Essay Help :O

[Animaslayer]

Hey guys, couldn't really think of anyone else to help me with this as my teacher seems to be pointing me in the wrong direction whenever I ask for help.

 

anyway, I need help with my English essay that my teacher keeps saying needs to meet my target of a B, but this re-draft which I have done is still at a D.

 

I can't remember the questions (stupid me) but it is something like, how does Priestley show the ignorance of Edwardians in their time" or something like that, trying to find it out right now.

[hide=Essay]

This is still a grade D essay. I have added prompts for your next re-draft Connor – more text evidence and analysis needed for your target grade - B grade.

 

An Inspector Calls

 

Priestley's play, 'An Inspector Calls' is a play about a rich, well off family and how they are all involved in the suicide of Eva Smith. It is set in the town of Brumley, an industrial city in the Northern Midlands in 1912, but was first played on stage in 1946, October 1st. In 1912 women were seen as cheap labour and less of a person than a man. The characters include Arthur Birling, Sybil Birling, Sheila Birling, Eric Birling, Edna, Gerald Croft and Inspector Goole. Each of these characters brings something unique to the play, with Mr Birling being the typical Edwardian wealthy male, and Edna being the typical maid.

The first scene is set in a fairly large house with good furniture and silverware, showing the Birling’s wealth. Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene, writing about small details such as cigar boxes to help give the image of a wealthy Edwardian family household. “Cigar box and cigarettes”. The fact that they have a cigar box which shows wealth, they also have cigarettes aswell.

The lighting is set as 'pink and intimate' until the inspector arrives in which it becomes bright and hard. The pink and intimate lighting shows a calm scene, bringing two families together. However the bright and hard lighting seems harsh and interrogating when the inspector arrives. This shows the interrogating nature of the inspector, and how he seems to quickly intrude a family’s life.

Priestley uses Mr Birling and the Inspector as metaphors. Mr Birling is a very narrow minded man and believes in his point of view very strongly, even if he is wrong. A quote showing this is "I say there isn’t a chance of war". This shows his arrogance because he instantly dismisses the fact that there may actually be a chance of war happening, this makes the audience think that Mr Birling is very narrow minded. The Inspector is pretty much the opposite in that he is trying to make people more open minded about their actions, when he says “are you sure you don’t know?”. This asks the characters involved to think hard about what they have done and how it may have affected other people other than just themselves. Is this then like a morality play questioning peoples actions and motives?

Mr and Mrs Birling show a high social class who like to show off their wealth, eg with “cigar box”, which is what many middle class people during that era would do. Sheila and Eric show the new generation who think more about other people. “And if I could help her now I would”, unlike their peers, which is a key thing about coming out of the Edwardian era. For example, Mr Birling doesn’t believe he has any part in Eva's death, but Sheila and Eric are more open minded to how they might have been involved.

Dramatic irony, is when the audience knows something but the characters do not, is shown a lot through Mr Birling. His thoughts are what he strongly believes in, even if he is wrong. An example would be when he says "you'll hear people say war is inevitable. And to that I say - fiddlesticks!" As we all know WW1 started in 1914, 2 years after this play is set. The audience knows this happens and can see Mr Birling's ignorance about how he thinks war is inevitable and how he believes the Titanic is "unsinkable, absolutely unsinkable!", he did this to show the ignorance of the wealthy Edwardians or to use Mr Birling as a metaphor? . Priestley did this to get people to realise that every action you do will have an impact, good or bad, on someone else, which is not what the wealthy Edwardian people believed.

The audience sees foreshadowing from Sheila because she seems to be able to tell what people did in their part of Eva Smith's death. For example, she knows that Gerald already knew her when the inspector questions him. Before he even admits she already knows about it. She also foretells that the inspector already knows all their secrets. "why - you fool - he knows... you'll see". This gives the effect of uneasiness on other characters involved, making them think that the inspector already knows everything, but he wants them to find them out for themselves with a little prompting.

Priestley uses Mr Birling to show the Edwardian social problems. He uses Mr Birling because he thinks of himself and only his self, “no, we won’t”, Explain where this quote comes from – context. E.g. When he is talking to ... in Act... which only amplifies his ignorance. Which is why the poor in those days were left to starve in the streets. He also uses stage directions such as the attention to light detail.

I think the most effective method is using Mr Birling to show the ignorance and arrogance of the Edwardian Era and how people above your status are respected, and the people below are looked upon as vermin. Priestley set the play in 1912 because he felt people needed to change, and take more responsibility for their actions, and know what they do might affect someone else. He did this when the ww2 had just happened, just to prove a point. Because the wars started because of different countries, and England got dragged into it because of what someone else did. What point are you making here? Focus on the play.

 

More needed on Sheila and the Rights of Women. Also make your comments link to the question – How does Priestley show the social concerns of the era?

 

[/hide]

 

I have highlighted what my teacher wrote in red, can anyone give me any example of what to put where highlighted?

 

Thanks in advance.

[sees_all1]

You should give yourself a cool nickname, Connor "The Yellow Dart" Anima. And like, need to double... maybe triple space or something. add in figures 1 and 2 - man eating battery, man eating four batteries. Lastly you need to tape a bribe of a dollar and some spare change to the back.

 

Can't no-one never say I did nothing for the people. :wink:

[Surprise]

What course are you studying firstly?

 

If this is GCSE your teacher is lying... Using quotes and simply paraphrasing the whole damn thing gives you a C grade minimum.

 

 

I will edit this later with suggestions once I'm back from "revising."

[Animaslayer]

What course are you studying firstly?

 

If this is GCSE your teacher is lying... Using quotes and simply paraphrasing the whole damn thing gives you a C grade minimum.

 

 

I will edit this later with suggestions once I'm back from "revising."

 

I thought that too, it would be greatly appreciated, i should be "revising" too lol, and to the guy above, nice contribution but i dont think it will work :P

 

aand yes its GCSE english

[Surprise]

The first scene is set in a fairly large house with good furniture and silverware, showing the Birling’s wealth(Quote no point saying if you won't quote.).

 

Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene. the play right also uses this to indicitate that this is a wealthy Edwardian family household. “Cigar box and cigarettes”.

 

The fact that they have a cigar box which shows wealth, they also have cigarettes aswell. Makes no sense. Re write that and expand your analysis. E.g Showing the audience a Cigar box and cigarettes shows that this family if of substantial wealth. This is because... (expand)

 

That's some help with your first paragraph.

[Animaslayer]

The first scene is set in a fairly large house with good furniture and silverware, showing the Birlings wealth(Quote no point saying if you won't quote.).

 

Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene. the play right also uses this to indicitate that this is a wealthy Edwardian family household. Cigar box and cigarettes.

 

The fact that they have a cigar box which shows wealth, they also have cigarettes aswell. Makes no sense. Re write that and expand your analysis. E.g Showing the audience a Cigar box and cigarettes shows that this family if of substantial wealth. This is because... (expand)

 

That's some help with your first paragraph.

 

cheers bro, just tried to incorporate some of that into my essay, however im not sure how i should approach adding something

 

[hide]

The first scene is set in a fairly large house with good furniture and silverware, showing the Birlings wealth, cigar box and cigarettes This shows wealth because in those times these items were expensive. Simply showing this to the audience puts across a presence of greatness and/or wealth. Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene, writing about small details such as cigar boxes to help give the image of a wealthy Edwardian family household.

[/hide]

 

should i include the highlighted bit, rewrite it, or completly scrap it.

[Zealot]

The first scene is set in a fairly large house with good furniture and silverware, showing the Birlings wealth(Quote no point saying if you won't quote.).

 

Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene. the play right also uses this to indicitate that this is a wealthy Edwardian family household. Cigar box and cigarettes.

 

The fact that they have a cigar box which shows wealth, they also have cigarettes aswell. Makes no sense. Re write that and expand your analysis. E.g Showing the audience a Cigar box and cigarettes shows that this family if of substantial wealth. This is because... (expand)

 

That's some help with your first paragraph.

I would add just a little more. Try and slow down, use more deliberate language. I've never read the particular play you are discussing. That is actually a good though though because I can see something that you may not. Even somebody who hasn't read the play should be able to get a very clear picture of what the main plot points are, and even more importantly what the author was trying to say through the work in question. You are half-remembering the play when you read through your essay, and not recognizing that there are a lot of important details missing from the analysis. I don't say this to be critical--it's something that every writer has to learn to overcome--but I suspect that if you work toward slowing down, being more deliberate, and more thorough, then you will probably be able to get the grade you want just by that virtue.

[Sam]

I'm doing exactly the same essay in English currently.

[Boris5000]

I remember doing this in GCSE, I think I scraped a C in it aswell. Funnily enough I'm doing an English essay right now. And can't help you I am afraid.

[Alistair]

Priestley's play, 'An Inspector Calls' is a play about a rich, well off family and how they are all involved in the suicide of Eva Smith. It is set in the town of Brumley, an industrial city in the Northern Midlands in 1912, but was first played on stage in 1946, October 1st. In 1912 women were seen as cheap labour and less of a person than a man. The characters include Arthur Birling, Sybil Birling, Sheila Birling, Eric Birling, Edna, Gerald Croft and Inspector Goole. Each of these characters brings something unique to the play, with Mr Birling being the typical Edwardian wealthy male, and Edna being the typical maid.

-> Address the question, develop the contextual points.

 

The first scene is set in a fairly large house with good furniture and silverware, showing the Birling’s wealth. Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene, writing about small details such as cigar boxes to help give the image of a wealthy Edwardian family household. “Cigar box and cigarettes”. The fact that they have a cigar box which shows wealth, they also have cigarettes aswell.

-> Don't stick quotes in the middle of sentences. Use them as part of the sentence, e.g. Priestley ensures that a affluent atmosphere is created in the Birling household by including directions on small details such as the 'cigar box and cigarettes'. Develop. Surely the decanter of port is a more obvious example of obnoxious wealth?

 

The lighting is set as 'pink and intimate' until the inspector arrives in which it becomes bright and hard. The pink and intimate lighting shows a calm scene, bringing two families together. However the bright and hard lighting seems harsh and interrogating when the inspector arrives. This shows the interrogating nature of the inspector, and how he seems to quickly intrude a family’s life.

Priestley uses Mr Birling and the Inspector as metaphors. Mr Birling is a very narrow minded man and believes in his point of view very strongly, even if he is wrong. A quote showing this is "I say there isn’t a chance of war". This shows his arrogance because he instantly dismisses the fact that there may actually be a chance of war happening, this makes the audience think that Mr Birling is very narrow minded. The Inspector is pretty much the opposite in that he is trying to make people more open minded about their actions, when he says “are you sure you don’t know?”. This asks the characters involved to think hard about what they have done and how it may have affected other people other than just themselves. Is this then like a morality play questioning peoples actions and motives?

Mr and Mrs Birling show a high social class who like to show off their wealth, eg with “cigar box”, which is what many middle class people during that era would do. Sheila and Eric show the new generation who think more about other people. “And if I could help her now I would”, unlike their peers, which is a key thing about coming out of the Edwardian era. For example, Mr Birling doesn’t believe he has any part in Eva's death, but Sheila and Eric are more open minded to how they might have been involved.

-> You should sort out your paragraphs so that the same points and lines of argument are in the same paragraph. The Inspector is the moral centre of the play, so his questioning acts as prompts for the audience to examine the behaviour of the Birlings and scrutinise their roles as Edwardian citizens.

 

Dramatic irony, is when the audience knows something but the characters do not, is shown a lot through Mr Birling. His thoughts are what he strongly believes in, even if he is wrong. An example would be when he says "you'll hear people say war is inevitable. And to that I say - fiddlesticks!" As we all know WW1 started in 1914, 2 years after this play is set. The audience knows this happens and can see Mr Birling's ignorance about how he thinks war is inevitable and how he believes the Titanic is "unsinkable, absolutely unsinkable!", he did this to show the ignorance of the wealthy Edwardians or to use Mr Birling as a metaphor? . Priestley did this to get people to realise that every action you do will have an impact, good or bad, on someone else, which is not what the wealthy Edwardian people believed.

-> Don't need to explain what dramatic irony is. What we have is hindsight. Because Mr Birling represents the successful Edwardian man, it is through his strict adherence to principles which the audience now know in hindsight are completely fallible that they are made to understand the...etc.

 

The audience sees foreshadowing from Sheila because she seems to be able to tell what people did in their part of Eva Smith's death. For example, she knows that Gerald already knew her when the inspector questions him. Before he even admits she already knows about it. She also foretells that the inspector already knows all their secrets. "why - you fool - he knows... you'll see". This gives the effect of uneasiness on other characters involved, making them think that the inspector already knows everything, but he wants them to find them out for themselves with a little prompting.

Priestley uses Mr Birling to show the Edwardian social problems. He uses Mr Birling because he thinks of himself and only his self, “no, we won’t”, Explain where this quote comes from – context. E.g. When he is talking to ... in Act... which only amplifies his ignorance. Which is why the poor in those days were left to starve in the streets. He also uses stage directions such as the attention to light detail.

-> Make things relevant to the question. Better to develop the strongest points than to add lots of seemingly random ones (such as the attention to light detail). Contrast Sheila against Gerald, and consider what she represents here.

 

I think the most effective method is using Mr Birling to show the ignorance and arrogance of the Edwardian Era and how people above your status are respected, and the people below are looked upon as vermin. Priestley set the play in 1912 because he felt people needed to change, and take more responsibility for their actions, and know what they do might affect someone else. He did this when the ww2 had just happened, just to prove a point. Because the wars started because of different countries, and England got dragged into it because of what someone else did. What point are you making here? Focus on the play.

 

More needed on Sheila and the Rights of Women. Also make your comments link to the question – How does Priestley show the social concerns of the era?

-> I agree with your teacher lol

-> Think about the rights of workers as well. What does Eva Smith herself represent?

[Surprise]

Only give guidance, don't spoon feed him what he needs to know. If we practically tell you what to put in everywhere you won't have a good change of doing well in the exam as you haven't got the internet to consolidate.

[Dupin]

You just drop quotes into the paper. What you need is some sort of introduction to the quotes, like your teacher mentioned. For example, say, "In the second act of the play, when asked X/when X happens, [character] replies, '

.'" You should also include analysis after each quote. The next sentence after my example would read, "By expressing [your understanding of the qoute], the author communicates his idea that [connect to the current DI].

 

If there is some sort of structure, follow it. (What year is this, by the way? I'm assuming GCSE is some wierd foreign thing. Wikipedia says age 14-16, which tells me there definitely is some specific structure you should use.) The way I learned, you need to make the structure clearer.

 

Intro- Introduce the book (Complete identification - full name of author, title, type of work - as well as any important background info). The thesis should be the last sentence and have clear Developmental Ideas (the things you discuss in each body paragraph)

Body Paragraphs - Topic sentece introduces the DI. Include a few lead-in, quote, analysis combos, then conclude if necessary. Repeat about 3 times.

Conclusion- Restate the introduction, especially the thesis, and reach for significance. The RFS should tie your thesis to the themes and ideas at the time of the author.

[Animaslayer]

thanks for all the help guys, as the person above said i wasnt expecting to be spoonfed and im great non of you did that, you just gave guidance on where i should include such things, and where to expand.

 

Also, yes GCSE's are examinations that happen in the UK. 14-16 is right, as I took my maths GCSE 1 year early, shortly after turning 15, and i was proud to get a B in it a year early, but because my school is god damn obsessed with grades, im currently awaiting my newer maths results because i had to retake the test to try and get a A grade. Also it is years 10-11, I'm not sure what this equates to in American "grades" though, sorry

 

I asked for help because i really really suck at PEE (Point, Evidence, EXPLAIN, explain being capitalised because this is where i turn *bleep* at it) so thank you all for helping me on what to explain, and also for the replier who said not to put quotes in the middle of sentences, but from the above mention of PEE, you can see why i put them there. Make a point, give a quote, explain the meaning.

 

thanks to you all and hopefully i'll finally get that English B I have been downgraded to :L

 

 

PS. this is the final version i ended up with, although you all gave good advice, im not that great at english but tried to take on board what you guys have said and also what i have been taught, if you guys think this is worse, then please learn from it (lol)

PSS, the paragraphs are broken, so i put // where they should be

[hide]

An Inspector Calls

 

Priestley's play, 'An Inspector Calls' is a play about a rich, well off family and how they are all involved in the suicide of Eva Smith. It is set in the town of Brumley, an industrial city in the Northern Midlands in 1912, but was first played on stage in 1946, October 1st. In 1912 women were seen as cheap labour and less of a person than a man. The characters include Arthur Birling, Sybil Birling, Sheila Birling, Eric Birling, Edna, Gerald Croft and Inspector Goole. Each of these characters brings something unique to the play, with Mr Birling being the typical Edwardian wealthy male, and Edna being the typical maid etc. //

Priestley ensures the first scene is set with a good wealthy atmosphere, by including stage directions and attention to prop detail, with things such as fine silverware, good furniture, and even going down to very small detail with things such as “cigar boxes”, which were expensive at the time. They are also drinking port, a more expensive drink compared to things such as beer. Simply showing this to the audience puts across a presence of greatness and/or wealth. Also, Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene. The lighting is set as 'pink and intimate' until the inspector arrives in which it becomes bright and hard. The pink and intimate lighting shows a calm scene, bringing two families together. However the bright and hard lighting seems harsh and interrogating when the inspector arrives. This shows the interrogating nature of the inspector, and how he seems to quickly intrude a family’s life. //

Priestley uses Mr Birling and the Inspector as metaphors. Mr Birling is a very narrow minded man and believes in his point of view very strongly, even if he is wrong. A quote showing this is "I say there isn’t a chance of war". This shows his arrogance because he instantly dismisses the fact that there may actually be a chance of war happening, this prompts the audience think that Mr Birling is very narrow minded. The Inspector is pretty much the opposite in that he is trying to make people more open minded about their actions, when he says “are you sure you don’t know?”. This asks the characters involved to think hard about what they have done and how it may have affected other people other than just themselves. The Inspector is also prompting the audience to think about the play’s characters, and their roles in Edwardian society, and asks them to think how the characters went wrong, and what they possibly should have done instead. //

Mr and Mrs Birling show a high social class who like to show off their wealth, eg with “cigar box”, which is what many middle class people during that era would do. Sheila and Eric show the new generation who think more about other people. “And if I could help her now I would”, unlike their peers, which is a key thing about coming out of the Edwardian era. For example, Mr Birling doesn’t believe he has any part in Eva's death, but Sheila and Eric are more open minded to how they might have been involved. //

Dramatic irony is shown a lot through Mr Birling. His thoughts are what he strongly believes in, even if he is wrong. An example would be when he says "you'll hear people say war is inevitable. And to that I say - fiddlesticks!" As we all know WW1 started in 1914, 2 years after this play is set. The audience knows this happens and can see Mr Birling's ignorance about how he thinks war is inevitable and how he believes the Titanic is "unsinkable, absolutely unsinkable!", he did this to show the ignorance of the wealthy Edwardians, and to use Mr Birling as a metaphor for most wealthy Edwardians of the time. Priestley did this to get people to realise that every action you do will have an impact, good or bad, on someone else, which is not what the wealthy Edwardian people believed. //

The audience sees foreshadowing from Sheila because she seems to be able to tell what people did in their part of Eva Smith's death. For example, she knows that Gerald already knew Eva when the inspector questions him. Before he even admits she already knows about it. She also foretells that the inspector already knows all their secrets. "why - you fool - he knows... you'll see". This gives the effect of uneasiness on other characters involved, making them think that the inspector already knows everything, but he wants them to find them out for themselves with a little prompting. //

I think the most effective method is using Mr Birling to show the ignorance and arrogance of the Edwardian Era and how people above your status are respected, and the people below are looked upon as vermin. Priestley set the play in 1912 because he felt people needed to change, and take more responsibility for their actions, and know what they do might affect someone else. He did this when the ww2 had just happened, just to prove a point. Because the wars started because of different countries, and England got dragged into it because of what someone else did. This is metaphorically Eva Smith, and how her death brought in many other characters unsuspectingly. Eg, Sheila making Eva without a job, which led on to more until she committed suicide. Eva, in a way, is like a suffragette. She suffered, and died, just to show people the right way forward, or to put across a strong point of view, just like the “real” suffragettes who fought for the vote, and also how one woman died for it. //

[/hide]

[Zealot]

thanks for all the help guys, as the person above said i wasnt expecting to be spoonfed and im great non of you did that, you just gave guidance on where i should include such things, and where to expand.

 

Also, yes GCSE's are examinations that happen in the UK. 14-16 is right, as I took my maths GCSE 1 year early, shortly after turning 15, and i was proud to get a B in it a year early, but because my school is god damn obsessed with grades, im currently awaiting my newer maths results because i had to retake the test to try and get a A grade. Also it is years 10-11, I'm not sure what this equates to in American "grades" though, sorry

 

I asked for help because i really really suck at PEE (Point, Evidence, EXPLAIN, explain being capitalised because this is where i turn *bleep* at it) so thank you all for helping me on what to explain, and also for the replier who said not to put quotes in the middle of sentences, but from the above mention of PEE, you can see why i put them there. Make a point, give a quote, explain the meaning.

 

thanks to you all and hopefully i'll finally get that English B I have been downgraded to :L

 

 

PS. this is the final version i ended up with, although you all gave good advice, im not that great at english but tried to take on board what you guys have said and also what i have been taught, if you guys think this is worse, then please learn from it (lol)

PSS, the paragraphs are broken, so i put // where they should be

[hide]

An Inspector Calls

 

Priestley's play, 'An Inspector Calls' is a play about a rich, well off family and how they are all involved in the suicide of Eva Smith. It is set in the town of Brumley, an industrial city in the Northern Midlands in 1912, but was first played on stage in 1946, October 1st. In 1912 women were seen as cheap labour and less of a person than a man. The characters include Arthur Birling, Sybil Birling, Sheila Birling, Eric Birling, Edna, Gerald Croft and Inspector Goole. Each of these characters brings something unique to the play, with Mr Birling being the typical Edwardian wealthy male, and Edna being the typical maid etc. //

Priestley ensures the first scene is set with a good wealthy atmosphere, by including stage directions and attention to prop detail, with things such as fine silverware, good furniture, and even going down to very small detail with things such as cigar boxes, which were expensive at the time. They are also drinking port, a more expensive drink compared to things such as beer. Simply showing this to the audience puts across a presence of greatness and/or wealth. Also, Priestley writes a page and a half a page of stage directions to set the right scene. The lighting is set as 'pink and intimate' until the inspector arrives in which it becomes bright and hard. The pink and intimate lighting shows a calm scene, bringing two families together. However the bright and hard lighting seems harsh and interrogating when the inspector arrives. This shows the interrogating nature of the inspector, and how he seems to quickly intrude a familys life. //

Priestley uses Mr Birling and the Inspector as metaphors. Mr Birling is a very narrow minded man and believes in his point of view very strongly, even if he is wrong. A quote showing this is "I say there isnt a chance of war". This shows his arrogance because he instantly dismisses the fact that there may actually be a chance of war happening, this prompts the audience think that Mr Birling is very narrow minded. The Inspector is pretty much the opposite in that he is trying to make people more open minded about their actions, when he says are you sure you dont know?. This asks the characters involved to think hard about what they have done and how it may have affected other people other than just themselves. The Inspector is also prompting the audience to think about the plays characters, and their roles in Edwardian society, and asks them to think how the characters went wrong, and what they possibly should have done instead. //

Mr and Mrs Birling show a high social class who like to show off their wealth, eg with cigar box, which is what many middle class people during that era would do. Sheila and Eric show the new generation who think more about other people. And if I could help her now I would, unlike their peers, which is a key thing about coming out of the Edwardian era. For example, Mr Birling doesnt believe he has any part in Eva's death, but Sheila and Eric are more open minded to how they might have been involved. //

Dramatic irony is shown a lot through Mr Birling. His thoughts are what he strongly believes in, even if he is wrong. An example would be when he says "you'll hear people say war is inevitable. And to that I say - fiddlesticks!" As we all know WW1 started in 1914, 2 years after this play is set. The audience knows this happens and can see Mr Birling's ignorance about how he thinks war is inevitable and how he believes the Titanic is "unsinkable, absolutely unsinkable!", he did this to show the ignorance of the wealthy Edwardians, and to use Mr Birling as a metaphor for most wealthy Edwardians of the time. Priestley did this to get people to realise that every action you do will have an impact, good or bad, on someone else, which is not what the wealthy Edwardian people believed. //

The audience sees foreshadowing from Sheila because she seems to be able to tell what people did in their part of Eva Smith's death. For example, she knows that Gerald already knew Eva when the inspector questions him. Before he even admits she already knows about it. She also foretells that the inspector already knows all their secrets. "why - you fool - he knows... you'll see". This gives the effect of uneasiness on other characters involved, making them think that the inspector already knows everything, but he wants them to find them out for themselves with a little prompting. //

I think the most effective method is using Mr Birling to show the ignorance and arrogance of the Edwardian Era and how people above your status are respected, and the people below are looked upon as vermin. Priestley set the play in 1912 because he felt people needed to change, and take more responsibility for their actions, and know what they do might affect someone else. He did this when the ww2 had just happened, just to prove a point. Because the wars started because of different countries, and England got dragged into it because of what someone else did. This is metaphorically Eva Smith, and how her death brought in many other characters unsuspectingly. Eg, Sheila making Eva without a job, which led on to more until she committed suicide. Eva, in a way, is like a suffragette. She suffered, and died, just to show people the right way forward, or to put across a strong point of view, just like the real suffragettes who fought for the vote, and also how one woman died for it. //

[/hide]

If you have time to do a quick gramar check, that will help a lot. There are places where your tenses don't match up, missing punctuation marks and such. It makes the whole work seem rough. If there's not time, this draft is a bit more clear. Honestly I doubt it will be better than a "C" though. Nonetheless, good luck.

[IGoddessI]

Just to give you a heads up, you should be using the quotes/direct quotes to back up what you're saying, instead of just randomly plonking them in there. :thumbup:

[Hobgoblinpie]

Expand further on points e.g. 'They are also drinking port, a more expensive drink compared to things such as beer' to 'Priestly also writes that they are drinking port, which as an expensive drink in comparison to beer, further aids the notion that they are of higher class and elegance'. Use slightly more verbose language (be extravagant, but not the point of obfuscation). Suggest things, don't be assertive e.g. 'this could suggest' instead of 'this does suggest'. Connotation and denotation - read between the lines. Short punchy sentences can help improve a point. Mise en scène.

[Boris5000]

Remember what the english teachers tell you. To pee all over your work.

[Guy]

Remember what the english teachers tell you. To pee all over your work.

This.

 

You want to set your essay out very clearly. Structure makes it a lot easier to convey the point you are trying to make. At the moment your essay has quite vague points, you really want to work on setting out very clearly on what you are going to talk about in a specific paragraph - it really does make it a lot easier to write. You might also want to run it through a spelling/grammar checker before handing it in - there are a few grammatical mistakes.

 

Point - What is your paragraph about? Introduce it, but don't go into detail, and no quotes.

Evidence - Quotes. I know it's sometimes hard to find them, I for one hate trawling through a book to find them - but they are needed if you want that A/B grade. If it's a general theme throughout the play, you can paraphrase, but ideally you'd have a quote.

Analysis/Explain - Explain why the quote proves the point you are trying to make. This is your place to shine, but evidence is essential.

 

Out of interest, are you in Y10 or 11?

[Jimmyw3000]

Dude, if you dont know the title, and hence the question, you're screwed. The only way to get decent marks is to use the ancient art of reading and answering the question.

 

its gonna be hard to write stuff for you and relate it to your essay if we dont know the focus.

 

your teacher's last comment is the one you need to focus on.

 

 

Anyway, to ensure all your paragraphs relate to the question is to use 'topic' and 'tail' sentences.

[das1330]

Even though the essay is already done, for the future you should avoid the passive voice like it's the plague and work on your introductory paragraph - it lacks a clear thesis statement, and without one the essay seems to meander rather then directly addressing whatever the prompt might be.

[Rainy_Day]

Unfortunately here on Tip.it we do not allow people to ask for help with their homework. It is meant to be the work of yourself, not the work of other people.