Zombie Plans - Revised (Revised)

[The_Mather1]

Firstly the zombie outbreak would take long enough to spread to give me a week or so to prepare.

Secondly the zombies would not try to tear apart a house just because they saw someone enter it, at worst they may tackle the wall a few times.

Thirdly zombies lack long-term memory (if not memory at all), they are not going to stay around when they can't see me.

 

The still is just disassembled and in my garage, it takes no more than 5 minutes to set up.

The stairs are well-made, but there's nothing a crowbar or a sledgehammer can't do to that in at most an hour.

McDonald's is 5 minutes away when travelling on foot, five minute drive to the second closest and a ten minute drive to the third and closest Burger King. At the second closest I could pick up some weapons as well.

The barrels are a 45 minute drive way at my cabin and hold more than a month's supply each, I would get our water pump and rifle scope at the same time.

There's a creek a mere 30 seconds from here and we have enough hoses to cover that distance.

The solar panels might be harder to get but I think I should be able to find some at the our internet/TV/electricity supplier whose closest office is a 10 minute walk from here, if not then they likely have some at the closest all-purpose hardware shop. (Just checked, there is one nearby that carries solar panels and has them in store.)

 

And here we generally don't use central heating (nor remote), being in a sub-arctic region we instead have higher requirements for isolation, though the still and the mobile oil radiator would keep the house warm anyways.

[Retech]

Premise: Mather becomes the father of a new human race and the world is turned into conflict between a surviving group of government officials and scientists that managed to actually defeat the zombie apocalypse and a large horde of musculus mutant creatures created as a result of having such a small gene pool and interbreeding.

 

From the point of the scientists, where they discover a bulkier form of zombie start taking over the Earth with some sort of sentience.

[Nexaduro]

Firstly the zombie outbreak would take long enough to spread to give me a week or so to prepare.

Secondly the zombies would not try to tear apart a house just because they saw someone enter it, at worst they may tackle the wall a few times.

Thirdly zombies lack long-term memory (if not memory at all), they are not going to stay around when they can't see me.

 

The still is just disassembled and in my garage, it takes no more than 5 minutes to set up.

The stairs are well-made, but there's nothing a crowbar or a sledgehammer can't do to that in at most an hour.

McDonald's is 5 minutes away when travelling on foot, five minute drive to the second closest and a ten minute drive to the third and closest Burger King. At the second closest I could pick up some weapons as well.

The barrels are a 45 minute drive way at my cabin and hold more than a month's supply each, I would get our water pump and rifle scope at the same time.

There's a creek a mere 30 seconds from here and we have enough hoses to cover that distance.

The solar panels might be harder to get but I think I should be able to find some at the our internet/TV/electricity supplier whose closest office is a 10 minute walk from here, if not then they likely have some at the closest all-purpose hardware shop. (Just checked, there is one nearby that carries solar panels and has them in store.)

 

And here we generally don't use central heating (nor remote), being in a sub-arctic region we instead have higher requirements for isolation, though the still and the mobile oil radiator would keep the house warm anyways.

Firstly, if it took that long we'd have won easily.

Secondly, it would be a constant press to get as close to the food as possible. Like Walmart on a discount day, but with zombies.

Thirdly, so zombies can only see? Doesn't that defy EVERY CONVENTION OF THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE EVER?

 

Still sounds fine, stairs sound fine though you would probably have to board up the upstairs staircase entrance (this is assuming breaking the stairs wouldn't compromise the structural integrity of the house, which is a distinct possibility), McDonald's might wonder why you're buying so much food (and it's not as if they can give you their whole stock all at once, nor would they) assuming the employees didn't just bolt with all the supplies, barrels seem okay, hoses would very much rely on no zombies ever walking on or near them (as well as various environmental conditions, wouldn't they stop working when it's freezing outside?), solar panels would be next-to-useless covered in ice and snow and cleaning might be difficult in Winter (assuming it didn't hail, and other conditions didn't just break them), I assume you mean insulation and WOULD YOU NOT RUN OUT OF OIL?

[The_Mather1]

A zombie outbreak is most likely to start in a densely populated area, in other words far away from Norway.

They're not going to be constantly walking into a wall like those videogame characters that don't stop walking when they hit something.

My house is not made of glass, they won't be able to see me when I'm inside.

 

The stairs are not part of the load-bearing structure, the only thing they're holding up is the roof of the downstairs staircase which incidentally is the very same boards as the steps themselves.

It's not like they'd stop me from buying a hundred burgers, sure, they'd be confused but why deny profit?

Moving water doesn't freeze, I just have to set up the pump.

The roof is easy to access from the garage roof which again is easy to access from my sister's roof. Though I could just mount them on the south wall, they would actually get more sun and be more protected there.

Yes I did mean insulation and I meant a radiator that heats up oil using electricity, not an oil-fueled water radiator.

[Nexaduro]

Or... It could start in Norway where nobody ends up hearing about it until too late, but point taken.

Zombies would probably try to just push on an obstacle that they can't go around, zombies aren't videogame characters but they aren't humans either. Whatever.

Mather, you are missing my point. Humnans have five senses, not one. And aren't zombies supposed to have a MASSIVELY enhanced sense of smell?

 

Okay, sure.

You seem to have some misconceptions on modern human commerce. I guarantee that no fast food restaurant would just say 'sure, whatever' when you try to order hundreds of frozen burgers. Assuming they have that much in stock. And if you try to order that many cooked meals, even if they do accept, you'll probably be making the other customers wait long enough that some unamused individual calls the cops or management. Finally, even if McDonald's food remains edible as long as it doesn't decompose, it is completely lacking in the necessary nutrition to sustain a human being. All it really has is calories.

You also seem to have some misconceptions on the wonders of fluid dynamics. Floating chunks of ice could very well displace the hose, the creek near my house regularly freezes on the surface in Winter, and you didn't address the other problems (I suppose you could just make a rigid plastic coat along the path of the hose, but that would take a while and tools you likely don't have access to).

Solar panels can be quite fragile, but I do suppose that careful maintenance and luck could keep them intact.

Are you saying said oil would never need to be replaced? I'm unfamiliar with the workings of such a device, but doubtless it requires some sort of maintenance.

[The_Mather1]

Even if zombies had an impossibly sensitive sense of smell, they won't stand around for much more than a day, they may lack the brains to give up but their instincts will tell them that it's a lost case.

 

This isn't America, people here don't involve the authorities over minor inconveniences, and even if they did the authorities wouldn't do anything. And why would the management care? There's no difference between selling 1 burger to 100 people and selling 100 burgers to 1 guy. And the burgers are so propped full of preservatives that they can easily last longer than a dog lives, the only way to get anything that lasts longer would be to import canned food from Russia. Also they're not just empty calories, they do contain a lot of proteins as well.

 

As I said, I use a pump. Big deal if a zombie blocks it by stepping on it, it'll just resume flowing afterwards. And by securing the end of the hose underwater, I can be sure that it doesn't move or suck in ice.

 

It requires no maintenance whatsoever, it's just an electric heater that uses the same design as any other radiator in order to better distribute the heat and oil as a medium because it can be heated more than water.

[Ieyfura]

Having worked at a McDonalds, I can tell you right now that making 100 burgers would take no more than 5-8 minutes. Aside from it lacking nutrients he may need, he is correct to assume that getting those burgers will be very, very easy, and fast.

[archimage_a]

'Hey, Dennis, I know the zombie appocolypse is starting and all that, but you still need to go into work today, what if the zombies need hamburgers.'

 

Ok, premise one:

~Outbreak happens in a densely populated area and thus Norway is safe for several weeks.

 

If this occured then Norway would be safe for several years and you would be deemed an idiot for smashing your staircase apart, spending...720 US Dollars on 100 hamburgers (Probably a slight over estimation, since this is the price of a Big Mac, according to the Big Mac index) and generally barricading yourself in your house.

 

Also, if the Zombie invasion was that bad in the rest of the world, chances are you would be called up for national service...because, you know, you aren't the only person in Norway.

 

 

Premise two:

~There is no offical responce...by anyone...

 

The overwhelming likelihood is that, unless there was a targeted attack on all the world leaders and population centers in all countries (Including Norway), as well as internet exchances, phone exchanges, media centers...in conjunction with the destruction of mobile phone masts, electrical power stations, substations, reserviours and other key ammenities...Life would go on.

 

In this respect we have to treat the Zombie Invasion in the same way as we would treat a regular invasion...Which would mean people getting called up, traitors, such as you, getting shot or imprisoned, and martial law being declared.

 

Simply put...there would be an offical responce and you would die if you tried to 'weather the zombie storm' on hamburgers and distilled water.

 

Premise three:

~The Zombie hoard never amounts to more people than you could kill with a sword.

Let us take a look back at history, back before Hollywood and the Musket made war seem unending...back to the time of swords.

In the first instance a sword does not instantly kill in every instance. A person, or zombie, can be struck down and still have the capacity to bite you in the leg. If we assume you are in a full body suit then this would suffer wear and tear over time (Say a year or so), but you would effectively be safe.

In the second instance battles were not fought as one contagious lump, they were broken up into periods of fifteen to thirty minutes, then both sides would nominally withdraw for a similar period, and then rejoin the fight.

In the third instance, which Hollywood and the Musket have not destroyed, is the idea that you don't have to die to fall over. Indeed slippery grass (from blood, water, whatever) may cause you to fall over. Similarly weight of numbers may force you to the ground. Once you are on the ground you main advantage over Zombie kind, your speed, is reduced, allowing them to swarm you.

In the forth instance, you are fighting a war of attrition...If we accept that premise that there was no offical responce and you built your fort...Then you are one person against near five Million.

 

Premise four:

~Zombies possess no intellect.

 

In the first place this is absolutely basely for real life, only in films, where intellect is largely derivative of how the director wants the scene to play out.

 

In the second place if they have no intellect then we would assume they had instinct of some describable value...Now, they are predators which puts them in the bracket of dogs, cats and other animals that hunt. In which case they would hunt solitarily, until they formed packs, and would possess extremely rudimentary strategy and tactics.

For example, dogs sometimes hunt in triangles, or squares...they don't rove aimlessly until they see a rabbit, they will focus on territory likely to contain a rabbit.

Further, if you have a dog, and you mime throwing a ball for it, the dog will, dutifully, go off looking for it, unaware of your trick. If you carry on doing this (Either that or my dog is singularly gifted) the dog will...I hestitate to use the word...But will 'reason' that you aren't throwing the ball, and thus will circle you, looking for the ball.

Further still, a pack of animals are often capable of taking down a larger animal, such as an elephant, through rudimentary teamwork.

If we go EVEN FURTHER, we can imagine that, while the Zombie causing thing annhilates higher brain function, it could merely reduce us to the level of chimps...Zombies are often portrayed as being able to use tools of various kinds, they are sometimes portrayed as being curious about things, such as executive toys...

 

So, if we assume that Zombies have a predators instinct, then your argument falls down, since they might deem you 'too difficult' to begin with, but would eventually come after you, en masse.

 

 

We could, alternatively, assume, that they have the instinct of cows or sheep, instead. If we assume this then the zombies mill about, don't feel any strong need to do anything and are generally placid.

This has the benefit of allowing you to stay in your house, but would make Zombies totally inadequate for actually invading humanity, unless controlled by some power, in which case your argument that Zombies are unintelligent and therefore you would be fine falls down...yet again...Since, they would have targetted Norway as well for their global zombification plans...Unless they weren't planning on global zombification, in which case your plan falls down again because they wouldn't attack Norway...

So unless...The Zombies had a Cow like intellect, and where released by a controlling body, everywhere except Norway, and the controlling body was also destroyed by the zombies (Which would imply massive ineptitude on their part to be killed by, effectively, a herd of cows), your entire premise here falls down totally.

 

Premise four:

~Nothing, but Nothing, goes wrong.

This, like the whole 'I need my gun to scare off/shoot burglers' debate way back when, is incredibly silly.

Firstly, you are not living alone...so far as I know.

Your parents, sister, other relatives, could get infected...obviously wouldn't tell you because you would shoot them(as a guess)...it would depend on the latancy of the virus/whatever.

Your parents/whatever may take exception to you 'removing the stairs' because of 'riots' in London. (Its highly unlikely that it would be reported as 'Zombie Outbreak' straight away...Even in today's world of facebook and such the rumour would take a while to propagate.)

 

Assuming you don't try to rip out the stairs everytime there is rioting anywhere around the world...I would assume that by the time you 'knew' there was a zombie invasion other people would 'know' and thus other people would be preparing...and with the growth of Solar Panels in the modern world, chances are people would rush there to take them.

Would also say that its likely people would flee (People always flee for no discernable reason...or discernable place...in films...), so chances are there would be accidents on the roads.

 

Taking down the stairs...Ok, I have never had to take down the stairs...I would assume it would take longer than an hour to do properly (For instance, collecting all the necessities from downstairs...Washing implements for hygine and such).

And once they are down (yes you can get back downstairs in various ways, but all of them are more time consuming and less simple) you can't easily put them back up.

 

Also would have to trace fatigue, and decision making...Obviously we can assume, here, that either the zombie invasion will happen today or next week, our decision has no real bearing on anything...But if it actually were to happen you would either have to be foolhardy, or would be second guessing yourself all the time, which might lead you to make bad decisions.

 

 

 

 

 

Ultimately, though, no battle plan survives contact with the enemy...You could prepare till you were blue in the face, chances are something would go wrong, and your plan has no real robustness...If zombies are intelligent, or you need of Vitamin K (Go remembering watching House) which isn't supplied from Hamburgers (Or any number of other dodads that are required and you don't get from only eating one type of food.)

[The_Mather1]

You seem to think only the extremes may happen, remember there's a difference between "riots" and an entire city being "massacred by feral madmen".

 

Also the general portrayal of zombies is a sheep-like level of intelligence (basically a full-retard hivemind ("That guy's doing something, let's follow him.")) and the hunting instinct of badgers ("CHAAAAAAAAARRGE! BIIIIIIITE!").

 

And as a reminder: NOTHING can bite through a kevlar motorcycle suit (except perhaps a shark, but that's due to their serrated teeth).

[Nexaduro]

You seem to think only the extremes may happen, remember there's a difference between "riots" and an entire city being "massacred by feral madmen".

 

Also the general portrayal of zombies is a sheep-like level of intelligence (basically a full-retard hivemind ("That guy's doing something, let's follow him.")) and the hunting instinct of badgers ("CHAAAAAAAAARRGE! BIIIIIIITE!").

 

And as a reminder: NOTHING can bite through a kevlar motorcycle suit (except perhaps a shark, but that's due to their serrated teeth).

And ANYTHING as big as you are and heavier than a sack of feathers can [bleep]ing BLUDGEON you to death. As Archi said, wear-and-tear and simple mistakes. Plus, how long until those swords break? No one makes military-grade swords anymore, whatever their sales department tells you, and those things didn't last forever even when they were the masterpieces of great smiths.

[Resistance]

Zombie Apocalypse happens right now, while you've been sleeping most of the inhabitants of your village/town/city are now dead or zombified. Also they're banging on the door right now and are in both the back and front garden (you spot about 20 of them outside your house)

 

What do?

[archimage_a]

You seem to think only the extremes may happen, remember there's a difference between "riots" and an entire city being "massacred by feral madmen".

I draw your attention to war.

If anything like an uncontrolled, Government Sponsered, Zombie Mutation Virus was going to be dropped...it would be in a warzone...where those things would be happening anyway.

 

I also draw your attention to censorship.

 

 

I also say that 'Zombie appocolypse is, in itself, an 'ONLY THE EXTREMES MAY HAPPEN'

Either you are doomed or a proportionately small number of people are doomed.

They are either capable of killing hundreds, or capable of killing few.

 

Also the general portrayal of zombies is a sheep-like level of intelligence (basically a full-retard hivemind ("That guy's doing something, let's follow him.")) and the hunting instinct of badgers ("CHAAAAAAAAARRGE! BIIIIIIITE!").

 

So...simply put...totally worthless as a predator. Yeah, you are getting called up for national service to fight the small number of zombies that survived an open door, machine gun and a slab of meat.

 

And as a reminder: NOTHING can bite through a kevlar motorcycle suit (except perhaps a shark, but that's due to their serrated teeth).

Sigh. You really need to visit more waterfalls. They are not formed through 1 second of exposure, but many hundreds of years...slowly eating away at the stone.

 

Now apply that to the complex 'acid vomiting' zombies and your whole plan dies....again.

[Leiana]

Revised my Battleplan.

 

If i had a stock pile of guns (a very large stockpile) I'd go "BAM BAM BABAM! TAKE THAT ZOMBIES!" in the confort of my own home, Tomb Raider style.

 

If I had a real sword and a real sheild....I'm not gonna say it.... .//////////.

 

If I had a long branch, I'd just kick butt untill I tire.

 

Shuriken....I'd run out of those...

 

Kunai....I'd run out of those or would have to fight too close to biting range....

 

(Just for fun) A Real Lightsaber...... hehehehe, that'd be too easy

 

 

 

At all just falls into one catagory: Survival of the fittest!

[The_Mather1]

You seem to think only the extremes may happen, remember there's a difference between "riots" and an entire city being "massacred by feral madmen".

I draw your attention to war.

If anything like an uncontrolled, Government Sponsered, Zombie Mutation Virus was going to be dropped...it would be in a warzone...where those things would be happening anyway.

 

I also draw your attention to censorship.

 

 

I also say that 'Zombie appocolypse is, in itself, an 'ONLY THE EXTREMES MAY HAPPEN'

Either you are doomed or a proportionately small number of people are doomed.

They are either capable of killing hundreds, or capable of killing few.

 

Also the general portrayal of zombies is a sheep-like level of intelligence (basically a full-retard hivemind ("That guy's doing something, let's follow him.")) and the hunting instinct of badgers ("CHAAAAAAAAARRGE! BIIIIIIITE!").

 

So...simply put...totally worthless as a predator. Yeah, you are getting called up for national service to fight the small number of zombies that survived an open door, machine gun and a slab of meat.

 

And as a reminder: NOTHING can bite through a kevlar motorcycle suit (except perhaps a shark, but that's due to their serrated teeth).

Sigh. You really need to visit more waterfalls. They are not formed through 1 second of exposure, but many hundreds of years...slowly eating away at the stone.

 

Now apply that to the complex 'acid vomiting' zombies and your whole plan dies....again.

Censorship? Need I remind you that the current Prime Minister is the only retarded part of the Norwegian government?

 

Yes, zombies are supposed to be worthless predators, they're not supposed to be able to out-smart their pray, only survive longer than it. And I am most likely not going to end up in any of the armed forces, because you're not randomly drafted in a time of war, but rather for if your mandatory form shows you to be suitable for the armed forces (I would know because I sent in such a form a few weeks ago).

 

Chewing kevlar for an hour will not ruin the kevlar, only your teeth. And kevlar is made out of poly-carbon fibers, stomach acid does not eat through it with any efficiency.

[archimage_a]

1)

You fail to address any other point?

 

Censorship of an accident in America, for instance.

Raccoon city style.

The zombie hoard is created, and escapes before sterilisation.

Through various ways and means it then spreads across the world.

You can destroy your stairs if you like...but society itself will go on, so you will get hit with Taxes...so your plan falls down there.

 

 

2)

Sheep cannot survive longer than humans...neither can badgers.

If Zombies actually were created with the Intellect of Sheep and the Tenacity of Badgers then I would not fear for any bar the dumbest.

 

3)

Sigh.

Yes, Mather, if you were an idiot and let a Zombie chew on your arm for several hours you would be protected.

 

If you got it wet, let it dry, got it wet, let it dry, ect...It would weaken.

Or wore it outside (in UV) for long periods of time (Kevlar is particularly weakened by Chlorine and UV light), it would weaken.

If you used it in any way, it, like everything, would weaken.

 

Those weaknesses may take years, or months, or weeks of sustained use to manifest themselves...Not the point...The point is that over time it would weaken...the more you used it, the more it would weaken.

 

 

 

Though realistically you are more likely to just be knocked out by slipping over...Or a lucky zombie manages to knock your helmet off or something.

Or stab you...since Kevlar isn't as strong against knives as bullets.

Or you could fall into the water, be knocked out and drown.

 

Alternatively, you could get a cut, say, through shaving. Zombie saliva/blood/whatever gets on your armour, you take your armour off, touch the zombieness, rub the cut, and bam. Infected.

[The_Mather1]

1. While the incident may not be reported, the results of it will soon be picked up on by the media.

 

2. Neither a sheep or a badger can survive having their body torn to pieces and only their head left somewhat intact, a zombie can.

 

3. Being intended for rough use, years would be the appropriate timescale, so that's not an issue. A motorcycle helmet is designed specifically to be impossible to remove involuntarily.

Zombies don't use tools (that requires an ape or greater level of intelligence).

The helmet would protect be from getting knocked out.

[archimage_a]

1. While the incident may not be reported, the results of it will soon be picked up on by the media.

Yup, and then you will be called into service, or arrested for tax dodging.

 

2. Neither a sheep or a badger can survive having their body torn to pieces and only their head left somewhat intact, a zombie can.

Zombies' fabled powers of invunerability don't extend much beyond 'If you shoot it enough times, it dies.'

In this respect they are very much like Humans...Or any other animal.

 

The only time Zombies can survive getting shot a dozen times is when the script writer demands it.

 

 

But supposing that it was the case that they could only be killed by getting shot in the head...People would work that out.

'Hmmm, shooting in them in the body has no effect, better shoot them in the head'

'Wow, that works, lets keep shooting them in the head'

 

Unless, as said before, it was a global pandemic, their ability to 'only' be killed by being shot in the head would be a temporary advantage, at best.

 

 

3. Being intended for rough use, years would be the appropriate timescale, so that's not an issue. A motorcycle helmet is designed specifically to be impossible to remove involuntarily.

Zombies don't use tools (that requires an ape or greater level of intelligence).

The helmet would protect be from getting knocked out.

 

There is always a weakeness in the system.

In this case I am inclined to say human error...but it could easily be some plastic, metal or kevlar related problem.

 

Personally this argument is pointless because your position is 'I am invunerable' and my position is 'Everything has a weakeness'...which are two mutually exclusive ideas.

 

As for being impossible to be knocked out...Now your helmet may be made entirely out of kevlar, neutronium and nano-fibers...but the majority of helmets are designed to protect you from one crash....they may, of course, protect you from a dozen...But the point being that it is not impossible to be knocked out while fighting zombies.

 

Would also say it was not impossible to just have some blood vessels burst and die of a brain heamorrage...

 

Finally, zombies, if we take your 'They are incapable of doing anything, except staggering and biting' approach, would never get as far as Norway...they would be lucky to get five miles from where they were created (assuming someone with an intellect of double figures had a gun(Yes, exagguration, but the point stands, in any given city there will be someone intelligent enough to comprehend the situation))

So your type of zombie is totally incompatible with the idea of Zombie Appocolypse.

[The_Mather1]

I am not going to be called in for service because due to mental and health reasons I am a less desirable soldier. I also do not work and I have no significant fortune or property so I do not pay taxes.

 

You forget that here we go by a standardized kind of zombie, the kind that does not require blood. Now there is only one way to die, and that's your brain shutting down, either by itself or from being destroyed, destruction again is the result of one of three things, trauma, lack of oxygen or buildup of toxins, remove blood from the mix and that means that a zombie can only be killed by physically destroying it's brain, injecting toxins directly into its cranium or overloading it, and since a zombie does not feel pain it is physically impossible to overload it. Which means that there is no way to kill a zombie by harming its torso or limbs.

 

This kind of zombie also is about as good with tools as a jellyfish, which is to say that if a zombie somehow wound up wielding something then it would be more likely to harm itself or drop it than anything else.

[Ieyfura]

Zombie Apocalypse happens right now, while you've been sleeping most of the inhabitants of your village/town/city are now dead or zombified. Also they're banging on the door right now and are in both the back and front garden (you spot about 20 of them outside your house)

 

What do?

 

 

Crowbar, activate. Hold them off until there is "downtime" Then make my way out, probably best to stay out in the open. I know they can't "see" me if I stick to stealthy measures, but in case they can smell and hear me, I think it'd be best to stay out in the open where I can see them coming, and just avoid them as I make my way to the nearest hold up that other survivors have made. Even then, I think it'd be best to stay only one night, then move on.

 

I know it lacks details, but it's the basics for what I'd do.

[archimage_a]

Zombie (Haitian Creole: zonbi; North Mbundu: nzumbe) is a term used to denote an animated corpse brought back to life by mystical means such as witchcraft. The term is often figuratively applied to describe a hypnotized person bereft of consciousness and self-awareness, yet ambulant and able to respond to surrounding stimuli. Since the late 19th century, zombies have acquired notable popularity, especially in North American and European folklore.

 

In modern times, zombies became a popular subject in horror fiction, largely because of the success of George A. Romero's 1968 film Night of the Living Dead and they have appeared as plot devices in various books, films and in television shows. Zombie fiction is now a sizeable sub-genre of horror, usually describing a breakdown of civilization occurring when most of the population become flesh-eating zombies – a zombie apocalypse. The monsters are usually hungry for human flesh, often specifically brains. Sometimes they are victims of a fictional pandemic illness causing the dead to reanimate or the living to behave this way, but often no cause is given in the story.

 

In computer games, yes, they need to be shot in the head. (Pretty much the sole point of difficulty is FPS(Aside from getting attacked from behind I guess)...and its not overly difficult to shoot a zombie in the head when it is ambling towards you)

But GENERALLY speaking...No, you can shoot a zombie anywhere and will eventually kill it.

 

You are talking about 1 specific type of zombie that is DESIGNED to be relatively easy to kill.

 

You are, essentially saying:

'I have completed the game on easy mode, I am the greatest.'

[The_Mather1]

This is not "easy" mode. Many people can't aim for their lives, much less good enough to get in a headshot. This is just the "horde" option rather than the "hunter" option. Not that it is my choice anyways since the this is the kind of zombie defined by the thread (or the last one at least).

[archimage_a]

You don't have to be able to aim to shoot at a slowly ambling zombie...

I mean, from discussions with Rocco and Nex, the majority of Americans own several types of heavy ordinance...Just use any one of them (to make the situation unutterably worse use a flamethrower...though with their ambling gait you could just take a step back every few seconds until the flame damaged their head enough.)

 

You don't even need a gun, you just need to stroll casually to the local gun club, police station or other place that they have guns, and allow gun nuts to protect you.

 

Alternatively you can stay in your house because the Zombies will stand in a field if there are no humans around.

 

Further, you could just wait casually on the second floor...or any room that doesn't have an excessively easy to access window, and let the army deal with the problem.

 

 

As to the 'Hoard' option....There is no 'Hoard' option...Either you need to have a group of excessively stupid individuals who walked towards the zombies, becoming zombies, or you would need the rising dead. (Or a planned outbreak across a large number of sites)

There is no other way you could make a large number of zombies of the type you describe because they simply don't have the capacity to be a considerably threat.

 

Stupid individuals would be killed relatively easily...or at the very least wouldn't multiply out of all control.

Rising dead is probably the most like your scenario...though in that case your argument that Norway would be safe falls apart...Would also be much easier to form a milita and hunt them, rather than lock yourself in your house, since there would be a relatively limited number of them.

Controlled outbreak...Whoever released them(unless combined with stupid individuals) would come after you.

 

 

 

So, realistically speaking, your zombie survival plan hinges on a number of ill concieved notions that would ultimate end in your death if the Zombies were not Easy Mode Zombies, or in total strategic victory for humanity, if the Zombies were Easy Mode Zombies.

In the case of the former your plan is workable, but fraught.

In terms of the latter, your could change your name to Reodor Felgen...It would work...But the sheer complexity of it is entirely out of proportion with its usefulness.

[The_Mather1]

This is our bible, I suggest you read it.

[archimage_a]

Sigh.

The fact, at the end of the day, is that if you combined a sheep, badger, a communicable virus, a cripple and a mental patient, you do not get a proficent killing machine.

Even if you then make it invunerable, except to headshots, it is not a proficent killing machine.

Even if you arranged them to attack en masse...unless someone went into a dead end alleyway...or was shot in both feet...they don't pose a significant risk.

True, there are circumstances in which they could pose a threat...If they, for some inexplicable reason, hid behind a door...Same with poisoned umbrellas...But they either require a sheer amount of luck, or some intelligence...Since they don't possess the latter, and the former is, by its nature, unlikely, relatively few people would be infected, resulting in no hoard.

 

 

 

 

 

If you want to apply a set of totally arbitrary and contradictory rules, then yes....IF Zombies were capable of killing everyone, except you, then Zombies would be capable of killing everyone, except you...It doesn't require explaination, it is a self proving statement...its lazy, sloppy and unsatisfying to anyone who values their rational mind.

 

...For this purpose 'Bible' is specifically apt as a defination.

 

If you don't have anything stronger than 'and on the fifth day Max Brooks said Zombies run at 1 step per 1.5 seconds' then, I am sorry, but to anyone who values logic, you have lost...not just lost...You have failed in the basis require for intelligent discussion.

 

 

Now, I will attempt to address some points:

1. Homicides in which the victims were executed by head shots or decapitation. It has happened many times: People recognize an outbreak for what it is and try to take matters into their own hands. Almost always, these people are declared murderers by the local authorities and prosecuted as such.

Perfectly possible. Outbreak at home or work, one person takes matters directly into their own hands and kills the Zombie.

Early enough and this stops the entire outbreak.

 

2. Missing persons, particularly in wilderness or uninhabited areas. Pay careful attention if one or more of the search members end up missing. If the story is televised or photographed, watch to see what level of armament the search parties carry. Any more than one rifle per group could mean that this is more than just a simple rescue operation.

Implies an element of strategic planning...Or sheer luck. The outbreak could claim...20 people maybe. Not really enough for a hoard...and they would have to amble into a town or city...

As a group they attract attention (what with the blood and torn clothes), as individuals they raise the alert when they first attack (Perhaps as some strange Cult).

Maximum number of people infected...50...Zombies have a herd mentality, if they felled one human they would swarm said human...Allowing many others to escape.

 

3. Cases of "violent insanity" in which the subject attacked friends or family without the use of weapons. Find out if the attacker bit or tried to bite his victims. If so, are any of the victims still in the hospital? Try to discover if any of these victims mysteriously died within days of their bite.

One person attacks one other person...perhaps three if two people tried to restrain them.

Worst case scenario, if there is no reaction to one patient trying to eat another, 4 wings of the hospital are converted...though contained for the most part.

So approximately 100 people are threatened before quarentine.

 

4. Riots or other civil disturbances that began without provocation or other logical cause. Common sense will dictate that violence on any group level does not simply occur without a catalyst such as racial tension, political actions, or legal decisions. Even so-called "mass hysteria" can always be traced to a root source. If none can be found, the answer may lie elsewhere.

Home or workplace attack which went undetected through sheer luck.

20-60 people initally infected, threatens around 40 to 120 people before the detection and police are called out.

 

5. Disease-based deaths in which either the cause is undetermined or seems highly suspect. Deaths from infectious disease are rare in the The Zombie Survival Guide 27 industrialized world, compared to a century ago. For this reason, new outbreaks always make the news. Look for those cases in which the exact nature of the disease is unexplained. Also, be on the alert for suspicious explanations such as West Nile virus or "mad cow" disease. Either could be examples of a cover-up.

Given that the Zombie Survival Guide says that the 'virus' is not water or airborne this is an extention of 3.

 

6. Any of the above in which media coverage was forbidden. A total press blackout is rare in the United States. The occurrence of one should be regarded as an immediate red flag. Of course, there may be many reasons other than an attack of the living dead. Then again, any event causing a govemment as media-conscious as our own to clamp down merits close attention. The truth, no matter what it is, cannot be good.

Could be any of the above, or a targetted attack...in the event of a targetted attack all bets are off, since intelligence is involved.

 

 

 

So, very worst case scenario before the authorities are alerted to some sort of MASSIVE DANGER is 200 people.

Potentially a hoard...but not actually dangerous beyond a local level.

 

Notice that it is 'MASSIVE DANGER' not 'ZOMBIE INVASION'. It is, perfectly possible that the authorities think that the attacks are not Zombie related. If they do then the situation can get mildly worse as the frontline of the police force or army may be killed (I have no idea how...If we assume 2.2 feet is equal to 1 step) then to cross a street would take 27 seconds (average is 40 feet width, 1 step per 1.5 seconds(1.5 feet per second, rounded up))...So, unless they tried CQC, anyone at a slight distance is safe.

For reference average human walking speed is 4.5 feet per second, giving us an advantage of 200%...Ergo we can, at a leisurely stroll, beat their 'full tilt running'. (Arguing that Zombies can keep up the pace 24 hours a day is all very well and good, but after 1 hour you have a 2 mile lead on them...You then change direction and the Zombie has no way to track you...unless you assume they have ultra advanced senses, in which case you walk through a river...Alternatively walk solidly for 3 hours, have a 6 mile lead on them, rest for an hour, still have a 5 mile lead, walk another 2 hours, increases to a 9 mile lead, rest a while, walk another hour, have a 10 mile lead on them. Get 8 hours sleep. Still have a 2 mile lead on them, rinse and repeat...(This is an example timeframe and doesn't take into account a 24 hour day, adjust accordingly).)

 

We are, thus, faced with a problem similar to the nanites of space...Their speed is actually incompatible with the job they need to do...

In order for one zombie to travel from New York to Washington DC it would take, at minimum, 9 days. To cross the United States? 5 and a half months.

Now, if New York was attacked by a wave of feral zombies, and destroy totally by them...I think it is not impossible for the US Army to, in 9 days, prepare the defence of their capital...Or fly sorties to mow down the zombies...if that didn't work...bomb them.

 

Assume a zombie landed in Calais and travelled directly to Oslo (by land(So Via St Petersburg)...It would take 118 days, MINIMUM(As the crow flies), since the distance is nearly 3,000 miles and zombies, travelling night and day, without stopping to murder anyone, can travel at 24.45 miles per day.

In that third of a year you would have eaten your supply of 100 hamburgers, having wasted $720, and a perfectly good staircase...and spent nearly 4 months drinking water out of a barrel...for no discernable reason.

 

This, of course, assumes there was no effort to stop the 'hoard' of zombies travelling through Europe.

 

If the Zombie Rising occured in your very Town...

You have no chance to do half the things you are trying to do...You won't be able to buy hamburgers from a store, and if you break into the store you are putting yourself in harms way.

Cooking with a helmet and gloves on is possible...though would make the job more difficult (though cooking with them off is deadly).

Really, barricading yourself in your house is foolish in this situation, anyway. Chances are you are going to be bombed, so escape in your body armour...though you could easily be shot in the head by perimeter guards...and the helmet is unlikely to stop several high velocity bullets...and the soliders/police, unless they are fully versed on Zombie Survival, probably won't notice you are moving faster than 1.5 feet per second.

 

If there was a global outbreak then one of two things would happen...1) Nothing or 2) Scorched Earth Policy.

In terms of the former, your plan has merits...in terms of the latter you will die.

If nothing happens then it means the outbreak is so total that the adminstration is either dead/disabled or has discarded the rest of the country to protect themselves...Which either means 1) Nothing or 2) New World Order in a few years.

 

So, ultimately, your plan would only be worthwhile if there were millions of inital Zombies, implying thousands, if not millions, of bomb/virus spills...and even then you would need to be within 60 miles of an outbreak to actually have a threat posed to you before a milita was formed to protect the town/whatever....And even then the chance of encountering a Zombie would not be excessively high...since they have a herd mentality, so would pick their starting town clean before moving on...According to you they might wait several hours in a house before 'giving up' (Ironically the book contradicts itself here...since Zombies are tireless, so, unless something distracted their attention they would remain there indefinately...They also supposedly have highly acute senses, so could smell your sweat, and sense you through their 6th sense)...So they could easily be waylaid for a week or longer....

In which case your actions of hiding in your house would be seen as traitorous(If you didn't join the Milita when they came a calling), in which case, if the Milita succeeded for any length of time, you would probably face summery justice.

Alternatively you would need to defend your home from a number of humans...who are proficent with tools, and so would probably set fire to your house to get you out of there.

 

So...Assuming that there were many millions of Zombies, spread across the globe, and you were at the epicenter of one of the outbreaks, but had, somehow, avoiding being turned into a Zombie...And the Zombies didn't use their evolved senses to find you, or were distracted by your neighbours...Or you merely shot all the Zombies that came close enough for you to kill them....Assuming the population of your town is less than 10,000 this would take some 9,999 bullets...And their collective weight would be 317 tonnes (assuming 70 pounds per person)...easily enough to destroy your house should they attempt to enter it at the same time...

Then either they would move on...thus allowing you to collect the various supplies you need...or they would stay camped there...which would make your armour useless as sheer weight of numbers would drag you to the ground and you will be crushed to death (Or, if there are women in high heels you could be stabbed to death).

 

If we assumed 1,000 then the situation is much the same, though you could kill half of them with 500 bullets...assuming you never missed, of course.

Also assuming their bumbling about downstairs didn't cause anything to catch light...for instance if they stuck their hand into a plug socket, through a TV, in a Toaster...ect ect...

 

So...Assuming all of that, and assuming you were able to collect all of your equipment, supplies and demolish your staircase, and deal with your family... your plan allows you to survive for an indefinate(~100 days if you had 100 hamburgers...probably less, given that you will be bored and bored people eat...also given that 1 hamburger is not overly filling(Coming from a person who eats 1 meal a day)) period...surrounded by zombies, with nothing to do after your laptop breaks down(as they innevitably do).

 

Yeah...I can certaintly see the appeal of your plan. :rolleyes:

Even in the best case scenario...a scenario in which the zombies have departed, leaving you to pick over the remains of the town and local area...You are devoid of human contact(Potentially your computer as well, though you can probably repair it, given your know-how and supplies you get from scavanging)...on a decaying world...With little or no hope of meeting anyone else...So even if you did survive the 3-5 year Zombie life period, you may have well have died at the start of all of it...

 

ERGO:

Realistically speaking, your zombie survival plan hinges on a number of ill concieved notions that would ultimate end in your death if the Zombies were not Easy Mode Zombies, or in total strategic victory for humanity, if the Zombies were Easy Mode Zombies.

In the case of the former your plan is workable, but fraught.

In terms of the latter, your could change your name to Reodor Felgen...It would work...But the sheer complexity of it is entirely out of proportion with its usefulness.

[Resistance]

This is our bible, I suggest you read it.

 

 

Who do you define as 'our'?