One post down sry.

Do do do do do do do do do...Its the six o' two two two two two two two two two news!

 

 

 

I have grave news from Varrock. Let us let the guiding hand of ms. Lucy Iwishihadahusband. Lucy?

 

 

 

Thanks Chuck Ifiwereamanwouldidothis. Last night shades attacked varrock. We have one survivor.

 

 

 

.......

 

 

 

OR maybe not. Well uhh...the king died and this is what his wife had to say in what could be the most disturbing press confrence ever!

 

 

 

 

 

My husband died last night. His brother is a...a...a...lumber jack! Have you ever heard their song? Well here it is!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is that not terrible? I am not going to marry someone like that. I wish i had a son. My son would be great on the round table. I wonder what he would be like?

 

 

 

Good news, I have a machine that can tell you what would happen!

 

 

 

Oh thank the lord. This better not be included in your anthology of interest episode.

 

 

 

My no, unless it is in fact, funny.Here we go!

 

 

 

Take out a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and you will know what scene to look at.

 

 

 

How terrible, and look at him!

 

 

 

 

 

Truly, truly terrible. Now back to you chuck!

 

 

 

Thanks. Runescapes forecast for tomorrow and the rest of the milenia, sunny. Some exceptions. Now lets see a random clip of real spam! Thats all tonight folks and enjoy this.

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZ7YedEopp4

 

 

 

 

 

All clips from monty python.

my bio again

 

name arrowblade

 

interest fighting,guthix

 

dislikes saradomin folowers and zamm folowers

 

combat style melee

 

weapon runescimmy

 

armor full guthix

 

anything esle?

my bio again

 

name arrowblade

 

interest fighting,guthix

 

dislikes saradomin folowers and zamm folowers

 

combat style melee

 

weapon runescimmy

 

armor full guthix

 

anything esle?

 

 

 

 

 

been there used that.

Not quite upto my standards...but it was still fairly good...On the names though...try to keep them to a sensible level....

 

I mean Runescapian logic means that people have subtle funny names.

 

Like N.E.Jit(An Idiot, in a cockny accent. An e-jet)

 

Or Scott McNutter. A perfectly a reasonable name...yes there are actually people called that.

 

Another one would be Professor C.R. Ackpot. (Crack Pot)

 

Names that could be written perfectly normally or don't have any obvouisly wrong with them.

 

Professor Craig Rogers Ackpot is a perfectly reasonable name...

 

Nigel Eric Jit is a perfectly possible name.

 

Scott McNutter there is nothing wrong with the name, it is implied because of the situation.

 

 

 

Chuck If i were a man would i do this.

 

A isn't that funny

 

B is really forced

 

C doesn't make you feel sorry for the person in some small way.

 

 

 

On the lighter side...the clips were good but not...really related to the story...and had no direct tie into the story.

 

 

 

Really really sorry but its the British sense of good humour...and it is not really peaked by this...Sorry...

CHAPTER 6: THE DAWN BEFORE WAR

 

 

 

Snake and Archimage awoke in the white knights castle. Powerent ran off to his family. Archimage looked out the window in the room. The white knights were preparing for war in the courtyard. Last night, at around two in the morning, a message was intercepted. Snake had it on a dresser next to his bed. It read:

 

 

 

The zombies will meet in the fields of the werewolves.

 

We expect you and your mages to come and help as as we prepare an unstoppable army. They will defeat all in their way and the white knights will be killed if they interfere.

 

 

 

Snake had smelt blood on it. The writing was written with the blood of the king of Varrock. It was stated clearly when you looked at the letter closely. Snake put a black shirt on and grabbed his swords scabbard. He put into a loop in his belt and Archimage and Snake went to the dining table. The squire sat there. His chin was resting upon his hand.

 

 

 

"There my friends are." He stood up and opened his arms.

 

 

 

"Yup we are here. What is the plan?" asked Snake.

 

 

 

"Tactically we don't have enough knowledge of morytania to figure out an advantage."

 

 

 

"Me and Snake have knowledge." Archimage said.

 

 

 

"Fine. Then give me a walkthrough of the area."

 

 

 

"It starts as a field crawling with graves and zombies."

 

 

 

"That will be a slight advantage for them, don't you think?"

 

 

 

"Yes, but the zombies can not enter the southern swamps. Some dangerous creatures lay in wait for travelers there but we could make it to Canfis if we band together and run."

 

 

 

"Canfis?"

 

 

 

"The city of the werewolves. We are on friendly terms with the werewolves and they don't take people trying to take over there city lightly."

 

 

 

"This city sounds like an advantage."

 

 

 

"We could place camps in the werewolves city. They have a small village, but like to call it a city."

 

 

 

"What of the north?"

 

 

 

"The slayer castle is a nice tactical advantage. If your men can get past abyssal demons they could use the castles wall as a sniper point and the cannons if we can get the cannon balls."

 

 

 

"Yes...and what else is to the north?"

 

 

 

"The ocean. We could try to see if the varrock people would lend their ships to us."

 

 

 

"They would be glad if they heard our cause."

 

 

 

"Good. Going further to the west is a small farm of undead cows and chickens and the ghost farmer and his wife."

 

 

 

"Can you tell me what good a ghosts farm is?"

 

 

 

"It could be used as a base for the lookouts."

 

 

 

"I guess."

 

 

 

"And more to the west is the ghost city. I will speak there ghostly tongue and we could use their city as a base if we need."

 

 

 

"We have some good advantages..."

 

 

 

"But a necromancer controls the dead and we could have the best plan but still head into a trap."

 

 

 

"So what do we do?"

 

 

 

"Band your men into groups. Me and Archimage will be the leaders of the best men." Snake finally put something into the conversation and that made the squire happy. The squire knew of Snakes power.

 

 

 

"If you were a frontal attack force that would work. I think Archimage though, with his superior magic skills should be a sniper."

 

 

 

"I will accept this job."

 

 

 

"Good. I will lead the ships to the ghost city..."

 

 

 

"And you can make the army retreat back into us and we will completly have them covered on either sides." said Snake.

 

 

 

"Good idea. We will tell the tactics to the men and we will hopefully be ready to go into morytania by sundown."

 

 

 

"What about my men?" asked Snake.

 

 

 

"And mine?" butted in Archimage.

 

 

 

"I will tell them where to meet you and you can prepare them for the fight of their lives."

 

 

 

 

 

The necromancer immersed from the shadows where he looked into his crystal ball.

 

 

 

"The white knights will be in morytania tonight. I will be there. You and your men on the other hand will invade Falador. Take some zombies. I will have enough in Morytania ."

 

 

 

"Yesssss my lord." replied a shade.

 

 

 

"You!" the necromancer walked into the next room over and saw a lady, chained to a pole, struggling to free herself.

 

 

 

"Necromancer! I will have you killed when i escape!"

 

 

 

"My royal highness, the royal family shall all die. You saw your husbands body, did you not?"

 

 

 

The queen struggled with the chains, trying to hit the necromancer.

 

 

 

"I had my shade kill him slowly. He slit it so slow, covering the kings mouth so no one could hear his screams."

 

 

 

The queen tried at the necromancer again.

 

 

 

"Here is the shade who killed your husband."

 

 

 

The shade walked in and a sound like a laugh could be heard. She writhed against the pole as the shade stared her in the eye, his glowing yellow eyes making her blind. She looked away.

 

 

 

"And here to kill you, in the slowest way he can, is the zombie form of your husband."

 

 

 

The king walked out. His head was held in place only by stitches and he had a pointed rock in his hand. The necromancer watched, and savored the screams as the queens skin was slowly peeled off.

 

 

 

 

 

Varrock's newspaper was having a field day with the death of the king and his bodies mysterious disappearance, as well as the queen disappearing. Reconstruction on the city was beginning and the temporary ruler, the kings advisor and librarian, Reldo, was declaring that the fights would continue after the threat was gone. The arena was placed away in a storage house.

 

 

 

Blood was everywhere and dead bodies littered the ground. People lost their families and many lost their homes. There seemed to be no hope until a letter arrived from Falador, declaring that they were going to wage war against the zombies...

 

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

Archimage is my only fan? Where is everyone? Anyone congrats to me for hitting 100 posts on this topic and thanks to Archimage who has brought a great feature to these stories...his news segments. I would love to see those as often as you can bring them out. Anyway...I have decided that since we have all been reading my serious stories i would end them with my favorite runecape humor videos. One of my fav's:

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will leave you with that and will start doing that so some of the violence and terribleness of my story wanes off. See you next chapter people.

"It starts as a field crawling with graves and zombies."

 

 

 

"That will be a slight advantage for them, don't you think?"

 

 

 

Best line...Lets see...liked the ideas and the video was pretty cool. Did sort of take some of serouisness away from it....lol

 

 

 

And now what you have all been waiting for, my supplement that keeps this thread alive. Not the Ten O'clock News!.

 

 

 

Hello I am Archimage A and Welcome to Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

And tonight Not on the News at 10:

 

The Queen has been kidnapped and Reldo has escaped to become temporary king. Is thier any foul play afoot?

 

And unfortunatly the director has decided that we needed to get the necromancer in...Details on how this went later.

 

 

 

And thats all tonight, Not on the News at 10.

 

(Pictures and words may have been distorted to hide their true meaning.)

 

 

 

 

First up we have an incredible turn of events. Reldo has escaped from the mental home where he has been living for the past few hours, and the Queen has been kidnapped. What is your take on this Reldo?

 

Well I personally think that we ARE guility. When I look back at events I can see that SHE had IT COMING. However on terms of my rise to power, I plan to NEVER STEP DOWN.

 

Yes Reldo of course but tell us of your escape.

 

Well it was very easy ONCE I REMOVED THE QUEEN. All I had to do was, with a lengh of bed sheets, GARROT THE GUARDS. Once I was on the ground I TORCHED THE BUILDING and escaped.

 

Wow so it was a very dangerous.

 

Oh yes at any time I could have been caught. Then there would have been MORE DEATH ON THEIR PART.

 

Thank you Reldo you have been very incrim...I mean Enlightening.

 

Hey what the, Is that a sword. Help!! Hel....

 

 

Yes that Reldo a truely bad person. Now then are on a quest to bring you ONLY the facts. So we tracked down the Necromancer, unfortunally things did not turn out quite as we were hoping.

 

After talking for some hours outside the city gates we convinced him to come into to studio and give us a speical report. This was when things started to go wrong...

 

Fortunately we have a special VIDEO report.

 

Please note that there is a high quality and low quality stream...they are pretty similar except that the low quality one is 2 MB and the high quality one is 17MB... Each is 12 seconds long, and show the same things...its only for the people who want a slightly better quality...Please also note that if you have a terrible computer like mine...that crashes when you open a file....then it would be safer not to do anything and...I don't know ask someone else what happened...

 

 

Low Quality

 

High Quality

 

 

 

Archimage Studios was unfortunately extremely damaged in the blast. Even my Gold plated runed door was melted to slag...Also if you were watching very closely...or you have nothing better to do you might have seen that the elbow and leg joints disappeared...this is typical of the Necomancers power...its was only my sheer magic power that ment I could cast the teleportation spell, on myself and one of the guards...

 

We would also like to publish top down view of Archimage Studios before the blast...all those wishing to lay wreaths need to do it quickly because the New Archimage Studios will have Mazer Guns and lots of powerful defenders...for this we would like to thank all those who have pushed our ratings through the roof.

 

[hide=Top down of studio]

 

 

[/hide]

 

Anyway this has been Archimage A. That has been Archimage A's Caravan behind us. And you have been paying through the teeth...Until next time!

 

 

 

 

 

_______

 

For anyone that wishes to log a complaint....Please remember that this took over 6 hours to do...and you are getting it for free...So I would like to redirect you to another page...But I can't because its not user friendly....So its against the rules...

 

[hide=so the long and short of it]Day after Day I am disappointed! I have every right to complain for my FREE entertainment. MY DISSATISFACTION OVER SOMEONE ELSES CREATION WILL BE HEARD

 

Its not like I can go away and make my own, I am being FORCED to watch it.[/hide]

 

 

 

[hide=So for those people who want to complain]

 

INTRODUCING NEWS SKETCH MICROPAYMENTS. PAY FOR SOMETHING THAT IS EASILY FOUND FOR FREE ELSE WERE....only those with a smug sense of superoity need apply...[/hide]

Your supplements keep this thread alive? I mean you ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEMS TO HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT THE STORY...I have not seen one other person tell me there thoughts. And though your news segments are basically a whole addition to the snake and noob stories they are not the main course. And by the way, NEXT CHAPTER!

 

 

 

CHAPTER 7:THE WAR BEGINS

 

 

 

Varrock was in ruin. People were holding their dead children in their hands and Archimage gave silent prayers for them. Snake thought that the way the shades attacked was completely stupid. They killed more people than should have been killed. The shades would pay.

 

 

 

Reldo took Snake and Archimage into his castle for a discussion over lunch.

 

 

 

"I have heard the plan. How are you going to pull it off?" Reldo asked.

 

 

 

"Uhhh...I wonder. Reldo we are going to run into the fray and start [bleep] slapping them until they give. Give me a break we are gonna fight our way to the necromancer and kill him." Snake said.

 

 

 

"And you are going to surround them."

 

 

 

"Yeah. Not from the south though because as I have told you before, that swamp is full of nasty stuff."

 

 

 

"I got you. Oh, there is our lunch."

 

 

 

An exquisite soup and bread was served. Snake took a sip and thought it tasted half way decent.

 

 

 

"Anyway we have the ships docked over in the river Salve. That should take the men to the ocean."

 

 

 

"It will. Thanks for the lunch but we better get over to Morytania before the enemies get to strong."

 

 

 

"What are you talking about? You two have not even finished your soup!"

 

 

 

"It's a full moon tonight. We have to get to the ghost town because we sure as hell are not going to set up camp in the werewolve town."

 

 

 

"Oh. Be careful you two."

 

 

 

"Don't worry about us. You better worry about yourself. I know there is going to be a murder attempt on you sometime."

 

 

 

"How would you know?"

 

 

 

"Would you doubt me after everything that has happened?"

 

 

 

Snake and Archimage left and got to the river Salve within an hour where the white knights were working on there fighting. Across the river, zombies could be seen roaming around. Snake caught the eye of one but the zombie looked the other way.

 

 

 

"It is time men. Prepare yourselves!" Snake took out his sword. It was some type of odd dragon sword with a snake engraved on it. The snake looked like he was slithering around the sword. Snake started to hurdle people onto the ships and saw Sir Amik Varze.

 

 

 

"Good luck sir." Said Snake.

 

 

 

"I hopefully won't be needing it." Snake and Amik shook hands and Snake then cut the ropes to the ships and watched them depart. Archimage was leading his men to the slayer castle. Snake and his men got over the bridge and stopped as zombies turned to attack them. Everyone drew their swords and Snake stopped them. They sat their and when the zombies came close and started attacking the soldiers, they were brutally mauled by the first row of Snakes soldiers and did not escape to the second row of soldiers.

 

 

 

Snake then told his men to kill. They all attacked the zombies and the zombies then receded. A giant monster with five eyes and so much flesh, some was dragging on the ground appeared form the swamps and took out a giant ax. It swiped at Snake Snake dodged and cut its left knee. It screamed and blood leaked from its knee. It then tried to chop Snake in half. Snake backstepped and cut off its arm. A volley of arrows then came from the sky. They stabbed the creatures back and the creature slumped to its knees and died.

 

 

 

Snake looked awound and saw no enemies. He and his men walked to Canfis. In Canfis, the necromancer sat on one of the buildings and all the werewolve people were in their werewolve form. It was three in the afternoon but dark in the land of Zamorrack.

 

 

 

"Snake, I have been expecting you..."

 

 

 

 

 

In Falador, the shades were killing all the guards. People screamed and wondered why the shades were there in broad daylight. The shades destroyed buildings and began to burn the white knights castle when eagles appeared in the sky.

 

 

 

"The eagles are coming!" Yelled a short person with big feet.

 

 

 

"Whats your name, I have never seen you before."

 

 

 

""My name is Bimbo Blaggins."

 

 

 

"Were you in some story or something?"

 

 

 

"Maybe."

 

 

 

A shade stuffed the short person into a barrel and threw him down a river.

 

 

 

"The White Knights castle was burned down and the shades used the civilians left as slaves to recreate the castle into the ultimate castle of darkness.

 

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

I have a game for you. Find the reference. In the story I referred to another story. What was it. (Hint: It is a popular book)

 

no more runescape vid today...wait till tomorrow.

*Groan* That means I have to make a new news update...

 

Ummmm lets see my News segements are the Comic relief...If they wern't there then Snake and Archimage(since noob is dead), would probably still be in the castle because no one would have replied...And if i just wrote yeah it was good, after every post you wouldn't pay a huge deal of attention to it...The supplements give the illusion of a long and different responce each time. Anyway avoiding the argument....

 

 

 

 

 

__________

 

Hello I am Archimage A and Welcome to Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

And tonight Not on the News at 10:

 

The Queen Returns, could this be a sign of a new order?

 

And "On the Road with Archimage" Our special report into the slayer castle offensive.

 

 

 

And thats all tonight, Not on the News at 10.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thats right, our great Queen returns. Now then lets see what she has to say about the recent events.

 

 

 

BRAINS!!!!!!Errr yes, I err I have been talking with the Necromancer, and I have discovered something Shocking...Reldo is the Devil incarnate...It is very shocking I know, but please stay in your homes, don't make contact with anyone, and more importantly than anything leave your windows open so the shades can get it.

 

 

 

You want us to let the shades into our homes?

 

 

 

Yes they are here to protect us.

 

 

 

So why were they killing our children and us?

 

 

 

The only people that were killed were those who Reldo had been influencing. We had to make sure there wasn't a full blown roit on our hands.

 

Well thank your Queen, I think the evidence speaks for itself, I urge you to bolt your windows closed, carry holy water when you go outside, and more importantly than ever donate money to us. Now then moving on to our speical report. Archimage are you there?

 

 

 

Yes Archimage I am here. Hows mum?

 

 

 

Yes she is fine. So how has the campaign been going.

 

 

 

Well not to bad, we have run into alot of leeches and one vampire. Fortunately I was able to protect most of the troops. Its a sad day when someone dies.

 

 

 

I feel your pain, one of our Guards died earlier...Whats that behind you!!?

 

 

 

JESUM CROW! What is that....Wait I know what it is!!! Everyone sheild your eyes.

 

 

 

Archimage, ARCHIMAGE!!! From what I can see on the camara Archimage is casting wave after wave of enchanted arrows up into the beasts eyes. Yes the blood is erruping in great torrents.

 

 

 

Attack!!!!!

 

 

 

The entire group is attacking with an almost frenzied...Someone has knocked the camera over....I have a nice view of two chipmunks....And they are....thats all the time we have see you next time on Not the Ten O'clock News.

*Groan* That means I have to make a new news update...

 

Ummmm lets see my News segements are the Comic relief...If they wern't there then Snake and Archimage(since noob is dead), would probably still be in the castle because no one would have replied...And if i just wrote yeah it was good, after every post you wouldn't pay a huge deal of attention to it...The supplements give the illusion of a long and different responce each time. Anyway avoiding the argument....

 

 

 

 

 

__________

 

Hello I am Archimage A and Welcome to Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

And tonight Not on the News at 10:

 

The Queen Returns, could this be a sign of a new order?

 

And "On the Road with Archimage" Our special report into the slayer castle offensive.

 

 

 

And thats all tonight, Not on the News at 10.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thats right, our great Queen returns. Now then lets see what she has to say about the recent events.

 

 

 

BRAINS!!!!!!Errr yes, I err I have been talking with the Necromancer, and I have discovered something Shocking...Reldo is the Devil incarnate...It is very shocking I know, but please stay in your homes, don't make contact with anyone, and more importantly than anything leave your windows open so the shades can get it.

 

 

 

You want us to let the shades into our homes?

 

 

 

Yes they are here to protect us.

 

 

 

So why were they killing our children and us?

 

 

 

The only people that were killed were those who Reldo had been influencing. We had to make sure there wasn't a full blown roit on our hands.

 

Well thank your Queen, I think the evidence speaks for itself, I urge you to bolt your windows closed, carry holy water when you go outside, and more importantly than ever donate money to us. Now then moving on to our speical report. Archimage are you there?

 

 

 

Yes Archimage I am here. Hows mum?

 

 

 

Yes she is fine. So how has the campaign been going.

 

 

 

Well not to bad, we have run into alot of leeches and one vampire. Fortunately I was able to protect most of the troops. Its a sad day when someone dies.

 

 

 

I feel your pain, one of our Guards died earlier...Whats that behind you!!?

 

 

 

JESUM CROW! What is that....Wait I know what it is!!! Everyone sheild your eyes.

 

 

 

Archimage, ARCHIMAGE!!! From what I can see on the camara Archimage is casting wave after wave of enchanted arrows up into the beasts eyes. Yes the blood is erruping in great torrents.

 

 

 

Attack!!!!!

 

 

 

The entire group is attacking with an almost frenzied...Someone has knocked the camera over....I have a nice view of two chipmunks....And they are....thats all the time we have see you next time on Not the Ten O'clock News.

 

 

 

 

 

It is now time for an updated picture of what is going on. If you can not see anything that is because there is blood all over the camera. Oh, there is bill the camera man, I would know is voice anywhere.

 

 

 

Yes I am here Bob and I seem to be in the middle of an epic battle for the fate of runescape. God, I come out cuz my boss tells me to get the camera and now I am soaked in blood and guts. Oh, look at that a couple cute chipmunks...Oh God...They are biting my face. My eyes! My ears! Please save meeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

 

 

We seem to have lost his signal and when someone dies on camera you know your watching the 6:02 news.

 

 

 

Come on down

 

watch the news

 

Blood and guts abound

 

Make sure you bring some popcorn

 

And earplugs to plug up those awful sounds

 

OF SCREAMS

 

BLEED BLEED BLEED

 

THE NEWS IS A SOURCE OF ALL THE LATEST VIOLENCE.

 

SONG TITLES ABOUND

 

ROTTING CORPSES SHOWN ON PUBLIC TELEVISION?

 

HELL YA SAVE A SEAT FOR THE

 

news news

 

holy moly its the 6:02 news

 

news news

 

education abounds

 

today what is the main story?

 

 

 

Today the main story is the conquering of Falador. For this story we saved a small man from a barrel and asked a shade to give his opinion. Now Mr. Bimbo, how are you today?

 

 

 

Wheres the dragon?

 

 

 

What are you talking about...where are you? Oww, my head. What the hell do you think your doing?

 

 

 

Where is seagull?

 

 

 

Don't have one clue or the other. Now lets talk to the shade.

 

 

 

How are you?

 

 

 

Doing fine thanks.

 

 

 

Good because you want to feel good the day you die.

 

 

 

Are we running out of time? We still have 49 minutes left? O.K then over to sports.

 

 

 

Well in the world of gnome ball the trees lost to the trunks. And the leaves lost to the branches. And here to give his rousing opinion is a garden gnome who has been traveling around the world finding great deals.

 

 

 

Damn that Shatner! He is now the karate kicking guy who took my job! I hate you!

 

 

 

Thanks for your opinion. Well lets go back to bob.

 

 

 

I know my wife wants to divorce me! I hate her with my life, the only reason i married her is because she had money. Hell no this job does not pay enough! I hate this job with my life I mean look at where I am today! I live right next to the busiest road in Runescape and all those damn people coming into my house. My wife is a big fat stupid bi...

 

 

 

Uhh sir? We have been rolling through that!

 

 

 

Edit that out.

 

 

 

Sir we cant its live.

 

 

 

Oh uhhh, Shade?

 

 

 

Yes?

 

 

 

Its time.

 

 

 

Yes! HAHAHAHA.

 

 

 

I guess that was the six o two news. Join in tommorow when we talk to Reldo about his plans to get married.See ya.

As your critic....Don't give up your day job...

 

As your friend...Definately don't give up your day job.

 

As an avid reader....GET ON WITH IT!!!

 

 

 

Serouisly...In my opinion you are not cut out to do news reports...you are cut out to write serouis and poweful stories...So stick to that...

 

 

 

One of the major failings...you don't introduce the characters well...Well in my opinion its a very much stand up American Comedic attitude...Not really befitting my British pallet...

 

Thats probably the main thing...American comedians tend to be doing something with there hands, or throwing themselves across the stage to emphasise this that and the other...Where as British Comdians focus on setting the scene through their voice, and through what they say...and through it just being funny what they say...

 

 

 

"I have a nice view of two chipmunks....And they are....thats all the time we have "

 

Is something that an adult audiance will understand without to much prompting. It creates the imagry in their mind and as such doesn't need the back up of physical comedy.

 

Whereas

 

"Oh, look at that a couple cute chipmunks...Oh God...They are biting my face."

 

Is something that a comedian would say, and then run around the stage clutching their nose and their ears and its something you were expecting to happen for a family audiance.

 

 

 

 

 

"We seem to have lost his signal and when someone dies on camera you know your watching the 6:02 news. "

 

Very much something you would hear about an American news station, rather than a British news broadcaster.

 

"I feel your pain, one of our Guards died earlier..." thats it...Its not major its not publised...its something that we don't normally talk about because its not...comedically funny...Its one of those things that fits into the catagory where "Your wife is smacked by a bin lid when she is demostrating how easy it is to put out rubbish...or when a child falls over face first into mud..." Its something that shouldn't be funny but it is in some way...The difference is that when someone dies it normally is only funny if they die in a humorous way...like Litvenkenco(SP) Which people can take the micky out of because he was supposedly posioned by the Russians. And the Russians are known for being the big threat with Atom bombs and such...so we thing its dangerous....So we cover the fear with laughter...

 

 

 

"Edit that out.

 

 

 

Sir we cant its live. "

 

 

 

That is so over used....

 

If you need to say something like that then you can find a convincing way to do it...like them having an arguement with the person in the sound box...and their voice booming back at them...

 

 

 

"NO!!!!!11111!!!!!~!!11!!@!@!!@!!!!@#!@#!@!@$!@!!@!@1 Thats...

 

 

 

(We would like to appologise for the loss of picture quality.)

 

Live.... "

 

 

 

Its something that is funny because its blened the magic of Rs...!!!!!11121@#$@ with the magic of "When T.V. programs lose their transmission but can still send out stupid messages like...We applogise for the loss of picture quality."

 

 

 

Although it will be over done probably...as it already is being..

 

"We appologise for the sudden loss in picture, there has been a slight technical error. Sound will continue as normal. "

 

 

 

 

 

On the whole its just my OPINION but you know what they say give the people what they want...and what I(The People) want is story and ME... :

Well, I am American and you have a point. So I will leave all the news to you and the stories to me. I still can't believe you are the only one who has an opinion about my story. I mean i don't want big flames but I mean there has to be more than me and you paying close attention to these stories. What happened to Powerent? He has played mild roles in some of the stories. It seems I am not foccusing on secondary characters anymore. I want to have another story line after this that is serious/funny and trying to figure out idea's is rough. I really cannot think of a story that is going to be cool and would not suck. I will eventually get a story idea and when I do I will start writing it. No more news segments from me. Swear to whatever you want me to swear to. Thats your field. I will write another chapter eventually, when i get the time.

Woot my 100th post congrats to me. In 1 month i got in 100 posts and thats pretty much counting the Snake and noob stories.

Mwhahahah the power of the people is immense!!!

 

Rats. I was about to post next is 100th....Fiend!

 

 

 

Anyway...Please no more storylines...You have 4 or something on the Go...I don't think I can manage to make many more pictures...Lol

 

Anyway you have all of next week to find other readers because I will be on hoilday at Christian Camp =; Silly place...anyway...Don't feel so bad...People are always flitting in and out of posting...its just the Noverlty has worn off and you are trying to write a Serouis story...People don't really know what to say about a serouis story, so as the Phrase Goes:

 

Say nothing and people will think you are stupid...

 

Say something and people will know you are stupid...and you have bad breath...

 

You just have to watch the watch count...if that doesn't increase except when you look at it then you have a problem...otherwise its just other people with the problem...

my idea is that i will drop the holy grail and the others once this story series is over and find a better storyline that can focus on Archimages past and the Archival library. As you can see, it will be about your character and I would like to include some more people in this story. Come on people! Who wants to be in the story?

your a genius and you write realy serious stories, then archimage does his news thing and makes everything less serious i.e.

 

 

 

YOU BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT

 

 

 

I read the first chapeter when it first came out and i thought it was to narrow and left it at that, now i see somehow you managed to make the whole thing expand out and its amazing, maybe you'll manage to convince me to write again, i dont know, i dont think this would work at all if archimage wasnt elping you along, or, obviously if you didnt start the story,

 

 

 

so now coming to the main part of my message, GET ON WITH IT !!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry about the weekend. No chapters and all that. New chapter today though. Really busy weekend and considering I usually write these at work when there is nothing to do, you won't see many while I am home. Now let us hear more stories of Snake and Archimage in war.

 

 

 

CHAPTER 8:FALADOR TAKEN

 

 

 

Falador was destroyed. The castle was crumbled and in its place was a black castle with the many Zamorakian mages lined up in the front. Why was not known to the slaves who were chained to various things in order for them to rebuild the city into the ultimate city of Zamorack. One teenage kid, about 16 years old, was hiding in the dwarven mines. The dwarfs were preparing a rebellion against the Zamoracks. But as the dwarves marched to the stairs that led into Falador, the army of Zamorack put dynamite in the wall. The ceiling of the cave collapsed and the dwarves were not able to enter Falador.

 

 

 

 

 

"Snake, you have been an enemy of the zamorackians long enough. You would think, that since Zamorack is your father..." The necromancers large yellow eyes peered down at Snake.

 

 

 

"I don't care who the hell my father is! I hate him. He treated me like crap for all those years and when I was exiled from the hellish pits of his land, I was happy and able to start a new life. It was the best feeling ever. I soon became so strong, I could not control myself from killing. But Guthix implanted this jewel in me that will unleash the ultimate demon on Runescape, the demon version of me."

 

 

 

"Well, I will break that jewel then and control you. I control all darkness."

 

 

 

"You break the jewel, you know that you have unleashed the destruction of Runescape. You and everyone on runescape will die and my father will have won."

 

 

 

"How so?"

 

 

 

"My father knew that the jewel will someday break, and when it does, It will transform me. When I kill, the person I kill does not go for judgment in the heavens but is automatically transported to hell."

 

 

 

"Well, I am one of your fathers loyal servants..."

 

 

 

"Do you think he cares? Once you die he will make you a slave like everyone else."

 

 

 

"I am sick of your lies. He would never do that, werewolves, attack!"

 

 

 

Snake took out his sword and cut the legs out from under one of the werewolves. He slaughtered all of them. But, once he killed them all, he saw that he had just killed innocent people who were taken over by the necromancer.

 

 

 

"Look at your pitiful army, I can't believe it got this far without being killed by my zombies. The Falador knights are a very small..."

 

 

 

"Really necromancer?" A spear was thrown in the air and it was stuck in what appeared to be the necromancers shoulder blade.

 

 

 

"Damn, I will kill you for that!" The necromancer pulled the spear out of his shoulder and hurled it at sir Amik Varzes army. It sailed through throwing most of the army in the air. It hit a tree and the tree shattered into splinters. Sir Varze was the last of his army.

 

 

 

Snake jumped onto the roof that the necromancer sat on at lunged at him. The necromancer parried with a bronze dagger. Snake was then frozen as the necromancer said "Wait while I talk, don't let your life be wasted before you hear what happened to Falador and that you wasted your life for nothing."

 

 

 

"What have you done to my city?" asked Varze.

 

 

 

"Only taken it over and made it become the ultimate city of Zamorack. His coffin is even on display and I believe that you Snake, will be the sacrifice to bring him back to life."

 

 

 

"I will not be a sacrifice!"

 

 

 

"Too bad, your stuck are you not? How are you going to escape frozen like that?"

 

 

 

"Like this." Snake appeared in front of the necromancer.

 

 

 

"How the hell?"

 

 

 

"I am Zamoracks son."

 

 

 

Snake lunged again and the necromancer back flipped to his feet. Snake saw magic balls flying and they hit the necromancers back. The necromancers robes burned and his true form was shown.

 

 

 

Amik Varze puked.

 

 

 

Snake held it back and looked into the necromancers yellow eyes. He had four hands, each shriveled and the finger tips were pointed. He had two feet but they were the feet of a spider. He had the most pulled back face ever. He was revolting to look at.

 

 

 

"You have seen my real form. Well this is the last thing you will see Snake!"

 

 

 

Suddenly, the necromancer lunged and plunged his dagger through Snakes armor. Snake screamed as he hit the jewel. The jewel began to spew fire. Snake watched as the necromancer laughed and teleported away. Snake felt a weird sensation and fell off the roof of the house.

 

 

 

Archimage teleported to where Snake was writhing and turned Snake over. Snake screamed. Archimage took out the necessary runes and then ripped Snakes shirt open more, more fire spewed out of the jewel. A diamond. Archimage looked at the diamond ring on his finger, the last remnant of his previous life. He set it down and chanted words. The runes all disappeared and the diamond from Archimages ring flew into the cracked part of Snakes demon Jewel. Archimage stood up and saw that he had sucessfully did the most advanced magic spell ever, the demon seal.

 

 

 

Snake was completely knocked out and Archimage used a huge spell to teleport all the remaining white knights and the white knight corpses to Camelot.

 

 

 

 

 

The funeral procession was long. Fifty white knights had died in a battle that was a diversion. Varrock was destroyed. Falador was taken over. Snake was almost dead. Archimage bowed his head in prayer as the coffins of the heroic White Knights passed by him. Once the procession was over, he took a short walk to Camelot castle and met with King Arthur, who was looking at Snake. Snake was on the round table. Blood was oozing out around the jewel. Snake seemed to be dead.

 

 

 

 

 

In the new Zamorack castle, the necromancer stared at the coffin of Zamorack.

 

 

 

"Soon my god. Soon."

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see I am getting darker and darker. And as you can see, I hinted something about Archimage in this story...next chapter tomorrow and remember, I wanna see you guys tell me how good my serious version of Snake and noob is. Out of 10 being the best what would you give it?

Great Story so far, But I have one question...

 

Is Bluejay still alive? Like I want to be mentioned in the story a little more. Maybe by helping the mages by crafting the runes or anything that I can help with. I can do anything. (Except die, of course :XD: ) Yes, I know im selfish :mrgreen:

 

 

 

Second, How long will this battle last? Many have already lost their lives, and still the Necromancer is strong.

 

 

 

Third, 9/10 :

 

 

 

Fourth, I read all the new parts of the story just don't have time to reply to them. So you can call me a big fan :mrgreen:

 

 

 

And finally, NOOBS DEAD!?!?!?! :shock: :shock:

Great Story so far, But I have one question...

 

Is Bluejay still alive? Like I want to be mentioned in the story a little more. Maybe by helping the mages by crafting the runes or anything that I can help with. I can do anything. (Except die, of course :XD: ) Yes, I know im selfish :mrgreen:

 

 

 

Second, How long will this battle last? Many have already lost their lives, and still the Necromancer is strong.

 

 

 

Third, 9/10 :

 

 

 

Fourth, I read all the new parts of the story just don't have time to reply to them. So you can call me a big fan :mrgreen:

 

 

 

And finally, NOOBS DEAD!?!?!?! :shock: :shock:

 

 

 

 

 

My first thought to this message was, WOW, I have another fan other than Archimage! You are part of the noob police and if i include crazy noobs you know you will be there. I have been trying to fit you into the general story but...your character is not very broad. I will work with him in the future don't worry. Noob is dead and we won't hear from him till later (i.e next chapter). and thanks for rating my story. 9 out of 10 is great. I give my story ***** 5 astericks out of 5. next story tomorrow an like i said, people who like noob will love his RETURN! And another turn of events that will leave people gasping. And I will say this much, it has nothing to do with Archimage. You will wonder what the hell I have done to the story tomorrow when you read my stories biggest twist of fate.

yay! noobs gonna be back! is he gonna be the sacrifice? and what happened to lumby? is snake dead? and last but not least. will the story ever end? :shock:

yay! noobs gonna be back! is he gonna be the sacrifice? and what happened to lumby? is snake dead? and last but not least. will the story ever end? :shock:

 

 

 

1.stories are generally long and yes it will end in a while, this is writing practice for me.

 

 

 

2. Noob will be back and I won't give out to many details on his return.

 

 

 

3. Lumbridge will be talked about next chapter and you will see while lumbridge is not wanted by the Zammys.

 

 

 

4. Why don't you wait till next chapter to hear about Snake? I swear I will write it tomorrow in the afternoon.

everybody remember carter from chapter 3? who was he protecting Snake against? Actually it was the fighters not the necromancer. Because of course Snake is Zammy's sacrifice, sorry for the confusion.

I'm baaaaack! I was working on ShadowBlood, the new story of mine. I am a fan and love to read the series. I would like it to be mentioned more, but powerent will be incorporated into the story, if you have read the newer parts you will know. School starting on Wednesday, less time to be on TIF. I plan on making a new story, using ShadowBlood and 3 other future stories, nonexistent now. "4 champions. 6 battles. Who will you choose: ShadowBlood and its dark weapons, Inferno and his fiery wrath, the Frozen and his goose-bump causing abilities, or the Keepers of Time, the ones of legend who are said to control more than even they think? Take your pick. Let the War of the God Children commence!" You get the picture.

I'm baaaaack! I was working on ShadowBlood, the new story of mine. I am a fan and love to read the series. I would like it to be mentioned more, but powerent will be incorporated into the story, if you have read the newer parts you will know. School starting on Wednesday, less time to be on TIF. I plan on making a new story, using ShadowBlood and 3 other future stories, nonexistent now. "4 champions. 6 battles. Who will you choose: ShadowBlood and its dark weapons, Inferno and his fiery wrath, the Frozen and his goose-bump causing abilities, or the Keepers of Time, the ones of legend who are said to control more than even they think? Take your pick. Let the War of the God Children commence!" You get the picture.

 

 

 

Well know this much, my story will be better. Anyway my next story arc dealing with archimage's past is going slowly. I am trying to make it as interesting as I can. I will give you a preview now...and the very dramatic 9th chapter of the fighting tournament will be out this afternoon. And let me tell you people who think its to long, It is somewhat done. I may finish it earlier to get Archimages story out or write them both at the same time. Man I miss Archimage. Without his news segments the balance in the force of my story is gone and we are plunging to the dark side. Here is the preview of Archimages past:

 

 

 

At seven years old he makes his first kill and is declared the leader of a band of thieves. At 16 he is sent to steal a priceless shield. At 20 his thief camp splits up and he is a loner. His search for a better life takes him to the lost library, where his soul will be pitted against the most powerful demons of hell and his true test will begin.

 

ARCHIMAGES PAST

 

 

 

Coming soon...

Chapter 9 is here and i am sorry for the delay, I was trying to figure out a more dramatic ending to this chapter. So here goes

 

 

 

CHAPTER 9:DEATH AND REBIRTH

 

 

 

Snake was in a bed in Camelot castle. He was writhing in pain as blood gradually seeped out around his demon jewel. Archimage was sitting next to him, watching him become whiter and whiter. It seemed Snake was dead. That night, he died. A marble coffin was made and his body was placed in it. The jewel was disintegrating, due to the demon having no life force to suck on.

 

 

 

The funeral was long. Reldo, Powerent, Archimage, and most of the surviving fighters in the tournament were there. Archimage stepped up and threw a bunch of roses onto his grave. It seemed that there was now no hope to defeating the necromancer.

 

 

 

 

 

Snake looked around the dimly lit pit he was in. Two other people were in it mining coal. Snake walked up to one, only to see that the person was Noob.

 

 

 

"Oh my god! Snake, nice to see you!" Noob tried to hug Snake but Snake shook him off.

 

 

 

"Where in hell am I?" asked Snake.

 

 

 

"A coal pit."

 

 

 

"Where?"

 

 

 

"I thought you knew from the way you asked that question!"

 

 

 

"Oh crap..."

 

 

 

Snake looked up and saw the sky was made of stalagmites and saw that there was lava flowing on the ceiling. None of it fell.

 

 

 

"Is there any way out of this pit?" asked Snake.

 

 

 

"Yeah, through that door guarded by the hellhounds."

 

 

 

Snake looked at the hellhounds and laughed. He then morphed into a hellhound.

 

 

 

"Oh my god, when did you learn to become a scary doggy?" asked Noob stupified.

 

 

 

Snake the hound used his claws to slit the two hellhounds throats and motioned for noob to follow him. The other guy tried to follow but the door closed on him.

 

 

 

Snake morphed back.

 

 

 

"That was awesome!" Yelled Noob.

 

 

 

"You are telling me! I got a lot of power in that form."

 

 

 

Snake looked up and saw Zamoracks castle, where terrible memories of childhood over took him. He remembered the beatings and the harshness. His father was a major [wagon].

 

 

 

Snake and Noob walked up the stairs to the red castle. Then, Snake opened the double doors. Slaves screamed as Snake picked up a DNA encoded sword.

 

 

 

"Zamoracks my father."

 

 

 

Slaves scattered and Snake kicked open the throne room door. He slaughtered the two demon guards and ran at the throne. Zamorack jumped over the throne and sheathed his sword. He attacked at Snake and Snake parried. It was a vicious battle. Noob sat down on the throne and watched. Suddenly, Zamorack lost the crown on his head and instead, it was on Noob.

 

 

 

"Nooo!" yelled Zamorack.

 

 

 

"Hay, cool crown, maybe people will think I'm a player mod!" Noob said.

 

 

 

Snake plunged his sword into Zamoracks stomach.

 

 

 

Zamorach coughed up blood. He was a human. Noob suddenly was wearing a red robe.

 

 

 

"Noob sat on the throne, that makes him a god and the king of hell." said Snake.

 

 

 

Zamorack passed out and he came back, this time in rags.

 

 

 

"How could an imbecile such as yourself take over hell?"

 

 

 

"I sat on the throne. Cool huh? I am now in control of the darkest place anywhere. But I want it to be a little more colorful."

 

 

 

Snake laughed. He had not felt this good since his father had sent him to runescape all those years ago.

 

 

 

"Hay noob?"

 

 

 

"Yeah buddy, you wanna be my advisor?"

 

 

 

"Hell no, I would be to any other king but you, hell no."

 

 

 

"Your loss. Anyways whats up?"

 

 

 

"Make my father work in the coal mines?"

 

 

 

"They wont be coal mines for long!"

 

 

 

"What will they be?"

 

 

 

"Gladiator pits!"

 

 

 

"Cool. I have to watch my father fight like that. And with no god powers!"

 

 

 

Suddenly, Snake felt a lurch and started seeing his legs disappear, then his torso.

 

 

 

"Whats going on Snake?"

 

 

 

"I don't know..."

 

 

 

 

 

The necromancer watched as Snake rose from the dead. He cackled as Snake fell to the ground and hit his head.

 

 

 

"My clumsy slave..."

 

 

 

"What? I'm a slave?"

 

 

 

"Yeah."

 

 

 

"Too bad." Snake punched him in the face and his hood fell back.

 

 

 

"Oh lord, I do not want to see your face anymore!"

 

 

 

Snake was punched by the necromancer and knocked out.

 

 

 

 

 

Archimage watched the necromancer. When Snake was knocked out, the necromancer teleported. Falador, thought Archimage, He is going to resurrect Zamorack.

 

 

 

 

 

Snake awoke in a castle decorated red and looked up to see a knife hanging over him.

 

 

 

"My lord, that is the wrong sacrifice! Here is the sacrifice." A shade was holding Archimages limp body.

 

 

 

"Bring him here."

 

 

 

He was put on a table and the necromancer yelled a spell and then plunged the knife into Archimages stomach.

 

 

 

 

 

THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE NECROMANCER STORY! TODAY, PREPARE FOR THE ULTIMATELY WIERD CONCLUSION! Anyway in other news, I wanna see what you think is gonna happen and if you like what happened to noob. And also I am getting the Archimage story finished as fast as I can. A young Snake story is in the making too...

 

 

 

Another thing I should say is that the fighting tournament saga will continue. The tenth chapter is just the end of the necromancer. I will find some way to tie the stories of Archimages and Snakes past into the saga.

 

 

 

Anyway, as you can see there is still a lot ahead for Snake and Noob in this long and amazingly seriouis story (this chapter was the least serious cause noob was in it!)