MuffinMaddy

Would confirm RPG's suspicions about your self-esteem, particularly the reaction "why would they ever like me". Honestly, if I asked you to list ten qualities men would find attractive about you, and then ten reasons men might not like you, which would you find easier? The latter and the reasons are so apparent

You are actually right. It's actually funny how spot-on you are. I'm not going to deny it, and I've read a few of the urban dictionary things on it, and yep it's crazy how quickly it can develop though. Another thing is though that I have too much of an overwhelming sense of doing what's right or fair. I just don't know why I can't just go for someone I like without checking once twice thrice whether they like someone else, am I too late, why would they ever like me, are they dating, does anyone else like them etc. By the time I've cleared all of that air I'm still never convinced that they'd like me, and if they don't I'm fine with it etc because that's what I expected in the first place. I'm just not the kind of person to actually pursue someone unless I'm absolutely absolutely sure that it's mutual but that won't stop me from going crazy in my head. "Don't turn every compliment into a relationship." is so right, I just went/am still crazy straight up.

It's a fair comment, but it made me realise how well we actually get along on the basic level. As friends, whereas the guy I liked before, we got along, but more because he was just overly friendly to people in general. However, this guy is less outgoing, and we have the same sense of humour, both like Chemistry, and would get along outside of class if we were in the same circles probably. I'm not going to lie, I was super chuffed - partially because I was drunk but partially because he's just not that kind of guy. Though drunk, it was like 'Wow! A compliment from him?!?!' And especially as it was someone I get along with, I valued it more than the recycled little 'You look so nice Maddy!' but also, if I like someone, they generally are the type that are aesthetically pleasing but haven't got much going for them upstairs, when actually prefer them to be smarter than me (maybe both in common sense and intellectually), because then I feel like I gain something from spending time with them. With the guy I liked before it was like smalltalk and that was it. There wasn't much more than his face that I genuinely liked about spending time with him; Whereas I can actually laugh and have a deeper conversation with this new person which I find a more attractive trait. It doesn't really matter to me that he's not conventionally good looking, he's not bad either. It's the personality that is really shining through at this point. Yes, the alcohol might be a contributing factor, but I'm sober now, and have been for two weeks and I still like him.

I think it's less that, but more like I have too much of a conscience with things like this. I would never try to steal a guy off another girl. I don't like to be catty, even if I didn't like the girl, I wouldn't try prising the guy off them, if he liked the other person fair and square. I'm a believer in fairness with these things. I do like him, but I can detatch easily if the girl likes him and he likes her. I'll see how the next few weeks go, and his party.

My predicament is funny. I don't even see it as much of a problem, it's just so common that this would be my situation that I actually laugh at it now. I've had a whole year to like this guy in my Chemistry class, and I have just gotten along with him splendidly, shared jokes and worked together through problems or homework in class. Outside of Chemistry we aren't in the same social group, but things have stayed cordial. There was nothing really special about us apart from our shared sense of humour, which is generally Schadenfreude. This basically has gone on for a year and I didn't like him in any way other than a friend from Chemistry, but then we had a party in late May, and he said I looked fabulous which is going to sound absolutely pathetic, but I was actually so pleased with it because it was obviously an alcoholically charged compliment, but nevertheless, it was a compliment which isn't something I normally get, and especially from someone I have a reasonable relationship with, my heart warmed. To be fair I was completely off my head, but that's one of the few parts of the night that I remember. He also basically showered me with compliments that are too inappropriate to post here... I danced around, went crazy, drank some more and then went out on the balcony and he was there, and I remember stroking his face, after which he came and sat next to me. I leaned on him and I think he told me that I was very drunk, and I was saying "I'm sooo not drunk" repetitively and he recorded me with his phone saying that (probably as proof) but it was alright and two friends of mine were there and the four of us were just chatting drunkly. I had too short an attention span to stay in one place for too long so I ran out and danced to the Macarena. After that, he got off with one of the girls we were with twice which is all well and good, but now I like him which makes things so strange for me as I never had before, and what a silly time to start liking someone, as I never had before. Maybe my brain just trolls me. But he's hosting a party at his place at the end of the month which he's invited me to, which is nice; and yesterday was the first time we'd spoken in person since the last party and throughout the whole conversation we were both just smirking the whole way through for no apparent reason and it was so ridiculously cheesy. My friend was a bit confused, and to be fair I don't even know what we were smiling at, but it was a bit weird as it wasn't even the party that we were talking about. He showed me the video he took which wasn't very bad it was just drunken rambling, and today he made a few jokes with me, and talked to me a lot more than usual. It was nice because it was natural. But I've texted him tonight and he replies really quickly, but with one liners which effectively end the conversation - they aren't awkward it's just kind of difficult to sustain conversation but I really like him out of nowhere and I don't know whether the other girl likes him or not (If she does I'd be more than happy to let go) but if she doesn't I don't feel like there's any harm in trying, but I don't know how/don't want to make a fool of myself before his party. Tl;dr: I like this guy that I've had a year to like. We flirt noticeably but school is over. Party at his house in a few weeks. What do.

Yeah, it's [bleep]ing retarded. What it is is people venting their anger onto others who can't retaliate: e.g. a cashier guy that wants to keep his job. Really pathetic. And it's like... calm down, it's food. No need to get all worked up about it....I'd understand slightly if it was a monetary issue at a bank or something, and even then, there's no need to get all aggressive at someone's who's really just doing their job...

The Ying Yang Twins - Wait (also known as The Whisper Song) It's dirty rap.

I don't know, it's quite annoying, because I finish maybe 30 minutes early, because I give up so easily. And it's kind of hard thinking of new ideas when you're writing 2 essays which all have to be within such a small word limit (270 words at max) Although it's handy for translations which you have to think of the best way to 'directly' translate the text as closely as possible

I don't... what? Oh, I got confused until I read the context :D What I meant was, I get so bored just sitting there that I ask to go to the toilet just to have a walk around and have some kind of 'excitement' beyond sitting stationary, waiting for the exam to just end.

I love your signature, Randox. Today I went with my mum to the anticoagulation clinic. She has to go to this clinic every 4 days to check her blood clotting speed :o It's crazy, so she can't go on holiday or anything, as this medication is long-term they said. She's allowed to drink alcohol and eat normally which is nice though, so it's not like anything's really that much different. Friday is my German exam. 2 hours 30 minutes of 2 essays and 1 translation. I always finish too early and get bored, so I use the toilet to make things a little bit more exciting, or do a little bit of long addition along the side of my paper, or counting every single word in my essays to make things interesting. I'm excited to get this exam out of the way earliest as it's my longest one as well. In a week's time I'll have finished half of my exams this season. In grand total, in the past two months alone I'll have sat 8 hours and 10 minutes worth of exams :shock:

At least she's out now. Thanks for all the wellwishing, and I hope things get better for all you guys with the sad posts too :( But she thinks I got annoyed at her which is absolutely not the case. She keeps telling me 'It wont happen again, it wont happen again' and it's really not her fault. I really hope it won't happen again, but I don't want her to blame herself. Each time I explain to her that my anger is not at her, but at the situation in general combined with the pressure of these exams, she just blames herself.

In a really horrible state of mind. It's the exams period and this is the second time my mum has been admitted to hospital in this month alone. She hasn't been sick in over 10 years and now all of a sudden, 2 admissions to hospital in a month. I'm the only one at home who lives with her, so I've assumed all the responsibilities as expected...for the second time this month. In some ways, caring for her after she's come home is easier than running around in circles to the hospital, to school, and back home to try and get some studying done, which is a bit unsuccessful most days as I'm exhausted. Obviously there's no great time for a loved one to be admitted to hospital, but especially not during exams season. This is obviously not her fault in any way but I find myself a bit annoyed. I spent all day there and it's great to comfort her and be there, but I also have exams that my University place depends on. The first time was worse than this as I wasn't sure what to do or where to start, but she came out after a couple of days and it was alright. Now, 2 weeks later, I find myself more grouchy about the whole thing than normal as I find myself asking 'seriously?' >.> Everytime I walk out of that same hospital alone, I just feel angry and I dont know who at, why I'm angry or how to deal with it.

Hiya, funnily enough I knew you back from Lightning chat and probably into Forsakenmage too. I didn’t expect to see you back actually so it’s nice to be able to get back in contact. My RSN was sugarbabe547 but now it’s like Maddilicious (I haven’t played for a long time too so I don’t remember my actual name) but its good to catch up, have you got skype or something?

Happy birthday Rpg and Hedgehog! The most beneficial thing about not being able to sleep well one night, is that when you sleep at a ridiculous time (9pm) the next night, you're too tired to care, and you sleep like a baby. Damn, that was a very good night's sleep.

It didn't, I was thinking about anything and everything. I think this is down to me not bothering to sort out my sleeping pattern, so I just wasn't tired enough the night before. I'll be tired as hell tonight though because of it, so I guess it's win-win. What are you doing up now?

I had such a terrible sleep with long periods of being awake. I realised that if I listened very closely, I could hear my atrioventricular valves opening and closing. I'm not going to lie, I was impressed that I could think of that at 2.20am. I know I'll regret not trying to sleep and listening to my heart instead.

Here's my number. So call me maybe.

I wish New Years over here was as sunny and tranquil

And the worst part is, I agree with you. 2 years ago, I'd have defended it, but it actually has gone to crap. The headteacher is leaving this year, it's my final year too thankfully, but everything has literally gone downhill as I've gotten older. I should have moved when I had the chance, but my laziness stopped me applying anywhere else. My friends and 2 teachers (one of which is this one who's had a breakdown) and the other who just came back from maternity leave are the only people I like left. All the wonderful ones that taught me over the time have all left. I will miss nobody when I leave, apart from the new friends I made in the year below. Yeah, and on the outside, it's all like this girls' school with cute little uniforms and performs very highly academically, with 93% good passes in exams and crazy statistics. In the ranks, sure, it's great but seriously on the common sense things, it has performed very poorly indeed. Yesterday evening I heard him mutter "I work with a bunch of idiots" I don't know what had happened, but he then kicked the door, and he clearly doesn't get along with many of the people involved. He said he nearly beat up one of the teachers that was accusing me, but restrained himself. I dont want him to do anything that he would lose his job for, and especially not because of a situation involving me, but I honestly don't think he would care, he's been at breaking point for a while, and if he left, everybody would almost definitely fail Chemistry. He's got too big a heart to be working with such stupid people.

Benchball :wub: Really sad start to the day. One of the teachers I really admire had a breakdown. He teaches 22 lessons a week, while the head of his department only teaches 8. He's the only teacher in the science department that I see that truly loves his job and that he essentially carries that department. He's the biggest legend. In addition, he's made thousands of teaching resources and cares a ridiculous amount about students he both teaches and the ones he doesn't teach. He's been my biggest defence in my situation, and today he tried to bravely start the lesson with a smile and an experiment. But through the explanation, he just broke down and cried. It was the saddest thing... he swore quickly, walked out and had a few heavy sobs in the corridor, at which point we knew he was going to go home. We wrote him a note as a class, wishing for him to feel better soon with a quick Chemistry joke to lighten spirits, and then signed off. Head of science came in and dismissed us, because she didn't think he'd be coming back. He's been so professional about everything, but this really was waiting to happen; he's overworked and under appreciated. He muttered that if he went home, he might not come back, and said "Wouldnt it be funny if your teacher had a nervous breakdown" in an attempt to try and make a joke out of it, and keep trudging on. We were about to do his favourite practical, but it's just as well that he stopped and took time out to care for himself. He went home early, but we don't know if he'll get the note. I've emailed him just in case, though. Really sad stuff.

If it never reared its head, I'd have forgotten about it completely. I assumed they brushed it under the rug, as they normally do, and that it had all been forgotten. I was really on the mend. Apparently, they're going to do an assembly about this kind of thing, as it has spiralled kind of crazily more than they thought it would, so they're going to caution everyone.

Just as I forgot about the situation, a reminder came. Got a text from my mum telling me that school had called her regarding her complaint to the headteacher about the situation and how one of the people we complained about wants to have a word with me in his office. I'm not going to lie, I felt really frightened of going into that office again, just as I was forgetting and recovering... So at the right time, I turned up, knocked on the door and the headteacher opened it. She asked me "Are you alright?" I wasn't sure whether she was asking because I had a really glum expression or whether it was because she knew who I was. She's an old woman and she's retiring this year, and I really like her, I felt sort of bad for dragging her into it, but that really was our only option. I walk into the office, and he welcomes me with the administration assistant sat at the back pretending she wasn't listening to the entire conversation which lasted 1 hour 40 minutes. He asked me how I felt. I took so long to actually think of words. I said I was relieved with the outcome, but upset with how he treated me. I was really frank the whole time, and he sounded almost sorry. He apologised on two occasions; one for not getting in contact with my parents sooner, and one for 'coming down so hard on you'. And he said he was worried that it had affected me more deeply than any of the other students. I told him that he wasn't telling the truth and that he was only talking to me because my mother had complained, and that had she not sent a complaint, this would have been brushed under the carpet and not another word would have been sent to me. I kept having flashbacks from the office all through the conversation. I told him his face was a reminder of my sorrow lol and that I cried every other day for no apparent reason, and that I've become really paranoid and feel like it's not over. I'm too worried to actually be happy. He told me how he didn't think of me as a cheater, but I told him he only changed his opinion according to what's been proven, but that the damage has already been caused, and that he had long to decide how he'd react, but he said he was under pressure and did what he had to do at the time. It's still no excuse in my opinion. I didn't report the student that made fun of me because students will be students, you get the losers amongst them, as well as the amazing friends I have. But teachers who are supposed to be professional? I had to be honest and say I was so disappointed. I asked him what he would have done if he had been treated how I was? Accused on the spot, how he would have reacted, and he couldn't answer the question. He asked me what I'd change if I could about the situation. I said how he handled it was terrible, and the whole standing over me thing was very intimidating. And how none of his opinions are particularly valid since he didn't observe the exam himself, and he kept trying to tell me that it's 'his job' to relay information like this to students, and that the invigilator must have seen something to write a report, as something like this hasn't been reported in 5 years and it's a very serious thing. He doubts she'd have just written something down for no reason. I said how, equally you don't know if I cheated off every single page off somebody, or if she woke up that morning and thought "Hmm I'm going to ruin a couple students' lives or not" It's unlikely, but anything could have happened, you just don't know because everything is just probability, especially if he wasn't there, nothing can be proved. . He's probably read the letter and seen that his conduct was out of order.

Thank you, everybody for letting me vent here. The situation is finally sorted, and the exam board decided not to take any action against me. I had a thought deep down that this would be the outcome, however, it never stopped me panicking that this would be the day that the exam board would be harsh and penalise everybody involved. My friends have told me I haven't smiled for a week. Nothing I was studying for was going into my head, I thought I wouldn't be at school in a month if they penalised me. That would be the end of it, everything I'd worked for in the past 2 years, and for what? Something I simply have not done. There's no record system either, so the exam board keeps no record, as thousands sit these exams and they don't really have time to take records and tally people's offenses. The letter of complaint about the staff's behaviour still was sent to the headteacher, which she probably received today. She'll read it some point, but yeah. So I was walking away to a shop and I happened to leave at the exact same time as the members of staff who accused me. I was like "Just my timing" in my head and pretended to be on my phone and behaved as if I hadn't noticed them. I began to change route when one of them approached me and was like "Maddy, Can I have a word?" I gave him a look that sort of said "What do you want?" And as a sort of reflex, I put my phone in my bag, and he was like "No, don't worry, you can have your phone out" and he looked almost apologetic. He then said "I have some news for you. Don't worry" I snapped: "I'm not worried." even though, I predictably was. And he said "The exam board have decided to take no action against you." I snapped again and was like "Too late. You've done the damage. People see me and call me 'the cheater'. TOO BLOODY LATE" and I walked off. He tried to reason with me but I stopped hearing as I continued to walk off. I felt such satisfaction, a sort of 'yes. I've done it' feel. Goodbye to the 'Yes sir, thank you sir' polite Maddy, I felt that he had to know that I was angry and shaken by the whole ordeal. You cant play with an emotional person like this and expect me to revert to the little polite, 'yes, no, thank you, please' me. Nope. I'm going to use this to get stronger. I don't know where the snappy me came out from, but I'm happy it came out just in time. I'm never letting this happen again. I turned the corner and started skipping, though. I called my mother and she was so relieved. I texted all the friends who supported me, and I was just so glad... Got back to school and emailed my Chemistry teacher thanking him profusely for everything. He emailed me back saying that he's very happy for me and he bumped into the member of staff that told me the news. This evening, we finally spoke face to face and he told me that he questioned the member of staff, "Do you know how hard Maddy works? Do you have any idea? She has 12 hours of Chemistry, comes for extra lessons, stays after school, asks for help whenever she needs, does loads of extra work? Did you have any idea before you treated her that way? No wonder she's angry with you" The guy had gone to complain to my Chemistry teacher that I didn't seem happy when he told me the news. And to my Chemistry teacher's questions, he said "Wow.... That's dedication" and he was like. "Well yeah. It's Maddy. She works HARD" and he went back to teaching his class. So basically, he's got a beating from me, my Chemistry teacher. And my mum wrote a complaint to the headteacher about the situation anyway, so that'll probably be being chased up soon as well. Also, the invigilator is leaving. Win win for me. At least she can't do this to anybody any longer. I found out pretty much all her details last night. I was walking and thinking to myself, "Whenever he sees me, what must he be thinking?" But I stopped thinking like that and thought "Well. I'll just be a symbol that no matter who you are, you can't abuse your power like that and get away with it. It's just not on" I've looked at the answers of the exam I did which was under threat, and I'm very pleased with the mark scheme. Looking like about 80-90% which is much better than my initial score of probably a bit under 40% I can confidently say that my grade in Chemistry A Level has changed as a result of this exam. What a transformation in a week... Glad it's all over.

Good luck, sounds like a really good line up to be honest. And Happy birthday :) And yeah, nice Rubix Rob. Aside from all the crap I'm going through, I'm apparently 'good' at German Translations according to my German teacher :shock:

I'm almost certain the whole issue has been forgotten. The dodgy Invigilator comes into school, gives me a big smile, and I'm not sure what to do back. Not sure if she's trying to make up with me, or spite me... Either way, blank face back. What really got me more was opening the door to the study room, and a guy shouts "Shush guys, here's the cheater" and my heart sank inside my chest. Even if this comes to no avail, my rep is screwed.