You get a piece of apple pie.

 

*Inserts a cookie*

You get a face full of wasps.

 

*Inserts a partially developed tadpole.*

The vending machine breaks.

 

*inserts a head in a jar.*

You get a jar in your head.

 

*inserts a monkey*

you get a human.

 

*inserts /fg/*

You get MOAR POAST THAN YOU CAN HANDLE.

 

*inserts Rainy_Day*

You get a chicken nugget.

 

*Inserts a dirty plate.*

You get a dirty fork.

 

*Inserts a genuflecting man*

You get a dictionary, which is stolen by a 15-year-old.

 

*inserts D&D 3.5 Player's Handbook*

You get a life

 

Inserts a brick of C4

Everything except the vending machine explodes

 

*Inserts my hand*

A overly large axe comes out.

 

*Inserts a novelty tomato pincushion.*

You get a poorly sewn voodoo doll of Kc.

 

*Inserts a piece of too-ripe watermelon.*

You get my signature

 

*Insterts pain*

A dominatrix is extracted from the machine.

 

-Inserts a scale replica model of the statue of liberty-

Since the vending machine has been inactive for almost two years, nothing happens as its magic wore off.

 

-uses a Chinese coin.-

The vending machine is fixed, but now sports a "made in China" tag.

 

*inserts a box containing the moon's name*

You receive the moon's cell number

 

*inserts a Canadian penny*