Claire wants me to go to a friend's Birthday Party with her tomorrow night.

I'm kind of shitting myself. I'm not going to know anyone there but myself. And i'll be the only foreign person there too.

And on top of that i'll have to deal with her friends drilling me because i'm "seeing" their friend.

Dunno what to do....

Uhh... Don't go? >_>

Yeah don't go. Never fun the first time you meet the friends.

pshh real mature guys. Go and be awesome. Prove to them your worth seeing their friend. Have a blast!

 

 

Today I was talking to my ex again [i know I know]. She brought it to my attention that after a certain amount of time I wasn't so much interested in being with her but rather I didn't want to lose her. I'm still deciding how right she is.

Seems like a stupid idea/flawed logic to willingly go do something that a) you know you won't enjoy b) you have no obligation to attend

Seems like a stupid idea/flawed logic to willingly go do something that a) you know you won't enjoy b) you have no obligation to attend

 

I agree. If you don't want to go, don't.

yeah honestly some of the worst "dates" i've been on have involved meeting way too many people at once. plus, you already seem to be in control, so it isn't like you need to score points or anything

Well i never really said that i didn't want to go. I was more terrified because i'm not sure how to react in this kind of situation. I have no obligation to go, you're right. But a mature relationship in my opinion involves making small sacrifices even if it means a bit of discomfort at the start. I feel the only way i can really show her that i want to be with her is by meeting her friends and showing her that i'm willing to go above and beyond. She told me earlier that there's a good chance the only people there will be girls which already means it's good news for me because i communicate a lot better with girls in a friendly environment than i do with guys.

 

The thing that made me nervous is that i'm not really sure how to handle them maybe giving me a hard time. The last few girls i dated were all as a result of mutual friends, so it was always easier meeting their other friends since we already had so many people in common. I was never the stranger at any time. So this is going to be a new experience to me.

I'm not really sure where you guys got the "you know you won't enjoy" from. Don't think it's a good idea to apply your own fears to someone else's situations lol. Because i think that's why most guys always say they know they won't enjoy a situation like this, because they have a big fear of being around more than one girl at a time.

 

I was hoping more for some tips on how to handle her friends. What i shouldn't say, and things like that.

guys fear being around more than one girl at a time... what?? and we can't tell you what to say to her friends when we have no idea what kind of people they are. you have to feel them out first, and then divide and conquer imo. don't spend too much time on them though, in the end, the date trumps all

My advice doesnt really apply to you anymore, Noxx :P it would benefit you at the cost of your mono pursuits

 

(I disagree about what you said about the small sacrifices)

Noxx, they're probably going to turn out to be decent people. Your first post just made it sound like you didn't want to go. Also "I want to show her I want to be wih her so I'm going to meet her friends"? Am I getting this right?

Noxx- Don't go hard-core make out sesh in front of her friends. That should be obvious. Other than that, don't make too many penis jokes, think of a story that makes you sound trustworthy [you're a damn pilot, that shouldn't be hard] and if the terms "ex" or "used to date" or "hooked up with" start coming up a lot, give them your attention for the time being of your story and don't look too couple-y around that person unless you know for sure they're cool with it. Most people who tell more than one story about their ex in one given night usually aren't.

Noxx, they're probably going to turn out to be decent people. Your first post just made it sound like you didn't want to go. Also "I want to show her I want to be wih her so I'm going to meet her friends"? Am I getting this right?

 

Yeah i guess you are... lol.

Recently pursuing one of those girls that could be perceived as "damaged goods." How can I show her I'm in this for the long haul without sounding too cliche?? She is very unique to me in that she is actually more scared of commitment than me, which is rare. She's great though, and I like her family better than I like my own. We've been on 3 dates now, and I am shooting to become official somewhere in between now and mid september. So basically i have her hooked, so how i can I reel her in?

As point of general interest which has application to your life far beyond dating...

 

Going outside of your comfort zone is a great thing to do every now and then. It helps you grow as a person, and find new things that you enjoy, and at least become more comfortable with things and situations that you don't enjoy (I don't think I know anyone who gets excited about public speaking, but the more you do it the more bearable it can become).

 

My impression so far is that you are not lacking in general social skills, particularly in the talking to people you don't know category, so I doubt you would have much trouble figuring yourself out. You might be getting more attention than you want (or you might find yourself getting less than you expect), and that's all part of the life experience.

Noxx- Don't go hard-core make out sesh in front of her friends. That should be obvious. Other than that, don't make too many penis jokes, think of a story that makes you sound trustworthy [you're a damn pilot, that shouldn't be hard] and if the terms "ex" or "used to date" or "hooked up with" start coming up a lot, give them your attention for the time being of your story and don't look too couple-y around that person unless you know for sure they're cool with it. Most people who tell more than one story about their ex in one given night usually aren't.

This town is full of pilots lol. People know that if you're foreign, there's a 90% chance that you're going to be in the Aviation School here. When i first met Claire, about 4 or 5 days after we started really hanging out she told me she could never be in a relationship with me, she just wants me to know that early on. I asked her why, she answered by saying "we girls in Vero know you pilots". So it's pretty clear that she's sees hundreds of us around lol.

 

My advice doesnt really apply to you anymore, Noxx it would benefit you at the cost of your mono pursuits

 

(I disagree about what you said about the small sacrifices)

 

Why do you disagree with it?

Guy, it's a birthday party. You're not going to court. If you were invited, chances are Claire doesn't think this is going to be awkward or whatever.

Why do you disagree with it?

 

In a nutshell, I believe you should only spend time with her doing things you'll both enjoy. Don't try and get her to do things with you that will likely make her bored or uncomfortable, and don't allow yourself to do things that you don't want to do just because she wants you to do it.

Why do you disagree with it?

 

In a nutshell, I believe you should only spend time with her doing things you'll both enjoy. Don't try and get her to do things with you that will likely make her bored or uncomfortable, and don't allow yourself to do things that you don't want to do just because she wants you to do it.

 

That actually makes sense. But the problem with that is, how do i know i won't enjoy something unless i actually try it? It's like saying i hate cabbage, but i've never eaten it before.

I might end up having a great time, or i might end up having the worst time ever. But i won't actually know unless i try it.

Then go for it :P lol

Why do you disagree with it?

 

In a nutshell, I believe you should only spend time with her doing things you'll both enjoy. Don't try and get her to do things with you that will likely make her bored or uncomfortable, and don't allow yourself to do things that you don't want to do just because she wants you to do it.

 

 

I completely agree with this. I used to go do things with my ex that she wanted to do that I knew that I would have a shitty time doing. It usually led to me feeling extremely out of place, and I'm a total [wagon] when I am out of place and uncomfortable. Most of those evenings never ended well.

Why do you disagree with it?

 

In a nutshell, I believe you should only spend time with her doing things you'll both enjoy. Don't try and get her to do things with you that will likely make her bored or uncomfortable, and don't allow yourself to do things that you don't want to do just because she wants you to do it.

 

That actually makes sense. But the problem with that is, how do i know i won't enjoy something unless i actually try it? It's like saying i hate cabbage, but i've never eaten it before.

I might end up having a great time, or i might end up having the worst time ever. But i won't actually know unless i try it.

You're right, but that's not what you were saying earlier :P

In other news, earlier this week I successfully scheduled a date with one of the girls I'd met online. We then added each other on FB. Much to my dismay, she turns out to be much heavier than her online dating profile pictures suggested >_>

 

I decided I was going to go through with the date anyways because I'd be letting myself down (in terms of accountability and integrity) if I lied to her and flaked. So fast forward to tonight, I message her on FB to confirm our date tomorrow. Her response: "lol I was hoping you forgot"

 

:mellow:

 

Overwhelmed by the comical irony in the heat of the moment, I reply, "Well I guess that makes two of us!"

 

 

"Whoops..." I say to myself, and then add, "well don't worry about it, we don't have to go out if you don't want to"

 

Her: "No it's ok"

 

Me: (getting annoyed) "No really, don't worry about it-- I need to be in [another city] tomorrow night anyways." (which is true, at least.)

 

Her: oh ok.

 

 

 

...and that's that. Waste of time and money awkwardly avoided >_> Online dating ftw!

i have no idea how anyone is successful in online dating truly

i have no idea how anyone is successful in online dating truly

There are exceptions, I met my wife through Runescape, fast forward 4 and a half years and we have a daughter, son and year's worth of marriage to our names.