimage O, and tonight we will be discussing the recent turn of events in The Tunnels....OF DOOM!!!!!!

 

Ummmm

 

Oh yes and let me intorduce our speakers for tonight. Dr Fruit and Dr Loop.

 

Hello

 

Hello

 

So then the tunnels of doom. Its pretty powerful stuff down there isn't it?

 

Well...no not really.

 

Its actually just a level 400 monsters that is immune to fire, water, earth, range and melee.

 

And don't forget anything above mind runes.

 

Oh yes, so as long as they use only wind strike they will be fine.

 

Oh...So its not that dangerous then?

 

Well not really, we estimate three surviours.

 

Well I....THREE THATS NOT A GOOD AMOUNT OF SURVIOURS!!!

 

What do you want us to tell you, that its a big scary place...

 

Yes that would be nice!

 

Well tough, its a pretty small space and the monster is a mashpotato monster.

 

A mash potato monster....Right....So Drs you are saying that they are fighting...a potato?

 

Not just any potato, its the....with the....its got teeth like....Errr well it absorbs people in general.

 

O...k so mister Crackpot, I mean Fruit, you are saying that they are facing a pile of mash.

 

This is not just any mash potato! This has been hand carved by Saradomin himself. With potatoes of the holiest nature.

 

OOooooo big deal Saradomin can't keep catpillers out of heaven.

 

Are you going to critise us all evening?

 

No, I though we would cut to an Ad...about....Now.

 

 

 

Hello. I am SuperACCOUNT!!!. I am rich beyond your wildest dreams. How did I get here?

 

Well I sold my book to people I MERCHANTED.

 

Buy my book and you too can reap the rewards of other peoples work. If you already own my book, then buy my new book. " Scamming people who watch TV" It features how to sell books that are useless, and how to actually merchant.

 

 

 

Hello and welcome back, behind me you may be able to see a pile of , maybe a hundread, dead bodies. We are going to tell you the truth.

 

[Lie] During the commercial break Dr Fruit went crazy and killed Dr Loop. While he was still crazy he killed everyone except the secretary. Which is quite nice because he was on lone from Archimage Studios, though I can't see what he likes about him...He doesn't do alot of work and seems to make improper advances whenever I am in the room. But thats besides the point. Anyway that explains the whole pile of bodies thing...Back to Adverts [/Lie] and...Wait we are getting something through.

 

 

 

This is NOT A DRILL!!!!

 

Mortanyia is invading VARROCK!!!!

 

Fortunately the attack was driven back very quickly by the New State of Archimage. However this has meant that Mortanyia is now a grade one threat. To cope with this change in events we require all cities to send as many Soldiers, and to a greater extent Teenage Boys, to Varrock right away! In these sorts of time we have only have maybe a week to fix these problems...We must strike while the iron is hot.

 

This has been an Archimage A supponsered Interruption.

 

 

 

Well as always terrible news! Send your fathers, your brothers, your sons and your uncles to Varrock right now! We don't know how long we have before the next area is invaded.

THE BLUE JAY FILES

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was written by a noob named, Nooby. He was quite evil. His scams were amazing, his money outrageous, his control over macroers almost destructive. But he was brought down by the Noob Police.

 

We were not payed to say this. OWWW!!

 

 

 

Tonight on a special edition of the blue jay files, you have seen future weapons of the Noob police but you have not seen the originals. We will take a tour through history.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, what is this?

 

 

 

One of our first weapons. Back in the first age we thought that we threw these at noobs, they would explode, but all they did was render them unconcious.

 

 

 

Then what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We threw these at them because we thought that it would wake them up with cold water.

 

 

 

And what would happen?

 

 

 

They would stop breathing.

 

 

 

Very useful. Now that you have showed us your methods in the first age, lets see what your methods were in the second.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was the only method we used back then. You see, we would smack them with this and watch them scream. They would eventually give in and share there secrets. Then we threw those runes at them.

 

 

 

So very interesting. Now that we have seen these methods that were used basically until you took over, lets see some glorious technology that you have created.

 

 

 

Well...uh...

 

 

 

Yes?

 

 

 

Oh my god...is it lunch already? See you.

 

 

 

Well then. Goodbye. Hope you get hit by a couple runes you twit.

 

 

 

I heard that. Giant blue Jay!

 

 

 

Uh-Oh...AUGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Where are you taking me? Please spare me. Uh...well if I live you will see a very special episode of The Blue Jay files, because an ancient cult has returned and boy, are they stupid and Noobs.

lol...that was hilarious, although I do have to say that the noob police is very hypocritical...

For a change of pace...we are gonna see a lot of blue jay stories for a while and no SNake and Noob. Author is having a lot more fun with Blue Jay at the moment and since he has not been used at all for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time, we will give him what he deserves. (Me, screwing up his character) is he reading this?

 

 

 

Now for more BLUE JAY FILES

 

 

 

It seems to me that this is not a random news paper clipping about the boss and his wife getting into a fight, it seems to be a...a...JOB!!!NOOOOO!!! Oh cabbage get the camera out of here. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Sneaking up on someone like that.

 

 

 

Well, uh, I guess we must wait here, in this area...Oh, a new magazine, A two year old issue of Runestoons! Oh yeah.

 

 

 

THE BLUE JAY FILES

 

(Where the police are the ones in the line of fire)

 

 

 

Well, lets go check on Blue Jay. Seems to be lunch hour. Boy those puzzles in Runestoons were challenging. I can't believe four year olds can cope with those. Hay there you are Blue Jay!

 

 

 

Yup. Well I gotta go get some donuts. Want to come?

 

 

 

Sure, I can't say why not.

 

 

 

Giant Blue Jay!

 

 

 

OWWW!!!!Not my head!

 

 

 

I am sorry Jay. Not this time, maybe next time, put him down.

 

 

 

That hurt...anyway here we go.

 

 

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME

 

DONUT SHOP

 

TIME: LUNCH

 

WHY NO POLICE RESPONDED:LUNCH

 

 

 

So we got our two dozen donuts...

 

 

 

Hay, i have seen you before have I not?

 

 

 

No never sir.

 

 

 

Were you on the cruise boat?

 

 

 

Nope.

 

 

 

Oh well. Enjoy the old donuts, I bought all the fresh ones.

 

 

 

Man its a beautiful view from this sky...

 

 

 

I know where I saw him.

 

 

 

Where?

 

 

 

On a wanted poster.

 

 

 

BOOOOOMMMM!!!

 

 

 

Shouldn't we...

 

 

 

I have fresh donuts...do you think I am going back?

 

 

 

THREE MINUTES LATER

 

 

 

Donuts...I call glazed.

 

 

 

I call custard filled.

 

 

 

CAW CAW CAW

 

 

 

Damn, that bird always takes my favorite donuts. Stupid giant bird, should roast it and AUGHHH AUGHHH AUGHHH.

 

 

 

THAT NIGHT

 

 

 

Man Giant Blue Jay, this meat is so fresh and tender, where did you get it?

 

 

 

CAW CAW!

 

 

 

Man, Private purple would love this.

 

 

 

MEANWHILE:

 

 

 

This is the 6:02 news with an Alert! Yes it is so bad that they had to call us to tell the civilians. Archimages news crew is having dinner with the noob police. Anyway, the undead master of Noobs Nooby, has risen from the dead and is trying to figure out what a microphone is...For the last time it is not a club!!!

 

 

 

MORE BLUE JAY FILES SOON TUNE IN FOR MORE!

Lol very good : , although I feel a little sorry for poor BlueJay, you like completely dismembered his character (canibalism?! :shock: what next..)

 

 

 

 

 

lol it looks like he really could care less... as long as it's funny :wink:

WOOOOOO!!!

 

I have two stories and one is funny :D

 

 

 

Anyways, HAHAHA!! THESE NOOB POLICE STORIES KEEP GETTING FUNNIER :XD:

My story is not funny...Its a hard hitting documentary on the Police, in this Thin Blue Line between us and chaos. Yeah alright I got lazy!

 

 

 

And thusly we have:

 

The BlueJay Files.

 

A Ratchet owned, Ratchet produced and Ratchet approved waste of space.

 

(To say in advance we have a slightly different set up)

 

 

 

Hello everybody, and welcome to tonights show. I am Officer BlueJay. In this world not all criminals are quite as clear cut as we would expect. Sometimes its not so much the name, or the look of a person, it can be their level as well. But as we shall see, even the level 126's can be as nooby as anyone else.

 

 

 

BlueJay: Well I say, I walk this road everyday and this is the longest I have every gone without bashing heads. Not since last night, I had to be rough but in the end I got him to come with me.

 

Gerry: I know sir. I was there.

 

BlueJay: Of course you were Gerry. I have an itching to do some bashing.

 

Gerry: Yes Sir....SIR Whats That!!

 

Noob: 'Ello Gov *Hic*

 

BlueJay: Oh my God!! Right stand together and we shall beat this guy.

 

Noob: That drunked dwarf is sure a party *hic* guy.

 

Gerry: Its worse than we thought!

 

BlueJay: Ok there is only one thing for it.

 

 

BlueJay: HIIIIIYA!!!!!!

 

 

Noob: OWWWW

 

 

Gerry: And one of these!

 

 

Noob: I am getting my mate on you!!!

 

Drunken Dwarf: Oi you're not my matey!

 

BlueJay: Take COVER!!!

 

 

Gerry: I can't go on. Kiss me BlueJay.

 

BlueJay: Ummm well I am not into that any more.

 

Gerry: Please BlueJay, this might be my last chance to feel your embrass!

 

BlueJay: No...Its just not going to happen.

 

Gerry: I can feel my life slipping away from me....Hey thats not my life thats you! You YELLOW #@$#%$%

 

BlueJay: Boy that was a close one. Now to take out the trash.

 

Noob: Oh yeah bring it on!

 

 

BlueJay: That was a fight and a half wasn't it...Gerry? Oh right yeah.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well as we can see some Noobs can be in the very police force sent to protect us from them. This concludes our broadcast