Age differences in relationships

[Zierro]

I am not one to define what "love" is for others, but to me the idea of having a girlfriend five years older than me or five years younger just doesn't sound right. It would be odd if she had so much more/less experience than me and I don't think a relationship would be possible. I mean, I've heard of stories where there are 20+ year differences between married couples. I can't even fathom what that would be like. Two years of difference is my personal cutoff-point.

 

 

 

So, what do you think about the big age differences when it comes to couples?

[TheReligiousOne]

I really cant say much, since I went out with a 37 year old at the age of 18. But all I can say is, the experiance has taught me A LOT about relationships. Now I'm happyin a relationship with someone only a few years younger than me.

[tripsis]

If you're at completely different stages in your life, I do think it is pretty weird. But once you get past your 20s or so, that pretty much is your final stage in life (in one sense) and the age gaps can start to increase without making a huge difference. I mean you're out of college, you have probably figured out what you want to do in life and now it's time to live it. So big age differences when you're at different stages in life (one person in high school, another in college; one person in college, the other already starting their career, etc.) are kind of.. strange and even difficult to manage, I think. But once you're both on the same page, I don't think age plays a very important role in a relationship.

 

 

 

But of course, as always, there are exceptions :)

[Nom]

I would say a five-year difference between marrried couples is fairly common and makes no difference at all. But if you're a high-schooler and your boyfriend/girlfriend is five years older than you, that puts him/her in college, and at a different stage in development. That could be awkward.

[ThurinEthir]

When you're 30, I don't think five years means as much to you as to a 16 year old. It's relative to your age, I guess. I don't really know though, I'm only a teen.

 

Though those 20-year difference marriages sound awkward.

[BabyPunchers]

I'd say early in life it should be -1 year/+1 Year difference between the two.8th Graders shouldn't go out with a 5th Grader.

 

 

 

But 20+ I think a 3 year age difference is the limit or so.

[Ginger_Warrior]

It depends on the context of the relationship.

 

 

 

Not all relationships are emotional connections. Some are purely sexual relationships. While yes, it does seem weird that a 20 year old would be able to emotionally relate to a 40 year old in that way, it's possible the two of them may have a sexual attraction to each other. In that context, the relationship is not advantageous and there's nothing actually wrong with it.

 

 

 

Also, it depends on the age you're at. Personally, the thought of me, an 18 year old, going out with a 13 year old is sick and borders on perversion. However, a happily married couple at 90 and 85 seems much less of a deal, but it's still the same age margin. As tripsis says, it depends on the emotional maturity of the persons involved - you do generally need to be on the same level as each other to be able to relate to one another and make that connection.

 

 

 

If we're talking people in their teens, for a general blanket rule (which obviously shouldn't be applied to everyone, but generally speaking) I tend to say no more than 2 years difference either way. Then again... I can't say I can hold down a decent conversation with most people at exactly my age anyway. :?

[Zierro]

I really cant say much, since I went out with a 37 year old at the age of 18. But all I can say is, the experiance has taught me A LOT about relationships. Now I'm happyin a relationship with someone only a few years younger than me.

 

 

 

That's interesting, and please don't take this the wrong way - I don't mean any offense, I'm just curious - but what was your reason for going out with that person?

[TheReligiousOne]

From reading what ginger said, I spose i thought it was an emotional relationship, but it turns out it was more of a sexual relationship really.

[BabyPunchers]

I really cant say much, since I went out with a 37 year old at the age of 18. But all I can say is, the experiance has taught me A LOT about relationships. Now I'm happyin a relationship with someone only a few years younger than me.

 

 

 

That's interesting, and please don't take this the wrong way - I don't mean any offense, I'm just curious - but what was your reason for going out with that person?

 

 

 

 

 

I don't mean any offense either with this. Don't males reach sexual peak at 18 and females in their late 30s? I could have sworn i read that somewhere.

[TheReligiousOne]

I really cant say much, since I went out with a 37 year old at the age of 18. But all I can say is, the experiance has taught me A LOT about relationships. Now I'm happyin a relationship with someone only a few years younger than me.

 

 

 

That's interesting, and please don't take this the wrong way - I don't mean any offense, I'm just curious - but what was your reason for going out with that person?

 

 

 

 

 

I don't mean any offense either with this. Don't males reach sexual peak at 18 and females in their late 30s? I could have sworn i read that somewhere.

 

 

 

Close, males is more 20/21 and females are more mid/early 30s, so around 34 ish.

[The Dark Lord]

The only "gapped" relationships I've had was between an 18 year old (I was 16) and another one when I was still 16 was between me and a 13 year old. The 13 year old was at a different level of maturity than me. She was much less mature, while I had the maturity of a full-grown adult. She had the maturity of a kid.

 

 

 

Anyway I have no problems with age differences. I'm more liberal as to what is a legal or illegal relationship. I have no problems with 15 year olds or whatever dating adults, as long as consent is involved no manipulation is used.

 

 

 

In my mind, there is nothing wrong with pedophilia (in and of itself - just the attraction to younger people), but there is something wrong with rape. I think the whole idea behind "statutory rape" is idiotic since it ignores the fact that a 15 year old can give consent to an 18 year old. I believe there should be "ages of consent" used as a safe-guard, but I don't think in statutory "rape" cases that the kid should be passed off as innocent and the adult as a sex offender. If anything, just fine them both as you would if the police catch underaged people having sex. Just a little fine, but don't ruin anyone's life unless it was actual rape, unconsentual.

 

 

 

Anyway my grandmother was 60 years old and married to a man that was 20+ years older than her. He recently died from cancer, which is real sad. I never saw the relationship as strange at all. It was just true love.

[silver_wits]

and at 45-50+ females get menopause :shock:

 

And males go bald and get their mid-life crisis. :?

 

 

 

 

 

I personally set my age limit at -4+ however... since I'm only 19.. :shock: i'm not gonna go -4 as yet... maybe later... when i;m 24+

[mrpez]

at younger ages, the gap is more noticeable and awkward, but when you get older it doesnt matter as much.

 

 

 

20 year old with a 15 year old...strange and frowned upon.

 

35 year old with a 30 year old...no big deal.

 

 

 

any ideas on why it works like this? i guess its related to maturity.

[TheReligiousOne]

Legality too.

[Ginger_Warrior]

In my mind, there is nothing wrong with pedophilia (in and of itself - just the attraction to younger people), but there is something wrong with rape. I think the whole idea behind "statutory rape" is idiotic since it ignores the fact that a 15 year old can give consent to an 18 year old. I believe there should be "ages of consent" used as a safe-guard, but I don't think in statutory "rape" cases that the kid should be passed off as innocent and the adult as a sex offender. If anything, just fine them both as you would if the police catch underaged people having sex. Just a little fine, but don't ruin anyone's life unless it was actual rape, unconsentual.

 

That's an ignorant view to say the least. Rape isn't necessarily physical assault. There are people who 'groom' youngsters using promises such as a modelling career, or substances such as drugs and alcohol. The payment, of course, would typically be sex, only that wouldn't have been the deal from that start, it's sex-instead-of-unaffordable-amount-of-money.

 

 

 

The youngster hasn't given consent in that situation. (S)he has been abused by circumstance, and the adult has abused his position of responsibility.

 

 

 

Preying on those who are more naive and ill-informed about the dangers of sex is quite clearly wrong. Even from a liberal point of view.

[silver_wits]

yep.. I'm not ready to go to jail just because I dated someone that annoyed me. :roll:

 

 

 

and mrpez, it definitely has to do with maturity.... and the fact that adults as a whole are.... looked at as the same...

 

like how most surveys target the 18-65 age group.

[The Dark Lord]

Okay, what about in the circumstance that an 18 year old and a 15 year old are in a longterm relationship. They've been dating for years, but have always been about 3 years apart. The really do love each other. They both are ready and willing to take it to the next level, sex. Do you think it's fair for the 18 year old to be charged with statutory rape and have his life ultimately ruined while the 15 year old has nothing done against her? The relationship is "barely illegal." The 15 year old will turn 16, which is the age of consent in her state, in a few months. Do you think it's really fair if they were both wanting it and then someone found out and the 18 year old gets prison time?

 

 

 

Yes, people who manipulate others for sexual gratification are in the same class as rapists. I am not ignorant as to the fact that rape isn't always sexual assault, but can be manipulation as well. People can make grandiose promises, offer to give something in exchange for sex, and/or manipulate them by claiming to love that individual. It sadly happens oh so to often.

 

 

 

What I was saying is that there ARE situations in which an underaged individual can give consent to an individual who is of age. I think it's stupid to say that it's impossible to give consent just because the law establishes an official "age of consent." I don't think it's fair that the person in the story I gave would be labeled as a pedophile/sex offender.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Well, I personally do not see anything wrong with that so long as the 15 year old is fully aware of the implications of a sexual relationship. I find people tend to use the term 'next level' rather loosely. They don't actually understand what that 'next level' actually is. Sadly, the vast, vast majority of 15 year olds are NOT aware of that difference, and tend to enter sexual relationships on emotional impulsiveness rather than anything else.

 

 

 

Seriously, how many 15 year olds do you know who are in the position you've described? Most of the ones I know would cave in after a couple of weeks to an older guy, only for the relationship to end once the older guy gets bored and finds the next girl that catches his eye.

 

 

 

And really, the 18 year old should be aware of that. Above all else, as an 18 year old who is more mature and aware of that difference, I'd want to have sex with someone who is just as informed and feels the same way about it as I do. That's why having sex with a 15 year old seems totally inconceivable to me.

[warren211]

I think it depends on the stage. During junior high, where schools are seperated by age, someone dating someone a grade younger than them seems weird and disturbing. In high school, it's more common to see say a senior dating a junior or something, but it's still not very common. In adulthood, ages don't really matter as much. My dad has 5 years over my mom, i know married people with 10 year differences.

[The Dark Lord]

I think it depends on the stage. During junior high, where schools are seperated by age, someone dating someone a grade younger than them seems weird and disturbing. In high school, it's more common to see say a senior dating a junior or something, but it's still not very common. In adulthood, ages don't really matter as much. My dad has 5 years over my mom, i know married people with 10 year differences.

 

 

 

I personally know someone that was engaged to a senior during their freshman year. I don't know if they're still together though. With all the drama associated with high school, I wouldn't doubt most of relationships are driven by angst and sex. Also people claim to "fall in love" with other people during their high school/junior high years, but usually that's after they've started dating for a few weeks... Seriously the teenage years are so hormone-driven, but there are certain exceptions. There are people who are "high school sweethearts" and they stay together for lifetime partnership, but that isn't very common.

[everhappy111]

In fact i don't think age does anything matter. i don't mind my another half is older or youger too much than me...

[Lenticular_J]

Meh. I just follow the standard creepiness rule: Never date under (Age)/2 + 7. Never date OVER (Age)x2 - 7.

 

 

 

Unless she's that hot.

[RSBDavid]

My parents set a good example being 23 years appart in age.(mum is 34 and dad is 57)

 

 

 

I only date up to 3 years older or younger.

[123_x_pac]

I find it weird for someone like 16 to be going out with someone like 4-5 years older than them. I just prefer someone 1 year younger than me.