MuffinMaddy

Can't wait. Going to a Nice Peter gig on the 10th of August. He's the guy who helps write the Epic Rap Battles of History.

She's beautiful!

I kind of would like to get it off my chest rather than dawdling. It's just when it gets to the moment, I get all awkward and lose eye contact, lose the will to talk; all the things that were absolutely fine in normal times before I liked him all crumble to pieces. I am not normal when I'm nervous, which I do get when I like someone, so I'm probably just coming off as weird recently. I don't know why I'm acting like it's some big thing, I wish I could just downplay it because it really isn't even a big deal. At least, it shouldn't be. Maddy I'm sure when you've had guys tell you their feelings they were pretty shy and awkward about it. Didn't you find that endearing? Trust me whether or not they feel the same they will find it endearing that you like them so much that your nervous to say it. It makes you seem genuine. Geniune and texting sucks, so do it over coffee. Yeah, that's just too awkward. Especially just waiting for a reply. At least I can guage a reaction in person, although I probably won't be able to because I won't be able to hold eye contact. Hell, I can't hold eye contact even talking about the guitar, let alone my feelings. He'll probably sense my nervousness, but I'll still be able to get it out properly. I'll text him next Friday after he's back and has had a bit of rest. But also should I make it sound like there's something I need to tell him which is the reason to meet me for coffee? Because that way he's more likely to actually be like 'yeah ok' because he'll want to know, but if he thinks it's just a waste of time or if he's occupied, he might not be inclined to actually free up space for it.

I kind of would like to get it off my chest rather than dawdling. It's just when it gets to the moment, I get all awkward and lose eye contact, lose the will to talk; all the things that were absolutely fine in normal times before I liked him all crumble to pieces. I am not normal when I'm nervous, which I do get when I like someone, so I'm probably just coming off as weird recently. I don't know why I'm acting like it's some big thing, I wish I could just downplay it because it really isn't even a big deal. At least, it shouldn't be.

Yeah, I know. That's me, avoidance pro number 1. I'll text him next week after he's back from Spain. I don't know if I should say it over text or arrange to meet up... although it might look a bit suspicious since we were never particularly close socially. But what makes me doubtful is that he doesn't really start text conversations with me readily. He does reply quickly but sometimes it feels like I'm talking to myself or being annoying when I strike up conversation, even though I don't do it very often. In person though, he spontaneously talks to me, tries to spend time with me. The differences between the behaviours is what confuses me and makes me feel awkward even though you can't really see how someone feels about replying to a text since it's just words. Yeah but I don't want to think about the complexity of 'maybe he made it up' 'maybe he's keeping it to himself' because I thought about that recently and it's all confusing. I just feel like I'd be in denial or pushing for something since I've heard this news. But yeah I don't see why I'm so reluctant, because it's not like we're breaking a strong friendship or anything :S Yeah, but how do I make it clear that I'm not telling him for expectation or response, but to get it off my chest? My friend says he'd be freaked out probably because I'm not really that close to him and that he'd find it strange, or it'd be worse for him to find out from someone else because "it freaks guys out" if loads of people telling him someone likes him? I'm clueless with these kinds of things, too shy to ever do anything.

Agreed. I am the Queen of horrible timing. Also I've also learnt that you don't have to reveal everything to everyone involved all at the same time. You're not obligated to find a reason for your feelings all the time. You just have to recognise them and try to act in the most sensible way at the time. Edit: Well, turns out the guy I like doesn't like anyone at the moment, so I think this one will have to be let go :) No point being in denial. Hey, better that I got a heads up rather than making a fool out of myself. One of my friends asked his best friend to find out, and that was the response which I take to be true, so yeah, no point flogging a dead horse.

I don't know why but I kind of understand where you're coming from with the wanting to cause the least damage or drama, and trying to use the 'honesty is the best policy' approach. But it's proving more and more unrealistic and impractical to me as time goes on. I feel a bit like I have some kind of responsibility for making sure no one is too hurt, or not 'undermining' people, or making sure everyone's okay. I keep trying to have the 'moral' ground and it just makes less and less sense, but I guilt trip myself so much if someone is upset because of me, or seemingly because of me.

I wanted to cut out all the bs and tell him straight that we needed to talk/possibly tell him how I feel. Could my timing suck any more? I get all this confidence and feel ready after weeks of not speaking, and log onto fb after a pep talk from a friend ready to text him. Look at fb and on the news feed his status is "Brb, going to Spain" and I'm laughing because I'm honestly thinking it's not serious. Like how could my timing be any worse. I could have solved this ages ago; and this doesn't even have to be a problem for normal people. I just don't get why it's so hard for me. It's gotten to the point where it's actually pathetic. It's my own cowardice preventing me from moving forward and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. It's easy to just be like 'Oh come on Maddy grow some balls' and I've said it to myself countless times, but it just doesn't happen. Last time I was supposed to date a guy, he got mugged and beaten up the weekend before the Monday we were supposed to go out. Obviously these things are never the other person's fault, but my timing always seems to be absolutely disastrous.

Absolutely I can't say for sure. The family member is a possibility, yes, as it could be anything. The old girl is highly unlikely. He liked one girl at the beginning of the year, but she completely ignored him after they drunkenly made out and she said she wanted nothing to do with him. She's going out with someone else. And since then he hasn't been involved with girls. He's really studious and hasn't really been that sociable during the year as far as I know. It's only now, after exams and school that everyone's going a bit crazy.

Well no you're not wrong. I am so far out of my comfort zone right now even by going to social events all the time. I've spent years at home alone all the time, enjoying being in my own company doing things like playing the piano, reading but sooner or later, I wanted to start socialising a bit more. This doesn't mean I've suddenly gained any confidence in myself, and I'm not fully sure as to whether anyone would find me attractive (personality-wise or lookswise). I'm pretty good on a friendship level with both genders, but when it gets to deeper things, I doubt whether anyone could look at me in that way. I obviously fancy guys but don't expect/don't see why they'd like me, but I still don't see harm in ever giving it a try. Especially now that school's over. I've had a fear of potential awkwardness but I guess there's always a chance of awkwardness with any social situation. I thought I had grown some balls and gotten over my fears, but I really haven't, as proven by the events of both last year and this year. I'm just scared of coming off as annoying, which I shouldn't because I hadn't spoken to him outside of class until May. It's all a bit sudden, but I would like to get to know him better. Just don't have the 'courage' to actually say something that I feel isn't creepy or strange. And it'll have to wait till after Malaga.

You're still overthinking stuff Maddy. And the longer you don't communicate with him, the worse it will be. So you should get to him in person or just drop it, it's not very healthy. He's off to Malaga now, so no choice but to leave it for a little bit now. He hasn't really got any reason to ignore me, and the message I sent was something he'd have wanted to reply to probably. Its ok, I'll just wait a bit.

It's out of desparation by this point, he's so hard to reach. I think he genuinely doesn't see my messages, because this IM program tells you when the other message's been opened, and I sent two yesterday evening. Equally, I've been leaving intervals between conversations so it's not like "Hey, it's me again!" every other day. So the last time we spoke was Sunday evening, me saying thanks for the party, and he replied afterwards thanking me for coming. I asked a question but he didn't see the message till Tuesday, so I assume that he thought there was no point replying since it was two days later and it would just be weird to restart the conversation. So that's what's making it hard to reach him. I think other people struggle to get in contact with him too but I can't be sure. So his friend hasn't responded to my greeting yet. I don't actually blame her, haha. I'm such a random person to start talking to her, but she's really nice, I don't know if I trust her, but by this point, I don't really care. I just want the message out, and I'm too much of a wimp to do it myself. I don't care if everyone knows. Just as long as it reaches his ears, and there's some kind of response, be it negative or positive, I'll be alright with it. I highly doubt he's deliberately ignoring my messages until I hear otherwise but I'm still going to be reasonable about leaving intervals between how often I start conversation as in person, he starts talking to me a lot of the time, or will come and hug me and dance with me, but electronically its me starting conversations, and sometimes the conversation will die because there's too many long pauses between responses from both of us. UPDATE: Wow, I didn't expect my heart to melt like this. I've spoken to the girl who made out with him at our Leaver's party, the one he's said he doesn't like in that way, and she is such a lovely person. I don't actually know if I have the heart to potentially take him like that, if he liked me. I'm also beginning to think that he may have lied about not liking her, so people wouldn't bother him and that maybe he's just shy. She says they have a lot in common and that they have been good friends in class and outside, and how they 'sort of mutually like each other' and she's so earnest about her feelings. She wants to see where it goes, and my heart just melted at that. I wished her good luck and I actually mean it. I still like him but I'm a softie for these things. I don't have the ruthless bit in me to just go for what I want and risk upsetting her. Equally, I do this for every boy that I like. I let other girls get them because I don't want people to be upset by things :( All three members of this triangle are too shy to talk directly to each other. She said at the party someone brought up them making out and was like 'when are you two gonna make out again?' and he put his arm around her and laughed it off, probably to minimise potential awkwardness, and she thinks he likes her too and that they 'kinda have a thing' and if that's the case I'm absolutely ready to back off. I haven't told the girl that I might like him too. I just wished her good luck with it, but I'm pretty sure he's going to get the news soon. If only we weren't all so shy. UPDATE TWO: So he's going to Malaga for a week, so this is on hold for a while. Maybe indefinitely haha.

I've done things the chicken way. I don't really care at this point though. I spoke to one of his friends who's known him for a while now. She's super nice, and is supportive and she'll probably do some probing or get back to me with more information. I'm just too much of a wimp for these things, and talking girl-to-girl is kind of comforting but I seriously need to grow some balls. It's getting pathetic now :P

A smile on my face this evening. A nice day staying at home, after recovering from being sick from excessive alcohol intake over the weekend. Never again am I drinking that much beer in a short space of time. Going to a garden party on Sunday evening which sounds fun. The guy I like *might* be invited as well which is nice

I know. Half of this hassle that my brain is giving me is completely unnecessary!This could all be over if I just told him. No beating around the bush, just doing it. I don't know why I'm 'embarrassed' to tell him. I'll see what I can do in the next few days with regards to maybe going out to the cinema or something. Just a day out. Nothing too creepy.

Valid question. For me, I'm too nice to everyone in general to look like I'm flirting (even when I think I am). I think I'm being suggestive, but I'm really not. I find it difficult to make an effort to actively talk to guys that I like without fearing that I become annoying or that they don't want to talk to me. I don't really feel that with people in general, just the guys that I ever happen to like. And if I didn't like the guy that way beforehand, I never get those fears, but as soon as I start liking someone, I assume that they wouldn't want to talk to me or spend time with me etc. Basically it doesn't look much like I'm treating anyone specially because I'm too paranoid at the prospect of being 'caught out' and people noticing that I like said person without actually telling them first. I'm much less shy about telling people who I like, but when people just 'find out' it does irk me. I don't know why. I just feel like I'm not in control of who hears what, who says what, and this is how facts get distorted and twisted. Then, suddenly it's some huge Chinese whispers game and the guy will eventually hear something completely inaccurate which will make them never talk to me again. (Or so I fear) Good thing I don't have school anymore, and don't have to see any of these people anymore. Still, I remain scared of rumours and things like this and I don't know why :S I really haven't got anything to lose at this point but yet I still remain scared of finding a way to tell him how I feel even though he's really not a scary guy and I would genuinely like to get to know him

Okay, I'll update you. Another thing is I kind of wish I had the confidence I have when I'm drunk all the time. It makes me a much more lively, sociable and friendly person and I care less about little things and I don't really over-think. Every time I get drunk, I prefer how I am then to how I am normally. It sounds so bad, but if I had the same confidence all the time, it'd take me a long way. I tend to burst into Spanish randomly as well. My friend brought up a valid point. She said "Do you like him because he's paying some attention to you?" and it's really made me think about it. In reality, yeah. There are dangers and obvious risks associated with that but first we need to either confirm/deny that the feeling is mutual from his end.

I suppose it depends on the guy, but generally I've found that guys text less than girls. Same goes for IM and Facebook Chat too. Wanna conversation with me? Come and talk to my face. I like body language. Positive sign, although friends hug too. Overdressing isn't possible. What matters more is whether the clothes are appropriate for the situation. A few young men I've met like going around in suit jackets and black trousers, even on a blisteringly hot summer's day in the park--they're also the type of blokes with long, scruffy, greasy hair and tour tee-shirts of rock bands who were playing before they were even born. Aside from ruining the jacket, that's clearly not appropriate and gives them the appearance of trying to be purposefully strange or rebellious against accepted 'norms' (not a trait which genuinely attracts many people). However, it would be suitable for, say, a job interview. If you came in a party dress which was simply fancier than everyone else's, I'd say there's no issue there; it's a party after all. It also suggests that he knows you feel the way you do about him, and that you wouldn't have minded him holding you. You like him. He likes you. So long as you're not literally sticking two fingers up at this girl, then "that's life" and she should accept that. As an aside: You need to care less about what other people think or feel about you--for the most part, we tend to stereotype everyone we meet based on prior experiences anyway (as explained a couple of days ago in this thread), and so people's expectations of you are largely set in their own minds before you've even met them. This is completely out of your control and not something you should worry about. By all means, accept positives, reflect on negatives, because that's how you pick out your strengths as a person and identify parts of yourself you might want to apply some polish to. But only accept things which people actually say to you. If he's not texted back, he might be bored, he might be busy, his phone's battery might have died. There are a thousand and one rational explanations other than "He doesn't like talking to me." Likewise with the clothes you wore: If you made an effort to make yourself look attractive, then so long as it wasn't disproportionate (see: tangerine-orange tans), there's much more chance of people being impressed than there is them thinking you looked awful or were trying too hard. If you assumed the latter, then the inverse statement would be: "If I dress down, wear dirty clothes and make myself look trashy, guys will find me attractive," which is a clearly ridiculous statement. Yeah, we just need to find more opportunities to actually see each other in person. These look few and far between. Don't know the next time I'm seeing him before potentially results day, although something *might* crop up. Is there anything wrong with me asking him to the cinema or something? (In a week or two) casually to see how things go? I've always not known the 'rules' about girls asking guys out too. Yeah, the hugging I don't dwell on. I've never hugged him before, until yesterday when he welcomed me to his house. I think that was more a welcome thing for everyone which is fair enough. However, we hugged a lot during the evening. Pretty much whenever we crossed paths we'd stop and have a hug. I'm not sure if he knows, or accepts how I feel. I didn't see him dance with any other girls, or hug people frequently throughout the night other than the greetings. He spent most time just looking around making sure everyone was having a good time/topping up the beers etc. Agree with you, Constrictor, and while it's hard, I try to take a realistic stance, and it's hard to do that when you don't know the facts. So I'm thinking of finding out how he feels asap. If it's a no, that's fine, just move on and stuff, but I don't want the 'what ifs'. It worked out last time, as in, the guy didn't like me that way back, but we're still very good friends and I don't have to panic about 'feeling for him' because I know where we both stand, and it's not the end of the world. I didn't have a crush for a long time until late May which is this new guy, and it feels nice lol. I am buzzing for the outcome, even if its a no, at least I'll know where I stand! And things dont have to be awkward unless I make it awkward myself :) There's no shame in liking someone and them not liking me back, so yeah. Thanks guys

Right, so picking up where I left off a few weeks ago, my attraction to the guy I newly fancy is getting stronger. He had his birthday party yesterday which I went to. Before that, we hadn't spoken for like a week, as we had been texting about playing the bass guitar but it seemed to be me asking all the questions and making the effort. On one hand, apparently boys don't like texting, so it might just be that. On the other hand, he's just being friendly but eventually I'm going to get annoying if I keep up these texts/SMS'es. Hence, I took a break from it which seemed to do more good than harm. He invited me to his party which I excited about and I went to it yesterday. He opened the door and gave me a hug, seemed genuinely happy to see me. Everyone was kind of casual, I felt a bit overdressed but it was still nice. I started by drinking a couple of beers, getting in the sociable mood, and then started getting tipsy quickly after some vodka. Then, he asked me to do a rap which I did which was quite fun, and we danced together in the garden. Probably because we were both a bit crazy. We did hug about five times during the night, and he had his hands around my waist when I was leaving. He saw me off and we took some photos and there is evidently some kind of Chemistry there. As friends maybe, but maybe there's potential for more. However, the girl he got off with a few weeks ago seems to actually like him. I quite like her as well. However, I know that he doesn't like her, as it's come up in conversation and he says he doesn't find her actually attractive. She doesn't know this. So I'm not sure as to whether to go for it, as in, maybe 'go' for something more with this guy or not

Hangover 3

This feeling of doing whatever I like whenever I like feels so much better than my life has been the past few years. It's been exam after exam, with lots of things to do. It's nice to be carefree and play games for a bit, so I might be coming back to Runescape. I start playing a game and think "Shouldn't I be studying?" And then realise, oh wait, I don't have to since I'm done with exams! I finished on Wednesday with a pretty crap Chemistry exam, but oh well, I was exhausted by that time, and I'm pretty sure I have what I need for University. Now, I am reading 50 shades of Grey with a shameful smile on my face, learning to rap to German hip-hop and dancing around. I'm going to sort out accomodation and student loans tomorrow, yay.... People keep throwing fireworks around and it's the middle of June so I don't really understand why, but it's annoying when I'm trying to sleep :? Oh, and I found the time to sort out my tipit profile which I hadnt touched in ages

Yeah, thanks. I think I blew it today. We're absolutely fine with each other and I'm still going to his party next week, but I'm too shy to talk to him properly now. We were texting pretty much all day yesterday, and we had an exam together today. I found it difficult, he found it easy and we talked about that, and playing the guitar. But it was too normal to go back, like it was normal chatter but I didn't have eye contact even once, I just lost all my confidence completely. Maybe it's because I hated the exam and just wanted to curl up in a ball. Either way, he went to Nandos and watched Hangover 3 (3 friends and I) which was a nice distraction, but my lack of confidence is really ruining things for me I think. I really need to sort it out; at least before Uni this October, because it's ridiculous. Things are going fine and then I'll have a split second of doubt, which makes me stutter and get mixed up and stay silent when I need to speak up and not be afraid to be myself.

Yeah thanks to all of you for being frank and to-the-point. One thing I don't like about some of my friends' relationship advice can just be like 'Oh yes of course he likes you, why wouldn't he?' and constantly singing praises without actually being straight up realistic about the situation. I'd say the feelings are in between weak and strong. I'm aware the timing is crappy but there are still a few opportunities to see each other, and I have the number which is always a good thing so I wouldn't have to go searching for it/formulating a way to get it from him. I think it's the personality aspect that's like 'wow' to me. The bolded line is probably what I was going to do, but I'm terrible at these things sober. However, it's his party and loads of people are coming, so I highly doubt that little me would be spending a lot of time with the party host. And then I'm shy when lots of people are around. Oh well, no point worrying about it now, I've got a while. I'm happy I'm not involved in anything too deep or crazy right now, so I don't think it'd really be that hard to move on with this. Valid point

Would confirm RPG's suspicions about your self-esteem, particularly the reaction "why would they ever like me". Honestly, if I asked you to list ten qualities men would find attractive about you, and then ten reasons men might not like you, which would you find easier? The latter and the reasons are so apparent Yet I imagine that your average man would find it much easier to come up with 10 likable qualities for the average woman than 10 unlikable ones... I'm sure the same could be said for the average woman finding it easier to come up with 10 likable qualities for the average man than 10 unlikable ones?It's just different when it's not you in question I find. I could come up with reasons women might like me just as easily as reasons they might not. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's easy to overreact to one's own flaws - the important thing is to remember that everyone has flaws. Thanks, I'll try to bear that in mind.

Would confirm RPG's suspicions about your self-esteem, particularly the reaction "why would they ever like me". Honestly, if I asked you to list ten qualities men would find attractive about you, and then ten reasons men might not like you, which would you find easier? The latter and the reasons are so apparent Yet I imagine that your average man would find it much easier to come up with 10 likable qualities for the average woman than 10 unlikable ones... I'm sure the same could be said for the average woman finding it easier to come up with 10 likable qualities for the average man than 10 unlikable ones?It's just different when it's not you in question I find.