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Troacctid

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Blog Entries posted by Troacctid

  1. Troacctid Update

    Update · Troacctid · 02/05/25 09:13 AM

    Hey all! Is anyone still subscribed to me? If you are, and you've enjoyed my writing in the past, you might be interested to know that I've migrated over to Archive of Our Own. You'll find an archive of my humor posts from here over there, as well as some of my other works, including my serial novel, "The Wizard's Familiar," which currently updates with a new chapter every Tuesday, and my short story "The Tale of Potato," which is loosely inspired by RuneScape. Here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Troacctid
    I'm also on Tumblr. https://troacctid.tumblr.com/
  2. Troacctid, a popular blogger on Tip.It who was previously thought to have either been abducted by aliens or eaten by wolves after her unexpected disappearance several years ago, was spotted alive and well this week at a local gaming store.
     
    "What? My blog? Oh, right, yeah, that's a thing that I used to do! So you're a fan, huh? HYT!" said Troacctid. "Yeah, I'm pretty much off of that game. But there were some good memories for sure."
     
    The former blogger denied having mysteriously vanished. "What are you talking about? I wasn't abducted by aliens. What kind of ridiculous story is that? Who even came up with that? I've just been doing other things, like studying accounting and playing tabletop RPGs," she said. "And no, I didn't change my name and identity to 'hide from the press.' I came out as trans, like, months ago? Don't you follow me on Twitter? And my eyes are up here, by the way."
     
    When asked if she would be returning to the blogging scene, Troacctid said, "I don't think so. Like I said, I don't really play that game anymore. Besides, I'm very busy! I'm running like half a dozen tables of D&D a week now. I suppose if there's demand for it, I could write up a quick update, maybe do an AMA in the comments if people want to know what I've been up to, but that's probably it."
     
    Troacctid can be reached on Twitter as @troacctid. You can also ask her anything in the comments.

  3. The News in Brief

    · Troacctid · 10/10/13 06:53 AM

    The oldest tree in RuneScape, an appropriately-named Elder Tree near the resting place of Guthix, is turning 0.009 years old this week. No celebration is planned.
     
    The Keldagrim Black Guard still refuses to release information on the four prisoners recently arrested on suspicion of spying and treason, spurring more protests from Dwarf Rights activists. Reports conflict as to whether the prisoners were exiled, executed, released, or kept in custody. None of the four has received a trial.
     
    The ancient and powerful demon warlord of Zamorak, K'ril Tutsaroth, stars in a new reality show this fall titled "The K'ril World". Entrants must prove their worth to the mighty champion of chaos. The winner earns a date with K'ril himself. Commented Tutsaroth: "I will flay the flesh from your bones. Your blood will paint the floor. Your soul will be a tribute to the Lord of Chaos. Thank you for the lovely flowers. Hail Zamorak!"

  4. The News in Brief

    · Troacctid · 05/15/13 06:24 PM

    A group of environmental activists has organized a picket to protest druidic activities in Lumbridge Swamp that they claim threatens local wildlife. "What many people don't realize is that wetlands are an important part of the ecosystem," said a spokesman. "This incursion disrupts the hunting grounds of the R.O.U.S. population and jeopardizes the habitat of several rare endangered species of eldritch horrors from the demon realms."
     
    An interfaith luchador tournament turned to chaos when Gludd, the representative of Bandos and the ogres, began smashing the venue's walls and attempted to eat the rubble. Commented Gludd: "Door was delicious, made good lunch. Me like lunch a door."
     
    Master Smith Ivar has announced that he will no longer smith weapons from starmetal. The mysterious glowing rocks have been causing all his workers to gain superpowers. "I know crime rates are down now, but the tights are too much," said Ivar, adding "Flame on!" before transforming himself into a fire elemental and flying away.
     
    Twenty more victims were found dead in Edgeville--the latest in a series of brutal killings. The guards have no new leads as to the whereabouts of the mass murderer, who has racked up a body count of nearly two hundred; most victims were Level 2 ordinary male citizens, although several guards have also been slain. Witnesses say the killer wore a suit of armor and a large sword, and extracted the bones of the men he killed. "We're clearly dealing with an unstable psychopath," said the Head Guard. "If you see someone killing people and burying their remains, please report him immediately so he can be brought to justice!"
  5. Kaqemeex: Hello everyone.
     
    Chaeldar: Hi!
     
    Fiara: Hello.
     
    Death: Hi.
     
    Juna: Hey.
     
    Valluta: Good morning.
     
    Kaqemeex: You all know why we're here, of course. We have to discuss how best to honor Guthix's memory.
     
    Valluta: We must remain at our posts. Guthix tasked us to protect this world, and we shall.
     
    Juna: Of course. But the world should remember Him. How can we spread the tragic news with dignity and respect?
     
    Death: I could kill the Easter Bunny.
     
    Fiara: Yes! Perfect!
     
    Kaqemeex: Okay, good ideas so far. Anything else?
     
    Chaeldar: Butterflies. Butterflies everywhere. Little glowing butterflies that turn to smoke when you touch them.
     
    Juna: I like that idea.
     
    Kaqemeex: How about some Guthix-themed costumes that we could give out for free?
     
    Death: What, like "I Heart Balance" t-shirts?
     
    Chaeldar: I can't imagine who would wear those.
     
    Juna: I for one have never worn a t-shirt in my life.
     
    Valluta: Nor I.
     
    Fiara: What's a t-shirt?
     
    Death: Hey, I like t-shirts.
     
    Fiara: Ooh! I've got it! It's the perfect plan! You guys are gonna love this.
     
    Kaqemeex: Yes, Fiara?
     
    Fiara: TREES!
     
    [silence]
     
    Fiara: Really weird trees!
     
    [silence]
     
    Fiara: Glowing trees with creepy faces that drip a brightly-colored liquid of indeterminate origin.
     
    [silence]
     
    Fiara: We can put them everywhere.
     
    Kaqemeex: Um...
     
    Valluta: That's...
     
    Juna: The greatest idea I've ever heard!
     
    Valluta: I was just about to say that!
     
    Chaeldar: Let's do this!
     
    Death: I have some great creepy faces we could use.
     
    Juna: I can handle the glowing liquid.
     
    Fiara: Best. Tribute. Ever.
  6. Ardougne, 24 Moevyng 170
     
    The earth trembled today as the great god Guthix, one of the most powerful beings in the known universe, was roused from a centuries-long slumber. It quickly stopped trembling, as Guthix immediately went back to sleep.
     
    According to witnesses, Guthix, responsible for singlehandedly ending the God Wars that nearly destroyed the world, did proclaim unto his followers: "Just ten more minutes, mommy."
     
    "He also said something about needing his rest, and that the cabbage alarm went off too early," said Thaerisk Cemphier, a close follower of the God of Balance who was present at the scene. "At least, that's what we think. He was sort of mumbling, so it was hard to make out."
     
    Almost immediately after the event, representatives of Azzanadra held a press conference advocating dumping a bucket of ice water on Guthix's head.
     
    When asked why he didn't just set his alarm slightly later, or go to bed slightly earlier, Guthix replied, "Zzzzzzzzzzz [snort] [smacking noise] zzzzzzz." More as the story unfolds.
  7. Varrock, 34 Novtumber 169
     
    The widely-accepted Theory of Evolution of Combat has come under fire from fundamentalist Saradominists, who seek to introduce what they call an "alternative theory" to Gielinor's Combat Academies.
     
    "There are a lot of things Evolution of Combat can't explain," said Geoffrey Quack, a representative. "For example, if blue crabs evolved from heim crabs, why are heim crabs still around? And it can't be a coincidence that the banana is the perfect size and shape to fit in a fruit bat pouch."
     
    "We just want equal time," continued Quack. "We believe Intelligent Design of Combat is a valid alternative explanation, and it's time our schools recognized this."
     
    Lady Deathknell, headmistress of Lumbridge's famed Combat Academy and vocal advocate of the Evolution of Combat, was unavailable for comment.
  8. Varrock, 8 Septober 169
     
    "Black and White", the daily cartoon starring two lovable penguins, has been pulled from the Varrock Herald's comics page.
     
    The cartoon, drawn by an anonymous artist under the pseudonym "Flipper", had been the target of criticism from readers, who disliked its thick, political humor and had difficulty empathizing with the characters.
     

    Above: Yesterday's "Black and White", criticized by readers as "Too opaque"
     
    "It just wasn't popular," said Reldo Trimmly, editor of the Herald and local comic-strip historian.
     
    "Black and White" will be replaced in the Herald's funny pages with "Monkey Boozeness", a new strip starring three monkeys and an alcoholic pirate.
  9. Fishing Floccinaucinihilipilification, Part 2: Woodcutting Floccinaucinihilipilification
    Or: Floccinaucinihilipilification without Alliteration
     
    Yesterday I ranted a little about how fishing is overrated for money. (See previous entry here.)
     
    Here is where I take all of that and extend it to woodcutting.
     
    Really, I could just copy and paste the whole thing and replace all the fishing references with woodcutting references, and it would still be totally accurate. As far as I'm concerned, fishing and woodcutting are two iterations of the same skill. They're pretty much exactly the same, except one of them is faster xp and the other is wet. When I got 99 woodcutting, it was basically my way of getting 99 fishing a second time. (Or a third time, depending on how you look at it, since I have enough xp for three 99's between the two skills.) Hey, what can I say, I just like training fishing.
     
    Look, obviously I like the skills as much as the next guy, but I was never under any illusions--they're not good skills for money. And this is even more true for woodcutting than for fishing.
     
    At least with fishing, you need to think a little bit to come up with a superior moneymaker. If you're a newbie, you might not be able to name a way of making 250k gp/hr off the top of your head. But woodcutting...I don't even need to try. You can't throw a stone in Runescape without hitting something that's more profitable than yew logs, the go-to "money tree."
     
    Picking flax. Spinning flax. Mining essence. Collecting snape grass. Collecting blue dragon scales. Mining iron. Mining clay. Doing slayer tasks. Telegrabbing Zammy wines. Killing dragons of any kind. Killing giants of any kind. Killing chickens. All better than yews. Anyone can do this crap, so why are yews supposedly such a great way to make money?
     
    Okay, you can go to teaks or magics or eucalyptus and make more money, but not much. Magic logs are the fastest money in the skill and they top out around 150k gp/hr, which barely beats flax-picking at the best of times.
     
    Don't even get me started on maple trees.
     

    GAH WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN CONSIDER CHOPPING THESE THEY'RE TOTALLY WORTHLESS IN EVERY WAY AND IT'S COMPLETELY OBVIOUS EVEN IF YOU ONLY TEST FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES. (Now, see, THAT'S floccinaucinihilipilification.)
     
    My theory for both these skills is that people look at them and their minds go: no money in + positive money out = $$$. And then I guess they just don't bother to go the next step and say, "Wait, wouldn't I make more profit doing X?" I dunno, that's the best explanation I can come up with. I know that some people legitimately like the activity, which is great, but there are thousands of other people who do it because they think it'll make them rich. And that's just inaccurate.
     
    Well, that's my public service message: woodcutting and fishing are not good moneymakers. They're slow and terrible moneymakers. If you train them, you should not be doing it for the money.
  10. 1. Novice quests should be accessible to novices.
     
    It makes sense for players to do low-level quests when they're low-level. The vast, vast majority of players begin playing the free game. They don't subscribe off the bat. By making low-level content accessible to free players, you make it more likely that players will encounter it at the correct level to appreciate it. This is a good thing, yes?
     
    2. It means putting the game's best foot forward.
     
    RuneScape's gameplay is nothing special for an MMORPG. However, one of the areas where it shines is in quests. The quests in this game are pretty damn good compared to its competitors. Song from the Depths and One Piercing Note are pretty much par for the course as far as modern member quests go--quests these days are pretty good--but they're head-and-shoulders above most of the existing F2P quests, which are all, like, ancient relics from way back when the game first came out. Exemplary content like this deserves exposure.
     
    3. A higher-quality free game attracts more members.
     
    Players don't join the members' game because they hate the free game. They subscribe because they like the free game, and they want to play the expanded version. If they're having more fun in F2P, they'll be more likely to upgrade to the full game.
     
    Additionally, a higher-quality free game will attract more new players to the game and help to retain them. Growing the playerbase is obviously a good thing--it means more potential subscribers, a larger market share, all that good stuff.
     
    4. The rewards are exciting for free players, but useless for members.
     
    One Piercing Note rewards you with robes that restore your prayer points when you rest at a musician. Except that that's useless for members--the members' world has prayer potions and energy potions that make musicians largely useless, as well as way more teleports and way more altars. Restoring your prayer at a musician is irrelevant for a member.
     
    Free players, on the other hand, don't have potions to do this stuff for them. Restoring prayer points without needing an altar is much more exciting and relevant in F2P. Free players would eat that [cabbage] up.
     
    Song from the Depths gives you a coral crossbow. Well what are you supposed to do with that piece of junk? It's weaker than an iron crossbow and it can only fire untradable bolts that are weaker than iron bolts. That's crap.
     
    Free players, on the other hand, have a dearth of ranged weapons. The coral crossbow would be the only other crossbow in F2P besides the regular wooden crossbow, making it the only real way for F2P to wear a shield while ranging. And with no level requirements to wield it, it could even be an actual relevant weapon.
     
    Half the Grotworm cave could be blocked off if necessary. Whatever. :mellow:
     
    5. It gives more screentime to the signature heroes.
     
    The signature heroes are supposed to be the face of the game, right? They should show up in the game. Song from the Depths could introduce free players to The Raptor much as The Blood Pact introduced free players to Xenia.
     
    6. It's even a teaser for member content!
     
    Song from the Depths has that whole big thing with the Queen Black Dragon, which you can only fight as a member. And One Piercing Note doesn't have anything blatant like that, but it does introduce you to a man who hunts Desert Strykewyrms, so that sort of counts. So there you go, right? Leave them wanting more. It should at least be something to help sell the idea to the investors.
  11. Hey buddy, got any spare runes?
     
    Sir? Could you maybe spare a few runes?
     
    I've fallen on some hard times lately. Lost my job. Lost my home. Can barely feed my family. Any runes you could give me would help, any at all.
     
    Spare runes, miss?
     
    How about you there, ma'am? I noticed you've been siphoning those blood esswraiths for two hours now. Surely you've got some runes to spare for a poor old man who's had some hard luck?
     
    Will give runecrafting xp for runes.
     
    Hey buddy, spare runes? No? Have a nice day.

  12. Rejected Fremennik Sagas

    · Troacctid · 04/26/12 10:25 PM

    L'Heim
     
    Have you ever wondered what a Heim Crab does all day? In this saga, you can experience firsthand what it's like to swim around in a small pool and avoid being caught, cooked, and eaten. Splash around enough and who knows, you just might become a real internet meme! Maybe. Someday. Probably not.

    How to start L'Heim:
     
    Find a Heim Crab within Daemonheim, and then speak to Skaldrun on Daemonheim Peninsula. There are no skill requirements to start this saga.
     
    REJECTED
     
    Developer's note: This story is too big to be contained in just one Fremennik Saga. Players love Heim Crabs too much. Let's expand it into a full Heim Crab quest line. Can we get a Heim Crab minigame, too? Maybe even two or three, and a D&D while we're at it. This is GOLD! HEIM CRABS FTW!
     

     
    Death of a Mahjarrat
     
    It's finally here: the saga you've been waiting for. In the ultimate conclusion to the story of Daemonheim, you'll play as Bilrach, the mysterious master of the dungeons. Delve all the way down to the 61st floor and discover what awaits at the mountain's heart!

    How to start Death of a Mahjarrat:
     
    Find the Dragonkin Symbol within Daemonheim, and then speak to Skaldrun on Daemonheim Peninsula. You will only be able to find the item if you meet the following requirements:
     

    113 Dungeoneering
    You must be a current RuneScape member.
    The item can only be found on floors 57-60.
    To complete the unabridged saga, you must also meet the following requirements:
     

    120 Dungeoneering
    REJECTED
     
    Developer's note: It turned out amazing! But there's a problem: We can't possibly release something this awesome for free. Players have been waiting ages for this to come out. Let's put the release on hold until we can find a way to get microtransactions involved--or at least some sort of new members-advertising scheme. We have to be able to squeeze more money out of something as incredible as this! Unlock as a rare Squeal of Fortune reward?
  13. Daemonheim, 25 Bennath 169
     
    Acme Toolkits, the company responsible for providing toolkits to Daemonheim's spelunkers, declared bankruptcy yesterday in the wake of a massive drop in sales.
     
    Before its fall, Acme Toolkits was responsible for the manufacture of some of RuneScape's most beloved multitools, including the Rogue Kit, the Mobilizing Armies Quest Kits, the Fish Flingers tackle boxes, the Dwarven Army Axe, and of course the popular Daemonheim Toolkits.
     
    "It's these damn toolbelts everyone's wearing these days," said a spokesman for the company. "Our sales are dropping like a stone. Our stock has been plummeting for five months straight now."
     
    After the announcement, three Acme Toolkits stockholders jumped off of the Wizards' Tower. They respawned in Lumbridge.
  14. Yes, it's true! I can personally confirm that the JagMotion is not merely a seasonal prank. I recently received an advance copy of the JagMotion in the mail from Jagex. Apparently someone up there reads my blog. I've been holding off until it was officially announced, of course, but now that
    , I'm happy to present an exclusive advance look at the JagMotion control system! 
    I started by going on a farming run, like I normally do. At first, working the bank was a little awkward, since instead of pointing and clicking, you have to gesture up and down and left and right to move the cursor from item to item. But then I figured out that I could give it voice commands. I told it to "withdraw law runes" and they moved from my bank to my inventory! Fantastic! There are some kinks to work out, though. When I said "supercompost" it thought I said "dupe compost" and it created a duplicate of my supercompost. Then when I said "dupe arcane spirit shield" it thought I said "poop arcane spirit shield" and changed my arcane spirit shield into a bucket of ugthanki dung. Hmm.
     
    Well anyway, I managed to withdraw the rest of my supplies, so I held out my hand and turned it over to empty out my ectophial. It worked! I turned around and held out my hands and yep, it refilled at the ectofuntus! Lifted my arm in the air to activate Greenfingers. That one took a few tries. It kept thinking I was doing an emote. When I made a drinky-drinky gesture to try and drink my juju farming potion, it thought I was teleporting with the ectophial again. I got it on the second time and started to jog in place towards the farming patch, but by then I'd forgotten to refill the ectophial. Awkward.
     
    I got to the patch okay, but I couldn't figure out how to pick the herbs. I kept trying to reach down to pick them, but it just made me drop items from my inventory and pick them up again. My juju potion was running down and I was frustrated, so I facepalmed. This, of course, caused my character to poke himself in the eye with the magic secateurs. The visor filled up with blood effects and I couldn't see a damn thing anymore. At this point I took the suit off.
     
    On the whole, it was pretty awesome! I'm giving it four stars out of five. Jagex has come out with a high-quality peripheral product for playing their game, and I think most Scapers will enjoy the alternative way to control their characters. I'm taking off a star because the suit had breathability and chafing issues, but just about everything else is excellent. Thumbs up. :thumbup:
  15. Canifis, 9 Bennath 169
     
    Morytania's tourism industry has been struggling for years. Today, Morytanian Secretary of Commerce Snüp Dagg unveiled a new scheme to attract vacationers: free pants.
     
    "Always in our town of Canifis when we show our true form, the human visitors they tell us they must change their pants," said Dagg. "We are believing that pants are key to the--how you say? Luring? Catching? Ah, attracting--the attracting of new visitors."
     
    To be eligible for the promotion, travellers must visit a variety of exotic locations around Morytania, such as the treacherous Abandoned Mine, which is haunted by poltergeists and a popular hangout for the local vampyres; the dreaded Mort Myre Swamp, which claims hundreds of lives each month; the deadly Slayer Tower, the home of lurking monstrosities such as aberrant spectres, crawling hands, and nechryaels; and the unsettling Port Phasmatys, where the spiritual energies of the Ectofuntus have driven many to madness. After the tour, they will be presented with a free pair of pants.
     
    Response so far has been positive. Said one adventurer, "Oh yeah, after we visited that vampyre place where the humans are kept like cattle, I definitely wanted some new pants." Another respondent commented, "We should get free pants after Mort'ton, too. A shade snuck up and grabbed me from behind, and I sure could have used a change of pants right around then."
     
    Myreque leaders have taken note. A source close to the rebel group who preferred to remain anonymous informed this reporter that the Myreque has begun to offer its own free pants as an incentive to join the resistance. "We can't offer much," said the source, "Just a few meager rags."
     
    "You'll definitely need them, though," he added.
  16. Edgeville, 3 Bennath 169
     
    Rangers all over Gielinor rejoiced today with the release of Bakriminel bolts, which finally allow them to aim for the target's head, torso, or legs. Previously, it was only possible to aim for the target's feet or arms.
     
    "Oh, yeah, I'm psyched," said R4ng3rno0b889, a local ranger. "Finally, I can aim for someone's torso! I've been trying to shoot their hands this whole time, and let me tell you, it's a right pain in the neck. This new way should be much easier."
     
    Said a spokesman for the Ranging Guild, "This is genius! Shooting people in the head. I can't believe we never thought of that. And the torso! That must be so much easier to hit! Wow. Just wow."
     
    The new aiming feature is only available when firing Bakriminel bolts. According to a press release by Mami Rimba, attempting to shoot someone in the head, legs, or torso is impossible with any normal ammo.
  17. Varrock, 34 Moevyng 169
     
    Representatives on both sides of the ongoing legal procedures between the Gielinor Association for Religions Getting Legal Equality (a religious rights group) and Xuan (proprietor of the Loyalty Programme Shop in Varrock and Burthorpe) announced today that the parties have reached a settlement.
     
    The lawsuit was originally filed last Wintumber in response to Xuan's release of two new auras, Salvation and Corruption, and two emotes, Divine Power and Infernal Power, each themed around the two gods Saradomin and Zamorak. Representatives of Guthix objected, alleging discrimination against followers of one of RuneScape's three most popular religions.
     
    After a long legal battle, Xuan has agreed to add a third aura, Harmony, and a third emote, Nature's Might, to his stock, issuing the following statement:
     
     
    After the settlement was announced, representatives of Armadyl and Zaros immediately filed a similar suit, and representatives of Bandos immediately threatened Xuan with hefty blunt weapons. Representatives of the various minor gods of RuneScape have issued a joint statement saying that they are currently not pursuing legal action, except for the High Priest of Scabaras, who declined to comment.
     
    UPDATE: Several major gods have responded to the settlement via Twitter:
     

  18. I'm mostly only writing this to make a YtHaar pun.
     
    But in any case, I'm a YtHaar and proud of it.
     

     
    Got me some sweet level-ups from the xp rewards, too.
     

     
    That's Promethium weapons, Spellbook Swap, and...uh...88 ranged. Not bad. I'll take it!
     
    I don't understand why the quest expected me to be indignant at the TzHaar culture. All the time they'd be like, "Yep, we send Ga'al off the the Fight Pits because they're useless to our society," and I see a chat option that goes (paraphrase) "NOES THAT GA'AL HAS HOPES AND DREAMS AND HE GONNA GROW UP TO BE UNICORN MAGIC WIZARD MASTER SOMEDAY!" And then the Ga'al is like, "Actually, Fight Pits sounds fine, I really don't mind," and then I get a chat option like (paraphrase) "FOLLOW YOUR HEART YOUNG GA'AL DON'T LET THE MAN KEEP YOU DOWN!"
     
    I mean, there's idealistic, and there's unrealistic. Have you ever seen a TzHaar? I don't care what your hopes and dreams are. If you're a TzHaar-Hur, you aren't going to be able to train until you become a TzHaar-Ket. We're not just talking social classes here...we're talking serious physical, biological (geological?) differences. The Ga'al have no phlebotinum, which means they won't grow up to become a TzHaar. Not as in "They won't be accepted into TzHaar society." We're talking as in "They will never physically mature into an adult TzHaar."
     
    Don't get me wrong, if this kid actually wanted to go out and see the world and blaze his own trail, I'd be all for it. But he doesn't. I think it's a little offensive, honestly, that the player character would be encouraging him to, like, abandon his whole...civilization, basically, and...well, the point is, that's dumb. You don't go up to a dragon and say "Killing knights is wrong!" You don't go up to an impling and say "Stealing is immoral!" The TzHaar have been doing their thing since before the dawn of mankind. They're a caste-based society. They have combat rituals. Let them do their thing. Yeesh.
     
    Anyway, the combat portion was really easy. I ate a few sharks on my way to the Kiln, and I was gonna go back to refill my inventory, but then I thought "What the hell, I'll give it a shot." Ended up breezing through it easy-peasey. Well, except for a little lag on the last wave--that was a scary spot, but I pulled through. Not so tough. Made me wonder why I still haven't done the Fight Caves.
     
    The new ring is pretty nice too. Unlimited bank teleports, faster than a glory. Seems sweet. I approve. Very good rewards. Definitely worth doing this quest.
     
    On an unrelated note, we got our T5 Fishadel. Check it:
     

     
    If you want a piece of sweet weekly free summoning and crafting xp (or mining, woodcutting, smithing, and/or firemaking), visit the W22 Fishing clan chat. We'll hook you up. We also have a lovely clan theatre, and a clan battlefield with +10 agility and +10 summoning boosts for all your effigy needs.

  19. Music in Runescape

    · Troacctid · 11/25/09 11:12 AM

    I like even numbers. There's something elegant about the way that each even number is double some other number. So I went to page 246 in my thesaurus. (I believe a thesaurus is more useful than a dictionary for everyday writing.) Then I went six words down, because six is a perfect number and I like it. What did I find? The word "Hearing." (Nouns - 1. hearing, sense of hearing; audition, auscultation; eavesdropping, audibility...etc.) Realizing that this was no coincidence, I immediately got an idea for a blog entry and sat down to write about music in Runescape.
     
    This is actually how I get ideas, by the way.
     
    Anyway.
     
    Most of us probably don't listen to Runescape's music very often, but maybe we should. They may not be the catchiest of tunes, but they can really add atmosphere to the experience. "Armageddon," the track in the God Wars dungeon, is a good example--it's a pounding war march that captures the feeling of a four-way battle, and even manages to throw in some tinkling bells to reflect the icy setting. The Chosen Commander's "But We Can Fight" is just the sort of heroic theme that you ought to be listening to before your final stand against Bandos. Music from the Wilderness is the sort of thing you'd expect to hear in a horror film right before somebody gets murdered.
     
    I remember starting out in Runescape and listening to the "Newbie Melody" during the tutorial. To this day, it's still the song I most associate with the game, except perhaps for the "Scape Theme." And some of the songs are actually pretty damn good--try listening to "Route of the Problem," for example. I also very much enjoy the piano melody in the smooth arpeggios of "Waiting for Battle."
     
    So why don't people listen to Runescape music? Perhaps it's the sheer size of the track list. There are over 600 different music tracks in the game--that's a lot. Seriously. And not all of them are any good. You can look through the song list and go, "Hey, 'Fangs For the Memory,' that's an interesting name. Bet that sounds good." Then you play it, and...meh, it'll be okay, but not nearly worth the effort of going through the list and choosing it.
     
    The truth is, while there are a few standout songs and many that provide atmosphere in a particular area, the majority of tracks are mediocre. Sure, ambience is nice, but we aren't typically looking to immerse ourselves while we grind skills, and the few that are epic aren't worth dredging through the long track list to find. Listening to Runescape music can be like going fishing: you get all geared up and ready to go, then you spend four hours sitting in a boat waiting for a bite. Sure, sometimes you'll get to wrestle a salmon out of the river, but most of the time the best you can do is enjoy the fresh air.
     
    Still, though it may not always wow us, Runescape's music is underrated. We ought to give it a chance more often--it's worth giving a listen once in a while. So the next time you do a new quest or try out a new minigame, flick off your iTunes and give the game's soundtrack a listen. It is, for the most part, a solid and worthy score. Besides, I know we all want the Air Guitar emote.
     
    By the way, you need to unlock 500 songs to unlock Air Guitar. And guess what the sixth word on page 500 of my thesaurus is? That's right, "Secret." You heard it here first, folks--there's a secret that can only be unlocked if you have exactly 500 songs and only during June (the sixth month of the year). Mark your calendars--this may be the elusive answer to the secret that lies behind the mysterious door in the God Wars Dungeon!
  20. Members of the W22 Fishing clan were shocked last week when a local player, Troacctid, was assaulted, seemingly at random, by spontaneous firecracker explosions while checking a farming patch outside the monastery south of Ardougne.
     
    It was terrifying, said bystander IronicMaiden. Pi was there picking berries, and out of nowhere, we heard this shoof-shoof-shoof POW CRACK BANG! And then the air was on fire!
     
    MrEffigy, another witness, added: We were all pretty confused. Everyone was like, WTF? Its a miracle nobody was injured--explosions like that at such close range?
     
    Said fellow clanmate internaut, We asked if he was okay, but all he said was My Farming level is 99. I guess the fireworks were too loud, and he misheard. He looked fine, though.
     
    No injuries were reported; however, a local monk, Torrell, reported scorched patches in the nearby grass, and Troacctids Giant Ent familiar died of unknown causes shortly after the incident. The matter is currently under investigation by the Ardougne Guards.
     

    99 Farming achieved 7 October 2011

  21. Nature runes

    · Troacctid · 10/04/11 09:44 PM

    I was surprised today when Mod Mat K from Jagex contacted me, asking to use my blog to make an announcement about some game updates. I was happy to accept. Take it away, Mat!
     
     

     
    Yesterday we made a small but necessary update to the high alchemy value of nature runes. The price of the nature runes was at a level where it was possible to buy them and alch them for a profit. This obviously had an impact on other items you would commonly alch for a profit and meant that as soon as you reached level 55 in Magic you could buy a few nature runes, alch them and then use the profits to buy more.
     
    Effectively this meant that you could level all the way up to 200 million XP in magic for no cost (in fact for a profit) which is not how the skill is intended to work.
     
    To maintain the value of having level 99 magic and the value of commonly alched items (such as Yew longbows or Mithril platebodies) we felt this quick solution was necessary.
     
    Additionally, to further ensure that making a profit while training magic is completely impossible, we have tripled the amount of gp required to cast the Plank Make spell. As soon as you reached level 86 in magic you could buy a few mahogany logs and astral runes, plank-make them, and use the profits to buy more.
     
    Effectively this meant that you could level all the way up to 200 million XP in magic for no cost (in fact for a profit) which is not how the skill is intended to work.
     
    To maintain the value of having level 99 magic and the value of the Sawmill Operator's profit margins we felt this quick solution was necessary.
     
    We will also be making a small but necessary change to the creation of teletabs so that you no longer gain experience for creating spell tablets on a player-owned study lectern. The price of teletabs was at a level where it was possible to buy soft clay and make teletabs for a profit. This meant as soon as you reached 40 construction you could buy some soft clay, make teletabs, and use the profits to buy more.
     
    Effectively this meant that you could level all the way up to 200 million XP in magic for no cost (in fact for a profit) which is not how the skill is intended to work.
     
    To maintain the value of having level 99 magic we felt this quick solution was necessary.
     
    We will also be making a small but necessary change to the Superheat Item spell so that it can no longer be used on runite ore. The price of runite bars was at a level where you could buy runite ore, nature runes, and coal, and superheat them for a profit. This meant as soon as you reached 85 smithing you could buy some runite ore, coal, and nature runes, superheat them, and use the profits to buy more.
     
    Effectively this meant that you could level all the way up to 200 million XP in magic and smithing for no cost (in fact for a profit) which is not how the skill is intended to work.
     
    To maintain the value of having level 99 magic and preserve the jobs of RuneScape's furnace industry, we felt this quick solution was necessary.
     
    Tomorrow we will be making a small but necessary update to the water, earth, fire, and air obelisks, adding an admission fee of 5k gp for each orb you wish to charge there. The price of elemental orbs was at a level where it was possible to buy unpowered orbs and cosmic runes and charge them for a profit. This meant that as soon as you reached level 56 magic you could buy a few unpowered orbs and cosmic runes, charge the orbs, and then use the profits to buy more.
     
    Effectively this meant that you could level all the way up to 200 million XP in magic for no cost (in fact for a profit) which is not how the skill is intended to work.
     
    To maintain the value of having level 99 magic and the value of battlestaves, we felt this quick solution was necessary.
     
    Furthermore, we will be making a small but necessary change to the Superglass Make spell; you will only be able to cast it while hopping up and down on one foot at the bottom of the ocean while wearing live sharks on your hands as gloves, singing "Jingle Bell Rock", and reciting the complete works of William Shakespeare in Morse Code by winking your left eye. The price of molten glass was at a level where it was possible to buy seaweed and buckets of sand and make them into glass for a profit. This meant that as soon as you reached 78 magic you could buy a few seaweeds and buckets of sand, make them into glass, and then use the profits to buy more.
     
    Effectively this meant that you could level all the way up to 200 million XP in magic for no cost (in fact for a profit) which is not how the skill is intended to work.
     
    To maintain the value of having level 99 magic and support the interests of hungry shark lobbyists, we felt this quick solution was necessary.
     
    Thanks,
     
    Mat
  22. Bradley McKinley, 16, was shocked today when he learned that the name of the glowing green power source of Port Phasmatys, best-known as the location of the Ectophial teleport, is actually spelled "E-C-T-O-F-U-N-T-U-S".
     
    "Yeah, I was looking at the world map today and I realized I'd been spelling it wrong for two years," said McKinley. "It's weird, cuz I always thought it was, like, a fungus thingy, right? Cuz fungus thingies are gross and slimy and grow on dead things. So I just assumed it was called the 'Ecto-fungus'. But it turns out there's no 'G' in it at all."
     
    "This is even more surprising than when I learned that 'Karamja' doesn't rhyme with 'Pajama'," he added. "And did you know the 's' in RuneScape is actually supposed to be capitalized? I know, right!"
     
     
     
     
    This report has been brought to you by KLAPS, the Kuradalai Lama Association for Proper Spelling. Kuradalai Lama: She's here to kick ass and free Tibet, and she's all out of Tibet.
  23. Light spoiler warning.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    1. Vanstrom Klause is a jerk.
     
    He's killed me like eight times already. And he's organizing genocidal atrocities. And he gloats mercilessly about it. It's like if you crossed a Bond villain with Adolf Eichmann and the dog from Duck Hunt, and then gave him superpowers and made him drink blood. What a bastard.
     
     
    2. The Blisterwood tree is disgusting.
     
    Seriously, look at that thing. And it throbs. It's like a tree made entirely out of zits. I mean, just...eww.
     

     
     
    3. Why are there so many goddamn vyre corpses?
     
    Okay, I'm sorry, but this is just ridiculous. Can we get these things to stack in the bank properly, please? Yeesh!
     

     
    You might say it's a pain in the neck. :shades:
     
     
    4. It's really easy to become a Vyrelord.
     
    Two-thirds of Darkmeyer has been trying its whole unlife to gain enough status to become a Vyrelord or Vyrelady. They've been working for years. It took me less than an hour. If it's this easy, you'd think they'd all have made it to the top level by now. What exactly are they doing with their time? *imagining*
     
    "Eh, I could accomplish my life's ambition before lunch today...nah, American Idol is on, I'll do it tomorrow."
     
    "Hmm, I'd really like to be a wealthy aristocrat with status and privilege far beyond my current social stature...ooh, look! A monkey! Haha, it's so cute! ...Huh, I lost my train of thought. Oh well, back to flying around in circles. Whee!"
     
    On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.
     
     
    5. Blisterwood weapons kick ass.
     
    Seriously.
     
    I can walk up to a Vyrewatch with my no pots, no prayer, and 85 ranged, and do this:
     

     
    Now that's what I call staking it to the man! :shades:
  24. floc·ci·nau·ci·ni·hil·i·pil·i·fi·ca·tion
       /ˌflɒksəˌnɔsəˌnaɪhɪləˌpɪləfɪˈkeɪʃən/ [flok-suh-naw-suh-nahy-hil-uh-pil-uh-fi-key-shuhn]
    noun. The act of estimating something to be worthless.
     

    There are things about the fishing skill that I like a lot. It's no accident that I have more than 20m xp in the skill and spend most of my time in Runescape hanging out in a fishing-based clan chat. It's very low-key and relaxed, probably more so than any other skill in the game (except maybe woodcutting, which...well, I'll get to that). In its own little way, it's enjoyable to train. Besides that, as a staple profession in adventuring games (even in some games where it probably doesn't belong...*coughSonicAdventurecoughZeldacoughcough*) and it adds to the flavor of the universe for players to be able to make use of the natural food resources in the water--although we'll skim past some of the stranger aspects of that flavor for the purposes of this floccinaucinihilipilification.
     
    Unfortunately, many players' perception of fishing is...shall we say...out of line.
     

     
    Fishing has this reputation as a moneymaking skill. People think, "Oh, I need some money. I'll go fish some lobsters." Or maybe somebody will ask, "What's a good way for me to make money?" and someone will answer, "Try training your skills. Skills like hunter, runecrafting, woodcutting, fishing, and so on are good for increasing your cashpile." Or maybe someone is considering training a skill to 99 and a friend recommends, "Fishing is a pretty good one to go for. You earn like 50m from it." I hang around in plenty of help forums and I talk to my share of fishermen in-game, and it astonishes me how much I hear this sort of thing.
     
    Guys, it's not. Fishing is not a moneymaking skill. It just isn't. It never makes good profit. Not even at 99. It maxes around, what, 200-300k gp/hr? After hundreds of hours of training to get to 99? That's not a good moneymaker. If that's your best way of making money, you are poor.
     
    Seriously. People need to stop talking about fishing like it's somehow a money skill. It just isn't.
     
    I mean, how often do you hear people saying, "I need some money right now, so I'm training my cooking"? But cooking is a better moneymaker than fishing. Adding toppings to pizza is faster cash than fishing rocktails, even at 99 fishing, and all you need is a flat 60-something cooking. Did you know I made more money getting 99 cooking than I made from 99 fishing and woodcutting combined? It's true. Hell, compared to some methods that are actually fast, cooking still isn't a good moneymaker, but it's better than fishing. Yet which skill has a reputation as a steady profit machine and which has a reputation as break-even at best?
     
    "Oh, but what about free players? They don't have all the fancy P2P moneymakers to compete with fishing, so fishing is still fine if you're not a member!" Sure, it's a defensible option since there are comparatively few sources of profit in F2P, but it's still mediocre at best and most players can do better. I mean, in the best case scenario, you're still only looking at marginally faster profits than mining rune essence. And that's in the best case, with a high fishing level. And of course, that's to say nothing of the profits you could get at the Runecrafting Guild or mining runite or, hell, even making pizzas again. You can still do that in F2P. If you don't have a high fishing level? Well, at that point you might just as well pick the bananas and sell those instead. Totally serious here--compare the prices. Can you catch lobsters faster than you can pick bananas?
     
    It all boils down to not a money skill. You can train it all you want (low-input, relaxing, blah blah blah) if that's what floats your boat...
     

     
    ...but treating it as if it's a decent source of income is a good way to stay poor.
     
    Now, woodcutting. Woodcutting is even worse. In fact, I'm going to go ahead and make this a two-parter. Come back tomorrow and we'll get to woodcutting.
     
    (Okay, it's tomorrow now. Click here for part 2.)

  25. Ask Evil Chicken

    · Troacctid · 08/29/11 03:28 AM

    Another of my articles was published in the Tip.It Times. You can read it here.
     
    They changed my (correct) punctuation of "parents' house" to (incorrect) "parent's house". There are two parents. It's plural. The apostrophe should be after the s. I checked my original submission and it was right the way I had it when I sent it in. So...someone changed it to be wrong. Nice, guys. Nice. -.-
     
    But yeah. Click the link and check it out.

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