Tim Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 That's my worst fear in any relationship: "I need you or I'll die" attitude. Also not to also be rude (serious response, not being rude) but she's come off alot more....aggressive since she turned 18. :| Popoto.~<3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furah Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Yeah, basically once she hit 18 she acted like nobody should be able to tell her what to do. I love her and all, but undeserved aggression is never deserved. Steam | PM me for BBM PIN Nine naked men is a technological achievement. Quote of 2013. PCGamingWiki - Let's fix PC gaming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I think you answered your own question... "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Dump her 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 @Furah If she's really in the "I can't live without you" state, you shouldn't have too hard a time convincing her to snap out of her rut. Even if you literally tell her that it bothers the shit out of you to the point where it turns you off of seeing her, she'll get the hint that you're not happy. And as you should explain to her; relationships really don't work unless both parties are happy. Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randox Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Speaking from personal experience, once you get the "I need you/I don't know what I would do without you" line, its time to bail. I would consider those types of statements to be emotional blackmail, which just isn't going to work. As you said, it makes you feel like you have certain obligations that you really shouldn't have, especially not right now. Be forewarned that a breakup is likely not going to be pretty, and you might want to consider some sort of exit strategy before you break the news. And just to be clear, I am not really mentioning talking to her about it first because you seem to have an issue with the dependancy and road rage, and neither of these things are likely to change. A realtionship founded on the 'I can change them' mentality is a great way to be really miserable, becuase you can't make other people change. Now, people do make major lifestyle changes for other people, children in particular, but this is something people need to decide to do on their own with as little prompting as possible, because it needs to be something they want to do. If they don't do it because they want to, they will either be miserable or it wont stick. As long as she is in a relationship with you, it is pretty unlikely that either of these things will change. They will probably never change regardless (though dependency might change through necessity, which is the other way to get people to make major changes). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 If you're actually going to dump her (which would be wise if you value your long-term happiness), you should consider the following "exit strategy":1) Be prepared to cut off all contact with her for at least a week, immediately upon breaking up with her. This means making sure that none of her belongings are at your place or anything; in other words, make sure she has no "excuse" to visit you2) Break up with her in person, in a place where you can easily dismiss yourself when you're ready (such as her home); the worst place to do this would probably be in a moving car :P You can give her an explanation if you want. She's probably going to cry/scream/bargain/threaten/etc. Just let her vent and then when you've had enough, bail. Don't sit around and try to reason with her-- at least not right now.3) When you're no longer in her presence, ignore all texts/calls/voicemails/etc from her for at least a week. Don't even read them or listen to them.4) A week later, things will be less intense and then you can consider reinitiating contact with her. Just keep in mind she's probably going to try and get back together with you or chew you out. If she starts freaking out, then once again cut off contact and ignore her for another week. Also, keep in mind there's a good chance you won't be able to remain friends after this. At least not for a very long time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I'm still not a fan of the general "break up with your girlfriend" vibe this thread throws off sometimes, but sometimes it's truly warranted. Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesset Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I'm still not a fan of the general "break up with your girlfriend" vibe this thread throws off sometimes, but sometimes it's truly warranted.Sometimes? That's seriously half the advice on this thread. Especially if the romance is already going and is just hitting some rocks. My skin is finally getting softI'll scrub until the damn thing comes off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nine naked men Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Yo if you do end up breaking up w/her (you should) you should probably tell her friends or parents or whatever to keep an eye on her if you're in contact with any of them. Better safe than sorry and all that jazz if she is as unstable as she sounds (pretty unstable). sleep like dead men wake up like dead men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I just find it...distasteful to call ourselves the relationship thread when half our advice is to jump ship and move on. Sometimes I have this thing where I'm convinced people can truly set aside their differences and be happy with themselves, within themselves, and in each other. I'm a firm believer that stuff can work out if you try hard enough. But...sometimes there's no reason to try that hard, and those that do find themselves with issues they shouldn't have. Of course if nobody was unstable and dependent to some extent, there'd truly be no problem. I'll still call 'em as I see 'em, but it really doesn't sit well with me telling so many advice seekers that come here that tossing your problems in your relationship to the curb solves the problem. Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 No need to go all after-school-special on everyone, RPG :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furah Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Urgh, that went terribly. It was like somehow she knew that something was up, and I got backed into a corner until I came clean, unfortunately over text. I had to go through the whole thing during the first half of my science maths class. I felt so bad about doing it that way that it took all my strength to not break down in the classroom. I immediately told her friend, who was thankfully mature about it. I've been trying all day to tell her to not come over, as she was meant to help me do something for my dad, but she's refusing to listen. She's really trying to make sure I know that she still loves me, and how she can change. I can get the thing done without her, and I'd prefer it since otherwise it's going to be awkward, but she just won't listen to me. Steam | PM me for BBM PIN Nine naked men is a technological achievement. Quote of 2013. PCGamingWiki - Let's fix PC gaming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omar Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 RPG, I don't know what else you would expect total strangers to advise... Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude? Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you? Camera guy: still laughing Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy Camera guy: runs away still laughing Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]! Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nine naked men Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I just find it...distasteful to call ourselves the relationship thread when half our advice is to jump ship and move on. Sometimes I have this thing where I'm convinced people can truly set aside their differences and be happy with themselves, within themselves, and in each other. I'm a firm believer that stuff can work out if you try hard enough. But...sometimes there's no reason to try that hard, and those that do find themselves with issues they shouldn't have. Of course if nobody was unstable and dependent to some extent, there'd truly be no problem. I'll still call 'em as I see 'em, but it really doesn't sit well with me telling so many advice seekers that come here that tossing your problems in your relationship to the curb solves the problem. Probably because most people posting on a Runescape internet forum for relationship advice have already taken the route of "giving it the old college try" and are looking for something a bit more substantial than that. Alternatively: given the amount of marriages that end in divorce it seems pretty appropriate. sleep like dead men wake up like dead men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 The problem is the most of the people asking for advice here already know what they want, and have shown they aren't committed to the relationship anyway. Sure, I could have told furah to "work on it", but he made it quite clear that he's tried and it didn't work. When one party is unwilling to make the change that the other party requires, that's the sign of a broken relationship. Sure, you can keep trying to "work on it", but if there's a fundamental gap that can't be bridged things are not going to improve. I honestly feel (and I'm sure this will offend some people) but in general, if you have to ask for advice on relationships beyond "how to I talk to girls" on here, your relationship already has serious problems. 2 "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noxx Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Yep, i'm back. Things have gone good for long enough now. Knew it was time for it to go bad again.So where do i start.Things with me and Claire have been going pretty damn well for the last while, to be honest. We've been talking a lot, and spending a lot of time together.So she came over to my house last night. We were both pretty tired. It was a long day for both of us. She had school pretty much all day and i was flying pretty much all day. So we were laying on my bed, talking. Kind of falling asleep, kind of trying to stay awake. She had come with her mother's car that night. I found it rather strange because she's not done that once. So i pretty much knew she was not going to spend the night, but i was alright with that because i didn't really want to wake her up at 5am when i started getting ready for school (i had an early flight this morning and she's a very light sleeper, so i would have woken her up no doubt). It still just seemed kind of odd.Anyway, as we were laying there we talked and then after a while things started getting intimate, like they usually do when two people of opposite sex are on the bed. So anyway things got a bit intimate as i said, then all of a sudden she tells me to stop. So i stopped. She suddenly got up from the bed and told me she had to go.I asked her what the heck just happened. Is it something i did, or didn't do. What just happened. She went on to explain that she couldn't stay, she was tired, she had her mom's car, etc. etc. I told her alright i'll talk to her when she gets home.So when she got home we talked, and i asked her to give me the real reason she left so suddenly. She told me that she doesn't know. She asked me to stop (when we were getting "physical") and then she had to ask herself why she just asked me to stop. She said it felt strange.We went on talking and she told me that she's in a weird place, and she has a lot on her mind. I asked her to tell me about it, but her reply was along the lines of "i dont talk about my emotions very well". So i told her that she can't really keep me in the dark if there's something bothering her. I don't want to go on for the next two weeks pretending like everything's fine then she tells me we need to stop seeing each other. She told me to forget about it, nothing's wrong (but clearly there is). Okay so i stupidly asked her if she thought maybe we should stop seeing each other. She said no, she likes me, and she likes spending time with me (relief). I said that i too feel that way. I asked her if she was afraid of getting too attached and then having to say goodbye to me in a few months. She told me that she really doesn't think about that all too much because i'll still be here for a good 5 or 6 months. "Okay, so what is it then" i asked. "I really don't know. Maybe it's just my hormones. I felt fine most of the week, just the past few days i've had a lot on my mind" she replied, or something along those lines anyway. I told her to stop overthinking things and just take it one day at a time and we'll see what happens. Kind of weird for me to be saying this, i think. Anyway, i'm not really sure what to think now. I told her i might go out tonight. She immediately told me that she probably would not be out this whole weekend because she has to study, work, etc. Kind of got the feeling after that, that she was going to try and avoid me. But after a few minutes she told me that she might actually end up caving and going out tonight. Alright, so i might see her out. Anyway back on track. I really hate saying this, because it feels like i'm being sexist, but could it perhaps just be that it's her time of the month? Or is this just a typical girl thing? Halp please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
decebal Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 My theory is that she was just incredibly overwhelmed, wanted to blow some steam at your place, then realized that she still has a lot of work to do and feels guilty for not doing it. When you have too much to do at once, you get so confused you don't know how to explain anything. It's not just a girl thing, I've had that happen to me before. And no, I don't have periods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 ...so what's that other girl you were hanging out with up to? :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noxx Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 ...so what's that other girl you were hanging out with up to? :lol:Moved to Washington State on Monday....:\ We still talk but it's not like i can be like hey come over.I was actually thinking of jumping back in the pool tonight, but the bad thing is that the only three places we can go to (yes, there's only like three places in Vero that are decent), is the places her friends hang out. And i can't exactly hit on other girls when her friends are around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesset Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 I'm still not a fan of the general "break up with your girlfriend" vibe this thread throws off sometimes, but sometimes it's truly warranted.Sometimes? That's seriously half the advice on this thread. Especially if the romance is already going and is just hitting some rocks....so what's that other girl you were hanging out with up to? :lol: I mean seriously... My skin is finally getting softI'll scrub until the damn thing comes off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Not really sure what your point is >_> The problem is the most of the people asking for advice here already know what they want, and have shown they aren't committed to the relationship anyway. Sure, I could have told furah to "work on it", but he made it quite clear that he's tried and it didn't work. When one party is unwilling to make the change that the other party requires, that's the sign of a broken relationship. Sure, you can keep trying to "work on it", but if there's a fundamental gap that can't be bridged things are not going to improve. I honestly feel (and I'm sure this will offend some people) but in general, if you have to ask for advice on relationships beyond "how to I talk to girls" on here, your relationship already has serious problems. Yeah... unfortunately there's a lot of people around here who will:1. ask for advice2. completely agree with the advice given3. never act on the advice given4. repeat 1-3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesset Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Not really sure what your point is >_>Your first piece of advice was to jump ship for another girl. Or, I suppose, to get with another girl, maybe without jumping ship. Whichever. My skin is finally getting softI'll scrub until the damn thing comes off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noxx Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Not really sure what your point is >_>Your first piece of advice was to jump ship for another girl. Or, I suppose, to get with another girl, maybe without jumping ship. Whichever. In y case i can kind of see where Muggi is coming from. With me, much like many other guys, i freak out so much when there's just one girl in the picture. I fixate and i over analyze everything she does/says/doesn't do/doesn't say. When there's more than one girl in the picture i seem to care so much less about what either one of them does because i know i'll have something to fall back on when the shit hits the fan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Not really sure what your point is >_>Your first piece of advice was to jump ship for another girl. Or, I suppose, to get with another girl, maybe without jumping ship. Whichever. I'm assuming you think that's bad advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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