Kimberly Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I never said they don't. They'll spend time with them, sure, but they won't cuddle with them, get romantic with them, or pine over them all day and night... They reserve those things for guys they're having sex with-- even if the guys don't even want that (those guys are commonly known as "jerks.") I don't understand. It seems like that's exactly what you're saying. @_@ Not even remotely true. Healthy, non-sexual relationships are entirely possible and in some ways even beneficial. Asexual people can have healthy relationships but since they're in the very, very small minority they're not what I'm talking about, clearly. So it's more true than you're willing to admit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I'm saying if you want to increase your chances of developing strong mutual feelings, regardless of why you're interested in each other in the first place, then you need to have sex ASAP... before one side finds another more "willing"/"capable" partner. An ideally healthy relationship is a balance of both needs... but that begins with sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I never said they don't. They'll spend time with them, sure, but they won't cuddle with them, get romantic with them, or pine over them all day and night... They reserve those things for guys they're having sex with-- even if the guys don't even want that (those guys are commonly known as "jerks.") I don't understand. It seems like that's exactly what you're saying. @_@ Not even remotely true. Healthy, non-sexual relationships are entirely possible and in some ways even beneficial. Asexual people can have healthy relationships but since they're in the very, very small minority they're not what I'm talking about, clearly. So it's more true than you're willing to admit. I don't necessarily mean never having sex, i'm disagreeing with the idea that you have to have sex right off the bad to have a healthy relationship. And yes, I believe that's entirely possible, for anyone... "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I never said they don't. They'll spend time with them, sure, but they won't cuddle with them, get romantic with them, or pine over them all day and night... They reserve those things for guys they're having sex with-- even if the guys don't even want that (those guys are commonly known as "jerks.") I don't understand. It seems like that's exactly what you're saying. @_@ Not even remotely true. Healthy, non-sexual relationships are entirely possible and in some ways even beneficial. Asexual people can have healthy relationships but since they're in the very, very small minority they're not what I'm talking about, clearly. So it's more true than you're willing to admit. I don't necessarily mean never having sex, i'm disagreeing with the idea that you have to have sex right off the bad to have a healthy relationship. And yes, I believe that's entirely possible, for anyone... I'm not saying you have to have sex right off the bat. I'm saying you should. Can you provide some reasons as to why having sex sooner rather than later would be a bad thing for most relationships? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 You're right. But I don't think there's any reason to wait, either. I think what Muggi said about on the road to long term relationships, there's no reason in waiting when you're both mature adults. If that's the goal you both share, you don't really lose anything by seeing what life would be like, fully and truly, in a relationship that explores these things freely. That doesn't mean going through the kama sutra in the first night alone, but simply not holding back for fear of...meh, anything really. You're going to have that growing of makeout to fondle to sex to anything else in any relationship no matter what you do, but if something is making you hold back from starting that process it's certainly not going to help you. (Not trying to explain Muggi's point of view, just explaining why I can agree with some of what Muggi is saying.) EDIT: Oh neat, my post sort of addresses what Muggi said, too. Yay unintended efficiency! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I think that when you have sex right off the bat, you build a relationship that is dependent on sex, and if that ever goes you have nothing else to fall back on. 1 "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 You're right. But I don't think there's any reason to wait, either. I think what Muggi said about on the road to long term relationships, there's no reason in waiting when you're both mature adults. If that's the goal you both share, you don't really lose anything by seeing what life would be like, fully and truly, in a relationship that explores these things freely. That doesn't mean going through the kama sutra in the first night alone, but simply not holding back for fear of...meh, anything really. You're going to have that growing of makeout to fondle to sex to anything else in any relationship no matter what you do, but if something is making you hold back from starting that process it's certainly not going to help you. (Not trying to explain Muggi's point of view, just explaining why I can agree with some of what Muggi is saying.) EDIT: Oh neat, my post sort of addresses what Muggi said, too. Yay unintended efficiency! Glad we're more or less on the same page... Minus the part about the Kama Sutra :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 You're using that example, but it's an example of an unhealthy relationship. Like mental and physical health contribute to a person's overall well-being, the same goes hand-in-hand with an emotional and physical relationship. If a person only worked on the physical aspect of their relationship and not the emotional, then they never had a relationship to begin with...just really great sex. I won't give you a collapsed souffle and say because I didn't beat the egg whites well enough that it's a reason why you shouldn't use egg whites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Of course, but I think the physical aspects of a relationship are much more likely to succeed when followed by a strong emotional relationship, not the other way around. "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 You're right. But why does it matter which happens when? Why can't they both develop at the same time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Because one of them is more important than the other...the fact that pretty much any sexual relationship of any kind is preceded by some sort of emotional connection is proof enough of this...aka courting ritual. "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 They're equally important. A romantic relationship without sex is just as "unhealthy" as a sexual relationship without romance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Because one of them is more important than the other...the fact that pretty much any sexual relationship of any kind is preceded by some sort of emotional connection is proof enough of this...aka courting ritual. True, but it's not the guarantee to a healthy well rounded relationship. So if that's true, why can't it be the other way around? I don't see why allowing a relationship to progress without setting constraints on it could be seen as harmful to the relationship's chance at growing and maturing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 They're equally important. A romantic relationship without sex is just as "unhealthy" as a sexual relationship without romance. I guess I just disagree with you...not much more to say there. "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 >>Noxx attracts cool girl>>gets near naked next to cool girl who is also near naked>>"intimate" times>>doesn't make move>>girl feels unattractive and unwanted>>spaghetti falls out This is how I'm imagining this story. Yeah Noxx, it's cool you're a respectful guy and all but for god sakes of course she's going to say she doesn't want to do anything. That's how girls disqualify themselves as [bleep]s. Clearly she wants it, but she can never admit it. SHE PRACTICALLY SERVED HERSELF ON A DAMN PLATTER. and you laid there near motionless next to her. I hope you learned something from this buddy. Jesus. The thing you're not understanding is that when we were in the same situation the times before and i would try something, she would always tell me no, or stop, or wait i'm not ready. So clearly she didn't want it then, how was i supposed to know she wanted it this time? Because everytime she lets the opurtunity in, it's an OPURTUNITY. She's wrestling with herself a bit, but she expects you to push her over the edge. She doesn't like it when you don't. We are men, we are expected to be "foreceful" and persuasive. She wouldn't keep entering the same situation if she didn't want anything to happen with it. Maybe not the first time, maybe not the second time [hell you don't go off the diving board when you first start swimming do you? No you [bleep]ing pinky toe that shit until you like the water] but after a few trial runs you bet your ass she's good to go. She wants you to fight for her, to validate her. Which I find super unattractive and uncool. BUT it makes it super easy to get in her pants with a little effort. And that's all she really wants in the end. A little effort. I'll conclude my post in saying this: a healthy romantic relationship requires sex. Consistently, even if not frequently. Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Also: http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/comm/haselton/papers/downloads/affectiveshift.pdf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I'll conclude my post in saying this: a healthy romantic relationship requires sex. Consistently, even if not frequently. Question for you: You remember "the ex", right? Do you think you'd have stayed with her past her first indiscretion if you hadn't been having sex with her? "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir_Squab Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 >>Noxx attracts cool girl>>gets near naked next to cool girl who is also near naked>>"intimate" times>>doesn't make move>>girl feels unattractive and unwanted>>spaghetti falls out This is how I'm imagining this story. Yeah Noxx, it's cool you're a respectful guy and all but for god sakes of course she's going to say she doesn't want to do anything. That's how girls disqualify themselves as [bleep]s. Clearly she wants it, but she can never admit it. SHE PRACTICALLY SERVED HERSELF ON A DAMN PLATTER. and you laid there near motionless next to her. I hope you learned something from this buddy. Jesus. The thing you're not understanding is that when we were in the same situation the times before and i would try something, she would always tell me no, or stop, or wait i'm not ready. So clearly she didn't want it then, how was i supposed to know she wanted it this time? Because everytime she lets the opurtunity in, it's an OPURTUNITY. She's wrestling with herself a bit, but she expects you to push her over the edge. She doesn't like it when you don't. We are men, we are expected to be "foreceful" and persuasive. She wouldn't keep entering the same situation if she didn't want anything to happen with it. Maybe not the first time, maybe not the second time [hell you don't go off the diving board when you first start swimming do you? No you [bleep]ing pinky toe that shit until you like the water] but after a few trial runs you bet your ass she's good to go. She wants you to fight for her, to validate her. Which I find super unattractive and uncool. BUT it makes it super easy to get in her pants with a little effort. And that's all she really wants in the end. A little effort. I'll conclude my post in saying this: a healthy romantic relationship requires sex. Consistently, even if not frequently. I'd like this girl to look at that little comedy bit muggi posted, and point out that this sort of attitude encourages men to be rapists. Personally, I'm all for a girl that wants the man to be forceful and persuasive, but she would need to TELL me, as opposed to (let me attempt to quote a bit of that comedy bit) "rape her on the off-chance she likes it." As for the sex asap idea, it's something that can work, but isn't for everyone. Remember: sex is an important part of any relationship (assuming they aren't asexual) and a lack of sex in a relationship will eventually cause problems. Imo, there's nothing wrong with waiting for sex if that's what both people want, but you have to make sure both people want that, rather then the other person just agreeing with it. And there will come a time when you will have to have sex or the relationship WILL be in trouble. (Again, under the assumption that the couple isn't asexual.) Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them meBuying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupineThe only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it. Poignant Purple to Lokie's Ravishing Red and Alg's Brilliant Blue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I'll conclude my post in saying this: a healthy romantic relationship requires sex. Consistently, even if not frequently. Question for you: You remember "the ex", right? Do you think you'd have stayed with her past her first indiscretion if you hadn't been having sex with her? Are you trying to imply the only reason he forgave the first cheating episode was because he was having sex with her still? That's a pretty bold statement, if you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I'd love if you waited for him to answer before you start accusing me :) 1 "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I'll conclude my post in saying this: a healthy romantic relationship requires sex. Consistently, even if not frequently. Question for you: You remember "the ex", right? Do you think you'd have stayed with her past her first indiscretion if you hadn't been having sex with her? Alright so I just got out of the hospital after the brutal assault you just applied to my testicles haha.To answer your question, the first time it happened I don't believe I'd slept with her yet if memory serves correctly. Of course the first "indiscretion" was the least of them in the long run so it was much easier to forgive. Kind of. Me back then didn't get over it for quite some time, but it really wasn't as big a deal as the whole picture that's been painted in my head this many years down the road. In the many times my ex and I broke up, there were times where I held on for sexual reasons, but I didn't reach that level of emotional detachment until I'd say the 15th or 16th time we broke up. Possibly even later [the drinking is helping me not remember, all according to plan haha]. Even after the emotional detachment there were times after that I got back together with her with intent of actually making it work as a real functional relationship. So the simple answer is no, sleeping with my ex had little to no influence on my repeated attempts to have a healthy functional relationship with her. Granted, had I never slept with her ever, I MAY have given up after the 3rd or 4th try. But that didn't happen, so I'll never know. I was a different person back then, I can't truly speak for how I would have reacted to such a circumstance back then. Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 In the many times my ex and I broke up, there were times where I held on for sexual reasons, but I didn't reach that level of emotional detachment until I'd say the 15th or 16th time we broke up. So the simple answer is no, sleeping with my ex had little to no influence on my repeated attempts to have a healthy functional relationship with her. These two statements seem contradictory... "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Not sure where Obf is trying to go with this... >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 In short, I think that a sexual relationship co-existing with an unhealthy emotional relationship can sometimes cloud your judgement. Because you have that sexual bond which you've discussed at great length, it can contribute to acting irrationally and against your best interests... "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I agree. But would you say the same thing applies to people who aren't having sex, yet are emotionally invested? Guys in the "friendzone," doing stupid things to impress the girls they're obsessed with are an example of this. Or even guys who are simply afraid of breaking up with their girlfriends not because of the sex, but because they'll no longer have a girl to give them love and affection Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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