"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

@Salleh:

 

explain to him that you too have no future, if he doesn't get it - cut contact for a while

 

@muggi:

 

sick sig haha. Guy in the pic actually looks like an old picture of me if I can find it around I'll show you

[Noxx]

Well.... Claire came over last night. She spent the night. Nothing happened, and i knew nothing would. A few days ago she told me she likes me, but she doesn't know if she's ready to start a sexual relationship with me. I found it odd because she also told me not long ago that she was a very sexual person. She told me though, that the reason for her saying she'd not ready is because she's a long term girl, and she doesn't know how long she's still going to be here. She has a lot on her mind and she needs to think about things. She also told me that she doesn't feel ready to commit, as well as she thinks committing to me might be a big mistake. I understand where she is coming from. i tried thinking about it from her perspective and it made a lot of sense to me. I'm the same when it comes to relationships. I tried telling her though, that everything will be fine and we should worry about the future when the time comes. It didn;'t really work.

She told me "maybe it's better if we stop seeing each other". I told her no, she needs to stop freaking out.

She went on to tell me a few other things and i replied "I know what i have to say, and i know what i have to do, but i feel like im too selfish to do it".

I know i have to tell her that we need to stop seeing each other. Its probably for the best, for both of us. I can handle it a lot better than i think she can (saying goodbye) because ive had to done it so many times before. I just dont want her to get hurt.

She told me she needs time to think, and i told her (like an idiot) that at the end of the day its not about me, its about her. it all comes down to how she feels. If she wants to continue this then we continue, if she wants to call it quits, we call it quits. i told her that even if i dont like her choice, i'm still going to try my best to respect it no matter what. I know it won't be easy to accept bad news, but i guess ill have to try my best to accept it if it happens.

[muggiwhplar]

I'm on my phone right now so I can't use the head-against-brick-wall emote.

 

Anyways Noxx I'll shoot you a PM later lol

[RpgGamer]

 

She told me "maybe it's better if we stop seeing each other". I told her no

 

 

RAPE WHISTLE ENGAGE

 

Nah but I don't understand why being sexual with her will ruin your "relationship" while telling you that you can't have her IS ACTUALLY ruining your "relationship". Emotion driven logic makes no god damn sense.

[Noxx]

I don't even know if i should get into what happened last night. It was just....ridiculous....

[Low Levelled]

I don't even know if i should get into what happened last night. It was just....ridiculous....

 

DO IT.

[Ginger_Warrior]

We all know you posted that wanting us to reply with, "Please, tell us!".

 

OT: My mind was blown by muggi's signature.

[Noxx]

I posted that because i wasn't bothered to get into it just yet. But i would have anyway. I just needed to think about exactly how to say it first.

 

So here goes.

 

Last night me and my mates went out. Same as every other Friday night. Same place, same people, same shit. Sent Claire a text asking her if she's out. She said no, asked if i was. I told her i was. She told me to let her know when i get home, she might stop by for a bit. Fast forward a few hours. I'm home and a few minutes later she's at my place. We go to my room and we're on my bed, and we're talking. Things started getting a bit intimate. She doesn't stop me this time. It was weird because a few hours before that she told me that she didn't think she was ready for a sexual relationship with me. Okay, so now i'm a bit confused. And i think for good reason too.

Now before i go further, one thing you guys need to understand is that we've been in this situation 2 or 3 times before. The situation where both of us would be wearing very little, or even nothing, but yet nothing would really happen.

Okay so we were in this position again. And now i'm terrified, and she could feel it. My heart was racing. So for what seemed like a lifetime i just lay there not knowing if i should go further or not, and she's not giving me any sort of indication that i should or shouldn't. At that moment i was actually so nervous i started feeling a bit sick. I know what i wanted to do, i just didn't know if i should. I didn't want to "push my luck" after what she said that afternoon. After a few minutes of us laying there, wearing pretty much nothing, just kind of staring and having really awkward conversation she said that she should probably go. I asked her why and her reply was "well this isn't exactly going well, is it?"

I told her that she really confuses me a bit, because one moment she says one thing then the next moment she shows up at my house ready to have sex but she doesn't tell me what her intentions are and i'm trying to be as respectable as possible and not do anything she didn't want to (and how was i supposed to know what her intentions were if she didn't give me at least some sort of a hint? Especially if we've been in a situation like that before and the outcome was not what one would expect.)

She told me that it probably wasn't fair of her to expect me to read her mind. Few minutes later she left, and there was a pretty awkward vibe between the two of us.

I'm really confused about what really happened. I know i misread the situation, i realized it last night (but a bit too late obviously).

[muggiwhplar]

You must learn to take her words with a grain of salt and pay attention to her behavior instead. In other words, she was definitely DTF. You should've at least tried, and then if she wasn't interested, she would've let you know by saying "Stop" or "No"-- in which case you should immediately back off. But if you've got a half-naked girl on your bed with you, at your age, there's a pretty strong chance she wants something to happen. That's not something she does with guys in the friendzone :P

 

I can understand why you'd rather "play it safe," though, but that's not what she wanted you to do. Believe it or not, some women actually get turned on by guys who just go for it without waiting for "permission" >_> But not doing anything is just failing by default. You're afraid of losing something that you don't actually have.

[Vezon Dash]

I legitimately feel bad/sorry for you Nox. I can say though that I probably would have done the same thing that you did in that situation.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I know working out whether a girl wants to a hazy area, as Julian Assange found out, but if a girl told me that she didn't want to have sex, and then later stripped naked in front of me and had me do the same to her, and it was as you say getting steamy, I'd disregard the first statement as being clearly untenable. There's not really any other reason for that behaviour, especially when it's being done mutually.

 

You could have just... tried gently brushing your fingers over her and if she wasn't interested for it, she'd have clearly told you to get off her. If she hadn't protested, she clearly either doesn't mind or actively wants you to carry on. Without getting too personal, it's what I've done previously when both me and the girl are dressed--I'm sure others have too--and they had no trouble telling me when they weren't in the mood, and if they did I just backed off. If they didn't say anything then... you know. So long as it's not all the time to the point of badgering, or being done inappropriately, or being done when the girl has told you categorically not to at any time, it's not that big an issue.

[Noxx]

The thing is, like i said, we have been in that situation before. We would basically both be stripped down and "ready to go" but i would get stopped before anything could happen. I remember one time specifically. We were at her house, in her bed, wearing nothing when all of a sudden she told me "i'm not going t have sex with you tonight" and i was rather confused. I remember thinking "couldn't you have told me that before i stripped naked and allowed all the blood to rush to a certain part of my body".

Then last night i thought the same thing would happen. I thought so even more than any other time because she told me earlier that day that she was not ready for a sexual relationship. She was giving me mixed signals, and doing that to someone as oblivious as i am, is a terrible idea. It's not exactly what i would call fair. I even told her many times before that i am an oblivious person. I thought to myself though, earlier, that if i were to get in the same position again that i would just go for it. I would grow a pair and just got for it and wait till she stops me. But the sad part is, that after what happened tonight i feel like things are going to change a slight bit.

[muggiwhplar]

The thing is, like i said, we have been in that situation before. We would basically both be stripped down and "ready to go" but i would get stopped before anything could happen. I remember one time specifically. We were at her house, in her bed, wearing nothing when all of a sudden she told me "i'm not going t have sex with you tonight" and i was rather confused. I remember thinking "couldn't you have told me that before i stripped naked and allowed all the blood to rush to a certain part of my body".

Then last night i thought the same thing would happen. I thought so even more than any other time because she told me earlier that day that she was not ready for a sexual relationship. She was giving me mixed signals, and doing that to someone as oblivious as i am, is a terrible idea. It's not exactly what i would call fair. I even told her many times before that i am an oblivious person. I thought to myself though, earlier, that if i were to get in the same position again that i would just go for it. I would grow a pair and just got for it and wait till she stops me. But the sad part is, that after what happened tonight i feel like things are going to change a slight bit.

 

Aah, chick language.

 

"We're not having sex tonight" --translation: "I really want to have sex tonight. But I want you to take all of the responsibility for it so I won't be seen as trampy"

 

 

Your situation keeps reminding me of:

[obfuscator]

Well, if it was me, I'd tell her to make up her damn mind, and call me once she's decided. And I wouldn't talk to her again until she did.

 

You're letting her play these stupid-ass games with you. You don't have to go along with it...

[Vezon Dash]

Well, if it was me, I'd tell her to make up her damn mind, and call me once she's decided. And I wouldn't talk to her again until she did.

 

You're letting her play these stupid-ass games with you. You don't have to go along with it...

 

This. Seriously.

[muggiwhplar]

I think she's had her mind made up this whole time, but Noxx just didn't pick up on the signals. Women communicate indirectly, men communicate directly.

 

I understand your confusion, Noxx. I remember with my first girlfriend I pretty much said the exact same thing (something along the lines of, "half the time I'm with you, I have no [bleep]ing clue what you want"). But that's not really going to change anything. You've just gotta accept how they operate and adapt to it.

[Noxx]

The thing is, like i said, we have been in that situation before. We would basically both be stripped down and "ready to go" but i would get stopped before anything could happen. I remember one time specifically. We were at her house, in her bed, wearing nothing when all of a sudden she told me "i'm not going t have sex with you tonight" and i was rather confused. I remember thinking "couldn't you have told me that before i stripped naked and allowed all the blood to rush to a certain part of my body".

Then last night i thought the same thing would happen. I thought so even more than any other time because she told me earlier that day that she was not ready for a sexual relationship. She was giving me mixed signals, and doing that to someone as oblivious as i am, is a terrible idea. It's not exactly what i would call fair. I even told her many times before that i am an oblivious person. I thought to myself though, earlier, that if i were to get in the same position again that i would just go for it. I would grow a pair and just got for it and wait till she stops me. But the sad part is, that after what happened tonight i feel like things are going to change a slight bit.

 

 

 

"We're not having sex tonight" --translation: "I really want to have sex tonight. But I want you to take all of the responsibility for it so I won't be seen as trampy"

 

 

 

 

That is EXACTLY what i felt/was thinking. And it's BS in my opinion. She already knows what kind of a guy i am. I ALWAYS try to be as respectable as i can when i'm around her. And i especially think it was a bit slefish of her. All she basically did was lay there. She didn't show me much emotion (as in that she was getting turned on or not) and she didn't say much either. This is one of the big reasons i didn't do anything. I did not feel like she wanted it (even though i didn't feel like she didn't want it either). It was just a really messed up situation and one i do not wish to put myself in again.

We talked on the phone about this earlier and she told me that after what happened last night she needs time to think about things. Last night showed her how different we are, etc. I told her pretty much what i have told you guys (in terms of her giving me mixed signals, in terms of her not giving me the yes or no to go ahead or not, in terms of me being oblivious to certain things). She told me that she understood what i was saying and that she even agreed with it and she shouldnt have expected me to read her mind and that she probably could have done some things different herself.

Now i just woke up from a nap about an hour or so ago and i've been thinking about things since i woke up and a part of me is telling me to let her go. Yhings might not change for the better any time soon. Things most likely will stay as complicated as they are now and we'll be having the same conversation every weekend. But on the other hand there's a very good chance that after what happened last night things might actually get better because now i have a better idea of how she thinks/acts.

I really just feel like i want to run away from all of this right now (although i don't think i can take my emotions to heart at the moment considering i am not in the best of moods right now).

So i think i'm going to give it a few days, see what happens tonight (i plan on asking her to come over later, and if she does it's party time) and then take it from there.

 

EDIT: I just realised that i have not felt this way in a very long time. Feeling this angry and frustrated over a girl. I do not like it. I actually tried being a respectable guy, tried always doing the right thing every time. I never tried taking advantage of her. I don't think i can be bothered to do that for a girl who's going to play games with me. I deserve better. At the end of the night i'm going to tell her to gtfo. I don't need this shit in my life right now, not with all the other things i have on my plate.

[Randox]

A couple thoughts.

 

First I agree with Obfuscator. Do that. When she figures out what she wants, she can call you, and if you haven't moved on then you can resume.

 

Second, nice guys finish last in the sex game. (by not taking every potential opportunity that presents itself, you will miss out)

[obfuscator]

That "women communicate indirectly" thing is mostly bullshit. Sure, it's fair to a point, but you don't have to put up with it. I know plenty of women who communicate quite directly when it's an issue of any importance. It's not your job to read her mind - and as long as you act like it's your job she'll keep making it your job.

 

Then again, take this advice with a grain of salt. If it was me in this situation, I have no problems with not getting laid (I don't do casual hookups anyway). You may find this advice does make her leave, and you won't get any. Of course, if it's a relationship you want, this advice can help immensely.

[RpgGamer]

>>Noxx attracts cool girl

>>gets near naked next to cool girl who is also near naked

>>"intimate" times

>>doesn't make move

>>girl feels unattractive and unwanted

>>spaghetti falls out

 

 

This is how I'm imagining this story. Yeah Noxx, it's cool you're a respectful guy and all but for god sakes of course she's going to say she doesn't want to do anything. That's how girls disqualify themselves as [bleep]s. Clearly she wants it, but she can never admit it. SHE PRACTICALLY SERVED HERSELF ON A DAMN PLATTER. and you laid there near motionless next to her.

 

I hope you learned something from this buddy. Jesus.

[muggiwhplar]

EDIT: I just realised that i have not felt this way in a very long time. Feeling this angry and frustrated over a girl. I do not like it. I actually tried being a respectable guy, tried always doing the right thing every time. I never tried taking advantage of her. I don't think i can be bothered to do that for a girl who's going to play games with me. I deserve better. At the end of the night i'm going to tell her to gtfo. I don't need this shit in my life right now, not with all the other things i have on my plate.

 

Sounds good if it'll make you happy for now. Just keep in mind that Claire's behavior is completely normal for girls her age. The sooner you can accept that and learn to deal with it, the sooner you'll quit getting upset over it when it happens again in the future.

[Tim]

I hope you learned something from this buddy. Jesus.

 

contain said-spaghetti in doggy bags instead? :3

[Ginger_Warrior]

When I went on the town with some friends (most of my friends are girls, figures) one of them started getting into this other guy who was with us. He was a bit... sleazy. Making sure she had an alcoholic drink at all times, generally quite aggressive towards anyone else who tried to have a conversation with her... but that's only my opinion. She told me she wasn't going to sleep with a guy she'd only just met on a night out. Guess what? When the night ended, they went back to her place (she lives away from her parents).

 

It's really not that unusual a situation, and I knew from the moment she told me she wasn't going to have sex with this guy, that she was going to have sex with this guy. Her body language made it quite obvious.

[Noxx]

>>Noxx attracts cool girl

>>gets near naked next to cool girl who is also near naked

>>"intimate" times

>>doesn't make move

>>girl feels unattractive and unwanted

>>spaghetti falls out

 

 

This is how I'm imagining this story. Yeah Noxx, it's cool you're a respectful guy and all but for god sakes of course she's going to say she doesn't want to do anything. That's how girls disqualify themselves as [bleep]s. Clearly she wants it, but she can never admit it. SHE PRACTICALLY SERVED HERSELF ON A DAMN PLATTER. and you laid there near motionless next to her.

 

I hope you learned something from this buddy. Jesus.

 

The thing you're not understanding is that when we were in the same situation the times before and i would try something, she would always tell me no, or stop, or wait i'm not ready. So clearly she didn't want it then, how was i supposed to know she wanted it this time?

[obfuscator]

EDIT: I just realised that i have not felt this way in a very long time. Feeling this angry and frustrated over a girl. I do not like it. I actually tried being a respectable guy, tried always doing the right thing every time. I never tried taking advantage of her. I don't think i can be bothered to do that for a girl who's going to play games with me. I deserve better. At the end of the night i'm going to tell her to gtfo. I don't need this shit in my life right now, not with all the other things i have on my plate.

 

Sounds good if it'll make you happy for now. Just keep in mind that Claire's behavior is completely normal for girls her age. The sooner you can accept that and learn to deal with it, the sooner you'll quit getting upset over it when it happens again in the future.

 

I disagree that that behavior is completely normal. Common, sure..but not normal.